Our doubts are traitors, and makes us lose the good we might oft win, by fearing to attempt. ~William Shakespeare
Question #89685 posted on 05/12/2017 11:20 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Sometimes people make really stupid decisions. I have a good friend that just got engaged, and, surprisingly, I'm not happy about it. No, it's not jealousy or sour grapes. It's that I feel like it's a bad match. I feel like my friend, the bride-to-be, is just settling for this guy because she's afraid of hurting his feelings or waiting for someone better to come along. It's a long story that deals with ambitions, how people ought to be treated, and so forth, so I won't go into all the gory details,

As a good friend, I feel like I say something to her in brotherly kind of way. Unfortunately, since she started seriously dating Mortimer Snerd, I have pretty much disappeared from her life (which might make it seem like I don't have enough information to judge, but her roommates, including her best friend since elementary school, are also pretty displeased with the situation), likely because she's too busy hanging out with him instead. I don't really feel like I have much to lose (to be honest, I probably won't be a popular houseguest even if I do nothing and they get married), but I am trying to figure out what I should do, or if I should even do anything at all. She's not likely to listen to anything I have to say because she is so painfully stubborn, but at least I would be able to wash my hands of the situation and say, "I tried." On the other hand, if she listens to me, there's a slim chance they might break it off, she can find someone who can make her happy, and he can find someone who can better appreciate him for who he is.

I don't know how many of you have dealt with situations like this before. I really don't like playing matchmaker (or matchbreaker, as it may be), but I've seen something like this too many times in my short life, and it usually ends in misery. How would you recommend proceeding?

-The divorce rate is too dang high

A:

Dear you,

President Uchtdorf gave a great talk at this last conference about not trying to change people with fear. We can't make decisions for other people. And people usually don't respond well when we try.

If you were this person's parent or someone with some real stewardship, it would be quite valid to express your concerns. However, as a friend, your stewardship (if you can call it that) is much more limited. If you still feel the need to have a conversation, you could ask her what she likes about him. You could ask her if she feels like she's settling. However, she's definitely thought about this more than even you have. It's her decision, and she has to be the one to make it. In your efforts to help, please try not to make the decision any harder than it already is.

However, in order to keep my own advice, I recognize that it's up to you to decide what to do in this situation. That decision is yours to make.

Good luck!

-Kirito