If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic. -Jack Handey
Question #90040 posted on 07/09/2017 12:08 a.m.
Q:

Dear Readers,

Here are the responses for Challenge #1 in this season of the Board Bachelorette. Vote away for your favorites!

~Girl with a Curl

A:
Dear Writer,

To the tune of Hamilton
 
How does a perfect 10, RM, Tunnel Worm Fighter
Sophomore, dropped in the middle of a forgotten
Spot In Eastern Idaho, astonished, in summer
Save the world and woo a writer?
 
The crime fighter, potatoe farmer
Became quite a charmer by workin out harder
By bein’ a lot smarter
getting tanned a shade darker
Makes tunnel worms squirm, and charms all of your daughters
 
And every day while his friends got engaged and posted
All their cute picks on face, he looked for babes that weren’t married
Inside, he was longing for something to be a part of
The brother was ready to beg, steal, borrow, or barter
 
Then tunnel worms, and devastation reigned
 And Rexburg saw its future drip, drippin’ down the drain
And everything looked bleak til that mysterious man came
He went and saved the day lookin good along the way
 
Well the word got around, they said “man this guy is loco”
Took up a collection just to send him out to Provo
“Get your education, don’t forget from whence you came, and
The world’s gonna know your name! What’s your name, man?"
 
I am The Blonde Gentleman
My name is The Blonde Gentleman
And there’s a million things I haven’t done
But just you wait, just you wait
 
He got back from the mish, homesick, but he got up quick
Two years without a date, lookin for one quick
Nothin with potatoes to go out with
He’s desperate
 
If he wants to find a girl better get out quick
 
 
He got set up on dates, but they didn’t go anywhere
The man was great but didn’t have a mate, someone by his side
A voice saying "man you gotta find her for yourself"
He started retreatin’ and readin’ every answer on the board (er shelf?)
 
There would’ve been nothin’ left to do
For someone less astute
He would’ve been alone in institute
Without a drop of resolution
Started workin’ searchin for chicks on the 100 hour board
Writtin rhymes and playin games to woo girls whose name he doesn’t know
(Scammin’) for every book he can get his hands on
(Plannin’) for the future, see him now as he stands on (oooh)
Ina a beat up corolla headed for a new land
In Provo one can find true love
 
In Provo one can find true love (Just you wait)
In Provo one can find true love  (Just you wait)
In Provo one can find true love
 
In Provo
 
Provo
 
Just you wait
 
 
The wonderful Blonde Gentleman (wonderful Blonde Gentleman)
A writer’s waiting in the wings for you (waiting in the wings for you)
You could gonna back down
HE doesn’t have much time
Oh the epic Blonde Gentleman (The Blonde Gentlemen)
The Board sings for you
Do they know what you overcame?
Will thumbs up win you the game?
The world will never be the same, oh
 
He’s turning the exit now, see if you can spot him
(Just you wait)
Another reader comin’ up from the bottom
(Just you wait)
 
 
There’s a million things I haven’t done
But just you wait
 
What’s your name, man?
 
I am the Blonde Gentleman
 
-The Blonde Gentleman
 
 
A:

Dear Writer,

1. It came to pass in the 12th year since the reign of Duchess, a cry was made throughout all the land. Yea, a cry was made for all worthy readers to join in the work of the Board and make an increase in happiness and wit in the land. Behold, it was made known unto me that I would be rewarded greatly for my efforts. For I would be blessed with the opportunity to win the heart of a writer.

2. Verily, when I when I did hear these words of the Board, my heart was glad with an exceedingly great gladness. For I had long desired to see a writer in the flesh, and speak with them even as a reader speaketh with a writer: face to brown paper bag. Thus I did heed the word of the Board and did make a record of my doings that ye, the people of the Board, might come to know of my devotion to a writer.

3.Yea, and it is by the fruits of my labors that ye shall know of my devotion. For I shall compete in this competition with all my might, mind, and strength that I might be an instrument in the hands of the Board and bring entertainment and joy to all.

4. It is my prayer that your hearts might be softened even unto the bestowing of green thumbs unto me.

-Knick for Knack