Dear 100 Hour Board,
I get that when we lose a relativ (such as a parent) or at least when we are advised they have a few days left that it's going to hurt immensely and that overwhelming regret for things you should've done will hit like a dumptruck through a nitroglycerin plant... but why doesn't having a testimony of the Gospel make it easier to deal with? Got word my dad has "a few days left" (he's in Cali and I'm in Utah... no money to fly plus I hate airports... highways are a nightmare all through Nevada and major problems in the Sierras. Alternate ways to drive take much longer and are prone to same winter nightmare. He was getting a "blessing of release" last night and that's the latest I've heard. Had a blessing myself last night but I still feel completely numb and pretty much feeling disconnected from life right now (more to the whole story that I'd rather not go into)
- Wanting HIm to take away this pain right now completely so it's all gone
I am so, so sorry you have to go through this. I'm not sure how helpful this will be, but I asked my mother for some thoughts because she lost her dad when she was 31. This is what she said.
I know that when my dad died, it was easier for me because I knew he was in a better place, and I would be able to see him again. So for me, having a testimony of the gospel helped immensely. There was still pain and regret for things I should have done or didn't do, but knowing how tired and sick my dad was, and knowing that it was an actual release also gave me comfort when he died.
It's painful when you are separated from someone that you love, even if you'll see them again. I don't know why the gospel doesn't make it easier, but I can relate. Your question really strikes a chord for me - a sad, minor kind of chord. When I have to say goodbye to my dad because I'm coming back to school after a break, I cry. When I think about him dying one day, I cry (this happened as recently as yesterday, and I cried hard). When the time comes where he will leave mortality, I can't even imagine how much and how long I will cry and cry and cry.
I feel like the gospel should be of more comfort to me than it is, but I still dread him dying. The rest of my life will be a long time to not see him. Deep attachments leave deep griefs, gospel or no gospel. The loss is still real. I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through. I hope that even though you don't feel it now that eventually you can look forward to the day when you will see him again and talk to him and address the aspects of your relationship that you regret.