"If you are not getting the hint after the lingering hug with back rub, no amount of 100 Hour Board answers are going to help you." - Rating Pending
Question #89182 posted on 03/20/2017 4:30 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Was it Simon who stapled my heart to the floor?

-My Name Here

A:

Dear Your Name There,

This isn't answering your question, but I just wanted to express my amazement that you are able to still be asking questions on the Board with your heart stapled to the floor. In fact, I'm amazed that you're still doing anything.

Unless of course this is just your vengeful ghost looking for justice against this mysterious "Simon." (Which still calls for amazement, actually.)

~Anathema

A:

Dear You,

I don't know, let me ask him.

"SIMON!"

...

"HEY SIMON!"

...

"Yeah man, how's it going?"

...

"Cool cool--hey, quick question for you: did you staple this reader's heart to the floor?"

...

"Mm-hmm."

...

"Mm-hmm."

...

"Wow, really?"

...

"But, like, where did you ever find one of those that big?"

...

"Oh, yeah, makes sense."

...

"Mm-hmm."

...

"Wouldn't that be pretty hard to clean up, though?"

...

"Oh, yeah, okay. Forgot that was a thing."

...

"Yeah."

...

"Yeah, don't worry about it, I don't think they'll mind too much."

...

"Cool. Well, thanks Simon!"

...

"Yeah, you too, man!"

Simon says it wasn't him. Sorry about that!

-Frère Rubik