Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.

Posts for September 12, 2009

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I am taking two classes this semester (my limit as a full-time employee). Both are 3 credit hour classes for a total of 6.

One of my classes goes from 9:00am-10:15am. The other is 1:00pm-2:20pm. They are both Tuesday/Thursday only. My question is - since both are 3 credit hour classes, why is the latter 5 minutes longer than the former?

- branflakes

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ADear branflakes,

I don't have an official answer for you; just speculation. Sorry.

A 3-credit class is usually held as either three 50-minute classes or two 75-minute classes per week. Either way, you get 150 minutes of instruction weekly. So the question is why your afternoon class got an extra five minutes. I suspect that it has mostly to do with scheduling; since nothing new is starting until 2:30, there's no rush to end the class early. Of course, this also applies to the 10:15 ending time due to Tuesday devotionals, so it's hardly the full explanation. Perhaps the instructor requested an extra five minutes each class period in order to cover just a bit more material each lecture, or perhaps the department that scheduled it just decided to book the room for as long as it was available.

If that answer doesn't satisfy, then please accept the time-honored answer of parents everywhere: "Because it's good for you!"

-Yellow

ADear branflakes,

I don't think this will completely answer your question either, but last semester I had a three-credit Political Science class that had an extra five minutes tagged on to the end of it, too, and our professor actually viewed it as being "an extra five minutes." Rather than letting us out early, he gave us a five-minute break right in the middle of the class, which was absolutely brilliant in my mind. We were so much more alert and participative the second half of class.

Perhaps you could suggest something similar to your professor?

-Sky Bones

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Who cleans the top CIA agents' offices? Does it need to be a top CIA officer? Theoretically, one who would be permitted to clean the restricted access areas would need to have access to these areas. However, you wouldn't have a top CIA agent vacuuming his own office or dusting his own Sailor Moon figurine collection. Please answer soon. I have sworn an unholy oath not to eat or sleep until this question is answered. Please.

- sexyseptuagint

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As-

If it's anything like where I work (and I suspect it is), the janitors would need to have the appropriate level of clearance to access that part of the building. Anything classified would be locked away thoroughly in a special safe, and the computer would be locked with the user's password, and probably an encrypted password as well. There would probably be biometric scanners at the doors, as well as machines that scan your access badge.

The answer to your question is: trusted, well-trained janitors, who are screened very, very well before they get access to cleared areas.

- Cuddlefish

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I'm not sure if this question has been asked since the search feature is working like a piece.

I have struggled the entire time while at BYU to find girls I am interested in dating. I am a great dater and have no problem when I meet girls I am interested in. Bar BYUSA, where can I find myself placed in front of high quality interesting girls?

Best Regards,

Help me find them!

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ADear Help,

At a Board party (I almost feel justified in inserting an smiley emoticon here, but not quite).

So, basically, you will need to search the archives, apply to write for the Board, and get invited to a Board party. Problem solved.

As a secondary plan: are you involved in any clubs on campus? If you find a club that interests you (and you should be able to unless you have absolutely no interests in the world), you will be more likely to find girls who interest you. I can't really get more specific than that because I don't know what you find interesting. Maybe you find discussion of current events interesting. Maybe not. Maybe you find bubble-gum chewing and hair-twirling interesting. Whatever floats your boat. Just get to a meeting and start meeting people!

I like bubble-gum and current events,

⋯Anomalous

ADear Keep Looking,

It really depends on what you are looking for. During my first ever week at BYU, I went to an International Cinema movie all by myself. Right before the movie started, a guy came up to me, asked to sit by me, and proceeded to ask me out! RIGHT THERE! We went on a date after the movie. Now, I am by no means a high-quality interesting girl, but International Cinema attracts the more intellectual types. Go to those, or other BYU-sponsored events. Watch out for girls in groups, because it is very awkward to ask them out. You should go to orchestra concerts or movies, introduce yourself to BYU Bookstore employees, scour T.A. offices of subjects you like, or hang out in front of your major's building.

If all else fails, follow plan A: find your way to a Board party.

-Mico

AHelp!-

Go to activities that you find interesting, and ask out girls who are there. You'll have at least one common interest, right? I knew one guy who sometimes asked out girls he met at the temple. He figured that if they were there, they were high quality, good girls, a little closer to his age, and if they were attractive it was a bonus. I don't really recommend that (I think it's pretty weird), but if you use the same logic at X activity, then you'll probably do alright.

Best wishes,

- Cuddlefish

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I am thinking about majoring in Econ. instead of management. How is the econ. program better than the management program?

- Kearlite

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ADear Kearlite,

Economics has 9 letters which is a perfect square, whereas management has 10. Economics also has a handy-dandy abbreviation that can be used in writing as well as in speech. Management's abbreviation can only be used in writing. "BYU Business Management" only gets 143,000 results on Google, but "BYU Economics" gets 234,000. "I'm an economist" sounds way sweeter than "I'm in management." No contest on that one: "I'm in management" is pretty much synonymous with "I'm The Man, let me repress your artistic expression." Then again, "I'm an economist" general smacks of "I hope you plan on retiring when you're 87 the way things are going."

What do you want to do with your degree? Do you want a Master's? Where do you want to make your living? How do you want to make your living? What's your gender (you could get scholarships based on this answer)? My Omniscience Globe is being refurbished and it takes a long time for the sweet mirror finish on the lacquer to set, so in the mean time swing by the University Advisement Center and the Counseling and Career Center. It's not just for lost freshmen- they're incredibly helpful. Seriously, they'll connect you to the right professors to field your questions and in general be amazingly nice.

-Ineffable

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I recently stumbled across the subject of anthropodermic bibliopegy. Does BYU have any of these little gruesomes in its special collections?

- Inkwell

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ADear Inkwell,

Did you check the Board archives?... Just kidding, this is a pretty original question.

This may come as a surprise to you, but when a person looks up "BYU" and "anthropodermic bibliopegy", there are only 18 results, none of which are particularly relevant.

For those who are not sure what those long words actually mean, they refer to the little-known, little-used practice of binding books with human skin. Few of these books are still around, and most are in special and private collections, not open to the public for viewing.

And, in case you did not infer anything from what I already said: no, BYU does not have any in its special collections. Sorry to disappoint?

-Mico

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QDear Omniscient 100 Hour Board,

So, I've been wondering: You know that awesome song by Eiffel 65, "I'm Blue"? Well, I've been wondering. The chorus is supposedly just "I'm blue, da ba dee, da ba die..." etc, but it sounds like a lot of different things. For example: "I'm blue, if I was green I would die..." or "I'm blue, I believe I will die..." just to name a few.

In all your wisdom - what do you think they're actually saying (or rather - what they're trying to say without actually writing it in their lyrics).

Thanks in Advance,

- MoM (Master of Mystery)

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ADear MoM,

Well, I hadn't heard that song for years before...well, right now. I had forgotten how nonsensical it is, as well as how fun to listen to it is. I think that people pull what they want to from songs, and that this song in particular is quite open to varying interpretations.

What I take from the song is that you are in control of your own life. Your perspective influences your actions. The subject of the song lives his life "blue." The song tells us that "everything he sees is just blue like him, inside and outside." Later, he says, "blue are the feelings that live inside of me." He is in a blue mood, and it affects how he sees his entire world. I think of myself during finals week winter semester: suddenly, everyone was out to get me, and every little thing that went wrong was the end of the world.

I could easily change every reference to "blue" with, say, "yellow," and draw the same meaning from the song. Our moods influence how we see the world. We are in charge of how badly we perceive things to be going.

Quite yellow right now,

⋯Anomalous

ADear Anomalous,

Not so sure Yellow would appreciate you stealing his color.

Dear MoM,

Oh my, this question took me back to the good ol' days of middle school. That's about the time in my life when this song was really popular, and a group of my friends and I were certain we figured out exactly the part you're talking about. He's saying "I'm blue, I'm in need of a guy." That's right, we determined that he must have been trying to come out of the closet and was so blue because he was lonely. One of my friends claimed to have looked up on the internet at the time and found a site that proved this. It made for some great lunch time discussion. But that was years ago.

And yet, here I am, one husband, one college degree, even one baby later, and I'm still convinced that's what the song is really trying to say.

-Sky Bones

ADear MoM (Master of Mystery),

According to Wikipedia's infinite wisdom:

Quote:

The song was written by Eiffel 65 lead singer Jeffrey Jey, keyboardist Maurizio Lobina, and producer Massimo Gabutti.

The inspiration for the song came when group member Maurizio Lobina composed the opening piano hook. The producers of the song then came up with the idea for a dance song. Jey then stated he proceeded to write lyrics for the song, with Lobina telling him to write nonsensical lyrics. Lobina later came up with the "da ba dee" hook.

Jey stated his inspiration for the lyrics were on how a person picked his lifestyle. The colour blue as the main topic of the song was picked out of random. He has also stated the lyrics of the song were intentionally written to be nonsensical.

- The Black Sheep

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Is suspenseful music as we know it a cultural thing or is it a universal thing? i.e. Do movies from Japan or India use the same type of music to heighten suspense and make the audience feel frightened and jumpy? If not, what do they do differently to achieve the same result? In any case, what is it about the music that makes us feel that way? Is it just cultural conditioning or does it have to do with chemicals in our brain?

- Gueaux Physch

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ADear Geaux Physch,

Have you ever watched an anime? Or a Chinese action film? Or Bollywood? Or Solaris (Russian version)? Or those really early 20th-century horror films, from just about any country?

Hopefully you answered one of these questions with, "Oh, yes, I have," or else maybe my answer will not resonate with you. My point is, suspenseful music as we know it is a universal thing. Having recently gotten a taste of Peking Opera and Pleasant Goat and Big Bad Wolf, I can also tell you that even though the essential chords and sounds are similar, they are not exactly the same. The first time you listen to a Korean drama, you may laugh at the dramatic parts, because they seem weird. But watch again, and you will notice the dramatic cues are just the same as those in American dramas.

As for horror movies, or even stage plays, these all have similar-sounding dramatic music. Of course they will not be exactly the same internationally, in part because different cultures have different ideas of what good and evil/scary music sounds like. But they evoke the same feelings, and begin to feel the same.

As for "why," that is a great question. I have always thought that the low, slow, quickening bass drums scare people because they sound like a heartbeat. Minor chords frighten us because they are discordant, and often unexpected. The way music ebbs and flows can sound like a scary nighttime scene, or speed up the listener's breathing, until it feels like a part of werf. This message board has the remnants of a great discussion about why music evokes different emotions in people.

-Mico

P.S. Just for fun, here is my favorite quote ever about music and its effect on people:

Quote:

The man that hath no music in himself,
Nor is not moved with concord of sweet sounds,
Is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils;
The motions of his spirit are dull as night,
And his affections dark as Erebus.
Let no such man be trusted.
The Merchant of Venice, 5. 1

ADear Gueaux Physch,

I'm going to completely disagree with Mico. There are many different possible tonal schemes in the world, and ours, the Western tonal scheme (centered in Major keys with scales of whole-whole-half-whole-whole-whole-half and emphasis on I, IV and V chords), is but one of them. We learn tonal schemes from our culture as we grow up listening to our culture's dominant music. There are other cultures with different ideas of assonance (simply, a harmony that sounds settled) and dissonance (something that sounds unresolved). There are, of course, overlaps between even the most divergent tonal schemes, but there are also vast differences.

Now it's true that many many cultures (especially in their films) share Western tonal centers, but that's more because of American cultural imperialism than something fundamentally human. The American style of film has been adopted and adapted by filmmakers around the world, yes, and that's partially because American films are the flashiest, biggest-budget, and most titillating. If a country's filmmakers don't emulate that style, even if they have a very viable alternative, the masses will often think that their filmmakers don't even know how to make films "correctly"!

The styles of international films that Mico mentioned all have one thing in common: they're all, to a very strong degree (with the exception, perhaps, of Solyaris), emulating the Hollywood style. To them I would suggest international films which break away from the Hollywood style. Some, in fact, oppose the sentiment to even use music to underscore suspense at all. Have you ever seen an African film? Or something by Satyajit Ray or Jean-Luc Godard? Or a Cinema Verite film? There's a lot out there.

Sure, the American style may seem to be everywhere, but often that's because we only look for and recommend those sorts of films that reflect our own sensibilities back to us. Foreign tonalities and film styles may be off-putting and difficult to understand, but if you look hard, there's a rainbow of variety in this world, while Hollywood is just a monochromatic shade of indigo.

Now, a caveat— the question of just how music (and any sort of art) creates meaning and emotion is a question still under much research and theorizing. My viewpoint is somewhat of a structuralist viewpoint, and there are other viewpoints. I wouldn't be surprised if somebody very smart somewhere believes that our responses to music are, at least partially, biologically determined. But it's beyond dispute that culture is a dominant factor.

Let me leave you with a quote from C.S. Lewis' book An Experiment in Criticism (C.S. Lewis is not only a fictional author, but a renowned critic in his own right):

Quote:

Some musical purists have told me that the appropriateness of certain airs to certain emotions is an illusion; certainly that it decreases with every advance in real musical understanding. It is by no means universal. Even in Eastern Europe the minor key has not the significance it has for most Englishmen; and when I heard a Zulu war song it sounded to me so wistful and gentle as to suggest a berceuse [lullaby] rather than the advance of a bloodthirsty impi. (22)

Love,
Waldorf and Sauron

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Is it possible to pay tuition with a credit card, or are we only allowed to pay with check or directly transferring money to the University?

- Plastic over Paper

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ADear Paper Disliker,

In this age of technology, where any park off the side of the road is likely to have wi-fi, it is hard to believe that a university as large as BYU would not let students pay tuition with a credit card. Which is exactly why you should not believe that, because students can absolutely pay with credit cards. Right on the BYU website is information about how to pay using your credit card. Weirdly, Visas are NOT (all capital letters) accepted.

Lucky for you, there is even a heading on that page that tells you exactly how To Pay Charges on My (Your) Student Financial Account. Hopefully this posts before you miss the tuition deadline.

-Mico

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I have reached a moral crossroads. I have been approached by several men on the street the last few days, one was actually in my apartment complex, they all were asking for money. Now as Christlike people, how do I help these men, considering I'm so poor that I would need an extra five bucks too. What do I do? Give them money, say you don't have anything on you even though you have 2 $20's in your wallet, or tell them off for not being productive with their lives? Personally, I don't know anymore.

- Morally Challenged

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ADear Morally Challenged,

I have a pretty utilitarian perspective on philanthropic giving, but you might find it useful. I'm going to talk in general terms that will hopefully apply to your situation.

First we have to determine how much you should be giving. Obviously if you have nothing to give, then there's nothing to worry about (cf. Mosiah 4:24, as The Black Sheep also recommends). The criteria for charitable giving under the Law of Consecration is outlined in D&C 82:17, where it's explained every man has claim "according to his wants and needs, inasmuch as his wants are just." So your first priority is to take care of your needs and just wants (which obviously go beyond your needs, otherwise the phrase wouldn't be necessary). I include a prudent level of entertainment expense in the "just wants" category - in my book this is the scriptures saying "yes, it's ok to go out for pizza instead of eating nothing but Ramen and donating the saved money to the PEF." Once you've taken care of yourself and your family's needs (which include following the brethren's advice to be financially prudent by saving for the future) and "just wants" then it's time to donate to charity and we can start worrying about where to donate. Or if you have nothing left over after tithing and fast offering, that's that; you can't be held accountable for not giving what you don't have. (This sounds like it might be your situation.)

But assume you do have some resources left and you're trying to decide where to donate. We should observe that there are far more noble causes in the world than anyone could possibly patronize. Whole countries are starving, lacking clean water, broadly uneducated, and desperate for medical care. This is all despite the best efforts of the greatest men on earth for millenia, and the prophecies of the Bible are clear that everything's going to get worse before it gets better. So you are not going to solve all the problems; all you can really hope to do is some damage control. Given this, all you can do is determine where your money, time, and effort will avert the most suffering. You have a whole host of options, from funding cancer research to giving to the perpetual education fund to handing out money to men on the street.

I think that my discretionary philanthropic donations will probably avert a maximum of suffering if I give them to hard-working young people seeking education through the perpetual education fund, who will then repay it and multiply its effectiveness, so that's where my money goes. Do help the guys on the street: just realize that it's more helpful to get them jobs, counseling, etc. than to hand them money and then turn them back on the street, so donate your time rather than your money (which you should also donate, just elsewhere).

So my main points: don't guilt trip yourself if you don't have money. Don't guilt trip yourself when you can't solve all the problems. Do give what you can after providing for your needs and just wants, and do give where it will be most effective. (At no point should any of this involve major stress - I find stress is generally a sign I'm not thinking and/or acting rationally.)

~Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe

ADear Morally Challenged,

I'm just going to refer you to my favorite verses in the Book of Mormon. Thank you, King Benjamin. Other than that, all I'm going to say is for you to do what you think is right.

Okay, so I lied. I'm going to ask you to please not do that last one. Please.

- The Black Sheep

ADear MC,

Black Sheep stole the words (and the scriptures) straight out of my mouth. I, too, love the scriptures Sheep referenced (both for their wisdom on how to react to beggars and for their perspective on our own humble situation and our relationship to Christ). But there are so many more scriptures about this very subject:

Deut. 15:11 For the poor shall never cease out of the land: therefore I command thee, saying, Thou shalt open thine hand wide unto thy brother, to thy poor, and to thy needy, in thy land.

Isa. 58:6-7 Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke? Is it not to deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house? when thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh?

Matt. 25:37-40 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

Alma 34:27-28 And now behold, my beloved brethren, I say unto you, do not suppose that this is all; for after ye have done all these things, if ye turn away the needy, and the naked, and visit not the sick and afflicted, and impart of your substance, if ye have, to those who stand in need—I say unto you, if ye do not any of these things, behold, your prayer is vain, and availeth you nothing, and ye are as hypocrites who do deny the faith.

Please, please, please don't go around "telling off" homeless men. We are not commanded to be judges but to be compassionate and generous. If we have something to give, terrific, and if we don't, we don't, but let us at least have hearts full of love either way.

We, too, could use a few extra bucks, but I've found that even so, there's always something to give. Sometimes we don't have cash, but we've also given out granola bars, fruit leather, bottled water, and Capri Suns - whatever we have. I have never seen anyone so grateful for Capri Sun before. And I feel that charity is much like tithing - we'll find that as we give of our resources, we won't run out. Check out this verse from Proverbs (emphasis mine):

Prov. 28:27 He that giveth unto the poor shall not lack: but he that hideth his eyes shall have many a curse.

Much love,
Waldorf and Sauron

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I did something a couple weeks ago that made me feel less close to the spirit. I realized this, and at the time I would normally repent I just didn't want to. Since then I've been listening to music that I know doesn't feel right for me to be listening to, etc, driving away the spirit. It isn't that I don't want God in my life, or that I don't like having the spirit with me, just that I am tired of living the gospel. No matter how ridiculous it sounds, I just want to get to do the same things as my friends, who are not members. This would be a lot easier if I didn't have a testimony. The scriptures that are stuck in my head right now are "wickedness never was happiness" and "don't procrastinate the day of your repentance until it is too late". I've been praying for a desire to live the gospel, but I just don't have one. Any advice for finding that desire again?

- Lost her eternal perspective

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ADear Lost,

The best way to love something is often to sacrifice for it - I think the best advice I can give is to just start doing what you know is right, make a special effort to serve, and forget whether you want to or not. After a while of ignoring your feelings I bet you'll find they've come around, and there isn't much downside to trying, eh?

~Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe

ADear Lost,

While it may not seem like it, asking this question is a little proof that you have some desire. But like Ƥ. Ɗ. said, if you want to have the same righteous desires you had before, then you need to act in the same manner you did before.

It will probably be difficult at first, but don't let that sway you. I have noticed that the more I dwell on how I just can't change, the more true it becomes. You probably do not want to continue feeling that disconnect until one night you are alone and crying, and for the first time in years find some comfort you have been missing.

You can change, and you can have the same desire you had before. Read the scriptures again (perhaps at this time not ones that chastise so much as ones that express love, or share the Gospel message), pray anyway, and serve others. You can find your eternal perspective again.

-Mico

ADear Lost,

It could be, too, that feeling less close to the Spirit has allowed feelings of guilt to influence your attitude toward the gospel. Like Mico said, it's clear that a part of you wants to live it, or you wouldn't have written this question in the first place. Remember what we are told in 2 Nephi 22:8:

Quote:

And now, my beloved brethren, I perceive that ye ponder still in your hearts; and it grieveth me that I must speak concerning this thing. For if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray.

I find that when I've done something I shouldn't have, the last thing I want to do is pray. However, when I recognize that these feelings are exactly what the adversary wants me to feel, I know that the only thing to do is to take a deep breath and pray anyway. Once I put forth the necessary effort, I find that prayer softens my heart and makes me ready to stay close to the Spirit again. If you let the part of you that wrote your question take control and do what you know needs to be done (i.e., fully repent, pray, and reinstate scripture study), I know that these things will become easier as your desire returns.

~Hermia

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

If I wanted to try out for a play/musical or something, where would I go and how qualified for it do I need to be? Thanks!

- Linda

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ALinda-

Well, that would really depend on who is doing the production. A community theatre's try-out system and requirements would certainly be less strenuous than Broadway's. Basically, find out who is doing the play and call them up, and they will give you all the information you need to know, including try-out dates, scripts, and practice schedules. If you need some more specific information, please write in again with further details.

- Cuddlefish

ADear Linda,

Community theater companies often post auditions in the local newspapers. You might look there.

-Yellow

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I wanted to know if they make chunky peanut butter by grinding the nuts incompletely or by mixing peanut chunks into regular peanut butter. This site: http://www.answers.com/topic/p... says that "to make chunky peanut butter, peanut pieces approximately the size of one-eighth of a kernel are mixed with regular peanut butter, or incomplete grinding is used by removing a rib from the grinder." Which method does Jif use? Which method does Skippy use?

- Rabbit Food

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ARabbit Food-

JIF called and told me that they use the incomplete grinding process for their chunky peanut butter, but Skippy went above and beyond and sent me the following information:

Quote:

Hello [Cuddlefish],

Thanks for Writing!

Below are our current Skippy Peanut Butter Products:

SKIPPY Peanut Butter (Creamy & Super Chunk)
-Super Chunk contains pieces of chopped roasted peanuts; where as Creamy is finely ground peanuts.
-Contains 7 grams of protein per serving (two Tbsp) or 15% of the US Recommended Daily Value. It contains no cholesterol and is a significant source of essential polyunsaturates, niacin and magnesium.

Roasted Honey Nut SKIPPY Peanut Butter (Creamy & Super Chunk)
-Includes real honey to provide a sweeter, smoother product. Chopped honey roasted peanuts included in Super Chunk.
-Contains 7 grams of protein per serving (two tablespoons) or 15% of the US Recommended Daily Value. It contains no cholesterol and is a significant source of essential
polyunsaturates, niacin and magnesium.

SKIPPY Reduced Fat Peanut Butter Spread
-Comes in two varieties Creamy and Super Chunk
-Portion of the peanuts (source of fat) are removed and replaced with maltodextrin (a type of corn starch). Additional protein (soy protein) and vitamins/minerals are added to provide
nutritional equivalency to peanut butter.

-Both the creamy and super chunk varieties have 25% less fat than regular Skippy peanut butter -- 12 grams per 2 Tbsp serving versus 16 grams per 2 Tbsp in regular peanut butter.
-Both are cholesterol free (0 milligrams per 2Tbsp serving)

Thanks for your interest!
Your friends at Skippy

So, now you know.

- Cuddlefish

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I just got sent home from my mission because of...well, I guess complications from depression is the best way to describe it. I thought I was over depression before I went--that is WHY I went, because I had been healthy for a few years and finally wanted to start giving of myself--but I was placed in some difficult situations and essentially had a nervous breakdown. The worst part is, now that I'm home and don't have the work to focus on anymore, I feel a hundred times worse. Salt Lake said that if I made progress at home, they would let me come back...but I feel like I am emotionally regressing rather than progressing.

Am I an utter failure? I didn't even last two months in the mission field. How do I pick myself up again and work toward returning when I can't even make myself get out of bed most mornings? How do I face the prying eyes and questions of my ward members who sent me off two months ago? How do I deal with the incredible amount of shame I feel? What am I supposed to do with myself right now, and what is the point of even trying at anything in life again when I have failed at everything I've ever attempted to accomplish?

I guess I'm placing too much trust in you to answer these deep and perhaps unanswerable questions (it is good to read the Board again, btw, even if I desperately miss the mission field).

- Former (Failure of a) Sister

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ADear,

My dad served a full mission, but didn't feel that he did any good out there. Maybe he didn't. I don't think he baptized anyone, I don't think anyone they taught eventually accepted the gospel. Essentially, he spent 2 years of his life in a place he didn't much care for, with companions he didn't usually get along with, doing nothing of consequence. In all reality, it's probably not his kind of thing--he didn't fit the part.

For years he felt like a failure because of it--didn't understand why he went, what good it did, what all the preparation and bother and time was about if it didn't accomplish anything.

It was when he took those questions and asked them in prayer that he started to come to peace with his mission. He asked if his sacrifice was acceptable, and learned that it was. And today, he credits his willingness to serve a mission and efforts there, even when it didn't turn out like he thought it would, for many of his blessings today. If I had my guess, your mission hasn't been as much of a failure as you think, even if it looks like one on the surface. Converts and a full two years aren't the only, or even most important, marks of success.

As for myself, I've had to come to terms with the word "failure," too. I never saw myself as a failure, but then I screwed up many of my plans for the future, and definitely and quite literally failed at many things. Many of my classes made that list, but there were other major failures, as well, in other areas of my life. I went from being sure of myself to not being able to drudge up any kind of respect for the life I was living and the person I'd become. I was unarguably a failure. By definition, even--one who has failed. And I wasn't sure what to do about it.

In the years since, I've learned a lot. Yes, I have failed in many aspects of my life, and I may have done it more dramatically than many others. I'm still ashamed when people bring those subjects up. But on the whole, I'm pleased with my life. I have many positive qualities, my friends like me, and most importantly, I like myself. And slowly but surely, I'm improving. The things that petrified me before are merely terrifying now, things that used to be terrifying now just give me little flutters of nervousness, and things that used to make me nervous I do with confidence. I'm not perfect, but I'm better every month.

A failure is the end of one road, not the end of all roads. Take some time to come to terms with your new situation, and then decide where you want to be, and how to get there. Don't expect to change overnight, or even in a year. Do expect to have setbacks and more failures. But don't accept that as an excuse to give up. As long as you're making an effort, you're doing well. My favorite song, when I feel like I've hit bottom again and I've just started the long climb back to where I was, is "Just Wait," by Blues Traveler. And my favorite lyric from the song (though I like most of them) is "There's no such thing as a failure who keeps trying / Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace." Remembering that helps me feel like those tiny efforts are worth it.

If I were you, I'd do three things.

First, I'd start, or re-start, a journal. I have both a blog (in which I mostly collect everyday stories and a few of my thoughts, both trivial and less so) and a scripture journal. Each has been a great help to me, giving me motivation to keep going, and a reminder of how far I've come. Plus, reading old entries I've forgotten writing gives me a perspective I really value--it makes me realize that I would be my own friend, given the chance, because I'm awesome. That's often hard to remember, because I'm too close to my own situation, but time gives me distance, and writing gives me the facts, and I can objectively say that I genuinely like myself, and I'm proud of how far I've come.

Second, I'd speak with my bishop. He's likely to have some support and advice you could really use, and he'd love to chat with you. As I've grown closer to my bishops in my past few wards, I wonder why they're a resource I'd never used before. It's such a relief to talk to someone who loves me so much (and loves me more the more I talk to him, because he gets to know me better) and who has a lot of common sense and is entitled to revelation for and about me, as well. I can turn my problems over to him without fear of mockery or being shunned, and get back peace and motivation and new direction from someone who knows better than I do.

Thirdly, I'd pick out some goals. It sounds like your life right now is pretty nebulous. You want to get back out in the field but you're not sure how to achieve the growth you need to do it, and not sure how to show it, even if you managed to do it. Goals like that aren't too helpful. Instead, pick out 3 or 4 more achievable, smaller goals. Find something to take up the bulk of your days--a job would be great, or volunteer work. Something that gives your hours purpose, and hopefully lets you interact with other people. If you can work with your hands, that's even better. There's real satisfaction in that. One of your goals should be daily journal writing, of whatever kind you choose. One might be to get up by a certain time each day. One might be to learn a skill you've always thought was neat, or a new sport, or anything. It doesn't matter as much what you do, but do something. Fill your days with some kind of meaning, and work to improve a few small aspects of your life. And when you mess up, that's fine. Fine! Just don't give up.

You may have failed, but you're no failure. It's the same for me. I've been solidly not giving up for about 2 years now, and it's great. So you can do it. Seriously.

-Uffish Thought

P.S. Go watch Meet the Robinsons.

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CDear B-rad,

In response to Board Question #53363, if you really want to work more than 20 hours a week but don't want the hassle of dealing with special forms to fill out in the employment office, just get a job with basically any of the BYU Grounds crews (i.e. gardening). Come wintertime, not only to you *get* to work more than 20 hours a week, you're expected to! See, here in Utah we get lots of snow, and BYU is more than happy to pay to keep its sidewalks snow and ice free, even if that means its student employees in said function spend (well) over the normally allotted time. This also means you'll be working very hard at all hours of day and night.

As a "part-time" student employee, last winter (Decemeber to March) I averaged over 30 hours of work per week. The pay is great, but I do recall a constant lack of sleep. . .

- Shoveler

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