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Question #90301 posted on 08/28/2017 5:42 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I'm in a serious dating relationship, and tonight I couldn't get to sleep, so for fun I started making notes on wedding ideas in my journal. I've never had a wedding Pinterest board in my life, and I'm wondering if this is causing my (surprising) lack of imagination in this endeavor. Even my boyfriend has a wedding board, but Pinterest doesn't seem to fit my internet habits.

For some reason, trying to come up with dream wedding ideas is like flipping switches during a power outage. I have a few distinct preferences, like "don't host the reception in a church gym" and "it'd be great if Sodalicious could cater" but when it comes to aesthetics, colors, themes, activities to do--I'm lost. I don't know how much of it is supposed to be our agenda vs. the in-laws and parents' agenda? I would also feel weird if someone else's wedding theme, be it Pinterest-hipster or ThinkGeek-nerd, was applied to my hypothetical wedding, even though I like both hipster and nerdy aesthetics as a person.

If I do get engaged in the near future, should I just back out and cancel if I am still uninspired in the planning phase? Have any of you felt this way, and if so, what did you do?

-A Very Uncreative Color

A:

Dear you,

I'm not a terribly pinterest-y person either. Like you, there were some things I cared about with my wedding, but I wasn't overly concerned with making sure that the centerpieces looked like this or details like that. Some people really enjoy (and/or are really talented) at bringing together all of the big and small details together to plan a really coordinated wedding. Other people do not enjoy it or aren't particularly good at it. It's not a moral failing to be part of the second group.

A few thoughts on what to do if you get engaged and find yourself overwhelmed:

1) Keep the goal in mind: the goal is for you to get happily married to your fiance. The goal is not that everyone is so impressed with your ability to theme.

2) Get the things that you care the most about across to your wedding-planning associates (whoever else is going to be involved in planning.) Talk to the people who are helping you so that they know, to the extent you do, what things you like and don't like. It's okay to go into your wedding planning telling your helpers "I am not sure exactly what I want in terms of wedding food, so I'd love your suggestions, but I know I'd like there to be desserts, and under no conditions do I want a grilled cheese bar." You mentioned a few of your preferences regarding location/catering, so discuss those with your fiance and the others who are helping you plan. This goes to number 3:

3) Take advantage of the people in your life who have wedding pinterest boards and the people who want to help. You have only vague decoration preferences? Discuss them with your bridesmaid/sister/interior designer uncle/whoever who's been asking what they can do to help, and recruit their assistance! My wedding would've been way less cute if it weren't for my mom, who was willing to take on the stress of actually caring about centerpieces and such because I wanted things to look nice but didn't have specific opinions and because I was stressed about other stuff. 

4) It is fine for the theme of a wedding to be "We Got Married." Themes are, I think, potentially overwhelming for the less-pinterest-y among us. I'm pregnant right now and some people feel similarly about baby nurseries to the way they do about weddings: that there's a particular theme (Marvel Comics, Ballerina, Owl, Jungle, etc.) and a particular color palette and a certain way they want things to match and certain elements they want included. Other people don't really care. Thank goodness for my sister-in-law. I asked her about whether my nephew's nursery had a theme and she commented that it had storage boxes: that's a more achievable level of theming for some of us, and my nephew is AWESOME and it's encouraging. I'm still going to love my baby regardless of whether the nursery is cute, and you're still going to have a great wedding regardless of how many people do or don't instagram the wedding favors you came up with.

Love,

~Anne, Certainly

A:

Dear Taupe,

Anne gives a great answer above, so I just wanted to add that it's also okay if you don't have your entire wedding planned out right now, or even right when you get engaged. You'll have your whole engagement to figure things out. And luckily, a lot of wedding stuff can be decided after you've looked at a lot of options in real life. For example, you can find a wedding dress when you go to a bunch of different bridal stores and try on wedding dresses. You can decide what sort of Sodalicious food you want if you go to Sodalicious and ask about their catering options, and sample what you can. You can pick colors after taking the time to look at different color combinations you like (be it on Pinterest or at a bridal store or even from random flower beds on campus). It's fine to scope out your options and choose what you like best from all of them. 

Best of luck with all your hypothetical wedding planning!

-Alta