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| 100 Typing Monkeys |
| 100 Typing Monkeys are found in a lab on the thirteenth floor of the SWKT, where they are kept at computers all day long so that scientists can discover what 100 Typing Monkeys will type. 100 Typing Monkeys type nonsense when they are being watched, but at night, they hop on the internet and cruise the world wide interweb. They have discovered a certain addictive delight in the intellectual stimulation of answering question on the 100 Hour Board, and were it not for the presence of their archest of enemies, CATS, on the Board, the Board would be as perfect a website as has ever existed. |
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| Anomalous |
| I believe that there is nothing wrong with the flavor vanilla. I hate being cold in a most passionate way, and I hope that Macs take over the world. I love sunny days and dancing in the rain, the smell of freshly cut grass and the sound of laughter. I use movie quotes in everyday conversation and record my world with photographs. I believe in opening presents on Christmas morning, not on Christmas Eve, and that music can change the world. I love my country and think that people who don't should leave. I am exceptionally opinionated and always up for a good battle of the wits, and people who do not know me have a difficult time knowing when I am serious. I believe that everyone deserves to have their opinion heard, and that everyone has something important to share. I believe that life should be lived with a smile, and that laughter truly is the best medicine. I'm incredibly random and ridiculously spontaneous. I'm loud and out of control, and I want to change the world.
I'm not your stereotypical BYU student. anomalous @ the board . byu . edu |
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| Banana Republican |
| Conservative with a liberal twist, just like all of the best ice-cream. |
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| Claudio |
Claudio was not only the Champion of POGS at his elementary school--he actually manufactured his own slammer, with which he earned tubes upon tubes of his opponents' POGS by always playing for keeps.
It's all been downhill since then.
He'll take your questions on anything, but specializes in pop culture, literature, baking cookies and other culinary arts, useless trivia, old school 8-bit video gaming, and the history of rock and roll.
When Claudio grows up, he wants to be Bear Grylls.
claudio dot the dot crowing at gmail dot com |
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| Cognoscente |
| Cognoscente is just, this guy, y'know? |
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| Commander Keen |
Rather than telling you seemingly cool things about a person you'll likely never knowingly meet (unless, ya know, you wanna buy me some Taco Bell), I've decided to describe myself through slogans generated by our very own The Internet:
- "Our Commander Keen will give you softer skin."
- "A smooth-running Commander Keen is a relaxing experience."
- "Commander Keen, whiter than the whitest!"
- "One Commander Keen is better than two of something else."
- "Commander Keen will get you more girls."
- "Commander Keen gets me excited."
- "I'm not gonna pay a lot for this Commander Keen."
- "Nothin' says lovin' like Commander Keen from the oven."
Forsooth! All this and more can be yours by e-mailing ck(dot)theboard(at)gmail(dot)com. |
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| Curious Physics Minor |
Doesn't my name say it all? curious (dot) physics (dot) minor (at) gmail (dot) com
Now available at: 100hour-cpm.blogspot.com
Can you believe cpm.blogspot.com was taken? |
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| Dr. Smeed |
| What about Smeed, what about smeed? Wait a second, Smeed's me! They call me Dr. Smeed. I'm not a real doctor but I am a real Smeed. An incredible raconteur and recovering jack-of-all-trades-and-master-of-none, I strive to make it my business to know everything about everyone, and often dispense prudent advice on things I am supremely unqualified to talk about, such as love and general human interaction. Life in the humanities was never so fun. Questions? Comments? Complaints? Criticism? Cookies? Dr.smeed at theboard.byu.edu |
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| FAIL |
| Bio FAIL. |
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| Foreman |
Foreman is a self-described "socially functional geek." This means that while he may have traded in his glasses for contacts, he still plays the odd chess game. He might occasionally talk to a girl, but he still knows that The Answer is 42 and the significance of up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A-Start. He usually resists, but is ready at the drop of a hat to discuss his theory of how magic in the Harry Potter universe relates to the Laws of Thermodynamics and quantum uncertainty. He likes rock climbing, but can't deny that nearly all sports talk confounds him. And don't be fooled by the occasional foray into stylish clothing; he'd just as soon wear jeans and a rock band t-shirt and talk about how (and why) the Beatles are the greatest band EVER. When he tires of his gregarious face, Foreman can usually be found in his natural habitat, curled up with a book.
He will also beat you in a Tetris throwdown any day of the week. Challenge him at foreman(dot)theboard(at)gmail(dot)com. |
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| Furious George |
| I will come at you like a spider monkey. If you deserve it. Which you probably do. |
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| glib |
| I like to spout off answers that require no research and may not be quite what you were looking for. But at least they're short. |
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| Hobbes |
| Hobbes is Calvin's tiger. Sadly, he was removed from the comics page, and forced to find work elsewhere. He ended up here. Hobbes loves reading emails sent to him at hobbes@theboard.byu.edu and he, like many other writers, keeps a blog, but it reveals his secret identity, so if you know who Hobbes is already, type his name into Google and go visit his blog. If not, you're out of luck; sorry. |
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| Humble Master |
| Undoubtedly many of you have asked yourselves, "How do I become a humble master?" I understand what brings you to ask such a question, for I was once faced with a similar quandary. And I found the answer, through feats of wit, daring, strength, and laziness. I would share with you the answer to that question, but unfortunately there can only be one Humble Master, and I am not ready to cease being the most humble person I know. |
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| Irascible |
| Do you really want to cross me right now? Really? |
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| krebscout |
| "We've all got our problems, Wrigley. Mine happens to be glandular, yours happens to be my fist!" - The Adventure of Pete and Pete, a.k.a. my autobiography
krebscout dot blogspot dot com
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| Laser Jock |
| Who, really, is Laser Jock? In an exclusive interview, he answered some of our questions about the man behind the persona.
So, what is a "laser jock," anyway?
You know, I've found that many people seem to hang up on the "jock" part of my alias. They always seem to imagine a buff guy who likes sports and is a bit of a jerk. Actually, though, "laser jock" refers to a professional who is extremely knowledgeable about a wide variety of lasers. He can intelligently pick the best one for the job at hand and expertly adjust it for best performance. Though I'm not a laser jock in the full sense, I think it would be cool to some day qualify for the title.
What writers have influenced you most?
Oh, this one is hard. I'll leave out any current writers, since I want to avoid favoritism. Among retired writers, though, I've always drawn inspiration from Pa Grape, Misaneroth, and Your Personalized 100 Hour Board Search Engine. I admire Pa Grape's compassion, Misaneroth's brilliance, and Your Personalized 100 Hour Board Search Engine's encyclopedic knowledge of the archives.
What's your favorite sound to hear in the lab?
Nothing beats the sound of the laser firing on all three beams. The capacitor banks discharging at 10 Hz rock my world.
Laser Jock may be contacted at  . |
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| Loki |
| Loki is not a trickster. Loki is most certainly not a god of lies. Loki should be trusted implicitly at all times. Loki is devilishly handsome. And really, really wise. |
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| Marzipan |
| Sometimes I like to take a drink from the taller drinking fountain on purpose, so it forces the tall people to have to awkwardly crouch down and drink from the shorter drinking fountain. This amuses me. You can contact me at marzipan (at) theboard (dot) byu (dot) edu, if you so desire.
One more thing: I am not a broom! |
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| Mico |
| Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Ut tincidunt leo quis dolor fermentum ut suscipit augue tincidunt. Curabitur vehicula ultricies dapibus. Vivamus elementum, nulla sit amet vehicula pretium, nisl tortor aliquet felis, id tristique justo urna et est. Nullam molestie, tellus at ullamcorper fermentum, mi libero tristique massa, sed ultricies nulla lacus eu ligula. Duis vel nibh mi. Maecenas sed nisi vel sem sodales mattis. Suspendisse nec leo eu leo sodales dignissim. Integer ultrices lacus ac neque feugiat quis fringilla arcu egestas. Mauris congue lorem in dolor ullamcorper at aliquam est tincidunt. Phasellus neque felis, vulputate ac hendrerit ut, feugiat sit amet velit. Aliquam erat volutpat. Suspendisse lectus arcu, consequat in vestibulum non, sodales a arcu. Phasellus hendrerit, erat nec imperdiet blandit, neque sapien interdum velit, ac elementum enim urna nec justo. Integer euismod semper vulputate. Maecenas feugiat elementum interdum. Duis sed posuere leo. Nulla facilisi. Duis porta tincidunt nibh, tempor vestibulum enim feugiat eu. Etiam lacinia, tortor non pellentesque tincidunt, libero felis cursus augue, sed suscipit eros lectus in risus. Proin vel nunc neque. |
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| obstreperous |
| Look it up. |
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| P. D. Kirke |
| Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe wonders what they do teach them at these schools and has affiliated with the Board to aid in assuaging the ignorance of students worldwide. He invites you to join him in his search for enlightenment, or, failing that, we can enjoy ourselves as we savor the strange, warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who are only ignorant of ordinary things.
If you wish to claim your seven Kirĸe Bonus Points™ for recognizing the authors of the two quotes paraphrased in the previous paragraph, thank Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe for his writing, arrange to give him food, or otherwise contact him, he is available at p (dot) d (dot) kirke (at) theboard (dot) byu (dot) edu.
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| Rating Pending |
| It is the fondest wish of Rating Pending's heart to cram as many funny and/or random observations into life as possible. Even though the jury is still out on his rating, (his wife, Leven Outa Ten, thinks he's pretty cool. Most days), he would love to discuss movies, medicine, or pretty much anything else with you. And answering opinion questions in a humorous or slightly derisive manner? This is like injecting bubbling, liquid happiness straight into the vein for him. |
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| Sardonic |
| Let's face it. This is just the 'nym one writer uses when your question makes him or her feel more grumpy than usual. |
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| Sky Bones |
| I can't fall asleep if the closet doors are open.
skybones(at)theboard(dot)byu(dot)edu |
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| The Black Sheep |
| The Black Sheep might not be what you are expecting, but like that cute little nun said, the wool of the black sheep is just as warm. She can be reached at byublacksheep (at) gmail (dot) com, or you can follow her at www.twitter.com/byublacksheep. |
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| The Sentry |
| Could you please walk through the alarms again? Could you please finish that Jamba Juice before you come in here? Do you have an after-hours pass? I'm sorry, you need an "A" lot sticker to park here. For heavens sake, don't lick the paintings. |
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| The Supershrink |
"In 1974 D.F. Ricks described an exceptional therapist whom the author called 'supershrink'. This therapist, who worked with highly disturbed adolescents, demonstrated exceptional outcomes when the boys were later examined as adults." -Waiting for the Supershrink: An Empirical Analysis of Therapist Effects by Okiishi et alia.
In other words: Supershrink = short therapy time, lasting effects.
Disclaimer: The Supershrink writer of the 100 Hour Board is not an actual professional. |
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| Two Lies & a Truth |
o Like an iceberg, 90% of Australia's farmland is actually below the surface of the earth.
o The Saturn V booster, used in the Apollo moon landings, was made entirely of papier mache.
o My answers are awesome. |
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| Waldorf and Sauron |
| Two grumpy men. One crazy friendship! |
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| wet blanket |
| I'm sarcastic. I'm pesimisstic. I'll put a damper on any party. I used to be warm and cuddly, but my situation has changed and now I'm unpleasant. That's life. |
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| Whistler |
Sometimes I'm obnoxious, sometimes I'm interesting - what are whistlers for?
You may e-mail me at whistler at theboard dot byu dot edu. I'm highly contactable, just like Yellow. http://whistlerbyu.blogspot.com/ is my blog. |
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| Yellow |
| Yellow is a color. However, when found on the Board, Yellow is so much more than a color. There, Yellow is a happy and slightly silly writer with a love for dating, food, and computers. However, since he recently married another writer, his dating activities have been limited to her and her alone. He also has a penchant for using semicolons and italics; it's almost an addiction. (Seriously, how do people write without them?)
Check out his blog. He is also quite contactable at yellow@theboard.byu.edu. |
