"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." -Dr. Seuss
Question #89237 posted on 03/28/2017 10:50 p.m.
Q:

Dear Editors of the 100 Hour Board,

Every time I read Anne, Certainly's answers, I am super impressed by the thoughtfulness, thoroughness, and compassion of her answers. But I've realized that almost none of her answers are editor's choice. Why do you hate her?


-Fan of Anne

A:

Dear you,

My lack of EC answers is "the most tragical thing that has ever happened to me."

Thanks for liking what I write.

~Anne, Certainly

Question #89211 posted on 03/28/2017 10:44 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Hey I want to know what you think about this article

https://mormonredpill.wordpress.com/2016/05/19/how-title-ix-is-hurting-the-creation-of-families/

Do you think we give Women too much leeway?

-Antiestablishmentarian

A:

Dear Anti,

No.

-Frère Rubik

Question #89164 posted on 03/27/2017 10:05 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I'm gay, so is my brother. We have several cousins who are gay or lesbian or bi (all on one side). Our parents each have a few gay cousins as well. There's reason to believe that there were some closeted gays in our family history, especially on the side that has all the gay cousins.

Other people don't have any gay relatives at all, or very few.

Studies have not yet found a specific gene or genes that explain homosexuality. However, my anecdotal experience suggests that it may run in families. Does it? Also, what are the current theories (accepted by science, the crackpot ones suggested by people threatened by gays seem dubious) about the causes of homosexuality?

-My Name Here

A:

Dear MNH,

Good to hear you have some LGBTQ relatives! Regardless of whether there's a genetic cause for it, that's probably good for support. When my cousin came out as bisexual, I felt a lot less ostracized in the family and able to rely on her as support. Having a brother who knows (at least on some level) what you're going through sounds like a comforting thing.

As for whether it's genetic, anecdotal experience may not be the most reliable factor. It may be that your family just has a lot of LGBTQ relatives, or it could be that for some reason that side of your family is more open to exploring their sexual orientation. That being said, one study has shown that gay males are more likely to have gay male cousins and uncles. This means that in specifically male sexual orientation, some aspects may be genetic. It would need to be studied further and tested with a larger sample size, though, to come to further conclusions.

Some twin studies have attempted to find a link between sexual orientation and genetics. They found that identical and fraternal twins both have an increased rate of sharing a sexual orientation than other siblings, meaning that genetics could play a part but is not the only key. While it may be tempting to want a link between sexual orientation and genetics, this may not be the best thing or even fully correct. Sexual orientation is fluid and can shift in many directions as a person is more open with themselves. Finding a genetic cause for sexual orientation may not even change how people look at sexual orientation, as there would still be those out there viewing it as a medical disorder. 

Some even worry that if there was a pinpointed genetic cause for sexual orientation, mothers would abort unborn babies that showed signs of becoming gay later in life or that doctors would be more likely to develop medical or surgical procedures to "cure" it. It would not necessarily be a good thing, nor would it change how prejudiced people see sexual orientation.

That doesn't mean that sexual orientation is in your control (ie: a choice), though, or that strictly environmental factors cause it. Although researchers are currently unsure what might influence sexual orientation, they do have some theories. It could be that, like many factors that make up a human being, there is no one "cause" but many biological or environmental factors that make a person more likely to develop a certain sexual orientation. Here are a few:

  • Evolutionary factors could also come into play, though these are at best theories. The "gay uncle hypothesis" posits that gay men or women who don't have children may contribute to resources for the offspring of their relatives, increasing the strength of their family genes for future generations. This is, of course, less true in contemporary society as gay couples have many resources if they want to start a family.
     
  • Prenatal development may be another factor. Hormone exposure in the womb could affect brain development and possibly sexual orientation when exposed to different testosterone levels. Female fetuses exposed to more testosterone during development could be more likely to experience attraction towards other females, and male fetuses exposed to less testosterone may also be more likely to experience attraction towards other males.
     
  • Females with a gay relative tend to have more offspring than those without gay relatives. This may mean that a similar factor that promotes fertility is linked to sexual orientation. In addition, the way that gay and straight people respond to pheromones of the gender they're attracted to is identical. This means that on a biological level, sexual attraction operates in the same way regardless of orientation.
     
  • Some studies have found that when it comes to male sexual orientation, a man without older brothers is two percent likely to identify as gay but a man with four older brothers is six percent. This could potentially mean that exposure to certain antibodies in the womb could make a person less likely to be attracted to the same gender, as these antibodies are produced less with every baby. These studies and their result has been called into question, though, so take it at a face value.

Hope this helps! I'm not even going to pretend to know a lot about genetics so take this at a very basic level and do your own research. Again, these are all theories and there is no one known cause of sexual orientation. If any readers have more information about this, feel free to leave a correction.

-Van Goff

Question #89095 posted on 03/13/2017 9:12 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

How much do you think the vampires from Stephenie Meyer's world weigh? From what we know, they are:
*Hard as marble
*Sparkly like diamonds
*Bullet proof
*Incredibly strong
*Loud as crashing boulders when they slam into each other
BUT
*Silent and graceful when they move
*Don't leave footprints (at least on the forest floor in book 2).
The only clues I can find for weight is that Renesmee (who is half vampire) is said to be "sturdy" when Charlie holds her and Edward doesn't break Bella's old rocking chair when sitting on it. Thoughts or ideas?

-Curious fan

A:

Dear person,

You could be silent and graceful when you move even if you were really heavy - it would just require stronger stabilizing muscles to combat the inertia of any movement. The fact that they don't leave footprints I think is probably just because vampires are so beautiful that the dirt feels unworthy to touch them so they actually don't come into contact with it. We don't need to do a meta-analysis of this data to conclude from all of the barely-contradicting points you bring up that vampires are very heavy.

Vampires are all different, of course, and we have a limited sample. I think this means our best option for answering your question meaningfully is to do a case study. The best vampire is Edward Cullen and we know the most about him so we will use him as our subject. We know he is 6'2'' and that he is fairly lean (we know he has a "sculpted, incandescent chest"). For the sake of our study, we will estimate that he has a body fat(-like substance) percentage of about 10%. 

From this information, we can estimate his body volume. We don't have an Edward to put in a bod pod, but we do have a sample bod pod output for a man who is conveniently about 6'2'' whose total volume is 90 litres. This man has a body fat percentage of about 15%, so we will want to subtract one third of his body fat, or about 11 pounds worth to match Edward's lean physique. Because body fat is about 2.2 pounds per litre, that would make his total volume 85 litres. We will also want to subtract the thoracic volume because it's air and not body tissue, about 4.5 litres. So our estimate is that Edward's body volume is 80.5 litres.

Clearly, vampires are made out of different substances than humans. We know that Edward's skin is literally scintillating, so it probably is made out of literal diamonds. The integument is about 15% of the total body weight and contains both lean and fatty tissue, so let's assume it also comprises about 15% of total body volume. In the case of Edward, 15% of his body tissue volume is about 12 litres. The density of diamonds is about 3.51g/mL.

3.51g/mL*12,000mL=42,120 grams, or 42.12 kilograms, or 92.9 pounds. 

Next, we can probably assume that because Edward is literally ice cold to the touch, his blood is made out of molten gold. Stephenie Meyer's vampires are paradoxical like that. Also, this probably explains the etymology of the phrase "heart of gold". The average man has about 5 litres of blood, and the density of molten gold is about 17.31g/mL.

17.31g/mL*5,000mL=86,550 grams, or 86.550 kilograms, or 190.1 pounds.

We will assume that the rest of him is made out of marble. The density of marble is about 2.7g/mL, and we have 63.5 litres left of non-skin, non-circulatory substance.

2.7g/mL*63,500mL=171,450 grams, or 171.450 kilograms, or 378 pounds.

If we tally all of those weights up, we get a total of 661 pounds. That's right folks, Edward Cullen weighs a grand total of 661 pounds. That would put his BMI at 84.9. 

Conclusion: Edward has super obesity.

-Sheebs

Question #88850 posted on 01/28/2017 10 a.m.
Q:

Dear April Ludgate,

Congratulations on reaching 500 answers! What better way to celebrate this achievement than retirement?

-April Ludgate

A:

Dear myself,

For this final, 500th answer, I put off my (and my namesake’s) standoffish nature and get sentimentally sappy.

I started writing for the Board nearly 1 year ago, and in that time, I learned more than I ever thought I possibly could.  I originally joined the Board to prove to myself that I could write as well as my older brothers (let’s be honest, it still has yet to be proven). Nonetheless, I enjoyed my time on the Board and the joy it’s brought me.  But as the song says, it’s time for me to go my own way.

I have two regrets as I leave:

  • I regret that I didn’t join the Board earlier.  I applied for the Board in my senior year, when I was already married and spending almost all of my time off-campus.  Now I don't even live in Utah.  So I feel that I missed out on many opportunities in that sense.

  • I regret that I didn’t try to create better relationships with the other writers.  Never spending time on campus hindered my time with the other writers, but my own personality also got in the way.  I wish I could say I am leaving the Board having made lifelong friends, but through my own faults, I don’t know how true that is, and I’m incredibly saddened by that.

I’m still incredibly grateful that I was able to write alongside these talented people and make the friendships that I did.  They made me want to be a better person and develop personal characteristics to embody them.  I hope that someday I can be as kind as Van Goff, as clever as Ardilla, as comedically gifted as Frère, as courageous as Luciana, as empathetic as Sheebs, as well-written as Dr. Occam, as straightforward as Zedability, as friendly as Anathema, and as amazing as every other writer has been in their own unique way, even if I didn’t get to know them very well.

Most of all, I hope that I was able to brighten someone’s day.  To help somebody find something they truly needed.  To provide comfort, humor, interest, honesty, or just someone to talk to when someone most needed it.

So goodbye forever,

 jenna-potato-heads.gif

(source)

-April Ludgate

Question #88848 posted on 02/23/2017 1:10 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Which weighs more: the top half of your body (from the waist up) or the bottom (from the waist down)?

-Frère Rubik, carefully balanced on a very comfy recliner.

A:

Mon cher Frère Rubik,

So I found super cool looking vintage report that has conveniently provided the average percentage of total body weight accounted for by each segment of the body. We will assume it is good because the Google Scholar says it was cited by 1137 other articles and 1137 people can't be wrong. It's true that all of the cadavers in this study used were male cadavers, but as you are a male I have decided that today it will do.

If I may direct you to tables 10, 11, 12, and 13, they provide ranges of total body weight per relevant segment for us:

Head, neck, and trunk - 54-61%

(Head - 5.9-8.2%)

Each leg - 14.3-17.5%

Each arm - 4.4-5.5%

It's hard for me to understand but from what I can tell, the arm pretty much ends at the acromion process and the leg ends at around the trochanter. (This is altogether tricky because the shoulder and hip joints are, well, where arms and legs connect with the rest of the body. There are some muscles that cross over that just strike me as odd to separate from the limb I usually associate them with.) I've included a diagram so we can guesstimate to the best of our ability:

person.jpg

The sides of the blue rectangle cut the arms off around the acromion, and the bottom of the big rectangle cuts off the leg at around the trochanter. Then I drew another box to roughly divide it into thirds to help visualize the distribution of weight across the trunk, which is pretty variable from person to person. (Spoiler alert: this will definitely affect our final answer.)

According to Wikipedia, the waist is technically halfway between the lowest rib and iliac crest (top of the pelvis). For men, it is practically measured a little below the belly button (for women, it tends to be a little above the belly button). Since the practical definition of waist is a bit fuzzy, we will assume our blue line just below the belly button will work.

Let's suppose you are very average. Each of your legs weighs 16% of your total body weight for a total of 32%. Your arms weigh 5% each and your head weighs 7% for a total of 17%. That leaves us 51% left in the blue box. Let's assume that your weight is evenly distributed across your trunk for 17% per third (this wouldn't be true of this diagram, by the way - this equal thirds assumes non-ginormous pectorals for the sake of mathematical convenience, sorry). That means, according to all of these assumptions, your bottom half is 49% and top half is 51%.

Even our assumption of the waist being the "practical" waist may have jeopardized our conclusion here. I'm guessing that the actual waist is right around the belly button (can't see the top of the iliac crest or the bottom of the ribs exactly and I don't remember), which might tip us over the edge and flip it so that the bottom half is 51% and the top half 49%. But what if we assumed ginormous pectorals? In that case, your top half might be above 50% even if we used a higher waist.

It really does look like it's approximately half and half and varies a lot from person to person. I'm guessing it would depend from man to man. I'd also guess that for women, the bottom half of the body would almost always weigh more because of less musculature in the upper body and increased adipose tissue in the hips and thighs relative to men.

And that, my friend, is the best I can do.

-Sheebs

Question #88831 posted on 01/30/2017 8:38 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I have a quick question and a related more intensive question:

1: How do you feel about the bells that mark the start and end of (most) classes/would you sign a petition that might be hypothetically created to remove said bells?

I personally find the bells an annoyance and a reminder of middle school days (the horrors), but I'm curious as to whether somebody out there enjoys the "melodic" ringing of the bells.

2: Why do we have those bells? I know of plenty of college campuses without a bell system. Why does BYU have one?

-Am I still in Middle School?

P.S. If necessary, please post answers to the first bit before the second bit. I am urgently interested in your opinions and mildly interested in the origins.

A:

Dear you,

Hear the loud alarum bells --
                         Brazen bells !
What tale of terror, now, their turbulency tells !
          In the startled ear of night
          How they scream out their affright !
               Too much horrified to speak,
               They can only shriek, shriek,
                         Out of tune,
In a clamorous appealing to the mercy of the fire,
In a mad expostulation with the deaf and frantic fire,
                  Leaping higher, higher, higher,
                  With a desperate desire,
               And a resolute endeavor
               Now -- now to sit or never,
          By the side of the pale-faced moon.
                  Oh, the bells, bells, bells !
                  What a tale their terror tells
                         Of Despair !
       How they clang, and clash, and roar !
       What a horror they outpour
On the bosom of the palpitating air !
          Yet the ear, it fully knows,
                By the twanging,
                And the clanging,
            How the danger ebbs and flows ;
       Yet, the ear distinctly tells,
             In the jangling,
             And the wrangling,
       How the danger sinks and swells,
By the sinking or the swelling in the anger of the bells --
                  Of the bells --
      Of the bells, bells, bells, bells,
             Bells, bells, bells --
   In the clamour and the clangour of the bells !

- Edgar Allan Poe

Question #88788 posted on 01/16/2017 6:06 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What do you look like when you squat down? Specifically, in what position are your feet? Do you squat on the balls of your feet like in this picture?

Or flat-footed like this picture?

On a related note, what exercises/stretches can get me to the second picture? (More than a year, and I still can only downward-dog on my toes.) Is this an impossibility?

All my love,
-dirty dots









A:

Dear Dotty,

Most of the time when I squat, I squat like so.

IMG_20170114_113253391.jpg

It takes a bit more effort to lower my feet flat to the floor like this, but it's doable.

IMG_20170114_113303345.jpg

When I'm doing squats for exercises, I follow this form. This is also the type of squat that is good to add in some weights.

IMG_20170114_114118074.jpg

Then when I'm really trying to work out, I do this (in order to do this, start with a squat, rest your palms on the floor, then position your thighs to be supported by your triceps, and finally lift your legs off the ground).

IMG_20170114_113407497.jpg

In order to get to the second picture, here are some stretches you could try. For the first stretch, bend as far forward as you possibly can, with your legs spread apart, like so. And then the second stretch is really good for stretching your inner thigh.

IMG_20170114_122438618.jpg

IMG_20170114_122421574.jpg

However, I'd also add that practice makes perfect. As an example, a few years ago, I couldn't touch my toes.

IMG_20170114_113711681.jpg

But, remembering a childhood where I could touch my toes, I started stretching as far down as I could every day until I got to this point.

IMG_20170114_113719809.jpg

I continued following this process to achieve: 

IMG_20170114_113723315.jpg

Which all eventually culminated in...

IMG_20170114_113737088.jpg

So really, I think it's possible to become more flexible at anything as long as you keep on trying.

~Anathema

Question #88760 posted on 01/13/2017 9:28 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What's the best way to cheaply call someone in a foreign country (like Russia, for example) who has a mobile phone but no access to internet? I've been trying to compare services like Skype and WhatsApp, but I don't know whether I can call someone internationally who doesn't have the app, etc. What have you all used?

separation anxiety

A:

Dear you,

I've mostly used WhatsApp, Facebook, and Skype, but I've always used them to call people who also have the app. I know that some apps have an option to call mobile or landlines directly, but which one you would want to use would depend on where you are calling. Each service has different rates for different countries. I'll list some of the more popular services, their rates, and their pros and cons. All rates will be given for mobile numbers. However, landline calls are often cheaper. Also, note that if I listed calling rates, that means you can use that app to call mobile numbers directly, even if they don't have the app or service.

Google Voice:

Calling Rates

Ex. Russia: 12¢/min
UK: 1¢/min (with Vodafone, O2, Orange, or Tmobile), 17¢/min otherwise
Brazil: 5¢/min
India: 1¢/min

Pros: It's made by Google. Fairly cheap and competitive pricing around the board.
Cons: It's made by Google, doesn't look as sleek and updated as some of their other apps.

Skype:

Calling Rates

Ex. Russia: 10¢/min
UK: 10¢/min (No matter what)
Brazil: 15¢/min
India: 1.5¢/min

Pros: Has some handy calling packages that will allow you to call for even cheaper. Cheapest way to call Russia!
Cons: Can be confusing to navigate sometimes. Skype has a lot of other features.

WhatsApp:

Calling Rates (None) 

Pros: It's completely free if you have internet, and it's a well put-together app. Has a large user base.
Cons: You can't use it without the internet.

Facebook Messenger:

Calling Rates (None)

Pros: A lot of people worldwide have Facebook or Facebook Messenger. Calling and messaging are free with internet access.
Cons: Doesn't offer international calling to mobile phones that don't have Messenger.

WeChat:

Calling Rates (Not Available)

Pros: Has a massive user base, claims to have super cheap calling.
Cons: Built for China, and rates aren't available unless you're a user. I dug around trying to find them, but couldn't.

Ringo:

Calling Rates

Ex. Russia: 20.65¢/min
UK: .96¢/min (No matter what)
Brazil: 1.87¢/min
India: 1.18¢/min

Pros: Ringo is built specifically to call internationally. Looks fairly easy to use, and relatively cheap!
Cons: Prices can vary widely, does not have as large of a user base.

Rebtel: 

Calling Rates

Ex. Russia: 12.9¢/min
UK: 4¢/min
Brazil: 9.9¢/min
India: 2.39¢/min

Pros: Has unlimited calling packages that could significantly lower the price.
Cons: Can be pricy without packages.

LINE:

Calling Rates (Make sure to scroll down a bit)

Ex. Russia: 21¢/min
UK: 3¢/min
Brazil: 19¢/min
India: 3¢/min

Pros: Has some calling plans that make calling cheaper.
Cons: Was originally intended for Japan, and so it's mostly geared toward Japan.

Conclusion:

I haven't used any of these services to call mobile numbers directly, but if you were to call Russia, it looks like calling from Skype would be your best bet. They have the lowest cost, and additionally, they have handy packages to reduce cost. They're also a fairly trusted company and have a very large user base. If you wanted to call other places, probably compare prices Skype and Google Voice, they appear to be pretty reliable and competitive, as far as pricing goes. Have fun calling people!

Keep it real,
Sherpa Dave

Question #88743 posted on 01/11/2017 12:31 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I was driving to work this morning at a little after 7. The temperature was hovering just below the freezing mark, and the seat warmers were finally doing their job.

All of a sudden, a car turned onto the road right in front of me. I could tell that he had just started up his car, because I could see the exhaust coming out of his tailpipe. After a couple of miles, his exhaust disappeared, and it was as invisible as Aunt Maggie's smile.

Of course, I've seen this a million times, but until today I'd never questioned why it disappears. I figure it has to do with his car heating up, but it would almost seem that if the exhaust is warmer it would be even more visible. Help me out here, would you?

Sincerely,

-Exhausted Eric

A:

Dear Eric,

There are two things that can cause visible smoke when you first start up your car that disappears after a while. One is incompletely burned hydrocarbons, and the other is water.

Because a stoichiometric mixture of fuel and air (one that uses all the oxygen and all the fuel) burns too hot and can lead to knocking under high load(source), cars will often run rich, which provides more power and damages the engine less, but leaves hydrocarbons in the exhaust to be cleaned up by the catalytic converter. The catalytic converter needs to reach a high temperature to work, which is why the exhaust is more visible when the car first starts.

The other cause could be water build-up (typically from condensation, especially in cold weather), which is vaporized by the passing exhaust, then condensed into small, but visible, droplets when they exit to the cold outside air. This effect is similar to the one that makes your breath visible in cold weather.

-The Entomophagist

Question #88707 posted on 01/08/2017 12:34 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What are some of your top songs of 2016? This could be music you encountered this year, songs important for you personally this year (not necessarily from 2016), songs you most wish erased from collective memory... take it how you will, and with whatever time you need.

--Ardilla Feroz, writing in from dusty Argentina, hoping your Christmas breaks are lovely

A:

Dear Ardilla,

Because this is the 100 Hour Board (and because I love music way too much) I have decided to put together a list of my top 100 songs for 2016. These are top in the sense of favorite, least favorite, personal significance, and everything in between. Most of these songs I discovered on my own, some were happily recommended, and others I came across through the Board. Without further ado, here's the list, organized according to the specified categories:

Top Absolute Favorite Songs (It kind of wrenched my heart to narrow this down to just ten songs. Almost all 100 songs here are my favorite.)

  1. I Have Made Mistakes -- The Oh Hellos. Early on in the year, I decided that if my life had a theme song, this would be it. At the time, I felt like an abject failure in every possible sense of the word, and my life was just really hard. I was able to relate to the lyrics a lot, and it gave me comfort and hope when I hardly had any, telling me that the rain was what would make me grow.
  2. A Long Way -- Josh Garrels.
  3. Angela -- The Lumineers.
  4. Lemons -- Woodlock. There are some songs where the melody just envelops me, and I feel like I'm actually inside of the music. This is one of those songs for me.
  5. Talk -- Kodaline.
  6. Stay Alive -- José Gonzalez. This is one of the songs I was introduced to. I was having a math study group with a girl, and our study session magically transformed into sharing our favorite music with each other (t'was quite glorious). This song immediately skyrocketed to the top of my favorites.
  7. Gold on the Ceiling -- The Black Keys. This song I fortuitously discovered through a board question.
  8. Paradise -- City and Colour.
  9. Caesar -- The Oh Hellos.
  10. Willow Tree March -- The Paper Kites. Think of this song as the serious side to YOLO.
Top Songs With Personal Significance
  1. Hello My Old Heart -- The Oh Hellos. This is the very first song I ever heard by The Oh Hellos, which is now one of my favorite bands. I also absolutely love the song.
  2. O' Sister -- City and Colour. Something about this song really spoke to my frame of mind at the beginning of the year.
  3. Clair De Lune -- Debussy. There was one particular perfect Sunday Fall afternoon that was filled with poetry and mountains, and colored by this song.
  4. I Dreamed A Dream -- Les Miserables. This made the list because due to mistakenly believing I would have accompaniment, I ended up singing this a'cappella in front of my entire ward. It managed to remain one of my favorite songs to perform.
  5. West -- Sleeping At Last. When I first heard it, it perfectly expressed what I was feeling at the moment.
  6. The Lament of Eustace Scrubb -- The Oh Hellos. Yet another song that somehow made me feel better about the world.
  7. Homeward Bound -- arr. Jay Althouse. This is one of my favorite songs to sing. At the crescendos, I feel like I could be flying.
  8. Savior Redeemer Of My Soul -- Joseph Smith the Prophet. Another favorite to sing. This song helps me feel closer to Christ than pretty much any other.
  9. Tuesday -- Oskar & Julia. This song is included because the woman, Julia, was my next door neighbor growing up, and I think it's cool to actually know a professional music artist. I decided on this particular song because it just so happens that I was taken on as a probie on a Tuesday.
  10. Send My Love -- Adele. This song is the nail that grates along the blackboard of my soul. It's personal significance is that I hate it.
  11. As We Ran -- The National Parks. This is the song that made me fall in love with The National Parks. I initially really liked it, because it talks about the Grand Tetons, one of my favorite places in the world.
Top Songs I Did Not Discover Independently
  1. Cough Syrup -- Young the Giant. I have to thank Alta for showing me this one.
  2. Something to Believe In -- Young the Giant. 
  3. Tighten Up -- The Black Keys. [Editors' note: this song does not contain profanity, but the music video does include a few rude gestures. Watch at your own discretion.]
  4. Click Click Click -- Bishop Allen. Another song from that wonderful "math study group."
  5. Bad Blood -- arr. Postmodern Jukebox. I dislike this song as sung by Taylor Swift, but love this vintage version. Listening to it made me dance, and determine that I now want to have a dance party with this style music.
  6. No Room In Frame -- Death Cab For Cutie. Another song I found courtesy of the Board.
Top Songs Recommended By YouTube (To my great delight, one day I noticed that YouTube started recommending a ton of indie songs for me.)
  1. If I Be Wrong -- Wolf Larson.
  2. Trojans -- Atlas Genius.
  3. 1957 -- Milo Greene.
  4. Don't You Give Up On Me -- Milo Greene.
  5. Elation -- Isbells.
  6. Wolf -- First Aid Kit.
  7. The Last Of Us -- Woodlock.
  8. Silver -- Woodlock.
  9. American Honey Blonde -- Woodlock.
  10. Seeker Lover Keeper -- Even Though I'm a Woman. I think the lyrics are a bit strange, but I like the tune.
Top Songs From My Top Artists (Not necessarily in the order of my most favorites.)
  1. City and Colour
    1. Wasted Love.
    2. The Girl 
    3. Hello, I'm In Delaware
    4. The Golden State
    5. Grand Optimist
    6. Commentators
    7. Waiting
    8. Sleeping Sickness
  2. Of Monsters and Men
    1. Empire
    2. Human
    3. Black Water 
    4. Crystals 
    5. I of the Storm .
    6. Wolves Without Teeth
    7. Winter Sound 
  3. The National Parks
    1. Stone's Throw 
    2. Young Whenever I hear this song, I can't help but dance.
    3. Ba Ba Ra  
    4. Ghost 
  4. The Oh Hellos
    1. There Beneath 
    2. Dear Wormwood 
    3. Pale White Horse 
  5. Lord Huron
    1. Lonesome Dreams 
    2. I Will Be Back One Day 
    3. Frozen Pines 
    4. Ghost On the Shore (I'm not providing a direct link to the song because it has some minor language.)
    5. The Man Who Lives Forever
  6. The Paper Kites
    1. Bloom 
    2. St. Clarity
    3. Maker of my Time
  7. Radical Face
    1. Always Gold 
    2. Severus and Stone 
    3. Black Eyes 
    4. Ghost Towns 
  8. The Lumineers
    1. Ophelia 
    2. Cleopatra 
    3. Stubborn Love 
  9. Seafret
    1. Give Me Something 
    2. Be There 
    3. Atlantis
  10. Hozier
    1. Like Real People Do 
    2. Work Song 
    3. Cherry Wine
 Top Songs To Study To
  1. Letting Go -- Saint Raymond.
  2. Michicant -- Bon Iver.
  3. We Don't Eat -- James Vincent McMorrow.
  4. River From The Sky -- The Weepies.
  5. Desert Father -- Josh Garrels.
  6. Farther Along -- Josh Garrels.
  7. Crosses -- José Gonzalez.
  8. Cycling Trivialities --José Gonzalez. (There's no link here because the song has some language.)
  9. Running For Cover -- Ivan & Aloysha.
  10. Outlaw -- The Staves.
Top Songs Frequently Listened To
  1. Way Down We Go -- Kaleo.
  2. Foxbeard -- Run River North.
  3. Run River Run -- Run River North.
  4. Georgia -- Vance Joy.
  5. Mess Is Mine -- Vance Joy.
  6. Fire and the Flood -- Vance Joy.
  7. High Hopes -- Kodaline.
  8. Pray -- Kodaline.
  9. No Matter Where You Are -- Us The Duo. 
  10. Believe -- Mumford and Sons. There's a part of my hipster soul that cringes at liking a song that's so mainstream, but like it I do.

To all the readers who actually read all the way through these lists: you have my respect. To all the readers who actually clicked on all the links: you have my deep incredulity, and respect. 

~Anathema

P.S. There really are 100 songs here.

P.P.S. If any of you readers have music recommendations of your own that you'd be willing to share, please email me. No seriously, I'd love it so much. I'm always reachable at anathema@theboard.byu.edu.

Question #88551 posted on 12/27/2016 10:41 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What is the most GPA-competitive undergrad program to be accepted into at BYU?

-Hopeful Accountant

A:

Dear Hopeful Accountant,

Well, I did some research and reading around, and here's what I found.

This is the list of most competitive limited-enrollment undergraduate programs, only by number of students admitted. (source)

1. Commercial Music (19% acceptance)
2. Acting and Musical Dance Theater (tied at 20%)
3. Graphic Design (22% acceptance)
4. Vocal Performance (27% acceptance)
5. Animation (30% acceptance)

Obviously the most competitive program might not necessarily be the most GPA competitive, and all the most competitive programs were fine arts programs, so I looked at each program's average GPA of applicants who are accepted. Here's the list, with the average GPA, and approximate percent acceptance. 

1. Nursing (3.8 GPA, 45% acceptance) (source)
2. Accounting (3.75, 80% acceptance) (source)
3. Finance (3.68, 60% acceptance) (source)
4. Management (3.65, 50% acceptance) (source)

So based on what I found, I guess just be glad you're not a hopeful nurse!

Keep it real,
Sherpa Dave

Question #88482 posted on 12/31/2016 10:55 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Over all the seasons of So You Think You Can Dance and Dancing With the Stars, how many finalists/ professional dancers have been Mormon or from Utah?

-AF

A:

Dear Patience,

First of all, sorry that this answer took so long. (You'll be getting an explanation from Alta as to why with your second take.) From what I could find, there's a total of 26 professionals/finalists from Utah and/or Mormon on Dancing With The Stars and So You Think You Can Dance, all of which are listed below. Interestingly enough, there's an overlap of three people who were both on DWTS and SYTYCD. Note that the empty spaces under the "Mormon" column, don't imply that the individual isn't Mormon, it's an indication that I don't know (I could have researched all of them, but decided not to in the interest of time, and actually getting the answer to you).

Name     Utahn Mormon DWTS Pro Star #of Seasons  SYTYCD  Season#
Julienne Hough   X X X X   5      
Derek Hough   X X X X   12      
Lacey Schwimmer     X X X   6      
Ashley Del Grosso-Costa X X X X   4      
Marie Osmond   X X X   X 1      
Donny Osmond   X X X   X 1      
Chelsea Hightower   X X X X   7   X 4
Lindsey Arnold   X X X X   4   X 9
Tanisha Belnap   X             X 11
Brittany Cherry   X             X 10
Craig DeRosa   X             X 1
Ashleigh Di Lello   X             X 6
Ryan Di Lello   X             X 6
Randi Evans   X             X 5
Brooklyn Fullmer   X             X 11
Tadd Gadduang   X             X 8
Mollee Gray   X             X 6
Allison Holker   X             X 2
Thayne Jasperson   X             X 4
Jenna Johnson   X             X 10
Sabra Johnson   X             X 3
Gev Manoukian   X             X 4
Malece Miller   X             X 10
Jaymz Tuailiva   X             X 2
Witney Carson   X X X X   6   X 9
Marcquet Hill   X             X 10

  ~Anathema

P.S. Thanks to the Goose Girl, who provided a lot of helpful links.

posted on 01/01/2017 8:06 p.m.
One more for you: Andrea Hale is from Utah (can't remember if she's Mormon or not, but I lean towards yes). She was on one season of DWTS, the pro partnered with Kenny Maynes. (They got kicked off the first week, so not very memorable, and it was her only season, so I can see why she might have gotten left out of the links you researched.) I mostly know this because, at the time, she was my brother's ballroom dance teacher at the same studio that Ashly Del Grosso-Costa was from (her mom owns it). He was pretty bummed she didn't make it very far.

~Former DWTS Fan
posted on 01/03/2017 1:52 p.m.
Benji Schwimmer was (is?) also a Mormon. He won the second season of SYTYCD!

Fun fact: Thayne Jasperson was the original Samuel Seabury in Hamilton - you can hear him singing in "Farmer Refuted."

I believe Matt Dorame of season 4 was dancing with Odyssey Dance Theatre (out of SLC) when he was cast for SYTYCD.
posted on 01/03/2017 1:52 p.m.
One more: Heidi Groskreutz is also Mormon - from season 2.
posted on 01/03/2017 3:04 p.m.
Ashley and Ryan Di Lello are Mormon as well!

--Inga
Question #88469 posted on 12/27/2016 1:17 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Who is the most quoted church leader who isn't a prophet? So Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, or C.S. Lewis don't count.

-Scarely a Scholar

A:

Dear Scholarly,

To answer your question, I went through and counted how many times likely candidates were referenced in church publications listed on lds.org. According to this research, Bruce R. McConkie would be the most referenced church leader, with 426 results. Other oft referenced leaders were Neal A. Maxwell at 378, and James E. Talmage at 215. 

However, broadening the search from church publications, it seems as though the most quoted church leader is Jeffrey R. Holland. (Note that my methods for determining this piece of information were very inexact.) This is based on the fact that a cursory google search for quotes by Elder Holland yielded over 2 million results (as a point for comparison, Bruce R. McConkie had less than 200,000 results). Using the same method, the next closest church leader in terms of google results would be James E. Faust, who also had over 2 million results, but a couple hundred less than Jeffrey R. Holland.

~Anathema

Question #88460 posted on 01/06/2017 5:40 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

How much profit does BYU Vending make a year? Speficially I'm wondering how much they make on water bottles sold a year, and/or how many water bottles they sell a year.

-Jimmy G

A:

Dear James,

As a regular customer of BYU Vending, I was very interested in this question when it first popped up. Unfortunately, that interest did not prevent me from letting this question go very, very overdue.

However, I eventually did get off of my lazy bum and give BYU Vending a call. After being placed on hold for a few minutes, I was informed that BYU Vending does not share information about their profits, which is kind of what I figured might happen. When I logged on to write up my response, I realized that I'd forgotten that you also asked about how many water bottles they sell a year. That seemed like more obtainable information, so I gave them a call back. Oddly, even though only a couple of minutes had passed, no one answered.

I was going to leave it at that, but, overcome by a combination of Board pride mixed with overdue shame, I decided to make one more call. They picked up this time, and after a couple more minutes were able to give me some info on water bottle sales.

BYU Vending sells three types of water bottles: regular Dasani, Raspberry Dasani, and Smart Water. The Vending module in the BYU app tells me that both Dasani products are priced at $1.20 per bottle, whereas Smart Water is $1.75. Now, the representative said they only had information on regular Dasani water: they sell about 20,000 bottles every four months (or every semester, if you will). We won't let that stop us, though: if nothing else, reading What If? has taught me there can be value in rough extrapolation.

First: does Smart Water sell better or worse than regular Dasani? Off the top of my head, I'd say better, since I feel like I see a lot more peole carrying Smart Water bottles than Dasani bottles (if I weren't on break I'd do some rough surveys of the snack zone in the library). However, I was also really surprised that Dasani sold so much in a single semester, so to play it safe, I'll say that they sell just as much Smart Water as Dasani on campus, so we'll add another 20,000 bottles per semester to the total (the good thing about these estimations is that, if you don't agree with my reasoning, you can substitute your own numbers for mine). On the other hand, I definitely don't think that I see as many Raspberry Dasani bottles on campus; I might see two or three other bottles before I see one Raspberry. Since I'm trying to keep my estimates conservative, I'll say that Raspberry Dasani sells half as much as either Smart Water or Dasani, so we'll chip in another 10,000 bottles, bringing our per-semester total to 50,000. With three semesters in the calendar year, we have a grand total of 150,000 water bottles sold on BYU campus in a single year (one could argue that there is more demand during the spring-summer semester, but there are also fewer students on campus, so I think it evens out).

That takes care of approximately how many water bottles are sold in a year, but what about the profit? According to this website (which, I grant, is not incredibly academic, but nonetheless represents the best data I could find), for ever bottle of water sold at $1.45, $0.67 goes to the retailer (in this case, BYU). This is almost certainly an average, based on data from several different bottling companies, but we'll roll with it for our purposes, especially since (spoiler alert) Smart Water and Dasani are both owned by The Coca-Cola company (as are all BYU beverages; notice there is no caffeine-free Pepsi or Mountain Dew sold on campus).

None of the waters we are considering are sold for $1.45, so we'll use percentages. We have that $0.67 is 46% of $1.45; then 46% of $1.20 is $0.55, and 46% of $1.75 is $0.81. We conjectured that every semester BYU was selling 30,000 bottles of water at $1.20 and 20,000 at $1.75; that gives $16,172.41 in profit for Smart Water and $16,634.48 in profit for the two Dasani products, combined. That gives around $32,806.89 in total water bottle profit per semester, and a grand total of $98,420.67 for the whole year.

Those are my estimates. If any reader thinks that I've done part of this process wrong, feel free to let me know via correction below.

-Frère Rubik

Question #88367 posted on 12/05/2016 7:06 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What exactly makes a hug an "amazing" hug? A friend of mine told me a few years ago that I give amazing hugs, and another friend within earshot agreed with her when she said it, but I never really found out what was meant by that. As a rather withdrawn and not very tactile person, I don't think I've ever really thought anything about hugging other than "avoid awkward side hugs."

Help me rectify my ignorance, board writers. Is there more to the dynamics of hugging that I don't understand? Do I unwittingly possess some mysterious gift? Or is this compliment as mystifying to you as it is to me?

- quiet belladonna

A:

Dear Quiet Madonna,

I too am often told that I give good hugs, and I've never known why. So, I decided to analyze different kinds of hugs to see if I could figure out what the common factor(s) in good hugs is. I apologize in advance for how dark the pictures are. Apparently my apartment is a black hole.

Exhibit A: The half couch/half standing hug.

unnamed (6).jpg

Rating: 3/10

Exhibit B: The crossed-arms hug.

 Crossed arms.jpg

Rating: 8/10.

Exhibit C: The butt-out hug. This one usually isn't quite as dramatic as this, but we had to exaggerate the space between us for the sake of the photo.

unnamed (1).jpg

Rating: 3/10. 

Exhibit D: The side hug.

unnamed (2).jpg

Rating: 4/10.

Exhibit E: The upside down hug.

unnamed (5).jpg

Rating: 7/10. (I probably would have given it a lower rating if I were the one who had to do a headstand, though).

Exhibit F: The hand hug.

unnamed (9).jpg

Rating: 1/10.

Exhibit G: The third wheel hug.

unnamed (7).jpg

Rating: 4/10.

Exhibit H: Girls-arms-under hug.

 Arms under.jpg

Rating: 10/10.

Exhibit I: The girls-arms-over hug.

 Arms over.jpg

Rating: 10/10.

The results: The more body contact the better. The weird hugs were the ones where we made an effort to make sure our bodies didn't touch each other. People who give hugs but sort of lean away while doing it, or seem reserved in their hugging, aren't as comforting to hug as people who lean in. The tightness of the hug also matters, because limp arms are bad, stiff and robotic arms are bad, and squeezing way too tight is bad. The best is when the hug is tight, but not suffocatingly so. And finally, people can sense when someone they're hugging cares about them or not, so actually caring about the people you hug is good.

-Alta

Question #88340 posted on 11/22/2016 5:54 p.m.
Q:

Dear Doctor,

Of the main clothing stores (you can limit yourself to ten. Or you can do more and make me happier), what is the typical price range (with or without sales/clearance) and what kind of clothes do they normally sell?

-Tally M., clearly using her Board connection for evil.

A:

Dear Tally,

Full disclaimer: here you will find a list of 7 stores (plus Zed's). I had originally planned to do more, but the end of the semester is approaching and I don't want to hold the question over hours more than I already have.

I suppose it's up to interpretation what the "main" clothing stores are, so these are stores that I would consider "main" within the public consciousness, based on my own experience. I also did some rudimentary Googling about the top clothing stores, and tried to correlate my list with those the internet deemed the most popular.

A quick disclaimer about following data: I do not claim this to be scientific or 100% accurate. You might bring this list shopping then be horribly disappointed if everything is more expensive than you anticipated. 

Next, a few notes about method. For each category of clothing, I tried to use a minimum of five data points. Whenever possible, I tried to include a variety of different brands within that set of data. Certain stores like Old Navy had very few different brands, and fewer options than department stores like Macy's, so I lowered their minimum to three data points. I tried to include brands with different price points, so I didn't collect all my data from the Ralph Lauren collection and ignore the less-prestigious options.

I also tried to include a variety of styles within each clothing category. I figured it would be overwhelming for everyone involved (but especially me) if I included too many categories, like differentiating Men's Polos and Men's T-shirts. So instead of doing so, I lumped everything into Men's Shirts. Within this category, I included a variety of styles, including t-shirts, flannel, polos, and sports shirts. At each store I tried to include one shirt from at least those four categories. The same goes for Women's Tops--I tried to include a mix of casual shirts and more dressy blouses.

Likewise, I felt the need to distinguish between sweaters and coats. The coats category includes only heavier winter coats, where the sweaters category encompasses everything from light cardigans to pullover sweaters to hoodies. 

Sears:

Men's Shirts: $18-44, average $34

Men's Jeans: $36-70, average $50

Men's Coats: $30-120, average $94

Men's Sweaters: $20-60, average $42

Men's Slacks: $40-60, average $53

Men's Dress Shirts: $ 38-45, average $41

Women's Tops: $ 30-60, average $43

Women's Jeans: $35-40, average $38

Women's Coats: $50-140, average $90

Women's Sweaters: $15-42, average $37

Women's Skirts: $32-48, average $40

Women's Dresses: $60-100 average $84


JCPenney:

Men's Shirts: $38-55, average $46

Men's Jeans: $44-70, average $58

Men's Coats: $60-200, average $124

Men's Sweaters: $42-80, average $62

Men's Slacks: $70-120, average $85

Men's Dress Shirts: $36-50, average $44

Women's Tops: $30-48, average $36

Women's Jeans: $36-55, average $46

Women's Coats: $60-200, average $126

Women's Sweaters: $22-48, average $35

Women's Skirts: $36-52, average $43

Women's Dresses: $60-86, average $72

 

Dillard's:

Men's Shirts: $50-145, average $81

Men's Jeans: $40-99, average $81

Men's Coats: $89-200, average $137

Men's Sweaters: $50-75, average $65

Men's Slacks: $50-150, average $83

Men's Dress Shirts: $45-90, average $64

Women's Tops: $26-90, average $59

Women's Jeans: $58-136, average $96

Women's Coats: $109-199, average $153

Women's Sweaters: $79-159, average $109

Women's Skirts: $44-109, average $74

Women's Dresses: $69-189, average $126

 

Macy's:

Men's Shirts: $24-80, average $53

Men's Jeans: $50-70, average $62

Men's Coats: $75-220, average $144

Men's Sweaters: $30-99, average $80

Men's Slacks: $40-85, average $77

Men's Dress Shirts: $53-90, average $72

Women's Tops: $11-80, average $44

Women's Jeans: $49-90, average $67

Women's Coats: $59-400, average $189

Women's Sweaters: $44-100, average $61

Women's Skirts: $30-79, average $57

Women's Dresses: $59-144, average $101

 

H&M:

Men's Shirts: $6-30, average $18

Men's Jeans: $30-40, average $36

Men's Coats: $35-129, average $69

Men's Sweaters: $20-30, average $26

Men's Slacks: $35-50, average $40

Men's Dress Shirts: $15-30, average $23

Women's Tops: $10-30, average $22

Women's Jeans: $18-50, average $35

Women's Coats: $40-70, average $58

Women's Sweaters: $20-50, average $32

Women's Skirts: $25-50, average $38

Women's Dresses: $13-50, average $33

 

Forever XXI:

Men's Shirts: $13-25, average $18

Men's Jeans: $25-30, average $28

Men's Coats: $35-50, average $42

Men's Sweaters: $16-53, average $27

Women's Tops: $9-20, average $13

Women's Jeans: $18-30, average $26

Women's Coats: $16-60, average $44

Women's Sweaters: $16-33, average $25

Women's Skirts: $6-28, average $18

Women's Dresses: $13-33, average $21

 

Old Navy:

Men's Shirts: $13-35, average $26

Men's Jeans: $30-35, average $33

Men's Coats: $50-100, average $73

Men's Sweaters: $35-55, average $44

Men's Slacks: $30 average $30

Women's Tops: $15-30, average $21

Women's Jeans: $30-50, average $35

Women's Coats: $50-80, average $66

Women's Sweaters: $25-35, average $31

Women's Skirts: $20-30 average $25

Women's Dresses: $33-40 average $36

Shop away!

Love,

Luciana

Question #88339 posted on 03/28/2017 1:08 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

My husband and I regularly go to different temples in Utah. In Oquirrh, you can do temple name baptisms while endowed, but in Draper you can't. Which temples in Utah are in which category?

-Lady Hermione

A:

Dear person,

I called all of the temples and this is what they said:

Bountiful: "I don't know, you should be able to, as far as I know you can."

Brigham City: Bring your own names.

Cedar City: Not yet open.

Draper: Bring your own names.

Jordan River: Being renovated.

Logan: You can do temple names.

Manti: Bring your own names.

Mount Timpanogos: Bring your own names.

Monticello: You can do temple names. Four, to be precise.

Ogden: I don't know if you can do actual temple names but there is apparently a place where people will drop off names for other people to do baptisms, so you should be able to do names that are not yours.

Oquirrh Mountain: You can do temple names.

Payson: You can do temple names.

Provo: You can do temple names.

Provo City Center: Bring your own names.

Salt Lake: Bring your own names.

St. George: You can do temple names.

Vernal: You can do temple names.

All mistakes in this answer are due to nice old ladies making innocent and pure-intentioned errors, so don't hate if some piece of information here turns out to be untrue.

-Sheebs

Question #88328 posted on 11/04/2016 12:02 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I was reminded earlier today of when I was a child. My Scripture case has a Velcro opening, so at church I would pull it apart slowly to minimize the noise it made.

So now I ask you: taking into account the noise over the entire course of ripping Velcro apart, does one way make less noise?

- Zwerg zwei

A:

Dear you,

I took some measurements, and it appears that overall, opening Velcro quickly is louder than opening Velcro slowly.

For this experiment, I used a laptop webcam and some recording software. It would have been better to use calibrated research-grade microphones in an anechoic chamber, but that seemed like overkill, so I made do with what I had at home. First, I recorded Velcro being opened quickly 10 times over 24 seconds. Next, I recorded Velcro being opened slowly 10 times over 24 seconds. I then calculated an overall sound pressure level for each one, and the quick Velcro was 0.6 dB louder than the slow Velcro. Now, this is probably too small to be statistically significant. However, by looking at the background noise in the recordings, it appears that the webcam mic's gain may have increased slightly for the slow Velcro. By bringing those levels down so that they matched the fast Velcro recording, the quick Velcro was 2.6 dB louder than the slow Velcro, which is large enough to be significant.

Regardless, I think we can all agree that including Velcro in a scripture case is a poor design decision, considering that they're often to be used in churches.

-Kirito

Question #88295 posted on 11/06/2016 8:42 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Can somebody please explain this to me? A guy in my ward is so excited but I just don't understand.

https://universalmodel.com

-My Name Here

A:

Dear MNH,

If you wanted to be told why you should also be excited about this, you came to the wrong place. But if you wanted people who know a thing or two about science to tell you why you shouldn't believe a word of it, then you very much came to the right place.

Frère Rubik told me that he was going to address (and debunk) at least one of the theories presented, and I would have liked to have done the same thing, but I couldn't find a way to read the actual arguments without paying $79 for the whole book. Therefore, I will explain all the reasons why I could never pay any money for it. Please keep in mind that I understand that ad hominem arguments are invalid and unethical, and that anything I say about the author of the book will be in reference to his qualifications, not his character. I'm sure he's a great guy.

Let's start with all the things that cause suspicion just in the main website. As a general rule, you should be wary of excessive unnecessary capitalization, like Nature, Scientific Revolution, and New Millennial Science. Incorrect grammar doesn't prove anything wrong per se, but there is definitely a correlation between trying to emphasize certain words in this way and making things up. Additionally, they "invite all to explore and experience the adventure of learning truth" but charge as much as the Digital Deluxe edition of Sid Meier's Civilization VI for it, which seems a bit disingenuous, and the numbers about a third of the way down the page are way too round to seem real.

Moving on the the Q&A page, we start to see some explanation for why these "discoveries" are coming through some random book rather than a peer-reviewed journal. They try to spin it to make the scientists look close-minded, but the basic idea is that they are unable to convince anyone who knows anything relevant, but they are confident they can convince normal people that it's true. They claim to do this based on empirical evidence, but unless one of them has actually drilled down to the earth's core and found ice or lived long enough to have witnessed the flood, I'm pretty sure they don't have any better evidence than the "scientific establishment" does.

Since we're talking about the "scientific establishment," let's discuss the basic tenet of the Universal Model that we're living in a scientific dark age and that truth cannot come through the existing channels of scientific discovery. Let me tell you a secret: scientists are always trying to disprove the null hypothesis. That means that it is a scientist's job to challenge commonly held ideas, because that's the only way you learn anything new. You don't become famous for providing even more evidence that someone else was right; you become famous by proving them wrong and providing an alternate hypothesis to replace the old idea. The scientific community has no incentive to stifle new ideas, but they do have an incentive to avoid embarrassment by ensuring that newly published hypotheses and theories are sound. In other words, if the author of the Universal Model has been unable to convince any reputable research publications to distribute his findings, it's because he has been unable to adequately show that the existing theories are false, not because there's some widespread conspiracy to keep the world from learning the truth. 

Finally, let's talk about the author's qualifications. According to LinkedIn, he graduated from BYU with a B.S. in organizational psychology. That would be fine if he were a well-known technical writer and had been asked to oversee the compilation of this textbook using contributions from experts in the field, but that's not the case. As far as can be determined from the website, he is the sole author of the book, and it was all his idea. There is not a single reference to contributing authors in the Table of Contents or in the first page of any of the chapters, which is where you typically find that sort of thing. The website says that he talked to lots of experts and researchers, none of them are getting any credit as far as I can tell. This is supposed to be written at a college level, but the author could have (and probably did) graduate with his most advanced degree without taking more than an introductory class (if that) in any of the topics discussed. It also says that most of the scientific community was "unaware and unconcerned with the evidences presented;" they claim that this is a result of the paradigm shift being to great for them to contemplate, but if I were to borrow Dr. Occam's razor, I would say that they thought it was ridiculous because it didn't adequately explain everything that has been observed about the world and the universe. Of all the reviews listed on the website, there's a suspicious absence of experts in the relevant sciences. Sure, there are a few people with advanced degrees, but they're in law, medicine, philosophy, and engineering, not science, and certainly not geology or geophysics, which is what most of the UM appears to be about.

Trust me, if there was any evidence for these claims, someone would have gotten a Nobel Prize.

-The Entomophagist

A:

Dear Magnetized and Nuanced Hydrosphere,

Here is my conclusion: The Universal Model is a textbook written by a man of faith in an attempt to reconcile contradictory arguments between science and religion. However well-intentioned he may have bee in writing it, I do not agree with his method of trying to accomplish this goal, and I find several of his assertions to be complete and utter bunk.

Having said all of that, I must admit that, like Ento, I haven't actually read the full text. I am drawing conclusions based on the one-page chapter introductions that are posted on the website, and I am inferring things here and there. I have tried to keep these inferences grounded and not speculative, but I do acknowledge the possibility for gross error.

Now that the disclaiming is done, let me talk to you about Mars. While I am by no means an expert, I did just spend an entire year reading about Mars so as to be better prepared for URC, so I know a few things about how things work over yonder. 

Here's a widely-documented Mars Fact: Mars' atmosphere is far less dense than ours. In fact, to be specific, it is 0.6% as dense as Earth's, but evidence suggests that it used to be just as dense. What happened? Solar wind happened.

Quick physics lesson: when things that have been electrically charged move around, they create magnetic fields. If you had a bunch of ice-skaters charge up (say, by touching a Van De Graaff generator for a few seconds) and then skate around a skating rink in the same direction without touching each other or otherwise charging, you would make a very small and very irregular magnetic field. 

With solar wind, you have tons of charged particles being blasted from the sun at incredibly high speeds, which then create magnetic fields. When these magnetic fields interact with atmosphere, they, in turn, create electric fields, and these electric fields cause particles to shoot out of the atmosphere, stripping it away. This is what happened to Mars; over time, the hundreds of thousands of solar wind particles bounced other particles out of the atmosphere until it became as thin as it is today.

So, if this is going on with Mars, why isn't the same thing happening to Earth? The answer is because Earth's magnetic field is strong enough to repel most of the solar wind; the wind still chips away Earth's atmosphere a little, but not nearly enough to cause a noticeable difference. Mars is atmosphere-deprived because its magnetic field is very, very weak.

Now, what determines how strong a planet's magnetic field is? Well, remember that ice-skating analogy I used? That's basically what's going on inside of the earth: the mantle and outer core are filled with charged metallic ions, and as these ions swirl around they create the earth's magnetic field (which is much stronger than the ice-skating field because there are billions of "skaters" here and they're all moving really fast). Now, we don't know a ton about what's going on inside of Mars, but we do know that whatever's happening, it isn't strong enough to create the magnetic field required to deflect the solar wind. We theorize that its core is much colder, which slows down the magnetic-field-creating process and weakens the field overall.

(I feel like I do this every time I write a science answer, but I should put in one last disclaimer: while I have spent a lot of time researching this kind of stuff, I can't claim to have understood it perfectly, so what I've described above is at best an oversimplification and at worst inherently wrong in some aspects.)

I bring all of this up because the Universal Model argues that the earth isn't filled with magma at all; it's filled with water instead (again, I haven't read it, but these pages certainly seem to point in that direction). 

This idea frustrates me to no end.

First, if there isn't magma in the Earth's core, then what is causing the magnetic field? And, no, it's not that all of the ions are floating around in the water and still creating the field, because if we want our core to be mostly water then there won't be nearly enough metals inside to make a strong enough magnetic field to stop the solar wind. And, no, I don't think that there's some other mysterious force at work that's causing the magnetic field that we haven't discovered yet, because we actually understand the field of electromagnetism fairly well and use it to make all sorts of nifty things like MRI machines and cell phones and other technology. It's pretty clear that there have to be a lot of little charged particles moving around inside the Earth to create such a strong field, and as far as I can tell UM doesn't offer an alternate explanation of what's going on.

Second, I'm frustrated by what I perceive as the author's motivations for writing such a textbook. It's the inclusion of chapter 8, "The Universal Flood Model," that's really prompting this reaction. One of the biggest arguments against the Biblical Flood of Noah is that there is simply not enough water on or in Earth to literally cover the entire surface in water. The highest point on earth is Mount Everest, which peaks at an elevation of 8,848 meters above sea level. If we wanted to put it underwater, that would require an additional 2.9x1012 cubic meters of water, or 2.9x1015 liters (actually less than that because mountains and houses and other things take up space and you don't have to fill that space with water but estimating that amount is a question for Randall Munroe, not me). That's more than twice the amount of water that the USGS estimates is currently in the Earth's "system" (on the surface, in the ground, in the air). Simply put, that is a lot of water, and we have no real way of accounting for where all of that water came from or where it went after the flood.

With this disparity in mind, most scientists assume that the flood never happened and leave it at that. The author of the Universal Model, though, doesn't seem to agree, and so it seems that they've created an entire scientific textbook that rewrites geology and several other disciplines of science in order to allow for the existence of a flood. They make room for other "Pseudotheories," as UM calls them (like climate change and evolution), but their main thrust seems to be the Great Flood.

Problems I have with this:

1) Starting a debate with the position "Actually your argument is fundamentally flawed but I have the true knowledge of how it's supposed to work so let me just explain to you everything you've messed up" does not tend to lead to a healthy, productive conversation.

2) It assumes that everything in this life, be it science or religion or whatever, has to be explained through rational and scientific means. I don't buy that. This is related to a big theme of Dr. Mackay's classes, in that we need to take back our miracles. There's a rant about that for another day, but put simply: I do not think that we should require that all of God's miracles be proved to us using our own knowledge and understanding. I think that leaving them as just miraculous events can help us maintain faith and be more spiritually resilient moving forward.

---

So there's all of that, a rant by an undergraduate Physics student. Part of me wonders if it's even my place to make such arguments.

-Frère Rubik

posted on 11/06/2016 5:13 p.m.
From a lady in a relevant field:

The writers above have it right. The guy was so intent on proving one thing, he rewrote all the knowledge on the books to get it to work. This is fine, that's how discoveries work sometimes (see: plate tectonics, the discovery of no ether in space, microbes etc). HOWEVER; those discoveries usually bring existing data together and are based on empirical evidence. They help explain more stuff than they set out to.

This does not. For example, when digging into the ground, temperatures rise sharply, and lots of geology rests upon things melting at depth. How does that data fit with an icy core? Additionally, he describes the mantle as rock/water, but were that so, it would most DEFINITELY be visible in seismic data, strikingly so. Waves move and react differently with different mediums and interfaces between them, and so many changes between liquid and solid, even just a high saturation, would be readily apparent (see: discovery of the inner structure of the Earth). I'm also not sure how the "Crystallization Process" indicates that "rocks are made out of water, Celestial Water [???] and the abundance of water in the Universe and other planets [sic]". Because while some minerals do contain amounts of water (we've studied their chemistry extensively), you would not describe rocks as being made out of water. And the crystallization process mostly indicates that [igneous] rocks are made out of fractionally crystallized components of magma that precipitate in order of their cooling temperatures. I'm not also not sure how a rock would be made out of an abundance of water elsewhere in the universe, either.

Also, what the actual cuss is celestial water??

Ok, that was one page of that website discussed by a geologist. I have to go lie down now as I'm suddenly ill and have lost 10 IQ points, but if you'd like me to suffer through/analyze any more, post on the BCB.

Ouch,
Molybdenum
posted on 11/17/2016 4:13 p.m.
Thank you very much for your curiosity in the Universal Model. Because there is little space permitted to respond, here is a link to another spot on the BYU Board that will help clear some of the misunderstandings that came up on this thread.

http://boardcommentboard.lefora.com/topic/82/master/1/#.WC4twfkrJaQ
Question #88264 posted on 10/24/2016 4 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

For the past couple of weeks, I've played a little game with myself while singing hymns in church. I tried to guess what the second rhyming word in a rhyming pair would be. I've found that "word" and "Lord" are very common as a rhyming pair. So my first question is this: what are the top five most used rhyming pairs in the hymn book? I'm predicting that word-Lord cracks the top five.

A second, related question. What rhyming pair struck you as the most clever or interesting as you conducted this research?

Thanks--you guys are the best!

-Singer of Hymns

A:

Dear Singer,

I took up this challenge with much more optimism than I had at the end. There are a lot of hymns. Nevertheless, I persisted with the following caveats:

Other than the one specified in your question, I included only actual rhymes. So Word-Lord made the cut because of your qualification, but other "rhyming pairs" like Remove-Love and Good-Food were excluded.

Secondly, I only counted a particular rhyme once per song. So even if a certain rhyme was in a song's chorus, I still only counted it as one manifestation.

Last, I only counted each hymn once, even if there were separate arrangements later in the hymnbook.

Results:

  1. Love-Above: 53
  2. Lord-Word: 27
  3. Way-Day: 22
  4. Sing-King: 20
  5. Light-night: 16

If we eliminate Lord-Word because it's not an actual rhyme, that makes way for Praise-Raise, with 15 counted instances.

Actually, I found very few of the rhymes to be particularly clever. I suppose I was most impressed that Unfurled-World came up seven different times.

I won't profess that these counts are exact, as perusing 300+ hymns takes a long time, so I'm sure I made mistakes here and there. But as near as I can tell, those are the top 5.

Love,

Luciana

Question #88235 posted on 10/21/2016 5:42 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,
I am trying to figure out something and it just doesn't make sense to me. Lately, African Americans have been asking to be better represented and not be so marginalized in the media. One example of this is having more movies with black actors, or on TV shows. I think this is great, however, why is there so much demand to to help African Americans and recognize them, while there is very little to do the same for Latino Americans? Latinos make up 16% of the US population, which shows they deserve just as much representation as African Americans (who make up 12% of the population). But I haven't seen any protests in the medias, or on the internet that there need to be more roles for Hispanic Actors, or there should be more characters that are Hispanic or Latino. Please don't misunderstand me, I in no way am talking about the Black Lives Matter movement or anything about our justice system, this is purely about the entertainment industry. Why isn't there more push in the media to change things for Latino Americans as well as African Americans? Is there anything I can do to raise awareness or help? I know I can't change the world, but I really want to help if I can.

-El hispano más sano

A:

Dear person,

This is America's very basic race/ethnicity breakdown, as of the 2010 census: 

Capture 3.PNG

(source)

I want to divide "representation" into 2 camps: racial discrimination, and Hollywood whitewashing.

Racial Discrimination

I know you were not asking about the Black Lives Matter movement, but I feel that this topic cannot truly be discussed without the addition of BLM.

While the Latino population faces a high level of police discrimination, it still pales in comparison to the issues of violence against blacks in America.  From PBS Newshour

Among minorities, the rate of police killings for Latinos is second to those of African-Americans. As of today, an estimated 94 Latinos have been killed by police in 2016 alone, making up 16 percent of the 585 police-involved killings this year.  In contrast, people who are black or African-American are only 13.3 percent of the U.S. population, but 144 black Americans have been killed by police in 2016. At 25 percent, those deaths represent a disproportionate number of officer-involved fatalities compared to the population.

There is a movement called Latino Lives Matter, but they do not get as much media coverage as the Black Lives Matter movement.  Many Latinos have spoken out in favor of the Black Lives Matter movement.  Essentially, "Black" is being used to denote all minorities within the movement and their struggles against systematic oppression.  It helps that "of the 57 million Hispanics living in the United States, about a quarter [or about 15 million people] identify as Afro-Latino [mixed race Latino and African descent]" (source), and therefore feel that they can relate to the oppression that many blacks are undergoing at this moment.

Hollywood whitewashing

When talking about Hollywood whitewashing, take a look at this graph below: 

Capture 2.PNG

Hispanics are actually the only group within Hollywood whose representation is not representative of America as a whole; the ratio of blacks in film to blacks in America are about equal, as are Asians and "others" (Native American, Pacific islanders, mixed races, etc).  However, less than 5% of all major Hollywood actors are Hispanic, and this leads to what is called "Hollywood white-washing."

Many directors want the most noteworthy actors in their movies in order to get the most recognition for profits and awards.  It's how you end up with Andrew Garfield playing a Brazilian-born tech mogul in The Social Network, and Natalie Wood playing Maria (and totally botching a Puerto Rican accent) in West Side Story. If you want to learn more about white-washing across all races, check out "Hollywood Whitewashing: How is This Still a Thing?" from Last Week Tonight.

One theory about why they do not receive as much coverage is that there are simply more pressing issues in the Latino sphere to worry about.  Donald Trump's campaign, increasingly restrictive immigration laws, and the fact that Mexicans make up over half of all estimated illegal immigrants are all incredibly important problems within their community right now.  This is probably one big reason there is less push for more Latinos to represent the ethnic group within Hollywood.  I'm not saying that they cannot work on two issues at once, but when nearly 10% of a large group are under danger of being found, reported, and deported because they have outstayed a visa, it is understandable that some people would be scared of "rocking the boat" too much.  I do believe that pushing the Black Lives Matter agenda further into acceptance within the public eye will help all factors of under-representation for all minority races within our country.  

Or hey, it could all be a plot created by Salma Hayek in order for her to get the most award-winning rolls in Hollywood.  Which sounds more reasonable to you?

-April Ludgate

Question #88215 posted on 10/30/2016 7:42 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

How many questions have been submitted each year to The Board?

-Including this question

A:

Dear One Q More,

Here's the full list. I found these according to the date they were posted, not the date they were asked. For the questions that are from the year NULL, I believe that means it was an archived question that was posted later. That's also why there are so few questions for the first few years. 

Year Num of Questions
NULL 4412
1998 48
1999 101
2000 32
2001 212
2002 960
2003 2823
2004 9170

2005

8808
2006 7509
2007 8910
2008 7152
2009 5289
2010 5632
2011 4539
2012 4199
2013 5178
2014 4548
2015 4439
2016 3164

-Spectre

Question #87920 posted on 09/22/2016 8:36 a.m.
Q:

Dear Auto Surf,

What were the reasons you spend a week in a psych ward this Summer? If it sounds like I'm judging, I'm not. I'm actually asking because man it feels good to hear I'm not alone in my mental health struggles.
Also, if you don't mind sharing, what was it like and did you find it helpful?

-Q

A:

Dear ueue,

Thanks for asking! I was actually hoping someone would ask. Mental health is a hugely important but underrated and under-exposed part of society; I'm trying to do what little I can to change that by being more open about my experience, so thanks for starting the conversation. 

How I Got There

In short, I went to the psych ward because I was massively depressed and suicidal, to the point of not feeling safe with myself. I also knew that I was in a bad enough state that any help from friends and family would likely require much more from them than they would be able to give, and I didn't want to put that on anyone. 

Of course, I'd been in similar states before, so what was the final kicker? An episode of Psych. It's the one where Shawn goes undercover at a mental institution and interacts with some crazy people. At first, it was a self-critical thought, something like, "Pshh, maybe I need to be in a mental institution mehhh." But then I realized that maybe that was actually a really good idea. 

Also, I had stopped taking my depression/anxiety medication, for like 2 or 3 weeks. I'd found out later that they were actually helping, but at the time I only knew that they weren't helping as much as I wanted them to. It was disappointing and discouraging, so I just got mad and stopped taking them. Of course then I got worse and that got me to a point where taking drugs to feel better didn't make sense; from my depressed perspective, there was no hope of improvement, so why set myself up for disappointment? 

I went to the University Neuropsychiatric Institute (UNI) at the University of Utah. I went there because a family friend had spent some time there a few months prior and had a really good experience. It was actually really helpful that she had gone before me because then I knew to bring clothes and such when I went to check in, I knew I wanted to go to the Mood Ward on the 4th floor, and I knew that I would be okay afterwards. 

Being There

When they were first processing, I was surprised that they weren't immediately willing to admit me. They asked me to weigh the pros and cons, and at first I couldn't think of any cons of getting the help I needed. Then I realized that staying in the hospital would legitimize my illness to a new level; I needed to be able to handle the consequences of that: namely, feeling crazy, or at least disabled. However, when I really thought about it, it was so worth it. I was mainly being held back by fear and social stigma (because what if people found out I spent a week in the psych ward? Good thing I'm not writing about it on the Internet or anything...), and I didn't want that to stop me from getting the help I needed. 

I finally got admitted around midnight, after about 4 hours of paperwork and processing. I had to leave all my stuff with the staff and get a full-body scan. They charted any scars or bruises that I had and asked about eating disorders and self-harm.

The first day I was in 2 North, a high-risk unit. High-risk in the sense that the beds have two layers of blankets instead of sheets because the thread count is high enough or low enough or something that you can't strangle yourself with them. I didn't feel I needed that level of protection at the time, but I can't say I've never been in that kind of state. 

I mostly slept that first day. I admittedly felt a bit uncomfortable around people who couldn't have a normal conversation or control emotional outbursts every other hour. I didn't think I was that bad, but since I was right there with them, I must be, right? 

Nope. I eventually remembered that it was a hospital. In other words, people were there with illnesses and other ailments. That didn't mean they were to be brushed off or thrown callously into a stereotype. 

Hmm. I have a lot of strong feelings about this, but I'm having a hard time expressing them. Another time, I guess. 

The Mood Ward

That night I was transferred up to 4 North, the mood ward, which is for people mainly dealing with anxiety and depression. It's low-risk, so there are sheets and a lot more autonomy, but there's still an isolation room and plenty of staff and night checks and no locks on doors and all that. It's a good mix of protection and independence. 

I had an awesome team of professionals, comprised of a psychiatrist, therapist, social worker, and a student or two in training. The student(s) mostly observe;  the social worker is there to help you transition once you get out of the hospital, setting up appointments with professionals who are covered by your insurance, setting up family meetings, etc; the therapist has individual psychotherapy sessions with you; the psychiatrist works as a sort of team lead, while also prescribing medication. He set me up with new medication (which was good since I had stopped taking the old ones) and helped monitor if it fit well with me.

A daily schedule was something like: 

  • 8:00 - Breakfast
  • 9:00 - Morning group check-in
  • 10:00 -Art/music therapy
  • 11:00- Meet with psychiatrist
  • 12:00 -Lunch
  • 1:00 - Group psychotherapy
  • 2:00- Recreational therapy
  • 3:00- Meet with personal therapist
  • 4:00- Tea time (sing songs and drink tea/hot chocolate)
  • 5:00 -Dinner
  • 6:00- Work with psychiatric technician
  • 7:00- Meet with team
  • 8:00- Evening group check-in
  • 9:00- Free time
  • 10:00- Lights out and all patients to their rooms
The nice thing is they have all this scheduled, but you're not required to go to anything. I slept through almost everything the first day and it was fine. The only thing you're really required to do it meet with your team, as a team and individually, and even then one time I told my therapist that I just couldn't that day because therapy everyday all day is EXHAUSTING. He was a super cool therapist. 

I never went to group psychotherapy (as opposed to art or music or whatever, this is what you normally think of for group therapy) because I had experienced it at BYU and just wanted this week to  be more...personalized? I don't know. Everything takes a lot of energy out of you. 

There was more free time sprinkled in. I mostly slept or did puzzles, got others to do puzzles, and generally just got really good at puzzles. 

The food was good. Meals were good bonding times, and the other patients were awesome. I really loved the group that was there with me, which I was told was pretty special. We had such a good dynamic. It's amazing how quickly you can bond when you're all so freaked out by life. 

Post-Hospital 

Did it "fix" me? No, and that's not really the point. The rest of the summer was still quite hard, and it's still hard now, but...I felt the hope of recovery and the reassurance that I wasn't alone. I wasn't so hopeless because I knew there were so many people ready and able and trained to help me, and lots of resources.

Coming back to real life was really overwhelming at first, and sometimes it still is. It was really nice to not have access to my phone or anything and essentially just do what I was told with little deviation. It was easy and I needed easy at the time. Sometimes I think about going back; sometimes I'm sure I will. 

Which is fine. There were people there that had been there before, even for their third or fourth time. That was discouraging at first, but now not so much. Now it just seems like a normal part of the recovery process. Like my dad says, it's all about a positive trajectory; I'll still have low points but I'm slowly but surely moving up.

Take care,

-Auto Surf

Question #87744 posted on 09/03/2016 12:46 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What funny name should I give my Wifi? Remember, this could be my ticket to impressing friends and potential spouses alike . . . my eternal marital status is at risk here. Oh, and I've already Googled ideas, there wasn't much.

-Wifi Woman

A:

Dear granadilla,

After looking online I agree there really isn't much I found clever or interesting. I therefore I reached out to my Facebook group and got fifty-some responses from acquaintances friends, and I'm rather hoping none of them are Board readers, because sayonara to what little anonymity I have left. It's tricky trying to share the Board on social media, because I want to share how cool I think it is without disclosing the extent of my involvement. Then again, does it really matter too much? I don't really know, but this isn't the place for this discussion. 'Cause today we're talking WiFi names, and I done rounded up a few.

I've sorted these into two main lists, the first being stuff I got from Facebook/other people and the second list being one I wrote myself. In both lists I've starred the stuff I like best.

For Internet Peeps, By Internet Peeps 

Film/TV References
Dennis Nedry (he's that computer systems guy from Jurassic Park what gets pwned by a Dilophosaurusis)
Routers of Rohan* 
Bill Nye the WiFi
Bill Wi the Science Fi
The Sith Lords
Not the Wifi You're Looking For
My Neighbors are Nasty Hobbitses
I'mNotAWitchI'mYourWifi

#justtechthings
RouterIBarelyKnowHer (after hours of considering this one I still don't really get it... sorry, roomie )
8 Hz WAN IP
Trojan Phishing Virus
BYU Secure
Hey Comcast. You Suck. (a message from the masses)

FBI Surveillance Van
FBI Surveillance Van
FBI Surveillance
FBI Surveillance Van #13
FBI Van
NSA Surveillance Van
We Are Watching You

19shhe.jpg

Music Refs and Such
DropItLikeItsHotSpot
Darn Kids, Get off my LAN!
There Is No Wifi
IDK Wi She Swallowed the Fi*
Hide Your Kids Hide Your Wifi (3 times)
Wi Believe I Can Fi
Pretty Fly for a Wifi (2 times)
TwistAndRoute

Assorted Things
NotYourMomma's Wifi
FREE WIFI
FreeWiFi.JK.LOL 
Get A Job And Get Your Own WiFi
Hike the Wifi
The LAN Down Under
LAN of Milk and Honey
The LAN before Time
The Overmind (reference to Zerg in Starcraft. "The password contains references to other sci fi things that have hive mind antagonists.")
The Promised LAN* (contributed by an alumnus writer)
Cleave Unto Your Wifi
PotipharsWifi
ISIS sleeper agent #4637
TERRORISTS ONLY
Sack of dead koalas (?!?) 
Wrong Password Gets a Virus
Porquefi 
All Your Bandwidth Are Belong To Us (had to include this, because CATS)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to any and all who helped make the above list. Ya done good. Real good. You've also done well.

But what kind of website would this be if I didn't offer up some original content? I'll tell you, we'd be like Fuzzbead and Trashpanda and all those clickbaity websites with "readers" or whatever who apparently "visit" the site and I'm not jealous of these trashy websites that spread all their crappy pictures about "Things Grandmas Say While Knitting Acrylic Taco Cats" across like thirty slides and halfway through clicking them you're like "this is garbage" but it's 3 AM and you realize you're eating a gallon of "ShurSaving Vanilla Badger Chunkz Frozen Dessert (Now with Real Badger Chunkz!)" all by your lonesome so you just weep a little into it which makes you cry more because your tears are dripping into the melting concoction and you can see all the salt up in yo' eyerain just causin' more melting and so you just keep on eating the whole bucket and crying and clicking 'cause...

19sht6.jpg

...dang, my gallon's out. Guess I'd better get on with...

Stuff I Made Up (yay!) 

Router Puns
Clam Router
BostonClamRouter
NewEnglandClamRouter
UpACreekWithoutHerRouter
NeverDoubtHerBoutHerRouter
WiFi You'd Router Use...
...We'd RouterNot (great as a sequence of routers)
Rough Routers
Sr. Teddy Roosevelt & the Rough Routers

WiFi Puns
NoNeedToFlyByStayForWiFi
Will Trade Pie For WiFi
Versailles Wifi
NoEyesDryWithoutWiFi
WiFight The Feeling? (You want flirtatious? You got flirtatious.)
HoWiFind Friends 
SwipeRightForWiFi 
GoodbyeLiFiJustGotWiFi*
GetALiFiGetOffWiFi
ForgotMyLifiB4MyWifi
SciFiWiFi
SkyHiWiFi
Wi-Fidelity
WiFindUMostInteresting
WiFiAndDry
Seek, And You Shall WiFind

LAN Puns
ELAN Musk
Raisin LAN: Good and Good For You
Raisin LAN: Good and Good for Throwing Away
Out of the LAN and Into WiFire
LAN with a Plan
AtLANtis
One Huge Leap for LANkind
LAN of the Free, Home of the Paid
LAN, HO!*

Literary References
LAN of Green Gables*
Bingley's Bandwidth
NoWifi4Wickhams*
IProxy and Prejudice
PemberlyISP
Internet Proxy Of Pemberly
Regency Routers
BuckinghamBandwidth
Sr. Darcy's Domain
Austenholics Anonymous
WiFi oF Sauron
Speak, LAN, and Enter (just don't make the password "mellon")
Alice In WiFiLand
StupeFi
Wingardium LeFiosa

Film/TV
D.Zoolander WiFi For Adults Who Can't Internet Good
Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Adult Good*
Rabies Run 4 The Cure
Rabies Router 4 the Cure
Beets. Bandwidth. Battlestar Galactica.
To WiFinity And BEYOND!
Ron Swanson's Center for Bacon & Bandwidth
Give Me ALL the Bandwidth You Have
My Other Router Is A Tardis
Come Fi With Me/ Come WiFly With Me
Orphans Here Is Wifi, Love Nacho
UR The Scum Between My Toes Love Alfalfa
The Blur 2
SkyNet
Beauty and the Bandwith
House of LANnister*
Pace Yourselves WiFi Is Coming
LANdo Calrissian
milLANnium falcon
WiFortress of Solitude
You Think WiFi Is Your Ally?
Mario vs Browser
Transformers:RoutersInDisguise*

Internet Themed
Ctrl+Z
Internetervention
Karaoke Czar
WhenInDuressJustPinterest
Bushes of Love*
MALK
Buffering Tonight
#NeverWindows10
Buffering...
FreeWiFiForHarambe
Internaut Training Program
NASA Internaut Training Program
YoNoSpeakAmericano
Error 404: Pinterest Not Found
Blue Screen of Death
ImWatchingYouWazowski (bonus points if you can get a neighbor to name theirs "Always Watching" and yet another to name theirs "Always")
GoodByeShutEye
SleepNoMore
Less Drowsing More Browsing
Cats and Such
Cats Of Instagram
Good Sir Fluffernutter's Feline Center For Human Studies*
Internet Catservation Post
Servers For Servals
Linksys for Lynxes
Cat Video Factory, LLC.
Caturday Night

BYU
Whoosh, Cecil
Hey Baby I'm Worthen
YFi
YFindWiFi
YFindWiFiUFoundMe
Brigham's Bandwidth
Ready Set Net
Kickin' With Cosmo
Provo Speakeasy (?)

Band Names
Want your friends to know you and you WiFi are deep and mysterious, profound, yet groovin'? Look no further than a choice from the ultimate Board list of band names in Board Question #82025, featuring such gems as:
Autocorrect Strikes Again
Denim Sushi
Unread Books On My Nightstand
Magical Mystery Trout
P as in Terradactyl
The Dog Knows Our Secrets 
Your Best Friend's Myspace Band 
Puppy Vomit
The Three Counts of Monte Prejudice 
Creeping Prodigal
The Traumatizing Spider Incident
Project: Prometheus
Karate Chop Your Butt 

Pathetic attempts at those acrostic letter poem things
Wireless Is First Instinct?
Where Is Free Internet
Will International Fish Indulge?
(this is not working.) 

Scraping the bottom of the barrel
ISPWithMyLittle Eye Someone Who Is Bored
Will Trade Waffles For Pandas (I know I would)
Insomniac's Redoubt
Insomniac's Companion
Defenestrators Anonymous*
Defenestration of Prague
HelloInsomniaMyOldFriendICometoLookatCatsAgain
Yogurt Palace (my apartment WiFi when I came back from my mission)
Hairy Otter & The Secret of Dim Sum
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When I came up with that last one, I knew it was time to stop.

I mean, there's no way you're ever topping that. Unless, of course, you let your inner connoisseur prevail and go with Good Sir Fluffernutter's Feline Center for Human Studies; it practically screams date-ability and positively reeks of good taste.

19shzj.jpg 

After finally finishing this lengthy list, I re-read your question and saw you were concerned "this could be my ticket to impressing friends and potential spouses alike . . . my eternal marital status is at risk here." Daring not to leave such a thing to the whims of passing ruffians, I almost considered saying something like... like...

It has been a couple of days since I have tried to think of something witty to put in the preceding sentence. I'm at a loss. I think I spent too long on this question, to the point where I began to imagine I held some sort of connection to you, the person who had asked it. Knowing this to be untrue, however, I think part of me wanted to change that, figure out a way to say something dashingly charming, something brilliant, something that would sweep you and all the readers off their feet, but I eventually realized the more I tried to plan out anything elegant for this situation I realized anything I concocted would be less Mr. Darcy and more, well... 

Do the Collins.gif
(source)

Yeah. Not good. This answer needs to be published, and fast. My greatest regret is in delaying it so long beyond the 100 hours in which it was promised.

darcy 1.png

Suerte,

--Ardilla Feroz

P.S. Should you or any other reader ever wish to reach me, I remain reachable via e-pigeon at ardilla(dot)feroz(at)theboard.byu.edu. It's always fun to hear from readers.