"Twenty-year-olds fall in and out of love more often than they change their oil filters. Which they should do more often." - House
Question #90443 posted on 10/03/2017 10:08 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What do we have to fear from the oh so cute guppy of doom???

-Inquiring Mindless

A:

Dear mindless inquisitor,

Oh, you have nothing to fear at all! I’m just a cute little guppy. The last little bit there was added on as a...a joke by some...friends.

See, I didn’t know about the Board until a few weeks ago. I was a happy, naive student wandering about campus, content to listen to my lectures, take notes during devotional, and drink non-caffeinated soda. But everything changed when the insects attacked.

It was a deceptively peaceful night. I was walking home from a late night at the library—when I suddenly found myself being swarmed by gnats. 

I did everything to get away. I stopped, dropped, and rolled. I dashed to the nearest water fountain and flung water about me. I even dared to take a few steps into the Talmage. But by the time the gnats finally flew away, I found myself at the entrance of the strangest tunnel I had ever seen.

“Who goes there?” a thundering voice echoed.

“Um. [Name redacted]?”

“Are you a freshman, human?” the voice asked.

“N-no. I'm a senior.”

There seemed to be a host of grumbling at my answer. Among it, I could pick out, “I’m sick of eating nearly expired food,” “Not again,” and “I bet she’s a super senior,” at which a number of voices muttered angrily in response.

“Well, I’m-I’m just going to go,” I managed to get out, turning towards the exit. 

“Wait.” I froze in place. “Have you heard of…the Board?”

“I-I know some students get tired of their classes, but I’ve never heard of a club where they meet together—“

“No, THE BOARD. The 100 Hour Board.”

“N-No.”

“We have a task for you.”

By the time I finally escaped left for home, I gained a new determination—to become a writer for the Board. My new…friends…highly encouraged me to pick out a name they could easily recognize, so when the time came they would know exactly who I was. And thus, with the help of my friends, I became a writer for the Board!

So, mindless inquisitor, there you have it. I am a perfectly harmless writer, with absolutely nothing for anyone to be afraid of!

On a completely unrelated note, I might disappear for a few days every month. I have some friends I need to check in with.

Also, I know a fantastic place on campus for freshmen to explore this Halloween!

-guppy of doom