Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.

Posts for September 8, 2009

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Can we have parties on campus? If so where and where can't they be including heritage and helaman halls?

- undercoverbrother

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ADear undercoverbrother,

What style parties are we talking about? Rave parties? Political parties? Fight Clubs? Jolly Caucus Races? You had better call scheduling at 422-3134 and be very specific about what you intend to do.

Dr. Smeed

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Free bus passes used to be available for BYU Students, do you know when they stopped being available for BYU Students? Do you know why they are no longer offered?

-Going Green

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ADear GG~

UTA got paid in full for those passes because BYU was picking up the tab. Now BYU only subsidizes bus passes.

There was a big and heated debate about this in my early years at BYU. Previously parking passes cost money, and bus passes were free, but so many students were getting parking passes in lieu of bus passes anyway that BYU realized that they could save more students more money by offering free parking passes and reduced-cost bus passes. I wish we'd kept the old system, but it's not hard to follow BYU's logic on this.

Nonetheless, you still get bus passes at a greatly reduced rate if you get them through BYU. See the information desk in the Wilk for details.

~Hobbes

ADear GG,

Archives to the rescue! We have quite a few answers that deal with this already, believe it or not. (Searching for bus pass free parking brings up mostly relevant results, FYI.) It appears, from an e-mail quoted in Board Question #17425, that the current policy of charging for bus passes began fall semester of 2005. As for why the change, I refer you to a semi-official answer in Board Question #38143.

If you read that, you'll see that there actually were some good reasons for switching (though I still don't exactly like the current arrangement); since the issue actually went as high as the First Presidency, I imagine it's going to stay like this for some time, no matter how much I don't like paying for everyone's parking when I don't use it at all. (You can also check out Board Question #47856 and Board Question #36466 for answers generally about the free bus passes.)

—Laser Jock

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ADear Viewer,

Dude, hold your horses; it's the first week of class and they've only just finished selecting students to work on it. They've gotta start writing the thing first before they can even start to project a release date.

But the first season did premiere about a month into the semester. Make of that what you will.

Love,
Waldorf and Sauron

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I'm a freshman with no car. My American Heritage class requires a 10 hour service project not benefiting or sponsored by the University or the church. (I think) What on earth is there to do for service within walking distance??

- Student

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ADear Student,

We helped out at an elementary school to fulfill that requirement. You might try something similar, volunteering at a school, library, or hospital.

Love,
Waldorf and Sauron

ADear Student,

You might want to double check that it can't be something benefiting or sponsored by BYU or the Church. There are a lot of students that take American Heritage every semester and The Center for Service and Learning in the WSC would be missing out on a lot of willing students if this were the case now.

When I took American Heritage a couple years back, most people did the TOPS program (tutoring students in local public schools), which was run through BYU. I did the Adaptive Aquatics program which was held in the RB, and goodness, it was so much fun. Maybe you can try talking to your professor and/or T.A. about your situation and explain that straying far from campus might be a bit difficult for you. If they're stubborn, it still might be worth a try to stop by The Center for Service and Learning to see if they know of any service opportunities in the local area that aren't necessarily sponsored by BYU. Good luck.

-Sky Bones

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I've discovered an interesting phenomenon in my current relationship. Sometimes my boyfriend is the biggest charmer, and I just love him to death. I honestly feel like I couldn't be more attracted to him, and I just want to marry the kid more than anything. These are the times when I think of all his wonderful qualities, and I just eat it up. I love him. It's so great to be around him. SO great!

But when he's not in charm mode, I feel significantly less attracted to him. WAY less. He can be annoying sometimes. He can be boring sometimes. But mostly he's just...plain? I don't know how to describe it exactly, but it's like I don't always feel like I'm in love. In fact, there are days when I don't feel like I've enjoyed myself at all. And I wonder if I'm really happy in this relationship.

But there are times when he is truly great. But there are times when he's really not all that great. So I'm torn about what I should do. Sometimes I feel super awesome about this relationship, and I think about giving him the okay to propose (he's been asking). But sometimes I feel super weird about this relationship, and I wonder if I should break up with him. It's such a strange polarized thing, and it's driving me crazy. I go from one extreme to the other on a regular basis, so I don't really know what to think or feel anymore. Have any of you ever felt so conflicted? What do you think I should do? I've been trying to love the annoying and boring things about him, but I'm constantly wondering if I should even bother. It's really difficult for me to think of breaking up with him, though. Every time I think about it, I just go to pieces. It hasn't always been like this. We have some wonderful memories together, and I think of how we used to be so happy all the time. I want that back. I don't know how to get it, but I want that back. This 50/50 stuff is making me crazy.

-Looking for Love

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ADear LfL,

Short version of my answer is that I don't think you're really in love at all and that I think that the most fair thing to do would be to break up with your boyfriend. That's the CliffsNotes version. Below is some more explanation.

Here's one of my favorite quotes from President Hinckley that's been on my mind recently:

Quote:

True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of one's companion.

The fact that you swing so strongly from one extreme to another makes your feelings and your relationship sound, not like love at all, but more like infatuation. It sounds, to me, that you're not in love with your boyfriend as much as you are in love with the way he treats you and acts toward you when he is "charming." When he is "boring," "plain," or "annoying," (you know, the things that every single person in the world is sometimes?) you "wonder if you're in love at all." Well, it seems to me that in fact you are not. Sorry.

I don't think that there is anything unusual or abnormal about your situation. There's not anything wrong with preferring someone's company more at one time than another. It's also not unusual to be "in love with being in love" (i.e., loving the giddy, exciting feelings that come with a relationship). It's sometimes scary to end a relationship that is comfortable and predictable. But love, real and lasting love, is being willing to be with someone in spite of (and sometimes because of) their shortcomings. You say you're trying to "love the boring and annoying things about him." Well, you don't need to love those things in the person - I certainly don't love the irritating things my wife does and she doesn't love mine. But I love her and because of that I choose to be with her. Love is person-centered and not just quality-centered: I love the good qualities my wife possesses, but I don't love her just because they outweigh the bad ones.

You mention that you want to recapture the feeling of "being so happy all the time." Well, unfortunately, you won't ever be happy all the time in your relationship. Not a chance. Life is hard, people are imperfect and bad times happen. It's unreasonable and selfish to assume that the reason you aren't constantly happy in your relationship is because of your boyfriend's inability to make you happy. And if you talk to your boyfriend about this, please don't explain it in terms of, "When you are _____ (boring, annoying, etc.) I'm not happy, I don't love you and think I should break up with you." He is clearly devoted to the idea of being with you. He's asking your permission to ask you to marry him. Clearly he would be willing to do anything humanly possible to make you happy. But it's not humanly possible for him to make you happy all the time and it would be unfair to make him think that your love hinges solely on his charmingness. That's why, even though it will be sad and unpleasant, I think it would be better to end things now rather than waiting until one or both of you become burned out, angry or disenchanted.

OK, final thoughts: I think you need to ask yourself some hard questions about yourself: do you love him, or do you just love being bedazzled by the way he (sometimes) acts? Is this relationship "worth it"? Maybe. But I really think it depends on you, your decisions and priorities and (to a much lesser degree) your boyfriend.

- Rating Pending (who has been on both sides of this situation. The side the boyfriend is on is much worse.)

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I heard a rumor from my Book of Mormon professor that I wanted verified. He told me that the university makes some ridiculous amount of money (like a quarter of a million dollars) off of our recycling, is this true? If they do make money on recycling how much do they make?
- Student wondering what BYU's motivation for recycling is, Being Green or getting Green?

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ADear Student,

From the Daily Universe:

Quote:

All of BYU's current recycling operations are self sufficient, and even save the university money, sometimes as much as $125,000 in a year.

Love,
Waldorf and Sauron

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

To start off: I’m a transvestite. Well, kind of. I’m an inactive transvestite. Ever since I was very young I’ve had the desire to wear women’s clothing, this urge persists to this day, but I’m not currently acting on it. I could give you the whole story, but it’s not really pertinent here. Suffice it to say, I am not homosexual or transsexual, “just” a transvestite. I’m sympathetic to those that have these other difficulties in their lives, and am grateful that my burden is significantly lighter. You may feel strongly about this being a choice of mine and not something I was born with (obviously I feel differently) but that’s not my question.

My question(s) are:

1. In your opinion, when do you feel is the appropriate time in a relationship to reveal this unanticipated trait? My personal thoughts would be prior to engagement, but after we’ve started talking marriage. I’ve only told one girlfriend, and that was after we broke up. She didn’t have a problem with it, but part of the reason I loved her was her free spirit.
2. (to the female writers) As a woman, how would you take it that your prospective spouse loves you, is attracted to you, but would also like to wear your clothes every once in a while? It's only sometimes, it's only at home, and otherwise I consider myself an endowed member of the church in good standing. For you personally, would this be a deal breaker, a challenge to overcome, neutral, an opportunity for intimacy, what?

I would appreciate your hopefully diverse views.

- Not Quite Normal

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AA happily married friend of mine answered your question:

Quote:

My husband has his own "not quite normal," but innocuous, quirk. He told me about it (in writing, because he was so ashamed of it) just at the point you describe - before the proposal but shortly after we knew we wanted to marry each other. It was just right in my opinion - I already loved him enough that I didn't mind but it gave me enough time to think about it without feeling pressured. We've been happily married for some time and it's never come between us or our intimate life.

However, my husband does not act on his quirk at all, and that makes things simple for me. If he did, as you do, I would view it as a challenge to be dealt with, but it still would not effect our intimate relationship.

There's hope. It can work.

-Anonymous writer

ADear GI Joe in pantyhose,

As far as "deviant" proclivities go, cross-dressing seems pretty harmless, if somewhat embarrassing. I hope your lady is OK with it! Or at least isn't freaked out.

This song goes out to you, you magnificent weirdo!

-Cognoscente

ADear Not Quite Normal,

First question: I think your idea is a good one. Then it can hardly be happening too soon, but there's no engagement to break off if it's a deal breaker for her.

Second question: I can't imagine myself having a problem with this. The list at the beginning of your second question poses no problem for me. If my husband wanted to wear women's clothing at home and that's all there was, well, let's say as I'm writing this I'm shrugging my shoulders.

I hope you don't have any experiences telling people that turn out too badly. Good luck.

- The Black Sheep

ADear NQN~

...and otherwise I consider myself an endowed member of the church in good standing.

Unless I'm misunderstanding something, you're not committing any sins. As Coggers said, cross-dressing is a bit weird, but not of itself sinful.

If you're concerned how this affects your spiritual standing, it's also never the wrong answer to ask your bishop about it.

I realize this is addressing a question you didn't ask, but I think there's no sense in beating yourself up about this.

~Hobbes

ADear who is?

Ooh ooh, a member of a ward I served in when I was on MY mission has your same quirk and as I cast my mind back to the conversations he and I had (he invited us to dinner fortnightly and I was in that area for 7.5 months) the answers given are generally good. It is not something to be sprung upon a woman on a first date, but you don't want your wife to come home from picking up the kids from soccer practice to find you sitting in the Barcalounger, watching Monk in a corset and high heels.

Heaven knows I have a bunch of quirks that my wife found out while we were dating, but I saved some of the more serious ones for when we were discussing marriage, before we were officially engaged. That way we were serious enough that she wouldn't just go "eww!" and dump me and miss out on a good thing, but still uncommitted enough that she could if she wanted to.

Dr. Smeed

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

What does your gpa have to be in order to take more than 18 credits each semester?

- Zombies will kill us all if we're not careful

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ADear Zombies,

Here's the thing - the policy doesn't mention GPA. Here's the policy:

Quote:

Once school begins the college advisement center may authorize a student who has demonstrated superior academic ability to register for a maximum of 21 hours per semester (11 per term).

So basically, it has to be high enough to convince your college advisor that you can cut it. I think that's a combination of number and difficulty of classes you've taken concurrently. If you have a 4.0, say, after one semester of taking 12 easy credits, I really doubt you'd get authorization. But if you had a, say 3.4 after consistently taking 18 difficult credits a semester, and then wanted to take 21 easier credits, you might have an easier time (though I can't say specifically where that threshold is).

Love,
Waldorf and Sauron

ADear Zombies,

For my college it was 3.5. It might be something similar for yours (also, if you are a senior you may be exempt from the minimum GPA requirement, and if you want to you can petition it).

-Whistler

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

The term "emo" came into effect after I had been out of high school. Consequently, I do not know exactly what this term means. Well, I know it's short for emotional, but other than that, I'm lost. Has it replaced the "goths" at school? Are the people who are emos the same as goths? What's the difference between emos and goths?

Sincerely,
Patata Brava

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ADear Brave Potato~

This article is somewhat poorly written, but amusing nonetheless, and pretty accurate in that it agrees with what I see as being the difference between these two groups.

Emos and goths both dress atrociously, have a sense of superiority which they present as self-loathing, and the notion that they understand how the world really works.

As the article points out, though, their fashion codes are significantly different and their tastes in music diverge.

~Hobbes

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I have a couple of female roommates with shoe size 11/12 feet. They often complain that having large feet makes it impossible for them to find cute shoes, even online. Boots especially have eluded them as they've been shafted to plain rain boots in brown and black, or ugly snow weather boots. I'm wondering if there's any websites or stores that you know of that sell larger, cute women's shoes, without having to pay exorbitant prices. Thanks 100 hour board!

- Taciturn

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ADear,

I contacted one of my favorite people for this, a former writer who happens to be in that shoe size range. Here's what she had to say.

Quote:

As a size-12-er, my best bet for high-quality dress shoes is Nordstrom Rack. They carry sizes up to a size 15 in women's in their stores, and I believe online. Also, I've bought my last three pair of winter boots at Payless...being an 11.5 is going to mess with you there, but you might try their online store for an 11W.

Other than that, try shopping for boots in the men's section of the store. I wore men's shoes almost exclusively until I was in high school and I discovered Last Chance in the Phoenix valley...a magical land of deep-discount shoes that had a decent section in size 12. Just in case you get down to AZ ever. Check it out.

Good luck, gumshoe. (Pun!)
~L'Afro

-Uffish Thought

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

I took my car in for a pre-road-trip checkup, and when I got it back I found they'd sprayed some kind of red stuff on the battery terminals. What is that and what's it for?

- pippin galadriel moonchild

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Adear pgm,

I'm going to guess it's some kind of anti-corrosion treatment. There are a variety of things you can use to keep your battery terminals from corroding, which helps ensure a good connection and fewer problems.

—Laser Jock

ADear PGM et LJ,

Yeah, it is anti-corrosion stuff. It is generally just your run-of-the-mill enamel spraypaint, nothing too fancy. Sometimes mechanics cover the terminals in petroleum jelly for the same reason.

Dr. Smeed

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QHello 100 Hour Board Friends:

I am wondering if there is a place on campus where one could sleep an entire night without being hassled/prosecuted. Is there such a wonderful place? (Excluding on-campus housing)

THANKS

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ADear THANKS,

All of the engineering computer labs qualify - if you're in before the building closes you can stay in all night. I understand it's also distressingly common to spend the night in the Chemical Engineering Unit Operations Lab, and I'd bet on the same being true for Capstone labs. Some professors' labs may also be open to their research assistants at all hours (I've been in my professor's lab fairly late).

However, the archives indicate (relevant posts are here, here, here, and here) that non-engineers are largely out of luck. The archives aren't entirely consistent and mention that policies may evolve over time; the most useful/recent statement is probably this one.

The gist of all those archived posts is that there are some buildings where you might be able to stay after hours without permission (maybe the JFSB) and some where it's possible with night passes but you could get in trouble without (Eyring, Benson, HFAC). However, I think even in cases where staying after hours for some productive purpose is acceptable, sleeping in the building is likely to get you hassled.

So...probably not, unless you're an engineer.

~Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe