Dear 100 Hour Board,
Yesterday (9/12) while walking past the statue of Brigham Young that is in front of the ASB, I noticed that there was a potato next to his foot. Like, a real potato sitting there on the base of the statue. Why? While I didn't touch it or get too close, it looked like it couldn't have been more than a day old (not rotting, not growing). If you don't have a real answer, I'll also accept a good story about why Brother Brigham would have need of one red potato.
Dear Pota Toe,
THE PROFESSOR MORIARTY TO MY SHERLOCK HOLMES!
THE VALJEAN TO MY JAVERT!
THE POTATO FIEND!
We at the Federal Rubiks of Investigation do not know very much about the potato fiend. What we do know is that they have:
1) Access to all the potatoes a person could ever dream of
2) An amazing eye for physical humor, a.k.a. knowing where to best place a potato to generate maximum impact
3) Very, very long legs.
We surmised this last point from this act of potato fiendery from last fall semester (specifically, November 15th):
That's right: they got a potato on top of the head of the statue of Massasoit "Naked Indian" Sachem. Clearly, whoever this potato fiend is, they have the legs of a small giraffe. With the torso of a normal human. At least, that's how we picture them.
This was not the first time the F.R.I. encountered the work of the potato fiend. We previously had seen them suspend a potato in between two bars of a railing on the south side of the library and on top of a directional sign by the statue of the man and woman about to tell a small girl that she's adopted. Who knows where else they have struck?
I referenced the fiend fondly back in Board Question #89054, hoping that the mention would light a fire under their ego and cause them to step forward. Alas, they saw right through my ruse. It seems I'm destined to keep searching for this fiend until, in desperation, I start sending potatoes back in time only to realize that I WAS THE POTATO FIEND ALL ALONG!!!
*Hysterical Cackling Ensues*
P.S. That last paragraph wasn't a sly admission; I am not the potato fiend and have no idea who they are. That was just more of me not really knowing how to end the answer and it being late at night.