Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. -Mark Twain
Question #89356 posted on 04/13/2017 11:56 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I have a friend who lies to me, even when unnecessary---we went on several dates over several months, but she wasn't interested (I had to confront her to find that out), which I understand. But even though I've forgiven her for leading me on, apologized for being mad at her, and compromised just to be her friend, it appears that she really only cares about herself and making sure that she gets what she wants, even if she has take advantage of my kindness and make feel terrible in the process.

So my question is: When do you decide to stop being friends with someone, and how?

-Rebound

A:

Dear Reader,

I've actually made the decision to stop being friends with someone before, and it was hard. The relationship turned toxic extremely quickly, so the cessation of our friendship was very abrupt; it was more like a defensive reflex than a concerted choice that had to be reinforced in multiple instances over time. 

From that awful experience, I learned that if any relationship is unhealthy, it's not worth continuing. What I mean by unhealthy is if the relationship is consistently hurting you. However, just how far you distance yourself from a particular person depends on your individual situation. Perhaps you want to completely cut off all contact, or just close yourself emotionally from them, but still maintain some small connection. I can't tell you what's best for you.

As far as how to do this goes, I'm not sure that there's any good way to go about it. I know I wouldn't talk to someone to say I no longer wanted to be friends with them, because that seems like it would create unnecessary drama. Perhaps the best way is to just distance yourself over time. Stop going to events where she's there, don't message her, etc. However, maybe that isn't the best solution; I don't know. 

Really, the best advice I can give you is to pray about it. Pray for peace, and pray to know what the best course of action is for you take.

Wishing you all the best, 

~Anathema

A:

Dear person,

If I start to get the vibe that someone doesn't really care about how other people feel, I try to stay away from them. There are too many nice people in the world to waste time being friends with the mean ones. 

-Sheebs

A:

Dear friend, 

If someone isn't being a good friend, I find that it is often because

  • a) they don't know how to be a good friend, or
  • b) they need more than anyone can presently give them*

It's difficult for me to do, but I think an okay response to that situation is to step away semi-permanently. What they're looking for can't be found in a mere mortal friend. 

Take care,

-Auto Surf

*I have a lot of brewing thoughts about what that means, but lack the time to write them here. Feel free to ask about it if you're curious.