Dear 100 Hour Board,
Would you rather be painfully aware, or willfully ignorant?
- Hello, my name is…
Dear slim shady,
The issue with being ignorant—willful or otherwise—is that it doesn't mean there's not a problem. So it's more a choice of being in pain acutely for a time, or having an issue build up slowly/chronically. It's a choice of some pain now, or harrowing pain for an extended time.
At least, that was my experience with knowing I had a bit of an issue but choosing not to face it until I literally had no other choice. When all my bridges had been burnt and I had nothing left to distract me from not knowing, it was just me and torment. There I did not have the luxury of taking a break from pain. And in that place, it took a whole heck of a lot more painful awareness than I ever knew I could handle. And most of the time I couldn't really handle it at all.
But this gets tricky in English. Pain originates from "poena" or "penalty," so I tend to avoid it because I don't like to feel wrong (even if I am), and thus don't take kindly to penalties.. Suffering, on the other hand, comes from sub and ferre, which is to bear from below. Bear comes from beran, meaning "to carry, bring; bring forth, give birth to, produce; to endure without resistance; to support, hold up, sustain; to wear." I take kinder to that; I'll take awareness, painful as it may be, if it means I get to support good things or bring forth good things or carry things of worth, etc.
Anyway. Hopefully that makes sense and wasn't just a bunch of rambling.
In my experience, painfully aware is actually much less painful than willfully ignorant in the long run.
Painfully aware because you can't fix something unless you know it's broken. I'd rather know something's wrong so I can remedy it.
Painfully aware. As long as I have a lot of time for naps.
The Lone Musketeer