"Reversal of fortune? No way. Reversal of skill." -Uffish Thought

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Question #89952 posted on 06/26/2017 8:32 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

When you're counting how many countries or states you've visited do you include places where you've only been in the airport for a layover or driven through without stopping?

-World traveler

A:

Dear wind,

Never with states. Too many road trips when I was little means I have no idea what states I've driven through. Plus, it's not like I know what they're like just by driving through them. (Except for Kansas maybe.)

With countries, I'll clarify the rules of the game with whatever crowd I'm with. For the same reason as above, though, most people (including myself) don't really care where I've had layovers. But other times the game is just airports, so it evens out. 

Take care,

-Auto Surf


0 Corrections
Question #89958 posted on 06/26/2017 8:20 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I'm having a hard time understanding why a couple of the same gender is less worthy or okay in a religious sense than a heterosexual couple. Why would loving someone be wrong? What makes a homosexual couple inherently different from a heterosexual one?

-struggling with testimony

A:

Dear friend,

This is a hard issue. Answers can take time to find, so it's okay to be confused about it. Hopefully you can find some answers as you study, ponder, and pray about it.

You might not be aware, but the Church has an official website called Mormon and Gay that can hopefully answer some questions and help you understand the Church's stance. I've seen the Church be quite diligent in reaching out with love to that community in the last few years.

I have a few thoughts myself on the subject. Rather than state them myself, I will express my thoughts in the words of several Apostles.

Elder Holland: "But I plead with each one of us to stay permanently and faithfully in the choir, where we will be able to savor forever that most precious anthem of all—'the song of redeeming love.' Fortunately, the seats for this particular number are limitless. . . . There is room for those with differing sexual attractions."

Elder Christofferson: "Surely no one would accuse the Savior of not loving these scribes and Pharisees—after all, He suffered and died to save them too. But loving them, He could not let them go on in sin without clearly correcting them. One observer noted, 'Jesus taught his followers to do as he did: to welcome everyone but also to teach about sin, since love demands warning people about what can hurt them.'"

Elder Bednar: "The power of procreation is spiritually significant. Misuse of this power subverts the purposes of the Father’s plan and of our mortal existence. Our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son are creators and have entrusted each of us with a portion of Their creative power. Specific guidelines for the proper use of the ability to create life are vital elements in the Father’s plan. How we feel about and use that supernal power will determine in large measure our happiness in mortality and our destiny in eternity."

There's nothing wrong with love. But love alone cannot justify sexual relations, no matter your sexual orientation.

Having said that, I sincerely hope that everyone would feel welcome in this Church. There really is a place for all.

-Kirito


0 Corrections
Question #89900 posted on 06/26/2017 8:20 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,
How do I teach my children about the LGBTQ community so they are loving and tolerant, but also have a good gospel perspective. My oldest is 9, I have kept things simple to this point, but as they get older I struggle to keep conversations gospel centered but not judgemental.

-Just a parent

A:

Dear you,

Quite honestly, I don't think I'm equipped to answer your question. However, I can direct you to helpful past questions from the archives. This question was asked last alumni week, and it deals with treading the line of teaching children to not approve of sinful behavior, but to still love others regardless of their actions.

~Anathema


0 Corrections
Question #89965 posted on 06/26/2017 8:14 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

There's a clip I see a lot from "The Newsroom" about how America isn't the greatest country anymore. Do you agree? If not America, who then and why?

-Dallin

A:

Dear you,

I've seen the clip. I remember not agreeing with all of it, but thinking that it made some good points.

My feelings about America's greatness are best summed up by this Langston Hughes poem:

Let America Be America Again
Let America be America again.
Let it be the dream it used to be.
Let it be the pioneer on the plain
Seeking a home where he himself is free.

(America never was America to me.)

Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed—
Let it be that great strong land of love
Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme
That any man be crushed by one above.

(It never was America to me.)

O, let my land be a land where Liberty
Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath,
But opportunity is real, and life is free,
Equality is in the air we breathe.

(There’s never been equality for me,
Nor freedom in this “homeland of the free.”)

Say, who are you that mumbles in the dark?
And who are you that draws your veil across the stars?


I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart,
I am the Negro bearing slavery’s scars.
I am the red man driven from the land,
I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek—
And finding only the same old stupid plan
Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak.

I am the young man, full of strength and hope,
Tangled in that ancient endless chain
Of profit, power, gain, of grab the land!
Of grab the gold! Of grab the ways of satisfying need!
Of work the men! Of take the pay!
Of owning everything for one’s own greed!

I am the farmer, bondsman to the soil.
I am the worker sold to the machine.
I am the Negro, servant to you all.
I am the people, humble, hungry, mean—
Hungry yet today despite the dream.
Beaten yet today—O, Pioneers!
I am the man who never got ahead,
The poorest worker bartered through the years.

Yet I’m the one who dreamt our basic dream
In the Old World while still a serf of kings,
Who dreamt a dream so strong, so brave, so true,
That even yet its mighty daring sings
In every brick and stone, in every furrow turned
That’s made America the land it has become.
O, I’m the man who sailed those early seas
In search of what I meant to be my home—
For I’m the one who left dark Ireland’s shore,
And Poland’s plain, and England’s grassy lea,
And torn from Black Africa’s strand I came
To build a “homeland of the free.”

The free?

Who said the free? Not me?
Surely not me? The millions on relief today?
The millions shot down when we strike?
The millions who have nothing for our pay?
For all the dreams we’ve dreamed
And all the songs we’ve sung
And all the hopes we’ve held
And all the flags we’ve hung,
The millions who have nothing for our pay—
Except the dream that’s almost dead today.

O, let America be America again—
The land that never has been yet—
And yet must be—the land where every man is free.
The land that’s mine—the poor man’s, Indian’s, Negro’s, ME—
Who made America,
Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain,
Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain,
Must bring back our mighty dream again.

Sure, call me any ugly name you choose—
The steel of freedom does not stain.
From those who live like leeches on the people’s lives,
We must take back our land again,
America!

O, yes,
I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath—
America will be!

Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death,
The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies,
We, the people, must redeem
The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers.
The mountains and the endless plain—
All, all the stretch of these great green states—
And make America again!

-Zedability


0 Corrections
Sunday, June 25, 2017
Question #89967 posted on 06/25/2017 1:08 a.m.
Q:

Dear Frere Rubik,

Will you tell me the joke about liking long walks along the Provo Beach Resort?

-A fan

A:

Dear Fan,

In the time before time in days of yore (by which I mean late 2015), my bio page looked like this and read like this:

Frère Rubik is a tall, fairly nerdy writer from Utah who should really ask more girls out on dates. He enjoys reading, writing, candle-lit meals and long walks along the Provo Beach Resort. When not working on the Board, he is probably randomly surfing the web, playing Super Smash Bros. with his roommates, or otherwise avoiding his Physics homework. He is a fan of lame puns, self-deprecating humor, and semicolons, although he probably doesn't use any of them appropriately. He also finds it weird to keep referring to himself in the third person, but he can't stop now. 

As you can see, the "Provo Beach Resort" joke here is a riff on the traditional romantic ad line about liking "long walks along the beach" (documented here by the BBC and here by the XKCD). I think I came up with it after one day when I made my (Californian) friend Sonya quite annoyed when I insisted that the Provo Beach Resort was basically the same as an actual beach (for those of you unfamiliar with the PBR, these pictures should help you see that, while the PBR may be a swell place, it is definitely not a beach). The thought of taking a long, pensive, soul-searching walk around the Provo Beach Resort cracked me up, and I wanted to use it somehow. When no other opportunity presented itself, I wrote the joke into my Board bio.

Flash forward to earlier this year, and I decided I wanted to change up my Board bio. Part of me wanted to keep the line about the Provo Beach Resort, but another part of me just wanted to start over. Then, I had the idea to say that I was keeping the line about the PBR while actually deleting it from the bio. This also struck me as being hilarious, so I put it in the new bio. 

And now I've explained everything so thoroughly that neither joke seems as funny as it once did. Take it away, E.B. White:

Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind.

-Frère Rubik


0 Corrections
Question #89966 posted on 06/25/2017 12:08 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Is it really necessary to cook some animals alive? I like the taste of lobster but I don't want it cooked alive and suffering.

Thanks

A:

Dear you,

Lobster have bacteria that can multiply extremely quickly after they die, so cooking them alive is necessary to prevent food poisoning.

If you put the lobster on ice for 15 minutes before placing it in boiling water, they only appear to suffer for about 20 seconds. All in all, I would say that a shellfish suffering for 20 seconds isn't any more morally objectionable than a more highly evolved animal, such as a cow, being killed prior to being cooked, since there is no way to kill an animal completely painlessly. I realize that this is a subjective judgment, however.

-Zedability


0 Corrections
Saturday, June 24, 2017
Posted on 06/24/2017 7:30 p.m. New Correction on: #89822 This might be another one for the È-Files... Maggots are falling from our Elm tree onto ...
Question #89822 posted on 06/24/2017 1:09 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

This might be another one for the È-Files...

Maggots are falling from our Elm tree onto our deck (and probably the lawn, too).
Note the head of a screw at the bottom right of the video for size reference.

We've checked, and there doesn't appear to be a dead body up in the branches, but it's a big tree and maybe we just can't see it.
Possibly related to my Board Question #84356.

My wife says that this happened last year about the same time, so it could be a seasonal thing - maybe a squirrel with allergies that turn it homicidal?

Why is death raining down from our tree?

-Dee Composed

A:

Dear Deedle-Eedle-Dee,

Frère Rubik is sitting with his feet up on his desk at the F.R.I., half dozing as he gets mad gains in JP in Magikarp Jump. A small desk fan pivots back and forth slowly, ruffling the unkempt papers strewn around his office. This peaceful reprieve is rudely interrupted by the arrival of the Chief, who brusquely barges into the office and slams his hands down on the desk.

"FRÈRE!" he shouts, and Frère bolts backward in his chair, toppling over. On his way down, his foot kicks his computer mouse, waking his laptop up from hibernation and starting the Trololololo Song. Frère rights himself and hurriedly closes the tab, only to unmute another tab playing Smooth Jazz Nyan Cat. Vainly, he closes that tab, but in his haste he accidentally presses his secret keyboard shortcut which causes all of the computers in the surrounding area to play Epic Sax Gandalf. Frantically, he shuts his laptop, and the room is finally silent. Panting slightly, he looks up at the Chief.

"H-Hey there, Chief, what brings you 'round these parts?" he asks, trying to sound casual.

"We're shutting down the È-Files, Frère. Pack up your things!" shouts the Chief angrily.

Frère Rubik is aghast.

"But, Chief, you can't just shut me down! The È-Files are a valuable branch of this organization--"

"You've never even solved a case!" the Chief interrupts angrily.

"Well, that may be, but we've made some significant strides in explaining ghost spiders and random blood circles--"

"THOSE CASES HAVE BEEN STAGNANT FOR MONTHS!" the Chief cries.

Frère opens his mouth to protest, but as he does so a sticky note falls on top of his head, jarred loose from the wall by the commotion. He retrieves it and grimaces as he sees that it's the note relating to the Blood Circle case, dated 10/28/2015; it's been a year and a half. His shoulders sag glumly.

"That's what I thought," the Chief says, gruffly. "Gather all your stuff and head down the hall; you're being reassigned to the Folk Doctrine Division."

Frère winces as he hears the sound of wild banjos and Neal A. Maxwell quotations being shouted loudly from the neighboring offices.

"How does this even work, anyway?" he mutters to himself as he slides an empty box out from under his desk. "Is this entire organization just some weird manifestation of my subconscious or is it an independent entity unto itself--"

"Better if you don't think about it, kid," says the Chief, overhearing Frère and cutting him off, "this isn't the first time an introductory narrative has been more hole-y than a slice of Swiss cheese."

Suddenly, there is a loud "DING," indicating that a new question has come in. Frère pulls it up on his phone, not daring to open his computer again. As he reads it, his eyes light up in excitement.

"Chief! I've got a new case! The È-Files are here to stay!" he exclaims.

The Chief rolls his eyes.

"Whatever. Just forward it to general inquiries. I'm sure they can handle--"

"A TREE IS RAINING MAGGOTS FROM ABOVE!" exclaims Frère.

The Chief looks suddenly ill. He holds a fist up to his mouth, then makes for the door.

"Alright, fine, do what you have to do," he says, exiting hastily. "And Frère?"

"Yes?"

"Don't send me the report on this one."

With that, the Chief is gone, and Frère returns to Magikarp Jump with increased vigor and vitality.

---

Please pardon my silly introduction. I just feel like I haven't been silly in a while.

Now, getting to the case at hand, I think I actually have a solution for you this time, Dee. For those reading that didn't follow the link in the question, it leads to a video download, from which I have taken the following screenshot identifying the critter in question:

Screen Shot 2017-06-08 at 6.53.01 PM.png

As we can see, it is a very small (one might even say smol) worm-like thing, of a vaguely whitish/greyish/greenish/brownish coloration. When I saw the video for the first time, my gut reaction was that this was not actually a maggot. Due to an unfortunate mission experience involving dead raccoons and bleach, I've had the opportunity to see maggots up close, and this li'l guy seemed at least a wee bit different. See, maggots' bodies usually have bigger segments than this fella seems to have, and they also tend to be a more opaque white color (or even yellow), whereas the above crawly seems a tad translucent (in my experience, maggots also tend to be a bit bigger; I feel like they'd be longer than the diameter of that screw there). If you don't believe me, you may conduct a Google image search for "maggot" and compare the results, but I cannot recommend doing so because eeewwwwwwww.

So, if not a maggot, what is this little guy? I think the biggest clue lies in your question. You mentioned that these bug-o's are falling out of one of your trees, specifically an Elm tree. A bit of digging led me to this blog post, which seems to describe a similar phenomenon. The blog post reaches the conclusion that their creepy-crawlies are Elm Leaf Beetles in an early stage of development. Comparing their pictures to yours, the two look a bit similar, but not especially so. Another link I found suggested that they might be Spring and Fall Cankerworms.

Now, like the blog poster's friend said, I'm no Entomologist, and the closest thing we have to an Entomologist here on the Board is The Entomophagist, and he's more about eating bugs than identifying them, so I can't say for certain what your little friends might be. But, I feel reasonably certain that they are the early stage of some sort of beetle or insect and not maggots. If they're still dropping from the trees, you might consider catching one and trying to raise it to maturity to see what it might turn into.

Until next time,

-Frère Rubik


1 Correction