Kissing is just cuddling with your lips. -Krishna
Question #90079 posted on 07/17/2017 6:01 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

First of all, can anyone explain why I would rather ask for advice on dating from random anonymous internet strangers than people that actually know me and are familiar with my situation?

So this past Winter semester, there was a girl in my ward that I met once and kinda talked to at a ward activity. She requested me on Facebook and I accepted, then I followed her on Instagram and she followed me back, but she didn't come to any more ward activities, so we haven't interacted with each other since then other than sometimes liking each other's posts.

About a month ago, we matched on Mutual (which doesn't happen often). That is, Mutual told me that we matched about a month ago, but the app was being weird, so it could have happened a week or two before, there's no telling. As soon as Mutual told me that we matched, I sent her a message, but she still hasn't read it. The only explanation I can come up with is that, some time between her swiping up and me sending the message, she deleted the app, and that's why it still says "Delivered" instead of "Read".

What do I do? I want to ask her on a date, but sending her a Facebook message like, "Hey, we matched on Mutual but you still haven't seen my message, wanna go on a date?" seems a bit weird, if you ask me. Currently my plan has been to just wait and see if I ever see her again in person, since we do have some mutual friends and like some of the same local musicians, but I realize that the chances of that happening are really low.

Thanks,
-George

A:

Dear George,

Wait, you have mutual friends and like the same local musicians? That sounds like an incredibly easy way to purposefully see her again! Don't just wait and hope that you just so happen to run into each other again, because that will probably never happen. If you're interested in pursuing a relationship with her, you actually have to do some pursuing and go out of your way to see her.

Make a plan with some of your mutual friends to go to a concert by a musician you know she likes, and then shoot her a message on Facebook along the lines of, "Hey, [chica], [mutual friends] and I were going to go see [local band] this Friday! Want to come?" She sent you a friend request on Facebook, and she obviously approved of you enough to match with you on Mutual (even if she doesn't yet know you matched), so chances are she's at least somewhat amenable to the idea of getting to know you better. With that being the case, she would probably be pretty happy to see a message from you on Facebook, especially if you already have a good conversation starter. The fact that you would be going with mutual friends is also a good safety net, because there's less pressure on both of you. That way you have the option of talking to her more personally if you so desires, but if the conversation between the two of you peters out, you can talk to someone else in the group. Then at the concert, talk to her! And make sure at the end you get her number. 

If for whatever reason she can't make it to the concert, that's okay! Just make sure you take whatever reason she gives you for not being able to go at face value. "Sorry, I already have something planned this Friday" doesn't mean, "I'm going on a date with someone far more attractive and better than you," or anything else ridiculous, it just means she can't that day, but she very well might be able to another day! So if she can't, find out if there's some other time that would work better for her, and arrange something for then. At the very least, inviting her to something gives you an easy way to strike up a conversation with her in a more natural way than, "Hey we matched on Mutual!"

Or, if you don't feel comfortable personally asking her to something yet, have your mutual friends plan something where they invite you both. Back before Q and I were dating, my roommate was dating his roommate, so I made the two of them plan all sorts of activities where they just so happened to invite us both. That way Q and I got to do all sorts of fun activities together in a low-stakes group setting, and it gave me an in for seeing and talking to him more.

I know it's scary to ask people out on dates, but trust me, most girls actually love getting asked out, and this girl is probably no different. Good luck!

-Alta

A:

Dear Georgian,

Alta has some awesome advice pertaining to your main question here, so that leaves me with your first one.

Honestly, I'm oftentimes fairly confused as to why people ask this small, random group of mostly current BYU students all the questions they do. Like, even though we joke about being omniscient, everyone has to know that we aren't really. And yet questions asking for life advice, how to do stuff none of us have experience with, etc. roll in anyways. 

Your guess is as good as mine, but I think it largely has to do with that we provide answers. Yeah, we may not be the absolute best people to answer all the questions we get, but answer them we do, and sometimes getting an answer at all--even if it's not the perfect answer--is better than nothing. (Take you for instance: if you didn't ask us this question, would you ever actually get an answer from an alternative source? I don't know whether you would or not, but for some people, they wouldn't). Also, people can ask us stuff anonymously. That way they still have someplace they can turn to for help even when they don't really feel like being associated with whatever they're struggling with by people they know.

Personally, there are times when I'm having a really hard time, but I don't particularly feel like going up to someone I know and saying "I feel super depressed and like my chest is a black hole right now. Help?" It's those times where I like being able to ask the Board for advice, despite them not having all the situational information.

~Anathema