Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.

Posts for September 2, 2009

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Is there any data on what kind of infomercial narrator - the disembodied voice (like for the Snuggie), the single salesman (the ShamWow guy), or two people (like the Infrared Oven) - sells the most stuff?

- Curious

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ADear Curious,

I did a bunch of looking but I didn't find any info. I would guess the single salesman, because that is how the vast majority of infomercials that I can recall are set up. After all, the commercials you can remember are the commercials that sell stuff, right? Matthew Lesko, Billy Blanks, Ron Popeil (الله يرحمه), Billy Mays (الله يرحمه), all of these men made millions based on their personalities. Sometimes they would have helpers, but they are solo pitchmen, the lot of them.

Short answer, no. There is no data on your specific question. I wager to guess though, based on this list of the top ten most popular infomercials, that solo pitchmen take the cake, followed by two people. The disembodied voice seems to be more for commercials than infomercials so I wouldn't really count that in the mix.

Dr. Smeed

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

What happened to the BYU Women's Football Clinic this year? I loved it last year, and then I never heard about it this year. Why did they decide not to hold it this year? Or did I miss it? I kept checking . . .

- The Answer is 42

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AThe Answer-

I contacted the Athletic Department with your question, and they still haven't gotten back to me. It's been almost a week, so I've kind of given up hope of ever hearing from them. I promise, however, that if they do tell me what's going on, I will pass it on to you in the form of a comment.

- Cuddlefish

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Hi, I need to talk about how scripture studies impoves peoples lifes, does anybody have some new stories or testomonies I can use to make it more interesting, it is a 20 minute talk and I need to keep the people awake

thanks

rinette

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ASunshine-

None of my stories about how scripture study improves my life are very interesting, but even if they were, I don't think I'd want a total stranger using them for a sacrament meeting talk in heaven-knows-which ward. I mean, what if we went to church together but neither of us knew it until you stood up and used my testimony in your talk? That would suddenly be awkward.

In any case, if it's for this week, this question won't post before Sunday, so your hopes of using us as a source are dashed.

- Cuddlefish

ADear rinette,

Rather than use one of our stories, why not use one of your own? Honestly, the best talks are always those that include the speaker's personal experiences. If I wanted to hear amazing stories about General Authorities, or others' incredible mission experiences, or whatever, I can find them online or in the Church magazines. What I can't get anywhere else are your experiences. That is one reason I enjoy Sacrament meeting--I get to hear the experiences my peers are having, and how they are working to overcome their trials. Not only does it feel more applicable to me, I believe it is easier to feel the Spirit. The speaker is essentially bearing their testimony in this way, and it is edifying both them (especially them) and the listeners.

The way you worded your question made me think you were looking for some quick anecdotes to throw together a talk. Forgive me if that wasn't your purpose, but I think you'll get more out of the experience by looking for stories to include on your own. If the other writers come up with any stories, I'm not saying you shouldn't use them, but just don't discount your own experiences and heartfelt testimony. I think all too often we feel like our talks have to be amazing, memorable, and full of entertaining stories. You aren't giving a talk in church to provide entertainment, or just to keep people awake; you're there to teach, uplift, and bring the Spirit. If you share meaningful experiences of your own, and include insights from the scriptures, I can promise you that people will listen. If they don't, that's their loss.

Trust in the Spirit, and I'm sure you'll do great!

-Miss Scarlett, in the Conservatory

ADear Rinette,

I used to not read scriptures or pray. Life was not fun.

Then I started reading scriptures and praying regularly. Life became happy!

That's my testimonial. Read your scriptures! But I doubt that would really help fill your 20 minutes.

-Commander Keen

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QDear Ineffable,

What did you find when you looked into the bizarre idiom "thick as thieves" that you referenced in Board Question #53272?

Nay, Contrary (I don't have anything witty to say here.)

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ADear Nay,

According to the 1913 edition of Webster's International Dictionary, "thick" once had the colloquial meaning "intimate; very friendly; familiar" which suddenly gives the idiom much more sense. The first English use of the idiom was in Theodore E. Hook's The Parson's Daughter, published in 1833: "She and my wife are thick as thieves, as the proverb goes." They understand each other like thieves at a fair is the Latin proverb to which Hook is referring. However, the exact alliterating phrase "thick as thieves" is Hook's original creation.

-Ineffable

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Is there any way I can rent a locker from the JFSB this fall? I looked at the locker rental web page, but they don't even list JFSB on there. It would be super-super-super-super helpful if I can use one of those lockers...

- Contest Winner

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ADear Contest Winner,

The reason the JFSB lockers don't show up on the locker rental page is because they aren't rented by the Key Office like the other lockers are. The lockers in the JFSB are used only by sewing students, so unless you're taking sewing this semester, you're out of luck. There are lots of other options, though, so don't despair!

-Miss Scarlett, in the Conservatory

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

Does BYU rent rooms (like stages, gymnasiums, warehouses, or gymnastics facilities) to the public per hour? If so, how does one go about renting these rooms? How much does it cost to use these rooms?

Are there any other ways to search for buildings in Provo/Orem that rent rooms by the hour?

I am looking for some sort of space to rent by the hour, preferably $25/hr or less, for buildings with exposed beams (like steel, very large wooden beams, or concrete beams with a little space between the beam and the ceiling), and ceiling heights of at least 14-18'?

Thanks in advance for any help.

- Boris

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ABoris-

Contact information for Campus Scheduling can be found here. They can tell you whether they'd rent to you and how much it would cost far easier than any of us could.

As for rentable buildings in Provo/Orem, that qualifies as a yellow pages question, and you'll need to do that yourself.

- Cuddlefish

ADear Boris,

BYU generally does not rent out rooms to the general public. If you're not affiliated with BYU in some way (a BYU club, a local student ward, etc.), then you're probably going to be out of luck on that front.

I won't make your calls for you, but you might look into event centers, which are used to renting space for short periods of time. See Noah's in Lindon, for example. I'm not sure they'll meet your price needs, though.

If that won't work, you might need to get creative.

-Yellow

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QDear 100 Hour Board,

For one of my classes, I have to observe something science-y for six weeks. My professor suggested seeds or the moon. (Zzzzzz...) Or, she said that once a girl was pregnant so she watched the changes in her body for six weeks. (Good one.)

Supposing that I'm not really excited about seeds or the moon... And I don't really want to get pregnant right now... What else could I watch for six weeks?

- Ivy Halls

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AIvy-

Watch the leaves change color, and record their progress. Or get a jar of clean water, stick it in a window, and observe that for six weeks. Keep a weather journal. Watch mold grow on your roommate's food in the fridge. Watch the progression of the stars for six weeks (a guy helping you with this can make it fun if he's cute). You could stick a potato halfway into a jar of water and watch it grow (but that might be too much like watching seeds). You could map where the sun rises and sets each day, and watch what happens when it hits the autumnal equinox. You could watch the progression of your roommates' relationships with their boyfriends or soon-to-be boyfriends (assuming you aren't married). You could go birdwatching. You could track your time asleep vs. the amount of time you spend doing homework and then track it against how much time you spend being social, and then against the amount of time you spend on the internet, and then against the amount of time spent at work. You could track your food intake, recording what foods and how many nutrients, then see how it compares to your energy levels and stress. You could also do that with sleep and exercise. You could stop ingesting caffeine/soda/packaged food/refined sugar, and see how your body reacts for six weeks. You could stop cleaning your bathroom for six weeks and either observe your roomies' reactions or the progress of the nasty things that will grow there. You could wash a dish with a new sponge, and then stick the sponge in tupperware with some water for six weeks and observe its progress (this will show you exactly how nasty a sponge gets sitting in the bottom of a sink). You could exercise daily, record the amount, and record your weight loss/energy levels.

I think that's a pretty good list.

- Cuddlefish

AIvy Halls,

Maybe you could find a friend who is pregnant! All the research without the fuss of having another human being in your belly. I'm sure she wouldn't mind being meticulously watched for a month and a half. Be sure to include lots of poking, prodding, and very personal questions.

Begin a regimen of testosterone injections and observe how you react physically, emotionally, and socially.

Maybe you could stop speaking to all of the people you know for six weeks. Chart their anger levels and hurtful comments and see how long it takes each friend to stop talking to you. This would not only be highly entertaining, but also show you which friends would really stick it out in the tough times. And imagine the homework and studying you'd get done in those weeks!

-Commander Keen