Kissing is just cuddling with your lips. -Krishna
Question #89124 posted on 03/11/2017 12:46 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Would the heartbreaking decision to make about whether your best friend lives or dies be made any easier if your best friend was a talking pie?

-The Terminizor

A:

Dear Terminate,

Sorry, but I've made a resolution not to answer questions that are totally unrealistic. After all, my best friend is a talking black forest cake, not pie.

~Anathema

A:

Dear Terminizor,

If anything, I think it makes it more difficult:

Scenario 1: Frère Rubik is trapped in a dark cave with his best friend, Addison, a human

ADDISON: [Frère], we don't have enough food for the both of us. My leg's broken, so I know I'm not going to make it. You have to eat me.

FRÈRE: Dude. Eww. No.

THE END

Scenario 2: Frère Rubik is trapped in a dark cave with his best friend, Limon, a talking key lime pie

LIMON: [Frère], I'm just weighing you down. It would free up your hands if I was gone. I've lived a good life as a pie: you have to eat me.

FRÈRE: No Limon! I can't do it!

LIMON: Why not? I am literally just a key lime pie! I'll be delicious!

FRÈRE: But you're a key lime pie that has somehow gained sentience and the ability to speak!

LIMON: I sense the hesitation in your voice, [Frère]. You're thinking about it.

FRÈRE: Well, I mean, like, maybe a little, but come on, man! You're like a brother to me! I was going to be the best man at your wedding!

LIMON: Strawberry Rhubarb will understand, [Frère]! If she were in this situation, she'd want you to eat her, too!

FRÈRE: WHY WOULD I EAT YOUR FIANCÉE, MAN?!?!

LIMON: WHY DO YOU CALL ME A MAN WHEN I AM A PIE?!?!

FRÈRE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

LIMON: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

ADDISON: Wake up, man!

Frère Rubik jerks awake, sitting up and panting. Addison, his roommate, is standing by Frère's bed.

ADDISON: What's with you tonight? You were tossing and turning all over and then you started screaming in your sleep.

FRÈRE: It was the--the p-p-p--

ADDISON: The pie dream again?

Frère Rubik nods. Addison sighs, then walks back to his own bed.

ADDISON: You gotta lay off the taquitos before bed, man. Those things give you the weirdest dreams.

Frère starts to get control of his breathing back, then lays back down.

FRÈRE: Yeah, dreams. Weird dreams.

THE END

-Frère Rubik

A:

Dear (Ex)Terminate,

Can I eat Anathema's friend instead? Black forest cake is delicious.

-Van Goff