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Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, I'm going through kind of a rough time, and I guess I'm curious if anyone else has gone through the same kind of thing. I will try to keep the background brief! I got married about 3.5 years ago, and the timing could not have been worse, for me. I was literally in the middle of applying to professional school, something I had planned and looked forward to my whole life. As I was receiving interview invitations, my now husband (who was already in professional school)proposed. In an amazing show of irony, I had to choose between a husband and a career (for geographical reasons), which was something I feared my whole life. I chose him, and I don't necessarily regret it. He is an amazing man and wonderful husband. I graduated and then moved to where he was, and worked to put him through school. I thought I had somewhat moved on from the disappointment and hit to my pride of not going to grad school. He finished this year, and we moved to a place I never would have chosen and don't really like...it's a place that is a 180 from anywhere I'd want to be. That's ok though, I have even gotten over that. The problem is my life now, my identity, and kind of my purpose, I guess. My whole life I have been defined by being a super smart person. I double majored in two pretty difficult things at BYU. I got a perfect score on the GRE. Etc, etc. Now, I am not anything. My husband has the "smart" job. Obviously it is hard to find 'good' or 'career' type jobs with a bachelor's degree...which I wouldn't like anyway, because my degrees were primarily a means to an end - grad school. I am currently working a 12/hr receptionist type PT job, only because I am so bored at home during the day. The place where we live has no reasonable graduate programs for me to pursue. I feel like I've lost my identity, and now that we are settled into "real" life, I feel like it's going to be this way forever. I'm miserable. I don't have anything to be good at anymore. Education was my biggest/only talent really, and I gave it up to get married and now it isn't really an option. I feel like a total waste of space, and that there isn't anything special about me anymore - I'm just a big nothing. It's embarrassing to go to my stupid hourly job and have them compliment me on doing something as mundane as using Excel so well or figuring something out on Quickbooks. I feel like I'm wasting my life, and I don't know how to fix it other than grad school. I know my husband would pick up and leave if it would help me be happy, but I don't think I can be that selfish. As an honest aside, I've thought maybe Heavenly Father was punishing me for not having kids right after we got married, or for wanting to go to more school instead. I just don't think it would be responsible to start a family right now - I am afraid that if I don't figure myself out, I would always resent motherhood and feeling like it was an obligation rather than a privilege. I'm sorry this is so long. I guess I just want to know if anyone else felt this way after getting married/moving on with life/having kids/other life changes, and how it worked itself out. If it did. Thanks. -Lost myself
ALost- To be honest, all of my major life changes have done nothing more than help me figure out who I want to be, so I'm not really of much use to you there. What I wanted to tell you is that just because you're married does not mean that you have to give up your identity and your dreams in favor of your husband's desires and profession. Talk to him about this. Tell him that you hate your job, you hate where you live, and that you want to continue your education at X graduate school. It will open the topic to discussion, and maybe you can still do all those things you want to accomplish. - Cuddlefish ADear Lost, They're not about your exact situation, but you might want to look at Board Question #52458 (about the role of an intelligent, capable woman) and Board Question #53111 (about general fulfillment in life). They have some insights that might be helpful to you. You say, "Education was my biggest/only talent really, and I gave it up to get married and now it isn't really an option. I feel like a total waste of space, and that there isn't anything special about me anymore - I'm just a big nothing." It seems to me like there are several solutions to this, but perhaps you're too close to the situation to see them: Develop more talents! Good heavens, there's so much you can do. Set a specific and challenging goal - write and submit a novel to a publisher by this time next year, learn graphic or web design and sell your services, build your own computer. Learn cars or knitting or video editing or cello. Start a business, become a licensed realtor. Chances aren't good you'll excel at all of these things, but one or two of them? I'd bet money you could. Education doesn't stop when school does. To quote Good Will Hunting, why drop "a hundred and fifty grand on [an] ... education you coulda got for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library?" Is it because you don't have the discipline to teach yourself? Is it because you want it on paper? Is it learning you want, or the degree? Make friends. You'll feel more valuable as you serve, love, and get involved in other peoples' lives. Maybe you don't love the location, but surely it will grow on you as you learn to love the people there. Remember your YW values. Divine Nature and Individual Worth. You remember those, right? You are intrinsically the opposite of "just a big nothing." God has told you that you're valuable and special, and to think that you know better than Him on the subject is a twisted form of pride. You're special daggumit. Turn to the Lord. If you and your husband are currently doing what the Lord wants you to do where He wants you to do it, it's your job to humble yourself and align your will with His. If He has different plans for you, though, then get to it. Much love, Waldorf and Sauron ADear Lost, I'm not yet married, but I feel like I can relate to you. I have always been the "smart one" who gets good grades, but doesn't have many identifiable talents outside of book smarts. Lately I have been thinking a lot about going to grad school versus getting married early. Education is incredibly important to me, and getting married early is not. I am terrified of getting married and giving up on the goals that I have set for myself. I want to go to grad school, and I want to rock at it. I want to have a career, and travel, and do things that are difficult to do with a family. I'm not saying that early marriage is a bad thing—just that I don't think it's right for me. At the same time, I'm afraid that if I do all of that, and become too immersed in my career, I might miss out on the opportunity to find that one special person who I want to spend eternity with. Having a family is important to me, and I don't want to miss out because I'm busy chasing other, less important (in the long run) dreams. It's quite the quandary, and I feel for anyone who has had to make that choice. If grad school is absolutely not an option, there is plenty you can do to put your smarts to good use. Pick a project, and tackle it. Find something you are passionate about. I don't know your majors, or anything else you are interested in, so I can't give very specific suggestions, but there are plenty of opportunities out there for you to make a meaningful contribution to society. Find a cause you care about and campaign (or in some other way participate) for its non-profit organization. Implement a new program in your city: for instance, if you are passionate about art, you could look into starting an after-school arts program at the local elementary school. Finding something you care about, and serving passionately, will help dispel the feeling of being lost. Remember that highly paid officials and CEOs are not the only people who can make a difference. Often, change is made by everyday citizens who care enough about changing the world to do something about it. I have to keep reminding myself of this—if grad school is not in the books for me, it doesn't mean that I can't do something important. It looks like you care about contributing to the world in a way that means something to you—when you figure out what you are passionate about, figure out how you can help, and get to work on making a difference. Best of luck, and know that you have inspired me to rock the GMAT's socks off. ⋯Anomalous Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, Who owns those peach and cherry orchards north of the University Mall in Orem? A-Dawg
AYo dawg! Commander Keen and Foreman teamed up to take down this question. First, we assume that you were talking about these orchards (look for the volcano). If not, write back with more info on which you're talking about. If so, they're owned by the Crandall family. We got out of the car and saw a man walking around in the orchard. After getting his attention, we found out that he was the owner and he told us all about it. The fruit is sold at the dollar bill map marker. Mr. Crandall said it would be opening up sometime soon, "maybe Saturday." The store can be reached at (801) 225-3722, and they say they sell peaches, pears, and Gala apples. Peace easy, dawg. - CK-F (we chose that over the amazingly obvious near-vulgar alternative) Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, This may be a silly question, but when you're asking a question during a prayer, should you close the prayer, and then wait for an answer, or should you wait for an answer and then close the prayer? - Queen Lucy
ADear Valiant One, I think that this is a question that is best answered individually. There may be times when you feel that you should stop and seek inspiration while praying. There may be other times when you are working on a particularly difficult question, for which an answer will require more time and many prayers. The most important thing when seeking an answer is staying in tune to the Spirit; if you do so, you will know what is appropriate. ~Hermia ALucy- I think either would work just fine, and I think Hermia's right in saying that it's an individual choice that should be led by the Spirit. - Cuddlefish ADear Queen Lucy, Along with what the others have said, I thought I'd mention that there was a really good article in the August Ensign called "Opening the Heavens," by Elder Yoshihiko Kikuchi about prayer and receiving answers. He outlines how to have more meaningful prayer, and one thing he suggests (under the heading "The Power of Morning Prayer and Scripture Study") is that we should wait after praying. I honestly don't know if it really matters that much when you close the prayer, as long as you are still tuned in to the Spirit. I guess my backing for that is Elder Richard G. Scott's talk, "Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer," in which he mentions that answers to our prayers "will seldom come while [we] are on [our] knees praying, even when [we] may plead for an immediate response. Rather, He will prompt [us] in quiet moments when the Spirit can most effectively touch your mind and heart." That suggests to me that, as the others have said, it can go both ways. -Miss Scarlett, in the Conservatory Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, This question is for the married or 'taken' writers. Do you have 'a song' with your lover? And if so, what is it called and who is it by? - Love Song Listener
ALSL- "Into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie and "Grey Sky Morning" by Vertical Horizon. - Cuddlefish ADear Love Song, We don't really have just one song, but there are songs that have meant a lot to us as a couple at different times in our relationship. Among them are Beulah's "You're Only King Once," Blur's "You're So Great," The Beatles' "I Will," and The Flaming Lips' "Do You Realize?" They're not all very traditional love songs, but I hope you give them a chance. Good stuff, Waldorf and Sauron ADear LSL, "Lover? Oh, that word bums me out unless it's between the words 'meat' and 'pizza.'" - Liz Lemon, 30 Rock When my wife and I were dating, we talked about what our song would be and couldn't ever come to a satisfying answer. We have an "us-specific" iPod playlist, that I won't subject you to, but here are some of our songs: - "I Love You For Sentimental Reasons," (lots of versions, we like Rod Stewart and Jon Pizzarelli) - "Fields of Gold," cover by Eva Cassidy - "First Day of My Life," Brighteyes - "Fire and Ice," Ben Harper - "The Book of Love," Peter Gabriel - "I Will Follow You Into the Dark," Death Cab for Cutie (nice, Cuddlefish!) - "Anyone Else but You," Moldy Peaches (although, honestly, I like the Michael Cera and Ellen Page version from the end of Juno better) - "On Your Porch," The Format - "Amie," Damien Rice - "Out of My League," Stephen Speaks - "I Will (Who Knows How Long I've Loved You)," the Beatles (nice, W & S)(this is actually the first song I ever sang for my wife) Seriously, why choose just one? - Rating Pending (who also considered Obadiah Parker's acoustic version of "Hey Ya" even though it is less lovey-dovey and more "shake it like a Polaroid picture" than the others) ADear Love Song, As much as I love music, I don't have a song with my boyfriend. Nor have I ever with any male. To me, the idea of having a "song" is very weird. Then again, it would be nice to listen to a song and think, "Oh, we had such a special moment with this." Then again, I don't have one, I don't know the difference, and thus, I really don't care. That sounded a tad cynical. Whoops. -Mico ADear lovey, "Naive Melody" by Talking Heads is my favorite love song ever. It's deceptively simple, almost shy, and without a shred of manufactured emotion. "Home is where I want to be But I guess I'm already there I come home - she lifted up her wings I guess that this must be the place." Other amazing songs with a lot of personal meaning are "It's Only Time" by Magnetic Fields and the Smiths' "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out." -Cognoscente Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, I don't know if any of you are familiar with a fairly new product called Choffy (http://www.drinkchoffy.com). It was developed by a guy in my stake, and it's pinned as "brewed chocolate" with all the health benefits and none of the negative effects of other drinks. It's made of cocao beans and a bunch of other stuff and has tons of antioxidants in it. However, it's brewed in the same fashion as coffee, and quite honestly tastes and smells exactly like coffee, and everyone I know that drinks it can't make it through their day without the minimum one cup of it. Now, I know that it doesn't have caffeine in it, but it seems to be just as addictive as coffee. My family has been discussing it and wondering, would drinking this be a violation of the word of wisdom. I mean, the D&C doesn't state "caffeinated beverages" but just hot drinks. There was a rumor going around that a general authority endorses it, but I really don't know if that's true. So anyways, just wanting to get ya'll's two cents on it. --Rekrab
ARekrab- It sounds like drinking it wouldn't put you in violation of the Word of Wisdom, as it is not coffee or tea, even if it's brewed in the same manner as coffee. Addictive substances should always be avoided, so it's possible that you'll want to be careful about how much you drink it. However, according to the website, Choffy is not addictive, so maybe your friends just really, really like it. Who knows? I have not heard any reports of a general authority endorsing this product, so I suspect that it is nothing more than a rumor. - Cuddlefish Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, This is my senior year of high school. We have to turn in our yearbook quotes soon. I have no idea what to use as my quote. So my question is: Do you know any funny/thought-provoking/interesting quotes that could be used for a senior quote? Thanks - 174 days of high school left...
ADear 174, You could always go for a quote relevant to giving your yearbook information, e.g.
Or there's the totally random route:
You could also try putting "Bong Hits 4 Buddha" in a combination protest against Morse v. Frederick and strike for diversity in random drug references. (If you do this one, please let me know how it turns out. Be warned that you might get suspended and the Supreme Court is unlikely to be sympathetic - Souter was a member of the minority in Morse, so his replacement by Sotomayor can't help your case.) Lastly, you might consider a scripture you like. Just please don't put some random "inspirational" quote. ~Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe ADear 174, Not this. - Furious George ADear Now it's less, I am a fan of random, obscure movie quotes that drive everyone crazy because no one can figure out where they came from. Slap it, shoot it, kaboot it, ⋯Anomalous ADear Anomalous, I'm a little ashamed to admit how much I love School of Rock. Dear 174 days of high school left..., I'm going to agree with Kirĸe and vote against anything you might find as a quote in Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul (and please, encourage everyone you know to just leave poor Mr. Frost alone). I also agree with Anomalous and think that a movie quote (or song lyric) would be a great choice. Since you are graduating from high school, though, I think a stick it to the man quote might be appropriate. One of my favorites is
And then, of course, there's always Dr. Seuss:
- The Black Sheep ADear 174 Classics from the 1960s Batman TV show: Robin: "That's an impossible shot, Batman." Batman: "That's a negative attitude, Robin." Batman: "Most Americans don't realize what we owe to the ancient Incas. Very few appreciate they gave us the white potato and many varieties of Indian corn." Batman: "I know. Hieroglyphics self-taught are a chore, Robin; but, it is a surefire way to unravel the secrets of the ancient mystics." Batman: "Hand down the shark repellent Bat-Spray!" -Humble Master Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, I realize that this is going to be a ridiculously broad question, but I just had a new roommate move in and I have this sense that there may be a lot of issues requiring confrontation this semester. But I've never been good at confrontations. In fact, I avoid them at all cost. How do you handle confrontational situations? -Doesn't like to step on other people's toes
ADear Neither do I, Dealing with challenging roommates is always difficult, and I commend you for your effort to do it in a helpful way. One thing that helps me is to not react "in the moment." Obviously, major infractions may require immediate intervention, but often, problems are minor enough to be dealt with at a later time. When something your roommate does annoys you, take a deep breath, calm yourself down, and then confront werf. Emotional confrontations only serve to create more problems. Whether it takes two minutes or two days, wait to talk to your roommate until you know that you can do it in the most helpful way possible. Sit werf down and calmly bring the problem to werf's attention: often, problems are not deliberately created, but are honest mistakes. Explain what the problem is and ask if your roommate wouldn't mind helping out with the dishes, not breaking honor code in the apartment, or whatever else is on your mind. Chances are, werf will be inclined to change, so as not to create a bad atmosphere within the apartment. Most people want to get along with their roommates. Dealing with challenges can be done in a calm, simple way, or turned into an all-out war. If you do your part to keep things calm, chances are a simple discussion won't escalate into anything more. I feel your pain, ⋯Anomalous ADear Kindred Spirit, I hear you - I love to avoid confrontation whenever possible as well. However, as I find myself starting my teaching career this year, I realize that this has to stop. Confrontation is often necessary, and, when handled properly, can be greatly beneficial. The secret I have learned in my quest for assertive behavior has been to try to treat confrontation with humor whenever possible. This doesn't mean treat the issue lightly - make sure that the person you are addressing knows that you are serious about the issue you are raising, but make sure that werf also knows that you aren't so serious that you are too upset to joke about it. For example, say your roommate has spilled werf's tomato sauce all over the kitchen and has neglected to clean it up for some three days. Rather than saying, "You're such a slob! Clean up this filth before I drag your sorry behind to the BYU Housing Office!", you could try "Hey, would you mind cleaning up that soda you spilled? That police investigator has already been on my case this month, and those spatter marks look an awful lot like the ones at the crime scene..." Good luck, friend. ~Hermia AToe-avoider- Not like this. - Cuddlefish ADear wuss, Don't wait for bad feelings to fester. Go up to him/her, and punch them smack in the nose, for no reason! A preemptive strike will put 'em in their place! As thoughtless as it might sound, it would guarantee no funny business for the rest of the semester! -Cognoscente Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, What are some of the major differences between someone who is immature and someone who is mature? And how do you transition from one to the other? -Somewhere in between
ADear Somewhere in between, For me, the biggest difference I have noticed between my maturity and immaturity has been the ability to be honest with myself. When I look back on things that I have done that make me cringe, I realize that these were the times when I refused to allow myself to think clearly about the situation; any unpleasant truths, realities, or potential consequences were conveniently ignored. Maturity came when I allowed myself to think more fully and clearly. My transition was a combination of time, experience, and desire to change. As I grew older and had enough painful but educational experiences, I slowly realized that I had the power to make decisions carefully and rationally. Even though it isn't always pleasant to face conditions as they are, doing so is often the only way to keep the problem from getting worse. ~Hermia ASomewhere- "To the immature, other people are not real." - Harry Overstreet I think that sums it up pretty well. - Cuddlefish ADear Somewhere in between, It also takes some maturity to realize that you and your needs are real and to learn how to balance those against the needs and wants of others. On the whole, though, I'd say that mature people really think before they talk. I also enjoyed Hobbes' answer to this question. - The Black Sheep ADear somewhere- Knowing when to be serious, and having the capacity to do so. There's nothing wrong (in general) with getting a little goofy, but one should know when to play it straight. -Foreman Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, I am an LDS young woman attending BYU. I have always tried to keep the commandments, obey my leaders, and attend church on a regular basis. I try to keep a clean slate, and I rarely step out of line. But I do have one particular issue that bothers me: I have never wanted to be a wife, and I have never wanted kids. A lot of people say that these things are natural desires that come to women. Women naturally desire to have children. Women are loving and tender, and we are naturally suited for taking care of little kids. We want to take care of our husbands, and we want to reproduce. But frankly, I don't buy it. I have never felt inclined to have children. From a very young age, I disliked the idea of pregnancy. I disliked the idea of crying babies. I disliked the smells and the annoyances and the stress. It's never appealed to me. I avoided babysitting as a teenager, and I avoid interactions with children now. I have studied the Family Proclamation, and I understand that it is my responsibility to get married and have children. But I don't desire it. Is that bad? Would you call me a sinner? Do I need to pray for strength? Do I need to reconcile myself to this idea? Will I get cut off from exaltation if I choose marriage but not children? Sometimes I think there are neat things about raising kids, like teaching them and pouring all of your knowledge into their little heads, but I definitely haven't fully reconciled myself to the idea. And getting married is kind of the same way. I have a very good marriage prospect right now, but I don't know if I really want to spend all of my days cooking for him. Frankly, when you put it that way, it just sounds like it sucks! Why on earth would I want to do that? Maybe you guys can help straighten me out. Sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me. -Hoping for infertility
AHoping for infertility- Is that really what you think marriage is? Cooking and caring for your husband's every need? Your marriage is whatever you want it to be. Heck, I know couples that live in different houses or different states, not because they're going through a separation, but because that's the way they prefer it. You don't have to have a 50's-style marriage if you don't want it, and perhaps knowing that will make the idea more appealing to you. It's not even a bad thing to take a less-traditional approach to marriage. If the traditional marriage is not appealing, do something else. Now, about kids: My mother hated kids growing up. She hated babysitting, she hated holding them at church, she hated dealing with them. She now has nine children, all of which are single births, and she says that it's completely different when they're your own kids and not someone else's. That may help you as well. In any case, the decision to marry and have children is entirely yours. I don't know if you'll be giving up your exaltation if you choose not to have kids, but I do know that you cannot reach your full potential if you actively choose not to have a spouse. If I were you, I'd definitely pray and ask God what he wants me to do, because making a decision with such far-reaching consequences without his guidance does not seem like a good idea. I hope that helps. - Cuddlefish ADear wow...really? Sealing to a spouse is a saving ordinance. Sealing to children is not, but having children is a commandment. So, does the deliberate and remorseless breaking of a commandment "get us cut off from exaltation"? I'm not saying you should have children when you don't want them (nor am I saying you should marry your boyfriend to get your ticket to exaltation). I'm saying you should spend some serious time praying to figure out the Lord's will for you, and once you've got that figured out, align your will with His. By the way, where did you get the idea that marriage is "spend[ing] all of my days cooking for him"? You'll be spending all of your days serving him, yes, as he will be serving you. But he can be the cook if that's what you really want. Sure marriage and parenting involve loads of hard work and sacrifice (as well great fun), but what commandment doesn't? With love, Waldorf and Sauron ADear hoping, Not desiring it isn't bad - wallowing in or encouraging your non-desire would be, but it's what you actually do that's important. Serving for something will tend to make you love it, and I doubt this is anywhere more true than with kids. I'd say avoid worrying too much about what you want; focus more on what you should do, do it, and do what you can to enjoy it. Prayer for desire should be a part of this, but prayer can't substitute for action and your actions might lead to the answer to your prayer. This might be what happened with Cuddlefish's mom, and I'd bet you see the same thing. The Proclamation on the Family says "We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply...remains in force," and it would seem that voluntarily avoiding having children violates that commandment. In general, violating any commandment is a sin that must be repented of before exaltation is possible, and of course sinning now and planning to repent later is an exceptionally bad idea. The conclusion seems obvious. I think your apparent idea that a wife is or should be a glorified domestic servant is wrong. Honestly, a wife who does nothing but care for kids, cook, and clean would make me (or I think any other potential husband) completely crazy. I want to marry someone who has interests beyond this and the ability to relax and pursue them even while there are kids in the house. And I'm not talking about scrapbooking or anything else that comes back to being kid-centric - I would like my eventual wife to pursue some hobbies simply for the sake of her own interest and personal development. (This is something I consider as I'm dating - is this person likely to remain sane, well-adjusted, interesting, etc. under the stress of motherhood?) I'd also enjoy this on a purely selfish basis: food and kids cannot serve as the sole basis for 60 years or so of married conversation. This general idea applies to both men and women - good people do things for the sake of their own interest, enjoyment, and enlightenment. If anyone questions this, I refer them to President Monson's stories. He's spoken of his love for watching musicals and reading good literature, both of which consume his limited time. Are these related to his parenting (which I'd imagine was/is pretty solid) or his calling (likewise)? Not directly, but I think they make him more effective in general because they let him relax, learn, and enjoy life, leaving him better prepared to meet its challenges. So yes, parenting and domestic tasks are important, but they shouldn't be your entire life any more than a career, or even career and family, should be a husband's whole life. Finally, I'd like to register my disagreement with Cuddlefish that long voluntary separation can ever be appropriate or desirable in a healthy marriage. ~Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe AKirke- I never said separation was a good thing in marriage; I merely used those couples as an example of people who redefined their ideas of marriage to fit their own needs. If I ever had to be separated from my husband for a long time, I would be miserable, and I think most married couples would feel the same way. But those people obviously thought that their idea was better than what everyone else did, so they did it. - Cuddlefish Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, When a boy wants to ask a girl's dad for permission to marry his daughter, what should he say? -Smooth Like Butter.
ADear Smooth, "Mr. Whatever-his-name-is, I know no father wants his daughter to marry some schmo. I'm sorry, but I hope you will reconsider. May I marry your daughter?" "Your daughter is pregnant!" *silence* "Just kidding. Actually, she is engaged. Is that cool by you?" Whatever you do, do not text him. Bad example: "Plz sir can i mrry ur dahtur???/" Taking the father aside, and explaining your feelings in a sincere way, then bringing up the real possibility of marriage is the smoothest thing to do. -Mico ASmooth- Mico is quite correct, in that asking the father sincerely if you may marry his daughter is the right way to go. I don't think, however, that being overly humorous while asking is a good idea. This is a very serious thing for her dad. You're asking him for one of the things he considers the most precious, and being too flippant may make him think less of you. If you're going to be so formal as to ask for the father's permission, then you should be formal while you do it. - Cuddlefish ADear smooth, I don't plan on asking my future fiancée's father for his permission. This isn't 19th century costume-drama-era Britain and it's not his to give, it's hers. I DO, however, plan on asking for his blessing, which is different. I respect him and his approval would be much appreciated for both me and her. However, I'm still marrying his daughter, even if he says no. -Cognoscente, who is a little nervous about what the next year will bring ADear SLB, My two cents belong right next to Cognescente's - it's really not his decision at all; it's yours. When I asked my now father-in-law, I said, "I'm in love with your daughter and I want to ask her to marry me." I didn't even use the words "permission" or "blessing" (although the blessing-asking was implied). For what it's worth, his response was, "Oh, are people still asking the dads these days? Sure, go for it." - Rating Pending (who has a friend who got a literally two-hour-long interview with his future father-in-law detailing a great many of his past transgressions) Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, I am working on my application for the English Teaching Major...and I just have questions. Exactly how intense and amazing does the video of me teaching have to be? Is it that big of a deal. Also, what is the average on how many people apply and how many get accepted? Sorry for the multiple questions!
ADear Applicant, I, too, stressed over my English Teaching application. When I got in the program, most of my new classmates were curious as to how many people had been accepted and denied. Although our professors stayed tight-lipped about actual numbers, they pretty much gave us the idea that the application is primarily intended to weed out flaky applicants. Just make sure that you prove that you are taking the application seriously, and you shouldn't have a problem. My video was pretty basic and straightforward - I simply led a (scripted) discussion on symbolism in James Joyce's A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. Nothing fancy or amazing. If you have any more questions about your application, feel free to email me at hermia at theboard.byu.edu. Good luck! ~Hermia Back to top QDear Q&A, There is a quote that has been floating around, supposedly from Spencer W. Kimball, about missionary work. It is: "If only you could see the vision as I have. I wish I had your bodies to do this work. I would run from house to house telling everyone the gospel, and after I lost the strength to run I would begin to walk, and after I collasped from walking, I would begin to crawl, and after my knees were so bloody that I could not use them I would use my arms to drag myself, and once my muscle in my body was gone I would begin to yell...oh, only if you could see the vision that I have." I've looked extensively but can't find a citation. Do you know where one might be? - optiplex
ADear reader, In my research, all I could find was this thread, which was inconclusive. I'm inclined to think it is a real quote, but without an actual, verifiable, official citation we should never pass these sorts of things around. If it's not on LDS.org, that's a pretty good sign not to pass it on. Here's the church policy:
Love, Waldorf and Sauron ADear optiplex, Note: I wrote this at the same time as Waldorf and Sauron were writing their response, found what they did, and reached a similar conclusion (they figured probably true but useless and shouldn't be distributed while I figured probably false and useless and shouldn't be distributed). I guess I wrote it up in a little more depth, so if anyone's really bored read on. I googled "'If only you could see the vision as I have' kimball" and only got 19 independent results. One was from a site related to the Vancouver Mission, where a sister missionary apparently quoted it without attribution, or at least without attribution that made it to the site. Another was a mormonapologetics.org forum thread asking your very question, except wondering whether it was attributable to President Benson. One guy commented that his mission president said it a lot. Someone else said "Had the reference once...sorry." Another said he heard it in his mission too and believes "it comes from a Mission Presidents' Training Seminar held at the MTC in Provo while Pres. Kimball was alive." This user has since been banned. The last poster as of my writing (who has also since been banned from the site) said he's heard the audio and it was President Kimball. So even among random strangers on the internet this group has low credibility. The rest of the Google results appear to be profiles on social networking sites. None of this gives the quote any credibility. So basically, no one knows - this appears to be a standard fake GA quote, passed through the internets without citation, that survives because it's much more graphic and melodramatic than anything we could normally expect a GA to say. The quote also seems to conflict with the actual doctrine that it is not requisite that we run faster than we have strength. The missionary system is accordingly designed to get the most work possible out of missionaries, and not more - missionaries are required to sleep, take care of themselves, etc. even though this costs potential working time, and this all reflects an attitude not consistent with the quote. Like I said: to all appearances this is a standard, shoddily faked interweb GA quote. ~Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe P.S. If any of our readers has the citation, by all means make us look silly by sending it in. Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, So I had a Sunday School teacher while I was in high school, who despite being extremely nice and caring (not to mention brought really good food...), often times would teach things that I found a little iffy. One time he told all the boys in our class that they "didn't need to go on missions unless they really wanted too." That really kind of bothered me, but anyways, my main question. One of the things he said was that if you are a recovering alcoholic, you don't need to talk to a Bishop to complete the repentance process. Now that's not something I've ever dealt with, as I've never drank alcohol, so maybe I'm just not informed on it, but this seemed kind of strange to me. I'm just curious if what he was teaching was true. -Rekrabk
ARekrabk- So, fun story. A friend of mine drank in high school, in his first couple years of college, and even in the months before his mission (though at that point it was entirely social). When he entered the MTC, he had not had a drink for a while, but he felt guilty about what he had done, so he went to talk to his branch president. He told him what had happened, and the branch president said "Ok." My friend asked him if it was a problem and whether he should be sent home. His branch president said "You don't drink now, do you? Then you've repented and it's not any of my business." Apparently, your Sunday School teacher was correct. As a secondary note, guys who do not wish to serve missions should not serve missions. A missionary in my husband's mission was a self-proclaimed atheist who was only there so his parents wouldn't kick him out of their house and so that they would pay for college and a car. I think forcing guys to go on missions either directly, such as in his case, or indirectly, by shunning them if they don't, is silly, and in many cases damaging to the spiritual growth of the people they serve and serve with. I'll get off my soapbox now. - Cuddlefish Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, Without going into detail, I need to have the names of two individuals (let's call them parents) removed from my church records because I no longer desire any relations with them in time or eternity. Without having to pursue anything legally, how can I get their names off?
ANameless- Talk to your bishop. He will help you out. - Cuddlefish Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, I have problem about whether I should retake a class or not. Before I switched my major, which was Dietitics, I didn't pass a couple classes. It brought my GPA down drastically. After that semester I decided to change my major to psychology but I still have those two classes I didn't pass weighing my GPA down. Should I retake the classes even though they have nothing to do with my current major? I'm thinking of retaking one of them because the other one I'm not sure if I will do that great in. Also, I was wondering if only taking one would still bring up my GPA? Thank you so much, - vball22
ADear vball22, I think your decision should depend on your individual situation, about which I unfortunately know very little. Why exactly do you want to raise your GPA? Are you worried that you won't get an internship or into a graduate program if you don't? If this is the case, I would speak with a guidance counselor in your college - he or she would be able to give you much better advice than I could. Some programs will frown on a lower GPA, while others may calculate a GPA based solely off of your performance in courses that they find relevant to the program. If you just want to raise your GPA because you don't like how low it is, you need to consider how much these classes will affect your GPA after you have taken (and hopefully done well in) your new major's courses. Will it really be worth any extra time, tuition, or effort? Only you can make that call. Sorry I can't tell you outright what to do without more information; I hope my answer has at least pointed you in the right direction. ~Hermia ADear vball22, I second Hermia's suggestion to stop by the psychology department's advisement office and ask them. They'll know best. If you're looking to go straight into a PhD program in counseling or clinical psych, though, I bet you will definitely have to retake those courses. - The Black Sheep Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, I was wondering if the BYU Philharmonic has ever performed Mahler's 4th Symphony, and if possible, when. Thanks! wds
ADear wds, Last February. Love, Waldorf and Sauron Back to top QDear 100 Hour Board, As has been discussed in Board Question #20580 (as well as several others), it is illegal to watch a movie in a public place. On iTunes you can share your playlist with others on the same network—both your music and now your videos (via Bonjour). Why is this not in violation of said Copyright Law? —Damasta
ADear Damasta, Because 1- Apple has a good relationship with the labels and keeps them happy with their restrictions of no more than 5 users connecting to a computer per day. 2- The labels are okay with it because music sharing is a good thing; when more people discover more music, more people buy more music. Interestingly, music pirates are also by far the most likely to purchase music. 3- The music isn't being copied and it isn't being performed publicly. Only allowing a few people to listen to a library means it falls well within the realm of personal use. 4- And if the record companies disagreed, Apple would probably cave to their demands in order to keep the label's music on the iTunes music store. Originally, iTunes was able to share over the internet; label pressure caused the 5-computer limitation and caused Apple to close a loophole that allowed sharing across the internet. Love, Waldorf and Sauron Back to top CThis is some help for the guy trying to buy the short sale in Board Question #53283: My husband and I are in the middle of the whole short sale process (buying, not selling) and I have learned more in these 6 months about lending and home buying than I could have imagined! The same offer about renting was made to us, and I refused based on a lot of the same reasons the board writers gave. Hopefully your realtor has been upfront with you about the frustration of short sales. The reality is only 26% ever make it to closing. The downside to renting (the major one anyway) is that if you are the first offer, the seller can kind of "use" you to get the short sale process started with the bank (appraisals, evaluation of hardship package, etc.) but then start looking around for higher offers, because now the short sale is more attractive in that the bank process has begun. So many things can go wrong: bank can come back with a price out of your range (or one that you refuse to pay for that particular house), bank can decline hardship package, the bank can decide to let it go to auction rather than short sale - which totally happens, esp. with Bank of America, etc.,etc. 26% make it to closing - how awkward and annoying would it be to have to move out after you've thought this would be your house? Good luck! We have been waiting 4 months since our offer was made, and we hope to close within 30 days. We are in the Boise area which is primarily short sales/foreclosures, so we didn't really have a choice either. If I were you, unless you LOVE this house, make a bunch of offers on short sales and see which one comes back from the bank first. But I REALLY would not move in, especially since you have a flexible month to month lease already. -1st time homebuyer
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