Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.

Posts for September 16, 2009

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

How do I give a scholarship? Are there any rules I must follow? Can I give it through the university? What if there's a specific person I want to receive the scholarship? Is there a way I can give a scholarship to a specific person anonymously?

- On the other end of the giving stick

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ADear stickly giver,

I can tell you exactly how to anonymously give a scholarship to a specific BYU student! First send an email to miss(dot)scarlett(dot)theboard(at)gmail(dot)com. Leave a very anonymous message about how much you would like to give to an anonymous scholarship recipient. Said anonymous scholarship recipient will then email you back with a discreet location where you may safely deposit your generous check. Rest assured, your donation will be treated with the utmost security, and received with the utmost gratitude...

Ok, just kidding (I mean, it really would work, but I have a feeling that's not what you meant). To answer your very specific questions, I'd recommend checking out these official sites on scholarship donations at BYU. That first site details how to give a one-time donation to a specific student, including a phone number in case you wish to do so anonymously. You can also call BYU Philanthropies at (801)240-5567 or email them at ldsphilanthropies@ldschurch.org if you have further questions. Remember, I'm cute and gracious, I'll write you way better thank-you letters than this, and I'd be more than happy to supply you with my name and ID number! I make really good cinnamon rolls, too, or anything else that might tempt you--just think about it...

-Miss Scarlett, in the Conservatory

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

My husband and I both work full-time. My entire salary (~$50000/year gross) is going to savings. I've been working for 2 months and will continue to work full-time for at least another year. We plan on using this savings for grad school or for the down payment on our first home. One or both of these expenses will probably occur in about 2 years. Because we want to keep this money liquid in case of emergency, we've only been putting it into a savings account earning 1.45% interest. What other options would you suggest for investing this money? We want as high of a return as possible with the maximum liquidity possible.

- PM shift

P.S. I know you're not investment experts. I'd just like your input:)

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ADear PM shift,

A Vanguard money market mutual fund is essentially as liquid as a bank account, extremely safe (no negative returns, ever), and would usually have returns around 3-4%. Of course right now money market funds are absolutely flooded with cash and that pulls down returns, but it may still be a good option.

For the record, I literally have my money where my mouth is - I have a checking accounted stocked for maybe a semester and a bit, and everything else is in a Vanguard money market fund.

~Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe

P.S. As you observe in kinder terms, I'm obviously a random stranger on the internet with no qualifications. I refuse to be held responsible if anyone actually listens to me.

ADear Late Shift,

I'm with Kirke on this one, to a certain extent. Money market accounts rule, and if you get the right ones, you can write checks from them. Also awesome.

I would, however, really encourage you to rethink your ideas of liquidity. You say you want this for an emergency, which is great. I commend you for that. But I would really recommend keeping no more than six months' worth of living expenses in a liquid account. Honestly, I think four would probably be OK. That would cover joblessness. With this kind of income, you should really get some good insurance (health, auto, and life) and then assume that you don't need the rest so easily accessible.

Now, since you're only going to be investing it short term, I'd stay out of the stock market. It's volatile enough as it is, and with the state of things now you'd be riding on a big risk. I would stick the rest of that account in short-term government bonds (very reliable) and in CDs, if you can find ones that will give you a good return. That just locks it away for a year (or however long you want it away) and promises a good interest rate the whole time it's there.

I earnestly applaud your savings efforts. Keep it up.

-Claudio

P.S. I also disclaim all responsibility for the effects of this answer. The option of how to invest your money is, as you have acknowledged, yours alone.

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

With FamilySearch Indexing, how long does a person usually index before they become an arbitrator, time-wise and number-of-names-wise?

- Dead Cat

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ADear Dead Cat,

After some research, I have come to the conclusion that the Family Search Indexing site could really use a larger FAQ section. Usually, people who become arbitrators are called to that position by a member of their stake. This site shows the most basic process for choosing an arbitrator. To become an arbitrator, a person does not necessarily need to have done a ton of indexing in the past, but rather needs to be detail-oriented, and willing to learn how to use the system.

If you are interested in becoming in arbitrator, your best option would be to consult with your local priesthood leaders. If you are not LDS, or cannot/do not want to contact them, you can send the Family Search e-mail team a little note.

-Mico

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

How would a Laurel go about preparing for temple marriage? I'm not looking for typical seminary answers unless deep insights derive from them. More specifically, what important qualities pertinent to a everlasting marriage should one try to cultivate?

- Giving a talk, and clearly lacking in insights

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AGiving-

I think patience is the most important one that a lot of people don't really think about much before they get married, and it also is one quality that takes a long time to cultivate. When you get married, you share your life with someone who grew up differently and may have strange, frustrating ways of doing things. It's important not to make a huge, messy fight out of everything.

- Cuddlefish

ADear talk-giver,

OK, this is completely secular, and I get that, but few things can drive a marriage apart faster than money problems. Really, people--learn to live on a budget. Do it now. Stick to it. Almost every aspect of your life is affected by money, and as soon as you learn to master that, you preempt a number of very big problems.

On a more spiritual note, there is a lot to be said for humility. My wife and I are both very strong-willed, and sometimes that manifests in us both getting a bit pigheaded. We both like to be right, and we both have issues apologizing. We spent the first few months of our marriage learning to acknowledge our own faults and forgiving the faults of the other. Learn to get over your pride now, and life will be amazingly easier when you get married. There is no shame in apologizing for being wrong. When we are humble, we recognize the imperfections in ourselves, and that gives way to the whole mote and beam thing. Realizing you aren't perfect helps prevent you from naïvely expecting perfection from your spouse.

-Claudio

ADear Talking,

Develop faith. It recently came to my attention that one reason I don't want to get married any time soon is because I don't have the faith to go through the temple. If a Laurel wants to be prepared to get married in the temple she needs to have a firm foundation in her faith, understand what to expect from the temple, and have an idea of what she wants to get out of it. If she isn't sure what significance a temple marriage, an eternal marriage, includes, she should ask people, read her scriptures (including General Conference talks), and pray about it.

Doing this will prepare a Laurel for the temple marriage itself, in a literal sense. As for the whole marriage lifestyle, faith in the gospel and a base idea of what she wants from her marriage, along with a humane and willing attitude towards her family, will go a long way. For clarification, by "humane" I mean she needs to care about people, and keep their needs in mind.

Consider asking your mom, or any woman you admire who was married in the temple, about this topic, too. These sorts of women tend to have good, relevant insights.

-Mico

ADear Giving,

If I were to give this talk this is what my outline would look like:

Tell them that adult life is one second in front of them. One day you're in high school, and the next day you're talking about who's going to do the taxes in your marriage, or which kind of Individual Retirement Account you want (the correct answer is Roth- just so you know).
Tell them not to procrastinate the day they start becoming who they want to be, because there's only so much time between "when I grow up" and "holy cow, when did I grow up?". If they want to be the kind of wife and mother that knows the scriptures so well that when she gives advice she can't help but have them come to mind, they have to start really studying them today and everyday. Five verses half asleep is not going to cut it.
Tell them to take scripture mastery seriously, because there are so many times that I want to say something verbatim and all I can do is paraphrase weaksaucedly.
Tell them about the things that their mothers can teach them. I call my mom with stupid questions all the time that I wish I had asked her when I had her in person, like: "Mom, when it says knead until dough is elastic, what does that mean exactly?" or "Mom what do you think Paul meant about 'let the women keep silent in the churches'?"
Tell them that there's not a magical moment where you don't feel awkward anymore, and you're suddenly confident. They're still going to feel awkward and self-conscious after they're out of Young Women's- tell them to learn to serve in spite of it. Learn to say hello to a stranger even when they're feeling worthless.
Preparing to get married in the temple means that you're trying to approximate where the man of your dreams is in terms of progression. If you want to be equally yoked with a Captain-Moroni-in-progress, be an Esther-in-progress. Don't be content being a worm because you're not a worm- you're a caterpillar. Butterflies in the making, that's what you are.

Sorry for the truisms in that last paragraph- my family has a thing for butterflies... Oh, and while I would have no problem saying things like "weaksaucedly" from the pulpit, you might want to come up with a synonym for that concept like "unsatisfactorily."

-Ineffable

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

In response to the parenthetical comment at the end of Board Question #53429's answer, I have a question.

What are some of the most ridiculous and unbelievable things you've watched real-person characters (not superheroes) do in action movies?

My personal favorite (to laugh at) is from Transporter 2 when the car flips upside down and the crane scrapes the bomb off the back of the car while it's spinning in the air, and then the car lands right-side up and keeps driving while the crane explodes.

- Chris

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ADear Chris~

When Ethan Hunt uses the force of a helicopter explosion to knock himself onto the back of a speeding train. Exciting, and completely unrealistic.

~Hobbes

ADear Chris,

Sweet Michael Bay's sweatpants, Chris! I don't even know where to begin! Well, yes, yes I do:

- Ethan Hunt experiences a mid-air, motorcycle-propelled, head-on collision which instead of leaving him dead or comatose, is followed by a fist fight in Mission Impossible II.
- John McClain takes out a helicopter with a cop car and a jet with a semi truck in Die Hard IV.
- Indiana Jones falls out of an exploding plane with an inflatable raft in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
- Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson go through multiple car and truck crashes and then fall off of a fifty-story skyscraper onto a net, only to engage in several more zany chases that same day in The Island.
- Vin Diesel snowboards ahead of an avalanche in XXX.
- Vin Diesel, in The Fast and the Furious, smashes his car into the front end of a diesel, which causes the car to flip (???!!!) 360 degrees and land without a scratch on Mr. Diesel.
- James Bond avoids 99.99999% of the millions of bullets fired at him over the last forty-seven years (that same percentage, 99.99999%, is also how unlikely it is that any of his chases, escapes, and pickup lines would work in real life).
- In The Great Escape, Steve McQueen jumps his motorcycle over huge fences of barbed wire to escape the Nazis. (It's just like Vin Diesel in XXX.)

And coming in at my number one worst impossible-thing-that-normal-people-manage-to-do-in-a-movie . . .

- In Speed, Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock jump a bus over a gap in a freeway bridge. With no ramp. Just by going fast enough. In a bus.

- Rating Pending (who was totally kidding about that Steve McQueen bit. He really did that! Himself, not a stunt man! On a motorcycle! For real! Well, there weren't any Nazis, but honestly the man is amazing.)

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Please answer this question: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

My husband votes that it goes thusly:

A woodchuck could chuck all the wood he could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

I vote thusly:

A woodchuck could chuck all the wood he could, if a woodchuck would chuck wood.

He thinks it needs the extra chuck after "wood he could," and I think it throws of the incantation and rhythm. Please tell us who is right.

Sincerely,

Your fine furry friends

- Anonymous

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AA-

I'm with your husband. Sorry.

- Cuddlefish

ADear A,

I was going to write that I agreed with you on the rhythm question.

I decided that I disagree.

Try reading the first one faster, and the rhythm comes back.

Sorry,

⋯Anomalous

ADear Anon~

Rhythmically, your husband wins, I agree.

Logically, your statement is always true by definition, whereas your husband's leaves a tiny (oh-so-tiny) bit of linguistic wiggle room. I could potentially argue that the word "chuck" means different things in the different clauses, which is why it's being stated twice.

So basically hubby wins, but feel free to use that against him if you desire.

~Hobbes

ADear Anon

According to this site, you're both wrong. They claim the correct answer is:

* As much wood as a woodchuck would, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

But, at this site, someone says the answer is:

* A wood chuck would chuck as much wood as a wood chuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood.

Which also means you're both wrong. Finally, at this site, I found the following collection of answers (I'm actually only posting a selection of the large number of answers):

* He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

* If he could chuck wood, the woodchuck would chuck as much as he could!

* A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

* A woodchuck would chuck all the wood that the woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

None of which match your answers. So the correct answer is...say whatever you want so long as it includes the following words: woodchuck, wood, chuck, could/would, a, as.

-Humble Master

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Man, am I glad this is anonymous. I don't like to admit this, but I love the game 'farmTown' (not to be confused with farmville) on facebook. It doesn't really have any point to it. But I like it. I have a friend/neighbor on the game, and we use to 'hire' each other all the time, but all of the sudden, I'm not able to. She online and at her farm, and I can't even see her. She comes to my farm, I can't see her. what's the deal? Are you not allowed to hire someone several times in a row? It's stupid.

- farmer me

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ADear farmer~

I'm afraid this sounds like a bug, and is therefore a question for Farmtown's technical support team/person/creator. You will want to find an option that lets you report a bug.

If such an option doesn't exist, then you may just have to live with not hiring one another. My condolences.

~Hobbes

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Does BYU have the power / right to take back your diploma after you have graduated for any reason? I have heard a lot of discussion about Chad Hardy's situation (the creator of the mormon missionary calendar) and I don't understand how the University could take back his diploma once he had already graduated.

- Kelsey

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ADear Kelsey,

The issue is actually different than you describe it. They didn't take back his diploma, they withheld it (meaning they never issued it to him). No student receives a diploma when walking on graduation day; it always takes a few weeks to issue diplomas. He was deleted from the list because he was not in good standing with the university's Honor Code. You haven't earned a BYU degree if you haven't kept the honor code; it's part of the requirements just as much as American Heritage.

But universities are able to revoke a diploma if it's discovered that it was obtained through fraud. For example, if your thesis is discovered to be a plagiarized work, you probably won't keep your Master's degree.

Chad's is a messy situation (in which both parties may share blame), but I don't believe that the diploma would have been revoked had he already received it.

Love,
Waldorf and Sauron

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I am notorious for having a terrible memory, but I think I remember a 7th grade Utah History teacher telling me that at some point when Utah Lake was low due to a drought they found Indian ruins under the lake. Is that true? I can't find info about it now, but I've always been pretty curious about the topic.

- Becca

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ADear Becca,

I was not able to find any information about Indian ruins beneath Utah Lake and I am quite certain, for a few very good reasons, that there aren't any. Utah Lake is the largest natural fresh water lake in Utah and is actually a remnant of a huge prehistoric lake. Many of the lakes that dot Utah today are actually man-made reservoirs and are fairly "young" in age. Utah Lake, though once part of a much larger lake, is quite old, thus it would have been really difficult for Native Americans to build beneath the water's surface.

It might have been possible that while Native Americans were living there a massive drought lowered the water level and they built houses right on the water's edge, but that seems a bit impractical to me. The wise man builds his house upon the rock, not the sand that could get submerged in water again at any time.

You were probably thinking about another lake. There are quite a few lakes and reservoirs in Utah that are known to have Indian ruins in and/or around them, including the highly popular Lake Powell.

-Sky Bones (with help from her Utah-born husband)

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Who do you use as a reference on various applications? I already have my previous employers' information down in a different section, so it seems weird to use them again. Am I allowed to just pick random friends? How do most people do it?

- idk

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ADear I'm guessing you don't know,

On any application, it is always best to keep it as professional as possible. Sometimes an employer will specify what kind of references they're looking for (e.g., an academic professional, former employer, etc.), whereas an application for something like graduate school should always have specifications. If they don't specify, however, then it would probably be acceptable on something like a more casual job application (i.e., not a professional career) to use a close friend but some employers might look down upon this, so just use your best judgment.

In the past, I've asked my former employers, librarians, professors, and my seminary teacher to be references for me on various applications. I've tried to keep the subjects similar, too, for example when I was applying to a few different companies to teach English in Japan, I asked a few of my Japanese professors to be my references.

If you've already put your former employer's information down, maybe there was something like an assistant or regional manager that you worked with that you could ask to be a reference.

Networking goes a long way in the employment world. It's a good idea to start fostering professional relationships now. Don't just put all of your social abilities in making friends with fellow students or others your age. You'll be really grateful if you do once you've graduated and moved on to the real world.

-Sky Bones

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

What are the prize categories for the Parents' Weekend 5k in two weeks? Like, there are probably some age group ones, and are there also categories for parent-student teams? Are there mother-daughter team prizes?

- Cord

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ADear Cord,

The most recent webpage with information about the race says that the categories are overall male and female, age groups (on the page it was unspecified, but this sort of race tends to be divided by ages 18-24, 25-50, and older), and kids. The male and female winners overall will get cash prizes, the age group winners will receive medals, and the kids' races winners will also receive medals. A very old article says that prizes include dinners, so gift certificates to local restaurants. Here's hoping that dinners still holds true, because the best prizes are edible.

In the past there have been prizes for teams, but there is not any information available online about whether or not teams will receive prizes this year. Your best option would be to e-mail parents.byu.edu.

From personal experience, I know that the race is super fun, even if you do it backwards, an hour late, and don't win a thing. Plus, everyone gets a t-shirt.

-Mico

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

In your opinion, what are the 3--or 5, or 10--greatest talks ever given by a General Authority? (Disclaimer: I realize that all talks given by prophets of God are equally important and worthwhile, but we all have favorites nonetheless!)

- Special K

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ADear Special K,

I’m way too illiterate to speak with any kind of authority (e.g. I've read approximately zero complete talks by Lorenzo Snow) and I’m not sure these are even my own favorites, but that said I’ll throw out three talks that came to mind tonight.

Elder Bruce R. McConkie’s "The Purifying Power of Gethsemane" is one of the most powerful testimonies I’ve ever been exposed to. Say what you like about the flaws of Mormon Doctrine or whatever, and I’ll probably agree with most of what you say, but McConkie had a sterling testimony of the essentials and I understand this is its last and probably best statement.

"The King Follett Discourse" (summary and discussion – full text) is crucial from a philosophical perspective. It establishes the falsity of ex nihilo creation, our nature as beings coeternal with God, the nature of God’s laws, and human potential to become like God. These doctrines are all fundamentally different than the general Christian world's and continue to echo through philosophy within the Church.

Lastly, "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" is hugely important. (I'm calling it a talk because President Hinckley read it as part of his message at a General Relief Society Meeting. If you disagree, write an angry letter to the Daily Universe.) I’m giving it a spot on the list for a few reasons: it’s been specifically sustained in Conference (rather unusual); it’s a prescient, firm, concise policy statement; and it introduced some interesting doctrine. On the interesting doctrine front, it explains for the first time that spirits have gender. On the policy statement bit, the First Presidency put this out there and sustained before the homosexual "marriage" debate got big and said exactly what needed to be said in advance. "We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society." Not as easily opposed as more specific Church teachings regarding Proposition 8, but it still gets the ground covered: seems to me that any member who believes in revelation and really wants to know God’s will regarding their voting need look no farther.

Lastly, I'd like to observe the falsity of the idea that "all talks given by prophets of God are equally important and worthwhile." To take McConkie as an example, do you think anyone, including Elder McConkie and God, would rate his earliest or most controversial Conference talks as being equally worthwhile as his final testimony? Alternately, do we really believe that no prophet has ever improved as a speaker or as a testator of Christ? Seems unlikely to me. Though no prophetic talks are fit to be ignored or discounted - which I imagine is what you actually mean - some are better than others, so we shouldn't say the contrary.

~Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe

As mentioned in Board Question #25335, those marks are to verify that the different colors used in printing are properly aligned. Why not just print them on the first batch, as you suggested? Surely they can't get out of alignment all that quickly.

Here's a question to answer the original question. Say that somehow the equipment began to malfunction and started printing out of alignment, so that the registration went off in the middle of a run. How would you be able to (quickly) tell if that happened if you only printed registration marks at the beginning of it? You just wasted a ton of ink and paper on potentially defective boxes if you don't have a way to tell as quickly as possible that it's happening.

My understanding is that most modern printing facilities use computer imaging systems to continually check registration for large runs. If they don't have such equipment, they'd do as Laser Jock suggested and take out a few samples periodically while the run is being produced. If there's a problem, they can shut the run down and backtrack to when the error started occurring more easily, saving time and money on stuff that would've otherwise been printed incorrectly. The few extra dollars of ink per run is more than worth the savings if something does go wrong.

- Seoman - not a printer, but I've worked with a couple

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CDear 100 Hour Board,

This isn't really a question, it's more of a response to a response of another question. On the FAQ's page under the question as to why clocks buzz every hour, an answer is given that the clocks on campus are old/cheap enough that they get off a few minutes every hour, resulting in the buzzing correction sound. This is actually only half right. The most commonly used system clocks on campus are actually very high quality (but 20 or so years old) and only require maintenance every 5-10 years, most of the time they only need a good cleaning and they're good for another 5-10 years. Every clock on campus resets 24 times a day (22 times for minute corrections and 2 times for hour corrections) regardless if they are on time or not. The clocks that buzz just have a noisy magnet, that's all. In the new buildings the University is actually using wirelessly controlled clocks that reset every hour as well, but use electronics instead of physical clock movements. They're controlled currently from a master control box in each building individually. You may ask as to how I know this, it's because I'm the one who's in charge of keeping them all running correctly.

- The Clock Man

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FAQDear 100 Hour Board,
What's that weird-loud-scary sound most BYU wall clocks make when it's almost the hour??
- Clock-o-Loc-o

ADear Clock-o-Loco-o,
Rumor has it that the clocks are all tied together on a time schedule, and when one of the clocks isn't with the other ones and it's almost the top of the hour, the groaning noise is the clock knowing it is going to be beaten if it isn't on time with the other ones and therefore it needs to catch up with everyone else and keep the correct time for students.
- Duchess, who hates reading really long sentences

A Dear Clock-o-Loc-o,
That “that weird-loud-scary sound” most BYU clocks make is a result of the University spending way too much money on the clock system. Somebody thought it would be cool if all of the clocks on campus were self correcting (which it is) and so all of the clocks and the bell system on campus are tied together so that they always agree on the time. Unfortunately these clocks are cheap enough/old enough, that in the course of one hour they frequently get off by a time of several minutes, and thus the need for correction every hour. I personally think it would have been easier just to get a clock that kept the correct time.
-Phoenix