"We are a collective geezer." Uffish, to Katya
Question #88891 posted on 02/05/2017 8:55 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I hesitate to ask this as few if any have accomplished such a feat. So fair warning, this is kind of a big deal. Now is the time to brace yourself if you're into that kind of thing. But anyways, I just completely used up a ballpoint pen. No. Applause is not necessary. I am but a mortal, just like you. I mean perhaps I have reached a higher and holier sphere. But still just a mortal. That being said, my question. What comes next?

Should I expect the Congressional Medal of Honor? A Nobel Prize? Are my days as a common citizen spent? Should I invest in a dark pair of sunglasses and long trench coat? Please advise.

-Very Accomplished Man

P.S. - I'm sorry if this question is a hard one to answer because of the emotional toll this will surely take on you. I myself, still but a mortal, am equally amazed and enervated at the thought of such an incredible and awesome feat. Thank you for your brave services thus far rendered.

A:

Dear Epitome Of Human Accomplishment,

I had to plumb deep into my reservoirs of writer omniscience in order to divine your answer for what comes next:

A new ballpoint pen.

I shall now retreat back to the mountains of knowledge and great wisdom.

~Anathema

A:

Dear VAM,

If you want to truly prove yourself, I challenge you to use up entirely a Large Pentel Hi-Polymer Block Eraser.

-Frère Rubik has been correcting (and re-correcting) over a year's worth of math and physics problems with his, and has only used up maybe one fifth of the total eraser.

A:

Dear person,

Try seeing if you can use up all the ink in this pen with a seven year ink supply. I bought myself one because I tend to keep pens for a long time and I get sad when they die. I'm excited about this one lasting a long time! Also, there are refillable ink cartridges, so I could have it for the rest of my life. No more sad pen deaths. And I'll probably only have to refill it 8 or 9 times before I die, which is kind of nice (and also weird - usually I don't think about my lifespan in terms of pen refills, and now that I just did my life feels very... finite). 

-Sheebs