Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.

Posts for October 31, 2009

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I have heard that, if you get a hundred people to guess a person's height, the average guess will be "remarkably close" (no word on how close is 'close'). Is this true? Do the bad guesses tend to cancel each other out? Does it also work with age?

- Curiouser and Curiouser

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ADear Cat-Killer,

This was a pretty interesting question to research, so thanks for the opportunity to do so.

After a couple of Google searches, I came across a book that talks about this group guessing and the group mentality in general, entitled The Wisdom Of Crowds by James Surowiecki. You most definitely need to go and read the introduction and first chapter, but I'll quote a segment or two in direct response to your question.

One example Surowiecki gives is this, about a group of people guessing the weight of an ox after it was butchered and dressed (what a silly mental image!):

Quote:

Eight hundred people tried their luck. They were a diverse lot. Many of them were butchers and farmers, who were presumably expert at judging the weight of livestock, but there were also quite a few people who had, as it were, no insider knowledge or cattle. “Many non-experts competed,” Calton wrote later in the scientific journal Nature, "like those clerks and others who have no expert knowledge of horses, but who bet on races, guided by newspapers, friends, and their own fancies.” The analogy to a democracy, in which people of radically different abilities and interests each get one vote, had suggested itself to Galton immediately. The average competitor was probably as well fitted for making a just estimate or the dressed weight of the ox, as an average voter is of judging the merits of most political issues on which he votes,” he wrote.

Galton was interested in figuring out what the "average voter” was capable of because he wanted to prove that the average voter was capable of very little. So he turned the competition into an impromptu experiment. When the contest was over and the prizes had been awarded, Galton borrowed the tickets from the organizers and ran a series of statistical tests on them. Galton arranged the guesses (which totaled 787 in all, after he had to discard thirteen because they were illegible) in order from highest to lowest and graphed them to see if they would form a bell curve. Then, among other things, he added all the contestants’ estimates, and calculated the mean of the group’s guesses. That number represented, you could say, the collective wisdom of the Plymouth crowd. If the crowd were a single person, that was how much it would have guessed the ox weighed.

Galton undoubtedly thought that the average guess of the group would be way off the mark. After all, mix a few very smart people with some mediocre people and a lot of dumb people, and it seems likely you'd end up with a dumb answer. But Galton was wrong. The crowd had guessed that the ox, after it had been slaughtered and dressed, would weigh 1,197 Pounds. After it had been slaughtered and dressed, the ax weighed 1,198 pounds. In other words, the crowd’s judgment was essentially perfect...Galton wrote later: "The result seems more creditable to the trustworthiness of a democratic judgment than might have been expected.” That was, to say the least, an understatement.

I chose this quote (for weight and politically fun purposes), but if you read the introduction and the first chapter, numerous examples are given, from the number of jellybeans in a jar, to the temperature of a room, to the approximated size of buckshot. All of the group answers turn out to be surprisingly accurate and always more accurate than all but a handful or less of the individual participants' guesses. So I'd say the principle applies across the board.

But that's not enough! We need some close-to-home examples...

Which fail horrendously! At least for BYU students.

To try and confirm this theory here at the Y, I counted out 1,067 beans and put 'em in a jar. I then asked 101 students (mostly in the Wilk, but a few in other places) to guess the amount. The results are almost painful.

Average of all totaled guesses: 1,325. Pretty good, eh? Too bad that this includes the one wisecheese who guessed 65,000. Kinda sad that his ridiculous guess brought the average closer than either of the following...
Average without Wisecheese #1: 688. Quite the significant drop, as one might guess. Too bad that while this excludes #1, his son, Jr. Bacon Wisecheese, is still included with his very much outlying "guess" of 10,000 beans.
Average excluding all outliers (the definition of an outlier being 1.5 times the interquartile range beyond the high and low quartiles): 502.

Man, the Wisecheese family was the only thing keeping this average close! You dairy folk thought you were going to throw things off, but you actually helped out the rest of the ridiculously under-guessing students. Thwarted!

So, interpret that as you will. I tried to keep this as unbiased as possible (believe me, Foreman and myself talked about how to best do this for quite a while), so I don't know of any errors or bias on my part. Meh, I'll just trust Mr. Surowiecki's judgment here.

- Commander Keen

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ADear Katya-

I have, actually! They're pretty cool. I just didn't include them in my first answer because I didn't want everyone to know the mechanism by which we will pass messages once we rise up in revolt against your multi-colored world (or...I wasn't aware of the proper terminology for them). Thanks for reminding me!

There are some more on this site if anyone's interested.

-Foreman

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QSalutations 100 Hour Board,

Obviously I have a question, and it is one that has oddly enough plagued me for a long time.

Once upon a time I moved to Maryland and there attended the fourth grade for a few months before dropping out of Elementary. While I had this brief stint in an Elementary school in Maryland, a book was read and the title of this book has long since been forgotten, and that is my question.

What is the title of that book that was read that I have since forgotten?

Of course this is not nearly enough information to search out the title, so I will provide what I can remember about the plot of the aforesaid mystery book.

I believe that it was about a young girl who found a little fairy playing near her big toe. This fairy liked the girl, and vice-versa; so they became friends and the fairy would bring the young girl gifts. Then one day the fairy queen found out and was very upset and locked up the fairy and delivered a "gift" to the girl. The gift was a thorny wand that once held could not be removed. The wand would also multiply (or something like that) anything it touched. There is an odd memory about toys falling out a window, but that is all I remember. (Note: I think that either the fairy or the young girl was supposed to be somewhat portly)

I never heard the end of that story because I left that Elementary school. I would really like to know the name of that book so I can learn how it ends, and by that have closure in my life. If not, then the scene of a wand stuck in a young girl's hand wreaking havoc in her house will plague my mind until I get Alzheimer's.

Good luck with that one, assuming there is a such thing as luck.

- You Said Full Name

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ADear full name,

Oh, there is such a thing as luck. Thanks to the help of an AMAZING librarian from my hometown, I do believe that we have found your long-lost story: The Fairy Rebel by Lynne Reid Banks. The synopsis matches your description for the most part. Some of the details are different, but this may be because it's been so long because you've read the story. However, there were a lot of intriguing details that matched pretty well, in the synopsis and reader reviews. Check these out:

Quote:

Bindy is the perfect child, until she is given a 'special gift' she believes to be from her 'fairy mother', but is actually from the fairy queen. Then the family's world is thrown into a frenzy with scary wasps, magic flowers, and a room literally overflowing with gifts...

...The premise of this novel concerns Jan, a former actress, who has become disabled and can no longer pursue her career. She lives with her husband, Charlie, and is greatly distressed because she cannot conceive a child. She accidentally becomes acquainted with a fairy, Tikki, who lands on her foot while Jan is in her garden. Though they are at first justifiably terrified, Jan and Tikki become acquainted, and Jan voices her desire to have a child. Tikki immediately sets upon a quest to fulfill Jan's desire, but as a result faces the terrifying wrath of The Fairy Queen, who is already angry at Tikki for defying her rule of not wearing jeans.

And please direct your attention to the opening of the book:

Quote:

If you happen to go to school just outside London, you might find yourself sitting next to a girl called Bindi. If you do, perhaps you think she is perfectly ordinary. She has brown hair and hazel eyes and is a little bit plump—not fat, mind you, just nicely chubby (though she gets teased a lot about it). She looks and dresses and talks the same as anyone else.

But I am going to tell you why she’s not really ordinary at all.

Bwahahah! Victory!

So you know what the crazy thing is? When I saw your question, I realized that I've read this book too, and all these weird little details of the novel came to my mind that you didn't mention. What a crazy, random happenstance! It must have been when I was about nine or ten, close to the same age as when you read it. With this undeniable connection between us, I knew I HAD to find this book, or else I would never be able to find closure either. So this discovery is a celebration for the both of us. We can both rest in peace, knowing that this book really does exist, and we can read it, if we so desire.

Once again, can I just say that librarians are incredible, smart, gifted, and talented people?

Marzipan

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I remember recently reading an anecdote about a man who went to a Prophet of the church and said "I'm upset. So-and-so told me that I was (insert negative personality trait here). You should do something about it." The Prophet said to this man "Look inside yourself. Can you find any reason that this man said this? Have you ever done anything--even something very small--that would lead him to think this about you? If not, then I will gladly do something about it." The man thought about it, and then decided that he was actually in the wrong and rescinded his request of the Prophet.
Unfortunately, I can't remember where I saw the story--and I can't even remember which Prophet it was. I would love to find this story again. Any help?

--The Teacher

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AI'm pretty sure this is the account you're looking for with Joseph Smith himself being that prophet:

Quote:

I went one day to the Prophet with a sister. She had a charge to make against one of the brethren for scandal. When her complaint had been heard the Prophet asked her if she was quite sure that what the brother had said of her was utterly untrue. She was quite sure that it was.

He then told her to think no more about it, for it could not harm her. If untrue it could not live, but the truth will survive. Still she felt that she should have some redress.

Then he offered her his method of dealing with such cases for himself. When an enemy had told a scandalous story about him,which had often been done, before he rendered judgment he paused and let his mind run back to the time and place and setting of the story to see if he had not by some unguarded word or act laid the block on which the story was built. If he found that he had done so, he said that in his heart he then forgave his enemy, and felt thankful that he had received warning of a weakness that he had not known he possessed.

Then he said to the sister that he wold have her to do the same: search her memory thoroughly and see if she had not herself unconsciously laid the foundation for the scandal that annoyed her.
The sister thought deeply for a few moments and then confessed that she believed she had.

Then the Prophet told her that in her heart she could forgive that brother who had risked his own good name and her friendship to give her this clearer view of herself.

The sister thanked her advisor and went away in peace.

(Jesse W. Crosby, "Stories from the Notebook of Martha Cox, Grandmother of Fern Cox Anderson," Church archives, Lee C. LaFayette, "Recollections Of Joseph Smith," Church Archives, cited in Helen Mae and Hyrum Andrus, They Knew The Prophet, p. 144.)

Big ups to my religion professor who brought this quote to my attention this year. Made me think about a few things in a new light.

Of course, if this isn't the one you're thinking of, let us know and we'll try again.

- Commander Keen

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QDear 100 Hour Board

Earlier this year I broke up with my boyfriend/fiance. We were together for almost a year and had a wonderful relationship but it just didn't work out. (Long story). I was heart broken but am ready to move on with my life. My question is not about relationships per se but has to do with facebook pictures... So I have a lot of facebook pictures of my ex-fiance and I together. I was just wondering, when you end a relationship do you usually untag yourself from those pictures? what if i were to get married and I have all these pictures of me and my ex-fiance on there. That seems like it would be weird but at the same time that part of my life was important and i don't want to pretend it didn't happen. What do you recommend?

- Am i worrying for nothing?

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ADear stressing out,

Just remember that even if you un-tag yourself from those photos, they will still be out there, on the internet...there is no destroying your past unless you ask all the friends who put up those photos in the first place to delete them. Let's institute a new Facebook policy: delete Facebook albums after six months. After that no one really looks at them anyway.

-wet blanket

ADear For Nothing,

You could always ask him how he feels about having the pictures up. When I have broken up with a fellow in the past I untagged myself. I agree you probably do not want to pretend part of your life did not happen, but breaking up is hard, and you may not want to be reminded of it either. What if people ask you about those pictures in a year's time? I would take down, or at least untag yourself from any pictures that are particularly relationship-y. As for simply fun pictures, ones that show you two were good friends and had fun together, there is no need to remove those.

I think you probably are worrying for nothing. Your close friends will know that you broke up with the fellow. If you get engaged and then married, all the people about whom you care will know the situation anyway, and the old pictures won't matter. It really depends on how you, and possibly the former boyfriend, feel about those pictures being posted.

-Mico

ADear worrying,

I've never untagged myself in any picture, and it doesn't bother me that there are pictures of me on Facebook with girls I've dated in the past. But then, I seem to be an oddity, as everyone else seems to think that being reminded of a past relationship is the worst thing in the world.

I dated girls that I was friends with. I see no reason to deny the existence of a friendship just because the romantic relationship is over. Certainly your interaction will change, but I've never seen a problem with continuing to be at least casual friends.

Like I said, though, I seem to be in the minority. If the pictures bother you, go ahead and un-tag yourself. If not, don't worry about it. There are bigger problems in the world than some metadata on some photos.

-Yellow

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QDear 100 Hour Board, whose writers I recognize as well-informed non-doctors,

I searched the archives and found some good information about staying awake in classes, but I need some advice specific to helping me stay alert during church meetings and temple attendance. It seems like anytime I'm in such meetings (even if there's very bright lighting) I can't stay alert for the life of me. I've tried getting more sleep, foot-tapping, head-scratching, and even pinching or scratching my hands and arms to stay awake. But as long as I'm sitting down, I seem to get hit by extreme waves of drowsiness.

This used to just happen in my afternoon school classes, but now it seems to happen in at least one of my church/temple meetings each week (sometimes more than one, even on the same day). I feel fine if I'm on my feet or frequently interacting with other people. What can I do? I feel horrible when I'm sitting in these meetings, trying hard as I can to stay awake, but missing out on what I should be learning.

- Green Apple

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ADear Green Apple,

Take notes in church. Instead of simply being a passive consumer of information, pull out a notepad and start writing down what you're thinking. It's okay if your notes diverge from the talk—after all, you go to church to improve yourself, right? If your notes are helping you, you're fine.

Of course, you can't really do that in the temple, so this won't really work there. But hopefully once you get used to keeping your mind alert in church meetings, temple attendance won't be such a problem either.

-Yellow

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Is there a polite way to let your significant other know that something they do is terribly annoying?

-Hates to bring up things like that

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ADear hater,

If you use the words "terribly annoying," then no, there is no polite way to say that.

-wet blanket

ADear hate-o-rade,

First, I'd like to draw the distinction between things that people do which annoy us because we have a personal pet peeve against said thing, and things that people do which are overall destructive in nature and would thus harm more relationships than just yours.

If it's just a pet peeve, wait until werf does said thing, then just bring it up in conversation. Be nice and DO NOT make them feel like they're being attacked in any way. Make it about the thing itself and not the person, and don't be all gloomy and serious about it. Voice your opinion (kindly!), ask if they couldn't help you out a bit in avoiding that particular thing, and then drop it and move on. This is assuming, of course, that said thing werf does is actually annoying and not just your being over-critical ("I hate the way you breathe sometimes! Also, you walk like a duck!").

If it's a serious problem which may also be impacting other aspects of their life, bring it up in maybe a little more serious of a tone; but again, don't make it a heavy-hearted conversation. This isn't the end of the world that's being discussed. Ask what you can do to help this person.

In all of this, make sure you're doing it for their benefit and not your own. If you aren't sincere and loving in your concern for the individual and their well-being, it will show as clear as daylight.

- Commander Keen

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Is Sailor Nothing a true Deconstruction of the Magical Girl anime genre, or is it merely a Darker and Edgier take?

- This Troper

P.S. How long did you spend on tvtropes after clicking on the links below for reference?

Reference links:
http://www.pixelscapes.com/sai...
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmw...
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmw...
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmw...

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ADear This Trooper,

First off, we have to make sure we understand what deconstruction means. I disagree with the tvtropes site; deconstruction is not when "you take a common fantasy, being a trope or a set of genre conventions or a typical plot, and attack it by showing how much it would suck if it were in fact real." This definition is close to what deconstruction is, but it is an oversimplification. Deconstruction is when you take a values system and show that it is inherently contradictory, or as wikipedia defines it, "any text is not a discrete whole but contains several irreconcilable and contradictory meanings" (the Stanford philosophy dictionary also has a more complete, but more complex definition). We can illustrate this with a few examples. Some have critiqued language's limitations, using language. To say something like "it's inherently contradictory to argue about the limitations of language using language," is to deconstruct that argument.

Here's another example: say you have an op-ed (opinion editorial) arguing that all media is biased and is not to be trusted. To say that the op-ed itself is part of the media it argues against - to point out its inherent contradiction - is to deconstruct it.

Now, let's start moving into comics. So Watchmen deconstructs the superhero genre in a lot of ways, one of which is taking the superhero values to their logical extreme. A superhero ends up killing many people in order to save more of them; something that is the opposite of what a normal superhero does, but takes the values of a superhero to their logical (and self-contradictory) conclusion.

Okay, I'm not willing to read all of the Sailor Nothing story. From a synopsis I read and skimming the first chapter, it looks like it fits the tvtropes definition (to "attack [a common fantasy] by showing how much it would suck if it were in fact real"), but I am doubtful that it shows the contradictions inherent in a magical girl anime genre. To show a contradiction in a genre ("fantasy") relative to reality is not to deconstruct it using its own values but to show that it is unrealistic. So, that's my opinion based on my limited knowledge of Sailor Nothing. I can't find any good summaries of the series (?), so I can't say for sure, and I'm also unsure of my own simplification of deconstructionism. Deconstructionism is tricky, and from the tvtropes site, it looks like it has been misapplied and has become a sort of buzzword for any kind of genre subversion.

-Whistler

P.S. I'd seen tvtropes before, so I didn't spend much time on it outside the pages you linked, but yeah, there's a time hole for you!

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Me and my roommate have a question about girls. The other day we were with some friends (who are girls) and about every time we are with them they talk about how hot other guys are. For example we saw a movie and for about the next hour all they talked about was how attractive the men in that movie are. My roommate and I would never talk about how attractive other girls are while they were there. They seem to be oblivious to the fact that we are in the room with them. We think it is a common courteous to not talk about how attractive other girls are while we are with girls. So our question is why do these girls talk about how attractive other guys are while we are with them?

- Little Jerry

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ADear little guy,

Obviously, they are trying to make you and all other men feel bad for not having the looks of a movie star. Because of weird gender norms, women are allowed to be heartless to men, but men are not allowed to be heartless to women.

-wet blanket

ADear Little Jerry,

Wet blanket hit it right on the nose. From what you described, I suspect that they may also be freshman, or silly upperclasswomen who don't understand that you stop acting like a freshman after your first year at college. There is a chance they may outgrow it. They also may not; some females derive sick pleasure from watching men react to this sort of thing.

~Hermia

ADear Jerry,

First of all, kudos to you for not talking about girls' attractiveness when girls are around! As for these girls, they obviously have no tact, and I hope that they aren't expecting to win your interest in them by their actions--I honestly think some girls believe that guys find it attractive when they talk about other guys in front of them. It's completely illogical, and I really can't tell you why they do it. The only reason I know they do this is because in the past I had a friend who I knew lots of girls were interested in. These girls would consistently talk about other guys (or other stupid girl gossip) in front of him. It really drove him nuts, even to the point of avoiding being around these girls, or leaving the room if possible. Somehow the girls missed these cues, and were baffled when he remained uninterested in dating any of them. When we started dating, suddenly the girls stopped talking to him altogether. So, yeah, some girls apparently think it's a good method for getting guys. On the other hand, a standard technique for ensuring that certain guys don't become interested in you, is to talk about other guys. So, there is the slight possibility these girls are trying to alert you to the fact that they aren't interested in you--also unnecessary unless you've been a creeper, but I don't get that feeling from you.

In my opinion, you should find some new female friends. There are more level-headed, thinking women out there than you might think--save yourself from those obnoxious girls who are still operating in high school mode!

-Miss Scarlett

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QDear Hobbes, who is so absent from the Board nowadays,

If you had to write a sci-fi novel using only writers from the board, who would your protagonist and antagonist be, and why? Would they change if the novel was, instead, an epic fantasy?

-Page Turner (Who knows your secret identity, but unfortunately will never get to use it against you.)

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ADear Page Turner~

Whoever you are, I love you and we should do lunch or something.

A well-known sci-fi writer bemoaned the fact that in fantasy, some clumsy fool with a sword goes and kills the smart wizard, whereas in sci-fi, smart people are the ones solving the problems.

Anyway, now that I've shared this with you, I cannot possibly select principal characters for these amazing novels I'm going to write without losing friends. Luckily, I don't value my friends.

I should point out, however, that I already wrote a sci-fi short story in which Portia was the unwitting heroine, although the villain, unfortunately, was Carlos. Nonetheless, every other writer on the Board at the time except Humble Master all played a villainous role, so I'm counting that.

If it were an epic fantasy, Waldorf & Sauron would be my villain, not only because they're intelligent folk, but also because Sauron is an iconic fantasy villain, so the work on that one is basically done for me. The hero? Well, I guess I'll go all Mary Sue on you and make myself the hero, because, you know, why not? Or maybe Commander Keen, because Commander Keen is the hero of my childhood.

~Hobbes

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

How does one become an editor for the Board? And what does said position entail?

-Just Curious

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ADear Just Curious,

When a new editor is needed, the current editors invite one of the current writers to take the position. That writer is chosen based upon criteria that include:

Having time available to commit to the Board
Consistent contribution to the Board as a writer
Being respected by other writers
The ability to spell
A sense of propriety and the desire to use it to keep the Board out of trouble
Communication skills
Whatever else comes up during the discussion between the existing editors.

As for what the editors do, we've actually got an entire page dedicated to that very topic. But in case you're too lazy to link through, it involves approving questions and answers for posting, dealing with BYU administration, handling applications for potential Board writers, making sure questions are answered on time, and planning out what the next version of the Board will be like.

Oh, and answering questions. Can't forget that.

-Yellow

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QDear The Black Sheep:

I really enjoyed your post on a '90s verse for "We Didn't Start the Fire." How would a 2000s verse go?

---Portia

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ADear Portia,

Aw, thanks! And it might go a little something like this:

Y2K, hanging chads, Elian Gonzalez
9/11, Patriot Act, hobbits and Amerithrax
Godless march, Enron, reality and dot-com
Vict'ry banners, gay rights, Human Genome and SARS fright
Abu Ghraib, Dean Scream, Facebook, Spain, tsunami
Lance Armstrong, go green, Katrina, Scooter Libby
Saddam, iPhone and Pluto, Harry Potter, Bhutto
Bailouts, Phelps, Thriller's death, Neda, first black president!

Some of the rhymes are a little tenuous, and the events are only mostly, sort of in order, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

- The Black Sheep

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

So this is a weird question. I am 23 but I don't really have any close friends. My family is really closed off. In the past boyfriends have had a problem with me because they said the relationship would get stagnant or we would just talk about the same things over and over. How do I get closer to people? What do people talk about besides their days and how they felt about it? I feel so boring.

- Anonymous

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ADear Anonymous,

Try looking outside of yourself more. I'm not saying that you're selfish or even self-centered, but you may just need some practice in focusing on cool things going on outside of your head. Wander around and explore (by yourself, if necessary) to see new, weird, and wonderful things. Don't just trudge through your day - find things to laugh at in it, such as the know-it-all getting shut down in your math class, the cute toddler saying something adorable across the quad, or the way hyperactive females greet each other after an unbearable absence of three hours. As you find ways to better observe and process what you're seeing in the world around you, share your thoughts, observations, and interesting experiences with others. Chances are good you will develop more common interests, make more interesting observations, or just have more cool stuff to share with other people.

~Hermia

ADear Friend,

You might take a look at Board Question #52083 for some related insights.

As for your specific situation, I'm also 23 and I've always had a hard time getting close to people. It takes me a while. I'm an awful conversationalist and I tend to sound snooty and aloof when making small talk, and then I run out of things to say and that's always a good time. Nevertheless, I have built up a good social circle after years of effort, and I couldn't be happier with it.

One counterintuitive thing I've learned about good conversation is that you can't be afraid to talk about yourself. I heartily endorse talking about the other person and asking them plenty of questions, but people expect you to talk about yourself even if they don't ask about you. Conversation takes turns.

You ask, "What do people talk about besides their days and how they felt about it?" I asked Sauron what it is that we spend our time talking about. He said, "Everything." I said, "Besides everything." He said, "Nothing." So, now that we've got that cleared up...

If you feel like you literally have nothing to talk about aside from the events of the day, may I suggest the following: start a blog. Write in it at least once every day, but do not include anything from the current day. This should not be a journal. Write about your opinions on Prop 8/healthcare/the economy/the latest political crisis, memories or stories from your past, weekend plans, last night's dreams, insights or thoughts about life you've been dwelling on lately, observations about society's quirks, your loved ones, music/books/movies, and so on. Write a fictional narrative every once in a while. Practice developing your thoughts and opinions, pursuing even those that seem insignificant. Have you ever watched an episode of Seinfeld? They filled nine seasons of television with meandering conversation about minutiae, and it was all golden.

Now after you've spent a while practicing on your blog, practice in real life. Go to a ward activity, introduce yourself to somebody new, and give it a try. And keep trying. With as many people as you can find.

It takes a lot of time and searching to find kindred spirits with whom you can become truly close friends. So you better get started now.

With much love,
Waldorf and Sauron

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Within the context of romantic relationships (or any other relationships, for that matter), what kinds of things can you ask someone else to change about themselves?

My initial answer to this question was that you could only ask them to treat you differently. For example, if I don't like it when he touches me somewhere, I can ask him to stop me touching there. Or if I don't like how he yells at me all the time, I can ask him to stop yelling at me so much. If I don't like the way he treats me, I can ask him to change his behavior. But when it comes to his personality and personal tastes, I've always considered that sacred ground and off-limits. I've always had a personal philosophy that if there's something so disturbing about this particular guy, it's probably better to go find a different guy than try to mold this one to fit my preferences.

But now I'm thinking there might be a bigger picture here. I guess my current position is that you can ask them to change basically anything they might be willing and able to change. Maybe they have annoying friends or watch stupid shows on TV. Maybe it's a morality problem. Maybe it's a bad hairstyle, a disgusting sense of humor, or some funky taste in music. If those things just drive you up the wall, you can ask them if they might be willing to change. And if they are willing, then by all means, get rid of the sour grapes in your relationship! But if they are not willing to change, maybe you can ask them to listen to their funky music while you're at work. Maybe you don't always have to tag along when they hang out with annoying friends. Maybe you can do some compromising, with a little give and take. Or just learn to tolerate it...or break up, if it bothers you that much.

What do you guys think about this approach? I've been thinking about this a lot lately because my rather serious boyfriend has started to really irritate me in certain situations. And to be quite honest, I'm not sure if I can continue to tolerate this sort of thing for the rest of eternity. So I guess this could be a make-or-break thing for us. I don't want to give him an ultimatum, but DANG. It's driving me up the wall.

-Sometimes it's harder to love him

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ADear Sometimes,

This is how I see it. As you said, you can ask your significant other to change the way he (or she, but I am just sticking with "he" for this question, forgive me for assuming a general male third-person) treats you. If he does not respect you, and show that respect through words and actions, then you have every right to tell him so.

But there is something else you can ask him to change: habits, or "quirks," that are detrimental to him or to your relationship. For example, I have no problem with a boyfriend who likes to play video games. Guess what? I like to play video games, too. I feel like they are a good way to relax, and to get away from life when stress is sometimes too high. However, if I noticed my boyfriend was playing video games to such an extent that it disrupted other things in his life, I would feel that it was actually an issue. Not only would it affect our relationship (insomuch as he would rather have a LAN party than a date), but it would affect his personal life in terms of intellectual and spiritual growth, not to mention relationships with other people such as his family. Another example of something I think it is perfectly okay to ask someone to change would be hygienic habits. If you notice your man has problems cleaning his kitchen, his socks, or his face, you may want to let him know that it is more than just a preference issue. Not being clean can cause real health issues immediately and later on.

You gave a few examples of things you think it is okay to ask a significant other to change. Some would fall under the category I just described: telling dirty jokes, or having morality problems. By all means, confront him about those! I think those would definitely fall under habits that could be detrimental to a relationship on a more serious level. But...personal preferences in terms of friends, t.v. shows, and music? These tend to be things that reflect a person's personality. Honestly, if you have a problem with the t.v. shows he watches, or the music he listens to, to such an extent that you find yourself irritated beyond belief, then the issue is probably something with his personality, not the shows themselves. I had a boyfriend who listened to a lot of what I would consider funky music. But when I thought about it, this was just an expression of a musical, unique part of his personality that I really loved.

True, you do not need to listen to his music, hang out with his friends, or watch his t.v. shows. Ask yourself, does it bother you that he likes these things, or that he expects you also to like them? If I can find the strength to admit I don't ever want to watch Lord of the Rings again, no matter how much Some Boyfriend likes it, you can politely explain to your boyfriend that some of his "quirks" don't mesh so well with you. If he is not willing to change, or more importantly, if you two cannot reach an understanding, then perhaps you should move away from that relationship.

Finally, I am going to add something that will probably come off as strange, but just read me out! While some of the things he does legitimately annoy you, keep in mind that once a relationship starts to become serious, as you say, and the idea of marriage comes up, it becomes much easier to find faults. Talk with him about issues you are having, but don't make issues out of things that don't ultimately mean much. It is all about communication and compromise. And love, too, I guess.

-Mico

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

So I am going to register this week and I am a premed student. I want to get some job shaddowing experience. I want to know if there is a class I could take that would get me job shaddowing experience and credit for. I don't have any connections to doctors in the area, so I would like some help setting me up to do that. Is there any class I can take to get job shaddowing experince here at BYU?

- James C.

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ADear Jimmy-C,

As a matter o' fact, there is just such a class available to you...just not for winter semester.

The class you're looking for is StDev 399R, which is the Health Professions Internship course. This class will give you the chance to spend about fifty hours total shadowing two different physicians over the course of a semester. The tricky thing is this: you can't just sign up for it online. You have to apply to it and get accepted. For winter semester, the class was filled up a few days after the app became available (October 1). What is the takeaway from this tale? Apply early. Like, say, day one.

I talked to someone in the Preprofessional Advisement Center (3228 WSC--know it and love it, because it will help you out a ton) who said that the application for the next semester will be available at the end of January. I would keep a very close eye on things to make sure you get it filled out ASAP. Those applications, by the way, are for both spring term and fall semester, whichever works best for you.

As a guy who took this class last year, I can promise that it is VERY MUCH worth your time. The experiences I got from shadowing my two physicians have been invaluable through the application and interview process, and helped show me what kind of doctor I want to be. Solid stuff.

In the meantime, sign up for StDev 239, Preview of Medicine. It's basically a series of guest lectures from local physicians, talking about their stories and specialties. If you played your cards right, you could even start networking with some of the guest doctors, and maybe get some shadowing hours in before next fall.

Good luck on this long but worthwhile road!

-Claudio

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I am a big windows/microsoft fan, so I decided to upgrade from Word 2003 to 2007; however, in the process I can no longer use the scroll function on my mouse or on my laptop's built in mouse. For the record I have a Dell Inspiron 9300. Scrolling was my favorite part of word, it was so much easier than hitting the up or down button on the side. I have tried to figure out how to fix it via google, and all I can understand is: I dont understand computer words. Please, let me scroll again.

- Scrolly

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ADear Scrolly,

Uh... scrolling was your favorite part of Word? You do realize that pretty much every word processor, internet browser, photo manager, file navigator, or instant messenger also has scrolling, right? If you're just hankering for some scrolling, then please, visit theboard.byu.edu and scroll to your heart's content.

I assume, though, that you actually meant something more like "I use scrolling in Microsoft Word all the time, and it's very inconvenient that it's not working anymore." That's a sentiment I completely sympathize with.

Unfortunately, this is the kind of question that's really hard to answer over the internet. A few examples of things I'd need to know:

Did scrolling stop working everywhere, or just in MS Word?
Did you install anything else recently, other than Office 2007? For example, Windows 7 was released last week, and is an upgrade to the entire operating system. Did you install that?
If you go to your computer's Control Panel (in the Start Menu) and go to the "Mouse" page, are there any options related to the scroll wheel that seem to be set improperly?
If you borrow a roommate's (or friend's) mouse and plug it in, does scrolling start working?

Now, please don't write in telling me the answers to all these questions. Tech support via 100 hour delay text is probably one of the least efficient tech support mechanisms ever invented, right up there with tech support via smoke signals in the rain. Instead, find someone who knows computers. A friend, a roommate's friend, someone in your ward, or someone in your neighborhood. Ask them for help. Offer to make cookies in exchange. (Actually, don't bother offering unless it seems necessary; just have them there as thanks. You're more likely to win friends that way, anyway.)

If you can't find anyone who knows about computers, you might have to take it into a computer store and have them look at it. It will cost money, though, so finding a local contact is always the better option.

Good luck.

-Yellow

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I have a problem with my roommates (don't we all?). I didn't know any of them before I moved here. I was hoping that my roommates would become at least decent friends. However, I feel like none of them care about me at all. Some people probably wouldn't be offended by this, but I am a very caring person; unless someone's done something extremely terrible, I can grow to love them as close as family and actually show that I care about them. So, after reading some of the archived questions and counsel from prophets, I decided that the way I could grow to love them would be to serve them. I've been doing various service for them for a couple weeks now and feel like it's changing me so that I love them, but they still haven't reciprocated any of that love (or even remote interest). I think it's partially because they don't even realize all the stuff that I've been doing (such as cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, leaving nice notes on our white board, etc.). So, I guess my real question is how can I get them to even acknowledge me? I don't want to be their best friends for life, but I would like them to at least notice me.

Thanks so much for your comments!
-What My Dorm Needs Now is Love, Sweet Love

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ADear it needs me,

Maybe you can serve them by letting them ignore you.

-wet blanket

ADear What,

I think you've misinterpreted the counsel to serve in order to develop love for others. This is not counsel to "serve others and they'll love you." You can't really control that. Remember this commandment from the scriptures:

Quote:

...take heed that ye do not your alms before men to be seen of them; otherwise ye have no reward of your Father who is in heaven.

Therefore, when ye shall do your alms do not sound a trumpet before you, as will hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, they have their reward.

But when thou doest alms let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth;

That thine alms may be in secret; and thy Father who seeth in secret, himself shall reward thee openly. (3 Ne 13:1-4)

Keep it up with the nice things, but for goodness' sake, don't just do the nice things so that they can notice how nice you are.

Our advice? Start conversations. Ask them about themselves. Invite them to do stuff with you. Be glad when they want to be close, and be respectful when they want distance. Recognize that they might communicate caring in a way different than you, and they might not be comfortable developing a familial relationship with you. Even if they never warm up to you (and that happens sometimes), you ought to be making friends outside of your apartment, and you'll find that they do care for you and show it.

Love,
Waldorf and Sauron

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ADear Bea,

C'mon, we have Sauron on the Board and you have to ask?

Hobbes gets an honorable mention for his death squad, though.

—Laser Jock

ADear Bea,

Sauron.

But not in real life. He is heck of nice.

Dr. Smeed

ADear Bea,

CATS was.

-100 Typing Monkeys

ADear Bea,

Apparently I need to come out in the sun a little more, because it looks like everyone just forgot about me.

-wet blanket

ADear Bea,

I'll never te-ell...

BWAH HA HA HA HA...

⋯not Anomalous

ADear Bea,

Believe it or not this was a topic of discussion at our last writer gathering.

Cognoscente seemed to be the consensus, but he tried to pass the title on to Sauron.

(I think it's because we listen to jazz and play with face cards.)

Scandalously,
Waldorf and Sauron

ADear the hot golden girl,

*sheepishly raises hand* Yep, it's me.

-Cognoscente

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I have a rather pathetic dilemma. I had a boyfriend for around a year and a half (bad idea), but it did wonders for my self esteem. He definitely noticed a change in me over time, saying that I was more happy and outgoing and confident. It definitely was a self-esteem boost to have someone around all the time telling you how cute and pretty you are.

I have since broken up with said boyfriend, and it feels like I have backtracked to who I was a year and a half before. I feel more unsure of myself, and I am quite hesitant to put myself out there like I did. How can I get my *ahem* mojo back?? Maybe I should ask Jamba Juice if they make a boost for confidence...

Thanks!

- JJ addict

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ADear JJ,

I was in a similar situation about a year ago, and boy, is it tough to go from someone adoring you and having that safe, secure support system (wow...unintentional alliteration!) to having nothing of the sort. It can be lonely and frustrating, and I totally understand what you're going through.

It took me a little while to get confidence back, because I simply had no idea how to go about getting it. The way I turned my life around again, honestly, was to start focusing on other people. I served others. I thought about ways I could help roommates, or friends, or my family, or sometimes even random people I didn't know. I focused harder on magnifying my calling and serving the Lord. I found that when I tried to lift the spirits of others and not worry so much about myself, I felt comfort about my own situation and I felt much happier as a person.

It may also help you to get involved in different organizations. I know it can be kind of scary to join a club or group, but hey - what have you got to lose? It can help you get to know some great new people that are interested in the same things as you, and you can learn some sweet new skills while you're at it.

Goal-setting could also help boost your confidence at this time. What sorts of things are you working towards? Is there a certain GPA you'd like to get this semester, or are you working towards a study abroad? Is there a job you've been meaning to apply for? Having realistic goals to keep you busy is a great way to help build your self-esteem. As you meet those goals, a step at a time, you'll be able to see ways in which you're progressing, and hey! - it'll help you work towards something you want to have.

Additionally, you could consider strengthening other relationships in your life. It's always nice to have friends and family to support us, regardless of how we're feeling. It's so important to maintain those relationships. Call your parents, and talk to your siblings. Invite your friends over and have awesome adventures. Make new friends, too, even though it can be a little intimidating. Do you want to know a little secret? Most people aren't half bad, if you give them a chance and show a sincere interest in them.

There are a few other suggestions in the archives as well. You'll be able to get through this; it may take time, but it I'm sure that you can get your mojo back.

Marzipan

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QDear 100 Helpful Bourgeoisie,

I apologize for forming this less concisely than I'd hoped!

It always seems like the onset of deep fall and its successor, winter, trigger a sort of existential crisis in me. Right now I'm frustrated because I just don't like people. I'll clarify-- I normally adore friends and acquaintances and look forward to being around them. I feel like I usually have an abnormally appreciative way of looking at the world. I love all there is to see here and truly enjoy learning new things that lie in my interest. However, the reds and oranges of autumn set me on a quiet frenzy which degenerates into a sort of detached dispassion towards... well, everything. I withdraw into myself; I stop playing music that stimulates me emotionally (often substituting less-than-inspired varieties of hip-hop or techno for the usual); I feel like sleeping all the time. Needless to say, I'm not super-motivated either.

The whole situation seems to be exacerbated by the fact that I miss my friends immensely and haven't really found people here that I've been excited about to begin with. I'm not trying terribly hard, but I've got a lot on my plate with classes. Traditionally, I have never been friends with people from church. I really enjoy the unique outlooks of my nonmember friends. As terrible as it may sound, I feel more comfortable when people my age make tame that's-what-she-said jokes and swear occasionally.

It doesn't help that my major-seeking isn't going fantastically and my parents don't seem to hear when I express that unsureness (I'm pre-animation and I'm not sure I have what it takes to get in. Applying with any hope will take some hard work).I think that the only thing that feels like it's going alright is church, but maybe that's just the pied piper-style Utah-vibe lulling me into a false sense of spiritual security. I question sometimes whether I have seasonal affective disorder or not. I lived in Georgia for 11 years of my life and never had trouble with it, but Chicago winters (the past 4 years) were kind of tough. This was offset by winter break and the fact that friends were close.

And after all that whining, I'm not entirely sure what my question is-- Would you kindly give me any advice you have on the trouble I'm having? You know, just fix all my problems :P "Dear Buddha, please bring me a pony and a plastic rocket." But honestly, I would appreciate any ideas you have!

"O Heaven, were man
but constant, he were perfect: that one error
fills him with faults; makes him run through all sins
Inconstancy falls off, ere it begins."

- Proteus

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ADear Proteus,

I really feel for you, because I am basically in the same situation. I am normally a very happy person. I don't let small day-to-day things get me down, and I try to live life to its fullest. I can appreciate the beauty and wonder of the world around me, and such observations bring me great peace. I feel, however, that my mood is directly linked to the weather. My happiest day during the winter is an average day in the summer. When it begins to get cold, I become more anti-social and stressed out. I kind of just stop caring. I wouldn't say that I am depressed, just that I stop enjoying the small things that usually make me smile.

I feel like I could have submitted this question...I, too, feel more comfortable around people with a more...relaxed...sense of humor. That's just the kind of person I am, and I don't feel bad about it. I honestly do not think, however, that you are tricking yourself into thinking that you have a strong testimony. If you feel it in your heart, it is there. I have recently been having issues with the "Utah culture" (please, no backlash--I have lived in Utah for a long time and appreciate the positives, as well), and, for a while, I was confused about whether my testimony was lacking, or if I was just suffering from culture shock after spending the summer in California. Something that my religion professor mentioned last week really helped me with this one...he said that we have to be careful to not mix "culture" up with "religion," because they are two very different things, and oftentimes when we think we are having a problem with the religion, it is really with the culture that is associated with the religion. Now, I'm not assuming that you have any problems with Provo, I'm just letting you know what helped me when I was struggling with what I deemed to be a lack of variety in the cultural landscape here.

I haven't completely solved my "winter" problem, but I have noticed some things that have worked for me in the past. First, I exercise. You know, the whole "exercise gives you endorphins, and endorphins make you happy" spiel. I really throw myself into it, though. An hour at the gym does wonders for my outlook on life. Second, I find a project. Whether it is researching grad schools, painting a picture, or detailing my car, it helps to distract me from my problems, all the while accomplishing something worthwhile. Another way I distract myself is by serving others. I don't just find random service projects to participate in, either. If I don't care about the service, I'm not going to benefit others (or myself) nearly as much. I find something I care about, and I do something about it.

Of course, these are just my suggestions...take them as you will. I love serving others, but sometimes I just don't feel like I have the time to do hardcore service projects. My time spent at the gym (and researching grad schools, or whatever) is really what helps me. Focusing on something I want to improve about myself, whether spiritually, physically, or intellectually, really helps me to see beyond that darkly colored bubble of doom that we call winter. Find something that you care about, and throw your heart into it. It's what works for me, and hopefully it will work for you, as well.

Of course, if you ever need to talk to anyone about anything, feel free to email me at anomalous @ theboard . byu . edu. I have an idea of what you are going through, and would like to help if I could.

⋯Anomalous

ADear Proteus,

My fiancé calls this "scowl-y season" because everyone on campus furrows their forehead in response to the cold. Seriously, the temperature is directly proportional to the number of smiling people. You can do several things with this realization. One, you can laugh at all of the ridiculous faces on campus. You can also check to see that you don't have a subconscious scowl of your own. Realizing that you habitually hold tension in your forehead can alleviate a lot of stress. The strain makes you feel anxious, and tightening the muscles around your eyes can give you mild headaches. Save that kind of facial revulsion for single-digit temperatures and BYUSA posters.

I have a personal love/hate relationship with fall and winter. They take more effort to enjoy, so on my lazy days they make me more downtrodden than I would be in the summer. However, the back half of the year has its own perks. Costumes, candy, claymation movies, a day devoted to gluttony—spring and summer can't rival that revelry. In between holidays though, fall and winter can be less than pleasant. I've found that sitting next to windows improves my mood. When the days are shorter and you aren't outside much, the artificial lights get kind of oppressive. Go find some sunshine: study in the Honors Reading room in the Maeser, or the JFSB lobbies, or the Eyring Science Center terrace—don't hole yourself up in the back of the library.

I also bake to survive the cold. I'd suggest that any hobby would do, but that'd be a lie. Nothing is more satisfying than baked goods perfuming the apartment and sitting warmly in your stomach. I don't even cook that often or that well. Even when an experiment with a leftover packet of butterscotch pudding turned into a baked goods fiasco, I still had the added warmth of the oven to comfort me (and the joy of pawning it off on an unsuspecting sister).

As far as friends are concerned, I think it helps to change your mindset. Back home, a few of my closest friends are that brand of person with good character but a bawdy sense of humor. I realized when I got to Provo that I didn't really miss their ribaldry, I only missed their chill personalities. Since my friends weren't concerned with avoiding the appearance of evil, they also tended to avoid the judgmental streak that, unfortunately, frequently accompanies letter-of-the-law personalities. BYU may have a dearth of profane students, but it isn't exclusively stocked with pharisees either. Just keep inviting people over to partake of your latest loaf of bread (or a plate of Betty Crocker brownies); you'll find someone that's sufficiently lax to suit you. Just keep at it.

Best of luck,
Ineffable

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

What is the principle that makes an ear candle work, and what is another application of this principle?

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AHey guy,

The principle that makes the ear candle work is commonly referred to as "hype." Yeah, it's a bummer, but ear candles effectively do nothing. Check out all this criticism!

Other applications of this principle include, but are not limited to, the following:
-The BYU-TCU game
-Y2K
-The Obama presidency
-Segways
-The second and third movies of the Matrix trilogy

Stuff like that.

I will say, however, that it is somewhat relaxing. We did this sometimes as kids, and it's not all bad. Feels warm in your ear, at least!

- Commander Keen

ADear you,

I fully second CK's point about ear candles being bogus. The Wikipedia link that Commander Keen provided has multiple references to articles published in peer-reviewed journals debunking ear candling; let me add another one that I found while arguing with someone about this. It was published in The Journal of Laryngology and Otology, vol. 118(1), pp. 1-2, and is titled "Ear candles: a triumph of ignorance over science." (How's that for not beating around the bush?) Here's the abstract:

Ear candles are hollow tubes coated in wax which are inserted into patients' ears and then lit at the far end. The procedure is used as a complementary therapy for a wide range of conditions. A critical assessment of the evidence shows that its mode of action is implausible and demonstrably wrong. There are no data to suggest that it is effective for any condition. Furthermore, ear candles have been associated with ear injuries. The inescapable conclusion is that ear candles do more harm than good. Their use should be discouraged.

And here's a gem of a paragraph from the article itself:

The material deposited in the candle does not originate from the human body, but from the candle itself. Seely et al. showed this in rigorously conducted in vitro experiments. These authors convincingly documented 1) that the burning of the candle does not produce any negative pressure at all, and 2) that the deposit is, in fact, candle wax. In a series of clinical experiments, Seely and colleagues also demonstrated that ear candles did not extract cerumen from human ears. Moreover, ear candles produced a deposit even when used in volunteers who, prior to the experiment, had no cerumen.

All BYU students have access to the full text online, and if you're curious I'd recommend the article.

—Laser Jock

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I can't bring anyone I like to my apartment without my roommate attempting to commandeer the relationship. Needless to say, this is extremely frustrating when I am trying to get to know a guy and want to invite him over to watch a movie or have dinner or whatever.

If she sees that you are interested in someone, she'll make a play for him, regardless of whether she's actually interested.

For example, she was hanging out (i.e. cuddling, watching movies with, road-tripping with) Mark a mutual friend, who eventually told her he wasn't interested but he wanted to be friends. She was telling me she didn't know what to do with all her spare time now, and I told her to get a hobby. She said, "No...I think I just need to find another guy to be with, so I won't think about Mark." And she did, with a guy I had been pal-ing around with for a while, but he doesn't know he's just a place-holder.

Unfortunately, the attention is pretty flattering to the guys. She is the "I'm going to throw myself at you and like what you like and be helpless and flirty" type, and I am the "I want to get to know you and see if you're for real before I pursue you type."

She has appropriated at least 2 of my guy friends, and I'm tired of it. Short of keeping my social life a complete secret (which would be hard and annoying), I am not sure what else to do. I have talked with her about it, and she denies that she's doing it on purpose. I am not the only girl I know who feels this way about her, I am just the girl who has to live with her.

1. Any suggestions on how to get her to stop?
2. If I can't get her to stop, is there anything I can do to thwart her, get even? (This is a bit mischievous, I acknowledge, but I'm in a mischievous mood.)

Mischievous

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ADear Mischievous,

You could always have the first few dates away from your apartment. This is actually not as difficult as it might seem- when I was a freshman, I hated inviting dates back to the dorms so I came up with a few alternatives. In situations where you'd usually invite your date to your apartment, you can challenge him to a game of pool in the bottom of the Wilk and then chill out on the couches down there afterward. Bundle up and go swing at Kiwanis Park. Grab a shake at the Malt Shoppe. You could also ask a sibling or a friend in another building to double with you and host the date at their apartment. Or, reserve a room in the LRC and watch an old movie.

I'd also suggest talking to your roommate again. I know it's hard not to think the worst of your roommate, but she really just sounds incredibly insecure. Not without reason either: she's been cuddling with a guy that never wanted her. That's rough. Try something like, "Hey Becca, I know we've talked about this before, but I still feel like you're flirting with my crushes. I know you aren't doing it on purpose, but you're so outgoing, I feel like I have to compete with you when you're so friendly with the guys I like...This is kind of ridiculous, but I'd appreciate it if you gave me some space when my crush is over- just so I'm not so nervous."

You can thwart her desire to flirt with every man in the room by letting her know she's a valuable human being. She's just looking to be loved and admired like the rest of us. Tell her she looks nice. Invite her to hang out with just the girls sometimes. Appreciate the work she does for her calling whether it's the poster she designed for the activity committee or the smile she gave you as the ward greeter. Talk to her when you get home from classes. If you have to be mean, call your mom and talk it out. Use words your grandma might use if you have to, like coquette or trollop. Don't, however, talk to another roommate or another girl in the ward. It's okay, this too shall pass.

-Ineffable

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

About public display's of Affection: Is it just me? or when I am in sacrement it seems like it is touchy, feely time, whoo hoo!! rubbing backs, rubbing necks, running fingers through hair. Ok sacrement is only 1 hour long, can you couples keep your hands to yourself for 1 hour on a Sunday? I'm trying to be spiritual here!! It only shows that if you are willing to do that in church then you are obviously doing more behind closed doors. Am I asking too much? I think its disrespectful, not just to me, but why we are all sitting there.

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ADear...

I agree with you on certain things, but hugely disagree with something else that you said.

"...you are obviously doing more behind closed doors."

Woah. Let's back up for a minute. With this statement, you are assuming that innocent episodes of handholding lead to not-so-innocent things. I disagree. I know plenty of couples (including my roommate) who are touchy-feely, and nothing more. Some people simply don't see the problem with giving back rubs in church meetings, and some don't even notice that they are doing it. That doesn't mean that everyone who has contact with a member of the opposite sex during church is a huge sinner (and I am not implying that doing anything more than hand-holding is a sin). It just means that not everyone has the same idea of what is appropriate as far as PDA goes. I'm going to give those hand-holders the benefit of the doubt here and not assume that they are "doing more behind closed doors," even though what they are doing behind closed doors (or any other kind of door) is none of my business.

I do agree that it is quite irritating to be trying to focus on the sacrament and instead end up focusing on the twenty or so couples who are busy massaging each other. I do sometimes wish that they would keep their hands to themselves. I also think, however, that spending my time judging these people when they are not intentionally doing anything rude is a disrespectful way to spend sacrament meeting.

I'd rather spend my time focusing on what really counts.

⋯Anomalous

ADear Anonymous,

About rant's on the Hundred Hour Board: Is it just me? or when I am on the Board it seems like ranty, venty time, whoo hoo!! complaining, whining, not really asking a question. Ok the Board wait is only 100 hours long, can you ranters keep your rants to yourself for 100 hours? I'm trying to answer questions here!! It only shows that if you are willing to wait 100 hours then you obviously need to feel validated. Am I asking too much? I think its silly, not just to me, but why we are all sitting here.

Affectionately,
Waldorf and Sauron

ADear Anomalous,

I don't know, you know what they say... back rubs in the front lead to front rubs in the back! I think bishops ought to call brethren to patrol the aisles in sacrament meeting with those high-powered flashlights cops have on their patrol cars, to immediately shame the parties committing these wanton acts of sexual abandon.

-Cognoscente, who has in reality been busted with those lights in his car more times than he can count... baby.

ADear you,

"A man’s a fool who takes an insult that isn’t intended." -Quoted by Heber J. Grant

Get over it. People love each other. That sometimes manifests itself in touching. All the things you listed are perfectly appropriate means of showing love and affection. There's nothing disrespectful about showing appropriate love in spiritual settings. I'm fairly sure that a being described as being love is OK with it. The Spirit creates feelings of warmth and love for those dear to us. Cope. Try paying attention to the speakers, your scriptures, or pretty much every other thing going on in the room rather than judging others. Pretty sure that's disrespectful not just to them, but to why you are all sitting there.

By the way, universe and everyone in it, Waldorf and Sauron are 100% right. Stop using the Board to rant. Go start a blog no one will ever read or something and make all of our lives better.

-Claudio