"The 13th article of faith: a recipe for dating success. The ladies seek after these things *kisses biceps *" -Foreman
Question #89610 posted on 05/08/2017 5:14 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

So, I have a Mutual account. I still don't know if it's worth it or not yet, or how long I'll keep it, but for now I have it. However, I've noticed that my least favorite part about it is when I actually get a match. I mean, I like the idea (or else I wouldn't have account), but when it actually happens it stresses me out. I'm a guy, so the expectation largely falls on me to start up a conversation and ask her on a date. The issue is that I have no idea how to start a conversation. "Hey what's up, so I guess we find each other attractive." Honestly, the bios and pictures don't really give me a lot to work with. How do I start up a casual conversation?

Thanks!

-The date itself is a whole other issue, but I'll figure it out.

A:

Hello Kitty,

I start all my Mutual match conversations with "If you had to kill a Muppet, which one would you choose and how would you kill it?" That question has dual functionality because it both starts and ends the conversation.

-M.O.D.A.Q.

A:

Dear date, 

I have a Mutual account, and I asked one of the guys with whom I've exchanged numbers and and gone to breakfast his thoughts on this question. They are as follows: 

You’ve come to the right place! Here are some tips for starting casual conversations.

1. Start with those pick-up lines that drive women crazy. Personal favorites are “Is your name virtue? Because you’re garnishing my thoughts unceasingly,” as well as “Your lips are looking a little wrinkled. Why don’t we get together so I can press them?” If you’re really feeling bold, try something original, such as “If you were famous, I’d write your biography . . . with my lips.”

2. Send her multiple shirtless pictures of yourself. Bonus points: show yourself riding an exotic animal such as an ostrich, or a piranha. It works for Vladimir Putin!

3. Tell her you’re outdoorsy and love ATVs, and ask her when the last time she gutted her own elk was.

4. I know this sounds crazy, but use the Golden Rule and ask her things you’d like her to ask. Maybe you could ask her what she’s passionate about, or what inspires her. Ask her whether she’s interested in things you like, and go from there!

As a girl, I say stick to #4, unless she proves up-front to be cool with weird. 

Best of luck,

-a writer

A:

Dear Lotsa opso,

I think Mo's opener is amazing. But then again, my humor can be be different because *prepare for hair toss* I'm not your average girl.

sunsilk-hair-flip-o.gif (source)

(Yeah, barf for me too. Sorry, I'm done now.) 

Anyway, Mutual, just like normal dating, has the potential to be cool but in general is just... like, annoying? Because everyone is trying to dance with a partner, but no one is listening to the same song and they all refuse to acknowledge it. 

Anyway, I was going to make some trading cards, but I've run out of time, so here's some bullet points of conversation-starters that I have less-than-appreciated: 

  • "Hi" Hi. Now it's your turn to say it again. I could do this all day. Bring it on. 
  • "Hi :)" Slightly better than without the smile, but only barely. The smiley makes it easier to redeem yourself, though. 
  • "Hi [Auto]" Nope. No smile, no punctuation, no subtlety, nooo thanks. 
  • "How are you?" Good? Tired? Happy? Stressed? Casually enjoying some semi-obscure hobby that makes me interesting but still mysterious and hopefully invites further conversation? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
Some better ones might be: 
  • "Hey that's [a thing that I recognize that you made purposefully vague in your profile], right?"
  • "What's your favorite music artist?"
  • "Hey sorry it took me [this long] to message you. [General acknowledgement of online dating being tricky]. [Question that relates to something from your profile]?"  
And, in general, I think I can pick up the feelings you're putting down. Perhaps it's all fun and games, until you get a match and have to be a charming person or get the boot. Just remember that you're worth is pretty impervious to your Mutual interactions. 
 
Take care, 
 
-Auto Surf