A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. -Erma Bombeck
Question #56893 posted on 04/05/2010 3:01 a.m.

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Every afternoon at about 5:15pm I see a young man standing on the sidewalk on the south side of University Parkway. He is usually half way between Walmart and Krispy Kreme and he has been there everyday for at least the last 4 weeks. He is holding a hand made sign that says “The end is near.” Why is he holding the sign and what is he trying to accomplish? If the end is near, what does he want us to do about it?

- old, fat and bald

A: Dear go up thou bald head-

And it came to pass that I, Foreman, did summon my brother, Commander Keen, and we did venture forth to the land of Orem.

And we did seek the one who had been spoken of in the land, who had prophesied of the end of times that was to come; yea, that it did verily stand at the door and knock.

And it came to pass that we did journey forth to the Mart of Wal, in order that we may learn of his words and of those things that he would have us to do that we may obtain mercy from the lord.

And when we did arrive in the land of Orem, round about the place of Wal, we did search diligently; but it was in vain that we did search for that prophet, for he appeared not.

And verily, his sign and his wonders were not known unto us.

And such was our anxiety that we should obtain his word that we did enter the Krispy Kreme, that perhaps we might discover one of his disciples, and that we might inquire after him (and verily, the hot light was also on).

And the maiden there knew not of the man who did declare the word, but we did obtain leavened breads of great worth; and yea, they were sweet above all that was sweet, and hot above all that was hot, and of great worth unto the children of men.

And thus we did retire back to our home, greatly forlorn that we had obtained no further knowledge regarding the world, and the end thereof, which was shortly to come.

But we did resolve to journey forth on the morrow, that we might prove our diligence in the eyes of the lord.

And when the time was come that we should seek after him again, I, Foreman, did once again gather my kin, that we might venture forth.

And verily, this time we did also bring my woman, Stargirl, for she desired greatly that she should also hear the words of him who we sought.

And it came to pass that as we did approach the place that had been foretold, verily, at this time we did behold him, and our excitement was great, for we had feared that our struggles had been in vain; nevertheless, we did believe, and yea, our belief was rewarded.

And yea, we did go forth and speak unto him, and did discover that his name was Kyle, and great was our rejoicing.

And he did tell us that he was reared in the land of Orem, and that he did seek education at the University of the nearby Valley of Utah.

And it came to pass that we did inquire as to the end of the world, and sought after his teachings thereon.

And it came to pass that he did explain that he was pretty much just messing with everyone, and that he did seek to find humor in the reactions of those who did hear his words and look upon his sign, and that this did bring him great pleasure; yea, pleasure above all else.

And it did fill us with great mirth, but also great confusion, to discover that he did do this for many hours of the week; even as many as twenty hours in a week.

And he did share tales of those who did speak unto him, even tales of those whom he would ofttimes tell that the lord had sent him a vision, or sometimes that he was but goofing.

And there had been some who had believed, and some who thought the world to end in 2012 who had verily tried to convince him of the truthfulness of his own words.

And we did find that Kyle was personable and kind, despite his odd uses of time.

And it came to pass that we did go on our way making merry, for we had fulfilled the mission which had been entrusted unto us, and had discovered for ourselves that the end of this world was not yet upon us.

And we did retire, and did feast upon many meats at the house of Tucano, wherein we had been invited earlier. And it was good.

-Foreman and CK 12:1-22