"We are a collective geezer." Uffish, to Katya
Question #85851 posted on 03/30/2016 5:24 p.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Can we do a board march madness?



Dear Dallin,

We Board writers decided that a good, healthy competition was in order. However, seeing as none of us wanted to do an actual sports competition, we decided upon a lip sync battle.

It was good fun. Here are some highlights from the writers who participated:

Frére Rubik was the winner, hands down. He started off strong by performing "Short Skirt Long Jacket" by Cake. Part of his performance included pointing to his ankles when the lyrics "short skirt" came around. He beat Auto Surf (who performed "Blame It On The Girls" by Mika) in the first round and moved to round two. He completely decimated my performance of "Can't Help Falling in Love" by Elvis Presley with a hilarious performance of "Helpless" from Hamilton. Finally, he took the championship by performing "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson against Tally M.'s "Odds Are" by Barenaked Ladies.

I started the competition against Spectre with a performance of "Burn" from Hamilton. Spectre performed "Guns and Ships." While both performances were great, apparently the emotion I placed into my lip dub was enough to move me to the second round (where I lost to Frére). 

TSG performed "The Schuyler Sisters" from Hamilton against Tally's "Wait For It," also from Hamilton. Tally won and moved through the bracket.

Tally M. and I battled for third place. She performed "Salute" by Little Mix and I performed "All I Do Is Win" by D.J. Khaled. Tally (unfortunately) beat me for third, and I took fourth.

Auto Surf and Spectre competed in the first round of the loser's bracket, and Auto beat Spectre's rendition of "I Knew You Were Trouble" by Taylor Swift" with "My Strongest Suit" from Aida

Spectre battled The Soulful Ginger in the losers bracket for last place. TSG did "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel, and while it was very impressive, Spectre's performance of "Miss Independent" by Kelly Clarkson kept him out of last place. 

The Board writers have reached the conclusion that, more often than not, guys have an advantage because a guy singing a "girly" song and acting it out well tends to be funnier than a girl doing a song that a guy normally sings. Frére won though, hand down, regardless of this. This was just something we had discussed as writers.


1st: Frére Rubik

2nd: Auto Surf

3rd: Tally M.

4th: Adelaide

5th: Spectre

6th: The Soulful Ginger




Dear Daleen,

The other writers have already debated the fairness of men singing goofy, girly songs in lip-sync battles. I fully admit that the majority of my song choices were cheap shots. Next time, I'll have to up my ante if I still want to stay on top.

Anywho, when I knew there was going to be a lip-sync battle, I decided it needed to be captured. This is partially for posterity reasons, but also for I-just-got-a-new-camera-and-I-really-want-to-use-it reasons. Unfortunately, the camera I got did not come with a lens, and the only lenses available from the library that day were 75-300 mm's, so I did not have quite the range I was wanting. Beggars can't be choosers, I guess.

Once I had equipped my camera with a lens, the question came up of how to properly capture the battle. A video was suggested, but eventually scrapped because 1) wearing paper bags while doing a lip-sync battle would defeat the purpose entirely and 2) rotoscoping animated paper bags over our head would take waaaaaaay too much time. So, I elected to take as many still shots as I could, hoping to get some good poses/faces. Many of the photos were too dark (thanks to my amateurish photography skills). Many more were too blurry. More still were good, composition-wise, but they weren't easily paper-bag-able (e.g. the shots were in profile and only one side of the face was visible). After that, there still remained a few pictures per person, but I ran out of time and so settled on one shot per contestant. Also, after editing the first photo, I realized it was taking too long and so did more of a rush job on the rest (I'll give 100 Rubikpoints to anyone who can guess the correct order in which I edited them).

Without further ado, here are the results, listed in the order they were performed:

First, we have TSG, positively brimming with soul as she silently belted "The Schuyler Sisters."

Soulful Finished Small.jpg

Next, Adalaide very confidently seduces stares down Auto Surf whilst crooning "Can't Help Falling in Love."

Adalaide Finished Small.jpg

Here is the exact moment that Frère Rubik (hey, that's me!) felt his heart go "BOOM" while performing (and feeling) "Helpless." 

Frere Finished Small.jpg

Now we see Tally M. getting down with her bad self while laying down the law in "Salute."

Tally Finished Small.jpg

Auto Surf laid down the sass while describing her strongest suit in "My Strongest Suit." (Funny coincidence there)

Auto Finished Small.jpg

Lastly, but certainly not leastly, Spectre turned the smolder all the way up to 11 with his sultry rendition of "Miss Independent." (Ladies, keep calm, and submit a request for a dating application)

Spectre Finished Small.jpg

(Note that my poor drawing skills means that any head/face shapes represented here by my paper bag faces are wildly inaccurate. Does Auto Surf even own a pair of glasses? Who knows?)

(Also note that I was the only writer who did not attempt to seduce another writer (or multiple writers) during any of my lip-syncs. It's possible that that disqualifies me from the competition altogether.)

And there you have it. 

As a side note, I will award 25 Rubikpoints to anyone who will replicate these poses/faces in real life (with paper bags, of course) and send me evidence. One submission per pose is allowed, adding up to a grand total of 150 potential Rubikpoints. Submissions can be emailed to frere.rubik(at)theboard.byu.edu

-Frère Rubik


Dear Dallin,

While Adelaide, Tally, TSG and some other writers say that men have an unfair advantage by doing girly songs, I would just like to say that I did two girly songs and I only won one of those battles. Auto Surf beat my girly song with an equally girly song so I would like to assert that it is not an "unfair" advantage. An advantage? Maybe, but definitely not an unfair one. Plus, Emma Stone's lip sync battle with Jimmy Fallon is still the best one when she sang "All I Do is Win" (sung by a man).

I just don't want any reader to think that Frère did not deserve the title. He won, fair and square. And I lost fair and square.



Dear Spectre,

Or maybe I'm just awesome and overcame the advantage..? 

-Humble Surf