Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.

Posts for September 25, 2009

ADear Quark, Nog, Zek, or Rom;

Do you want an in-world answer, an our-world answer, or a funny answer?

Random.org decided that you want an in-world answer.

Well, if you follow Star Trek with any degree of diligence, you know that Vulcan is an arid, barren world. Living on a harsh, unforgiving, and desert planet, the people of Vulcan have evolved certain traits to survive. They can survive for several days without water, and they have inner eyelids to protect their eyes from blinding lights. In this vein, their ears have evolved to not only be pointy, but larger to cool their superior brains, much like the Fennec Fox (although not to such a dramatic extent). Additionally, as the air on Vulcan is so much thinner, Vulcans require larger ears to capture the weaker sound in the thin air. The point is to channel specific frequencies into the Vulcan ear canal.

Really, though, it is because Gene Roddenberry was working with such a small budget, he couldn't afford fancier costuming than oversized elf ears. Thus we have the green-blooded, pointy-eared logicians we know and love.

Dr. Smeed

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

The first issue of Sunstone was published in 1975 and the magazine is still being published. (Fun fact: Did you know that librarians colloquially refer to serials that have ceased publication as "dead"? NOW YOU KNOW!) PDF copies of back issues from 1975 to 2005 are available at http://www.sunstonemagazine.co... . However, from 1981 to 1984, the reviews in Sunstone were split off into a separate magazine called, fittingly, Sunstone Review. As far as I can tell, issues of Sunstone Review are not available online.

(1) If it is true that Sunstone Review is not available online, are there any plans to digitize those issues?

(2) If it is not true, can you point me to where the issues are available?

Thanks,

- Katya

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ADear Katya,

I'm unable to find Sunstone Review online either. I did e-mail Sunstone about this, but haven't heard back from them (three business days later). If I do, I'll be sure to let you know.

—Laser Jock

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I'll keep this short because this is my third question of the night:

I like good music (I'm an elitist indie kid with eclectic branchings: sample includes Doves, Apples in Stereo, The Hood Internet, Guster, Elbow, Gorillaz, a million acoustic artists that have never been on the radio and The Aggrolites). My film professor likes some good music. My roommates and most people I've met on campus like bad music (the main affliction being country). Most campuses have an indie scene or at least concerts for those artists nearby (I've checked and been disappointed). Is there a secret place here where kids with tastes that go beyond Darius Rucker and the Jonas Brothers?

- Wolfgang Proteus Mozart

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ADear Wolfgang Proteus Mozart,

During my freshman year, I used to frequently visit Muse Music and Velour, the live music gallery right near it. I'd link to their site, but it seems to be down right now. They're probably the best you'll find around here, so you can check those out and see if they're worth tasting.

Please also see Board Question #40473 and Board Question #31630.

-Sky Bones

ADear lisztomania,

I thought you said you liked good music. Ha! Nah, you've got some good stuff in there.

I hear good things about the BYU Rock and Roll and Folk clubs. Check them out to find other music enthusiasts.

As you meet more people by going to other wards, you'll eventually make friends with people who don't listen to Rascal Flatts and Taylor Swift. Don't give up.

-Cognoscente

ADear Wolfgang,

The HFAC is the secret hangout of indie kids.

Muse and Velour occasionally have a show I'm interested in, but the good indie shows are usually in Salt Lake. I usually check the events at 24tix.com to see if there are any upcoming shows. It lists most of central Utah's music venues. One venue that's not listed on 24tix is by far the best venue I've been to in Utah, The Depot. It's 21+, but it is great. I'd avoid anything at the Great Saltair—lots of reverb, huge crowds, and a low stage. Thanksgiving Point occasionally has some good concerts (I missed Arcade Fire's outdoor show there). But the grand Mecca of indie in Utah is the free Twilight Concert Series every summer in downtown Salt Lake.

Love,
Waldorf and Sauron

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Basically I met a girl with flashing green light-up flats (the shoe variety) at 2 AM one night while strolling by the front steps of the ESC. Her name is Stephanie, she's a sophomore, and there are rumors from my roomies that she works in housing (they claim to have seen her but may be teasing). We hugged but I didn't get her number despite the awesome first impression she left on me. While I wouldn't say that my green lights are comparable to Gatsby's, she's popped into my head a couple of times as I contemplated coolness. I'd like to really meet her-- the possibility that her footwear may simply be an expression of her intrigues me; I've never met anyone with a green light-up soul. How can I find her? Are most sophomores still looking for friends? Thanks again! This board is ice cold.

- Proteus Scott Fitzgerald

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ADear PSF,

She's somewhere out there.

—Laser Jock

APSF-

To all our readers, please remember that we will not stalk cute people at your request. That's just downright creepy.

- Cuddlefish

ADear PSF,

But we WILL stalk non-cute people for you. Because hey, who's gonna do anything with that info...?

Just kidding,
-Commander Keen

AHey dude,

Only 20% of the sophomore girls I know are married, so your chances are pretty good. I won't tell you that even though Facebook profiles are getting more private and harder to use for stalking, you can still type in first names and schools and look for a girl who matches her description. Then I won't tell you that you could look her up on stalkernet. I won't say that, if it works, the Facebook route is easier because you won't have to call all of the 270 Stephanies listed on Route Y.

I will tell you that it wouldn't hurt to take another stroll, same bat time, same bat channel and see if you run into her again. It also wouldn't help to not be such a wuss if you run into her again!

Dr. Smeed

the Dr. of loooooooooooove.

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QDear wonderful 100 Hour Board,

Technically this isn't a question so much as an outburst of adoration:
Is it normal for someone to fall in love with the board in one night? I feel as if I've found a home base at what seemed before a foreign planet on campus. Will my appreciation continue to grow at this rate? If so, my heart may explode. I have been reading and searching and asking for a few hours on and off and it's still fantastic. I'm getting familiar with board members' names and posting hallmarks, condensing personas from the vapour of their stylistic nuances, beginning to fantasize about what it would be like to be a member of such a secret-seeming, club of diverse but cool people (no, I'm not asking that question, and though I've begun my search for the application process, I think it would be unwise for me to ascend the mount of 100 destinies until I have proceeded beyond the valley of inexperience [I'm waiting to be not-a-freshman]). But again, thanks. I'll probably be bothering you all a good bit. I feel as if I have a school of mentors to burgeon the better portions of my youthful spirit. Or at least a way to kill time. Viva la Board.

- Proteus, Qui Semper Abnoctet

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ADear Proteus,

I pretty much fell in love with The Board in one night as well. Later, I read the archives. Now I'm writing for it! Cool times.

Thanks for the props. Big ups to you for patting us on the back and making at least myself feel a little cooler via my anonymous internet pseudonym.

It can be dangerous though, I warn you. Considering the time that you submitted this question and the time I answered it (an hour and a half later), I'd say the Board can be detrimental to your sleeping habits. With that, we should both go to sleep.

-Commander Keen

ADear Proteus, Qui Semper Abnoctet,

Why thank you for giving us all one of those nice, warm, fuzzy feelings.

Oh yes, many people have fallen in love with The Board faster than the eye can blink. But I'll echo CK in saying we might be detrimental to your sleeping habits, but also to your homework, too.

And my parting words to you, my Latin friend: Equo ne credite, Troiani.

-Sky Bones

ADear you,

To be fair, we all are pretty awesome. It's only natural to love us.

-Cognoscente, (the "lovable rascal")

ADear Pete,

Aw thanks.

I admit I'm not real comfortable being put on a pedestal for my work here, as we as an organization owe our existence to the readers, specifically those who ask good, interesting, and challenging questions. We're not perfect - there are plenty of answers we can't find and plenty of answers that we don't write as exhaustively, articulately, or diplomatically as we should - so I expect you'll come out of this honeymoon phase soon enough. We're just like you (and every other reader): we're a bunch of college-age kids who sit in our apartments and spend too much time on the internet. We just happened to apply at the right time.

So. Friends?

Love,
Waldorf and Sauron

ADear Proteus

I'm fine with the pedestal. Hoist us up, sing praises, shower us with gifts. However, when you discover how disappointingly human we are, you shouldn't feel obligated to tear us down, shout vitriolic rhetoric, and steal our lunch money. Is that a double standard? Perhaps, but I think I can live with it.

-Humble Master

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I've been dating a guy for several months and we are very happy together. He has many fabulous qualities and has been a great blessing in my life. I would like your advice about how to approach a particular subject with him though.

He has long hair that is to his shoulders. My hair is chin-length. I very much dislike his hair length but I know from prior discussion that he personally enjoys it and feels that it is part of his physique. He enjoys being a bit different from the norm. We knew each other approximately 8 years ago when his hair was short and it looked much better. I feel that long hair on men really is not attractive. Part of the problem is that he has a bit of natural curl so the bottom typically curls out and looks way too womanly. I'm not asking for a missionary haircut, just something different.

Is it petty of me to ask him about cutting his hair? I can't decide. Surely there are details about my own appearance that he would like changed. If he told me how to cut/style/color my hair I would probably feel upset. Should I just leave it and let it go even though the long hair really does disgust me? If not, how do I approach this?

-Not Delilah

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ADear Not Delilah,

Some guys can pull off the long hair trick (like him), but others completely butcher it (like this guy). The key to it is knowing how to properly take care of it. Few things are worse than when a guy starts growing out his hair and doesn't realize that he needs to wash and condition it on a fairly regular basis. If your man isn't quite meeting that standard and his hair is bordering on the feminine side, then I see no problem with you possibly mentioning something about it.

If you do, then try telling him exactly what you just told us. About how you understand how he feels about his hair, but bottom curls just aren't cutting it (haha). Kindly encourage him to try something different without telling him exactly what you think he should do. Like you said, you just want something different, so make that clear to him.

If he pulls the stubborn card, then strike a deal with him that if he wants to keep his locks then you get to straighten and hairspray them everyday. If he's not convinced in a couple of weeks then long hair might really be for him if he's willing to put forth the effort to keep it looking nice. Long hair certainly is not for the faint of heart.

-Sky Bones

P.S. It's obvious that Legolas straightens his hair and Snape doesn't.

AND-

Please tell him to chop it off. Long hair on guys is almost as bad-looking as mustaches on guys. Just tell him you feel weird about dating a guy with hair longer than yours. It might work, right?

- Cuddlefish

ADear, uhhhhhhhhh, Sheba I guess;

As a dude, I would feel pretty weird about my significant other asking me to cut my hair. No matter how much flattery I got, it wouldn't change how I felt about my own hair and I would be be loath to change it. Personally, I think long hair looks stupid on dudes, but if he doesn't, there isn't a lot you can do to change his mind.

I don't think it is petty of you to bring it up, I mean you have to look at the dude and smooch him, etc. but think of how you would feel if he told you to do something different with your hair. You made it clear that you would be upset yourself, so why do you think that he would think differently? I mean, I try to convince my wife to keep her hair long (because she looks SO HOT with long hair) but she wants to cut it and I love her so much that I want her to be happy with how she looks, and I am happier with a happy woman than with merely a long-haired woman, so I tell her she can do what she wants with it. Really, she is hot either way.

In sum, bring it up but beware the backlash and don't expect him to kowtow to your feminine will. We dudes do what we want. Deal with what he decides in this matter.

Dr. Smeed

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Can you give me an online crash course in dancing? I feel so terribly uncomfortable in my own skin.

I am the "head bridesmaid" at a wedding next week and was just informed that there will be music and dancing for which I am required to stay.

I haven't attempted any sort of dancing since I was 14 (which was over 10 years ago) and at awkward church dances. I never went to any high school ones or impropmtu dance parties.

How do I make this less awkward? Teach me, please!

-(Soon to be) Dancing Queen

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ADear Young and Sweet,

OK, it's simple.

First, swing your arms from side to side.

Take one step, and then again.

All together now!

You've got it!

Just like that!

Seriously, someone else has to have watched that show, right?

-Claudio

ADear (Soon to be) Dancing Queen,

First rule: be a Hitch and not an Albert Brennaman.

I am one of the world's great non-dancers (until Memorial Day weekend 2008 I had only actually danced at a dance once), and when I realized the implications of being asked to be a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding last August, I was similarly terrified. What I learned was basically to get over myself. Stop thinking about how awkward you might look, because all that will do is make you look awkward. Copy whatever everyone you're dancing around is doing, and don't be afraid to default to the move Hitch demonstrates. During slow dances, just play along with whatever the dude who asked you is doing. He won't try to make it complicated before realizing that oh wait, you don't know what's going on. It really won't be hard (and it will be fun, even!) if you just let go and do your best to play along.

The best part of my best friend's reception was when my other best friend who was also a bridesmaid and I decided to dance with the younger cousins. We did the most gigantic circle dance you've ever seen, and it was fun. It was a pretty formal reception and we still got away with it, so see what you can do.

Have fun!

- The Black Sheep

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QDear 100 Hour Board,
Back in the late 60's or early 70's, I was in one episode of an old KBYU show called "Carousel". Are there any archived episodes of that show still in existence, and if so, how can I get a copy?
Thanks, Fip

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ADear Fip,

That's a maybe on whether an archived copy exists. I'd think probably.

As for whether you can get a copy, that depends. Are you the subject of a high-profile documentary? Are you some important public or Church figure? Are you Ira Fulton or some other major BYU donor? If not, are you going to become a major donor if KBYU spends dozens (or hundreds) of hours poring through their archives looking for you, and then more time making you a copy?

Many stations' television archives charge over a hundred dollars for a copy of a program for which you already know which episode. That's just the fee to copy the tape.

So if you're willing to pay handsomely for their assistance, contact them. Otherwise, forget it.

Love,
Waldorf and Sauron

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I have a friend who is going to have to have double knee surgery here in the next few weeks. He currently lives down in the Helaman dorms, which we all know is down a rather large hill. This surgery is going to put him in a wheelchair for about 4 months. So my questions are:

1. Does BYU have some sort of program where they relocate kids who have injuries so that they can get to the main part of campus more easily?

2. Is there a way that he'll still be able to stay in Helaman? There's just no easy way to get up to campus in a wheelchair from there, as far as I know.

-Wants to live near her friend

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ADear Wants,

1. The University Accessibility Center is a good start to find out what assistance the university can give.
2. It should be fairly easy to get from Helaman to campus without having to struggle up an incline. Just go to the base of the Tanner Building and take the elevator up to the top.

Love,
Waldorf and Sauron

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AAnon

So was my response. Yet another example of why we need fonts that indicate the tone of voice people are writing in.

-Humble Master

ADear Anonymous,

Heh heh, yeah, my response probably sounded somewhat harsh. Really, if you knew me, you'd understand my tone and that I make jokes about most anything. Guess that's the price of anonymity...

-Commander Keen