"I like fiery passion, actually." - Olympus
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Posted on 10/22/2014 10:32 p.m. New Comment on: #79588 It really bothers me that a man can find a woman really attractive because I am ...
Posted on 10/22/2014 10:32 p.m. New Comment on: #79568 Dear All-Knowing Magic Board, As I was looking through some old questions, I always felt that ...
Question #79596 posted on 10/22/2014 8:50 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I'm looking for some cooking classes in Salt Lake County...but all I can find are one-off classes (as in, you pay once to go to a sugar cookie class at Harmons one night, and have to pay again to take another class on fish fillets). I'm hoping I can find something that lasts for six weeks or something.

Back home our city sponsors a ton of classes for everything from ballroom dance to pottery and cooking weeks at a time. Do any of the cities in the area have something like that...? Or are there some culinary schools that do community classes?

-Here, My Name Is

A:

Dear Is My Name Here,

I haven't been able to find anything that sounds like the community-sponsored classes you mentioned. There's a plethora of places offering one-off classes and a number of places offering one-year culinary programs, but nothing on a six-week basis. The University of Utah does have a three-week course in outdoor cooking and camping, though. 

My suggestion would be to watch the continuing education course catalogs at the Salt Lake City School District for updated offerings at the beginning of each new academic semester. They seem the likeliest to organize the sort of experience you're seeking. Provo does some interesting recurring classes on a regular basis. You also might find cooking kindred spirits through a Meetup group in your area. Additionally, consider approaching your church leaders (Relief Society President/Elder's Quorum President if you are LDS) to see if someone would be willing to teach a few classes in their home. Chances are you're not the only one in the neighborhood who wants to pick up a few new tricks.

Good luck in your culinary quest,

--Ardilla Feroz


0 Comments
Question #79595 posted on 10/22/2014 7:14 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

My birthday is coming up, yay! Unforunately, my car needs presents more than I do. My in-laws live very far away from my husband and me, so they usually buy me an Amazon gift card for my birthday or Christmas. However, I'd rather have that money go towards my "fix my car so it'll pass emissions" fund. Is there a tactful way to ask for a check instead of a gift card? Should I just be blunt and tell them I need the money?

-Birthday lady

A:

Dear Lady,

First, happy birthday! Second, I don't think there's anything wrong with being direct. Whenever I have to pluck up the courage to ask for a favor, my formula is more or less as follows:

  1. Gratitude (I appreciate so much that...)
  2. Background (You see, I've been having this problem...)
  3. Gratitude (Thanks for the last time...)
  4. Request (Do you think you could...?)
  5. Gratitude (You've been so kind to me...)
  6. Apology (I'm really sorry to inconvenience you...)
  7. Gratitude (But thank you so much, you've really made my day...)

This approach is probably a little over the top. I need to get over myself and be better at letting people serve me, but I feel so bad whenever I have to ask a favor that I get a little too effusive. I over-thank and over-apologize. You don't have to do that. Gratitude is always a good way to start, but you can simply explain your dilemma, thank your in-laws for their kindness, and ask if they can send you money as cash instead of a gift card. Most people are less sensitive than we think they are; if your in-laws are reasonable people, they won't feel remotely offended by a request like that.

Yours, &c.

Heidi Book

A:

Dear Birthday,

While I'm sure you're in-laws will be happy to help you out with your car, if they insist on sending you an Amazon gift card, you can sell it online at Gift Card Granny for some cash.

-Ms.O'Malley


0 Comments
Question #79301 posted on 10/22/2014 6:26 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Are any of you guys able to find the floor plans of the St. Mark's Chapel, St. Andrew's Chapel, or Chapel of Epiphany on the UBC campus in Vancouver, Canada? If it's not online -- would you mind emailing the churchs' staff for the floor plans? I tried to email the various staffs, but I don't have outlook so it just disappears... Anyway, can you find and direct me to these floor plans? All or any of their floor plans would be great! But remember, the chapel building (not the student residences/halls).

An odd request, I know. But there is some architectural skills being put to practice for an architect class of mine!

-Art

A:

Dear Art,

Unfortunately, I've run into the same problems you have. My emails were not returned and my online research has been less than successful. I even combed through all the public files in their digital collections with no results.  Since the Internet failed me, I recruited Sheebs to actually call UBC but they have yet to return her phone call. 

If Sheebs or I ever hear back from them, we will post it in a comment! 

-Ms.O'Malley


0 Comments
Question #79579 posted on 10/22/2014 3:33 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I recently read Angry Conversations with God: A Snarky but Authentic Spiritual Memoir by Susan Isaacs. A few times throughout the book she mentions that there are more women Christians than men. If so, what's the percentage of Christian women to Christian men (in America...or worldwide)? Why are men less likely to consider themselves Christian?

-Christmas Cactus

A:

Dear Christmas Cactus,

So I found this fascinating website that you should all check out. Numbers, facts, and trends shaping your world.

The page on Religious Affiliation and Demographic Groups says the following: 

The Landscape Survey finds that men are significantly more likely to claim no religious affiliation than are women. Nearly one-in-five (19.6%) men have no formal religious affiliation, almost seven points more than women, 12.8% of whom say they are unaffiliated. Moreover, men are twice as likely to say they are atheist or agnostic as compared with women (5.5% vs. 2.6%).

The graph below that tells us that 74.2% of American men identify as Christian, compared to 82.4% of American woman. Unfortunately, there's no simple explanation for why more women are religious than men. Most sources suggest that it doesn't have to do with biology but rather with traditional gender roles[1][2], but there is at least some evidence that it is due to men's inherent predisposition to take risks[3].

Yours, &c.

Heidi Book


0 Comments
Question #79590 posted on 10/22/2014 3:32 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

It's my birthday! Any birthday advice/presents/quotes/songs you want to give me?

Thanks!
-Elly

A:

Happy Birthday, Elly!

Sorry we missed the special occasion. To make it up to you, here's a purple sweet potato.

purple-potato.jpg (source)

Take it to the world's largest Bunny Museum in Pasadena and give our furry friends a tasty treat.

Felicitaciones,

--Ardilla Feroz 

A:

Dear L.E.

Bonne fête à toi! Bonne fête à toi! Bonne fête chère Elly... Bonne fête à toi! (sung to the tune of "Happy Birthday")

Not to be outdone by l'écureuil feroce, here is a picture of a chicken nugget shaped like Abe Lincoln:

Abe Chicken.jpg(Source)

Although it's not your birthday any more,

-Inverse Insomniac


0 Comments
Question #79561 posted on 10/22/2014 3:26 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Can any of you tell me about the Ryde? Is it reliable? Is it worth the money? I'm away from BYU this semester and will need a way to get to and from campus when I get back, and hadn't even heard about the Ryde until this year. I've looked at the website and read all the information provided there. I've also liked their Facebook page. I guess I'm just looking for opinions. I'm a little concerned by the fact that people have posted questions on their Facebook page and received no answers. It seems that nobody has kept up their page since 2012. Is the Ryde even still operating? Any reviews or recent information would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

-Purple Crayon

A:

Dear Crayon,

I loved using the Ryde my freshman and sophomore years. It was super convenient to be picked up right at my apartment and be dropped off on campus. The busses where consistently on time and they were never too crowded for me. Even after I had a car, it was worth the $100 so that I didn't have to fight for a parking spot on campus or walk up 900 E during a snowstorm. The only downside for me is that I had to walk pretty quickly to get from the MOA to my classes in the MCKB. 

Also, apologies for holding this over and thanks Ardilla for picking up my slack!

-Ms.O'Malley

A:

Dear Rhymes with Orange,

I called the Ryde today and they informed me they're still up and running. They told me their Wyview, Wymount and King Henry routes are running as usual, and as their Glenwood stop is on the Wyview route I'm almost positive it's also being serviced. You mentioned you're away from campus this semester; for the benefit of other readers I'll also mention as of November 1, 2014, the Ryde will be selling a handful of discounted passes on the Wyview route at $60 apiece that are good for the remainder of fall semester. You know, if black ice and slushy sidewalks aren't really your thing.

As an alternative to the Ryde, you can consider a student UTA bus pass. Check your emails from the university as Winter semester approachesthey sometimes offer better student deals for semester-long passes. It's significantly more expensive but could be useful if you need public transit to get you places besides BYU.

Biking is another option, but don't forgetwinter. WINTER. WINTER. 

Paz,

--Ardilla Frozen


0 Comments
Posted on 10/22/2014 1:24 p.m. New Comment on: #79587 I am a worrywart about everything. I see things in black and white. The stress of ...
Question #79568 posted on 10/22/2014 11:44 a.m.
Q:

Dear All-Knowing Magic Board,

As I was looking through some old questions, I always felt that posts asking questions that were already asked were a big waste of your time, but now as I search for a answer for my question, I hope I wasn't just searching with the wrong keywords. If I'm wasting your time, sorry!!!! :(((

I went to a dentist at Center and 400 West in Orem and, lo and behold!, across the street is a smaller Stonehenge! This founded a great idea of a fun date of "Around the World in 80 Minutes." That is, we will be going around the valley to different spots. So far I only have Stonehenge and Mt. Rushmore in Trafalga in mind. I know of a cheap little pirate ship in a park, but I was hoping for something more grand than a cheap little pirate ship in a park.

Can you list all model world monuments within a half hour radius to make my date possible? I'd prefer something specific, like Eastern Island heads or Eiffel Tower or the Great Wall or the Sydney Opera house and the like, not so much pirate ships or Chinese themed architecture, though if nothing else is available, I'd accept those too. :)

-Concerned Romantic

A:

Dear Concerned Romantic,

I am sorry, but several of these are not within half an hour distance from Provo, and they aren't really model world monuments, but they are very similar to places around the world. I hope this list is still useful to you.

Readers, feel free to comment if you have anything to add. 

Sincerely,
The Soulful Ginger  

A:

Dear concerned,

As a side note that is totally irrelevant to your main question, we really don't mind too much if you ask questions we've already answered. There are nearly 80,000 questions in the archives, many of them as much as a decade old. While we love it when you check the archives and save yourselves 100 hours, at the end of the day, we write for the Board because we love to hear ourselves talk. So, don't worry!

-yayfulness


1 Comment
Question #79587 posted on 10/22/2014 10:08 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,


I am a worrywart about everything. I see things in black and white. The stress of these two things is constant. How do I get better?


-worrier

A:

Dear you,

I wonder if you might be a perfectionist. I was told by someone that I was a perfectionist, and they explained to me that people who are perfectionists often don't self-identify because they think "Well, if I were a perfectionist, I would do things perfectly. I never do anything perfectly, so I must not be a perfectionist." This, of course, is bad logic: perfectionists hold themselves to unreasonable standards and then endure stress and anxiety when they cannot yet meet those standards.

I recommend reading Russell M Nelson's talk Perfection Pending, Cecil O Samuelson's What Does it Mean to Be Perfect, Gerrit W Gong's Becoming Perfect in Christ, and Stephen G Robinson's Believing Christ. They address what perfectionism is and may be helpful in dealing with the anxiety it causes.

Perfectionism distorts our perspective by creating a binary system of adequacy reliant solely upon us. Either we did something right or we sinned. Either we achieved something or we are failures. And each and every failure is taken as evidence that we are fundamentally not good enough and that we never will be because there is just too far to go. The Gospel becomes something that is sound in principle for other people, but won't work for us because we just can't seem to get it right. We worry because we perhaps unconsciously place our own perceptions onto the way we think about God and expect Him to be as harsh on us as we are on ourselves. This leads to worrying about every little thing that falls within our circle of control (and maybe some beyond as well).

How can we get better at not worrying and at not simply seeing things as sufficient or insufficient, black or white? I recommend the following:

  • Pray for help: This is a first step in overcoming any challenge; God wants to help us.
  • Study the scriptures, conference talks, and your patriarchal blessing: Ponder what it is God expects of you. What has he commanded? What has he left up to our choice? A story I've found meaningful tells of a man who prays and prays for an answer to a question. He prays for a long time, resolved to hold off on either path until he knows God's will. Eventually he hears a voice: it doesn't matter what color, just paint the fence! I think sometimes we worry so much about what color God wants the fence that we maybe don't realize that if he provided both of the available paint colors, he might be okay with either.
  • Consciously consider the difference between failure and sin: Remember that it is possible to mess up without having done something bad. Success does not make something morally praiseworthy, and failure after sincere preparation and effort is not a vice. Catch yourself in your evaluations and acknowledge when you're not being fair.
  • Remember your sphere of control: There are some things you can take care of and others you cannot. Do what you can for that which is in your control, and try to consciously trust God on the rest. Tell Him in prayer that it is hard for you, but that you are trying. Ask for help and peace.
  • Use the Atonement to overcome both failure and sin: Christ suffered not only for our sins but also so that he would understand our weaknesses.
  • Relax: This requires conscious effort. Take time daily to do something that relaxes you. Meditating, listening to classical music, stargazing, writing in a journal, playing music, writing poetry, going on a walk, washing dishes: there are a ton of ways to chill out. Think about what helps you and make time for it EVERY DAY. 
  • Remember the source of fear: It is not of God. God seeks for us to learn and grow and progress, not to be paralyzed by fear and guilt.

Good luck. You are a child of God, and He cares about you. Holding to that knowledge helps us move past difficulties and rest in confidence.

Love,

~Anne, Certainly


1 Comment
Question #79592 posted on 10/22/2014 1:26 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Can curse scars be covered by makeup? Asking for a friend.

-Harry Potter

A:

Dear Neville,

Not the emotional ones.

-M.O.D.A.Q.


0 Comments
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Question #79565 posted on 10/21/2014 3:32 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

There's been a petition floating around on Facebook that is trying to get the Life Science Building named after a prominent Mormon female. I think it's a great idea, but do you think there's any chance that it will be renamed for a woman?

-Once

A:

Dear Wade,

I sincerely hope we attend a university that would not think twice about naming a building after a woman. That being said, I think "Life Sciences Building" is its official name and won't be changed anytime soon - though I don't think it was chosen to avoid any kind of controversy or anything like that.

-M.O.D.A.Q.


0 Comments
Question #79586 posted on 10/21/2014 3:08 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I do not like the way my body is after pregnancy. I am now a size 16. I should be a size 10. I weigh 185. I should weigh around 140. I feel like I have no time to exercise. I want to feel confident again. I just don't know where to start. Where do I start? Help.

-new mom

A:

Dear new mom, 

I'm hardly qualified to say anything, seeing as I haven't had children, but take it easy on yourself! You just had a baby and a forty-five pound gain is completely normal! Don't stress about overloading your schedule with exercise to lose it all immediately when you're busy trying to adjust to a new baby. That being said, exercise is good and gives you endorphins which can help improve your mood and the way you see yourself. Take your little one on walks with you, or pop in a yoga or exercise DVD while the baby is sleeping and get in some stretching. If you're breastfeeding, also remember that that in and of itself is a great way to lose weight, since it burns lots of calories.

Diet is also crucial here. I would say that losing weight is about 75% diet and 25% exercise for an average person. You can't out-exercise a bad diet and still lose weight. Focus on healthy, wholesome foods and remember portion control and don't stress too much about fitting in the time to exercise when you already have a lot on your plate (no pun intended in any way whatsoever- I promise I'm not that insensitive). Enjoy this time with your newborn and don't stress about shedding the weight right away. You just made a whole new human being so you have every reason in the world to feel confident in yourself and what your body can do. 

Congrats on the bundle of joy and best wishes,

-Concorde


0 Comments
Question #79506 posted on 10/21/2014 2:44 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Currently I'm in Provo but will hopefully in the future return to a more humid place. The last time I was there my hair became frizzy. I don't mind the humidity making my hair wavy, but I'd rather it be wavy without frizz. How do I figure out what hair product will work for me in that climate without making my hair greasy or unhealthy before I return there? It's out of the country so I'd rather take a product with me instead of attempt to buy something there.

Thanks,
pippi

A:

Dear Pippi,

Luckily for you, one of the most popular articles that I ever freelanced was one on products for frizzy hair. Google's algorithms have changed in the years since it was published (and also enough strangers stole my content that I gave up filing DCMA's for it), but for two years the article ranked very well and I received more than a few products to try out and potentially include in the article. I really know my defrizzing hair products as a result. I will tell you straight up that the more expensive products work the best. Out of all of the products I've used, Bumble & Bumble, Aveda and R+Co have some of the best products to battle frizz, but bottles can run upwards of 30$ (which is what I consider expensive). However, with price comes a decent quantity and the benefit of working on almost every hair type without buildup, grease, added weight or anything else. 

So, without further ado, here is a slightly comprehensive list of all of the frizz-fighting products I have used. I suggest that you pick one or two and give them a try. Or you can totally come over to my place and I'll give you what remains in most of the bottles that I have lying around so you can try out more products in less time with less cost and hassle. 

Bumble & Bumble defrizz

Yes, Bumble and Bumble is pricey for the size, but I love their products. They smell good and this little 4 oZ bottle lasted me the better part of 7 months, and I wash my hair every day (yes, I know that's terrible for my hair, but I just don't feel put together if I don't have clean hair for the day). It's an oil-type gloss that you add to damp hair, although what I love about it is that you can streak it through dry hair to calm it down. Sometimes in the morning after I've straightened my hair and have it all put together, I'll go out and it'll be misting and my hair will freak out. Later in the day I use a tissue to run this product on a comb and then I'll comb it through my hair and it'll calm down without weighting my hair down or making it feel greasy (I have a lot of hair, but the strands are more fine). 

R+Co Park Avenue Blow Out Balm

I adore this stuff and it's actually what I'm currently using in conjunction with an Aveda product. This is a creme that I use on my damp hair before I blow it dry. It also works pretty well if I let my hair air dry, and when I do that my hair is wavy without the frizz. It's also pricier for one container, but I bought this back in April (I think) and I'm just now starting to run out (and remember, I use this product every day and I have a lot of hair). 

R+Co Tinsel Smoothing Oil 

I swear I'm not a shill for R+Co- I just really like their products.  Their smoothing oil is awesome because it doesn't leave my hair feeling greasy, oily or weighted down, but it smooths my flyaways and frizz like no other. It's a small bottle for the price, but a tiny bit (like the size of a pencil eraser) every day goes a really long way. You can also use this on damp or dry hair which is really nice. 

Paul Mitchell Super Skinny Serum

This is very similar to Tinsel, but it weighs down my hair a little more (I have fine hair, so if your hair is more coarse, you may want the weight) and it's also a pain because you have to go somewhere to actually buy it (the horror!). 

Aveda Smooth Infusion Glossing Straightener

I used this product for a long time before my salon switched from Aveda to R+Co, but I really liked it when they had it, and I still have a bit left in the tube that I've been using since like... August of last year. It lasts a really long time because you only need to use the tiniest amount for long hair to stay frizz free. 

Aquage is a popular product as well and is along the lines of Tinsel and Paul Mitchell, but I don't recommend it all that highly. I grew up using it and it tends to leave my hair feeling oilier and I just don't prefer it as much to the other products. 

So those are the most expensive products, and the following are some of the less expensive products that I use when I'm a little tighter on money:

John Frieda Straight Fixation Smoothing Creme

This stuff is like 6 bucks and works pretty dang well. I used it for several years daily and it did, by far, the best job of any of the similar products that I tried. It wasn't perfect and wouldn't last as long as some of the more expensive products, but it's easy to find and my go-to if I need a quick hair fix. Only downside: it can only be used on damp hair. 

Pantene Curl Perfection Anti-Frizz Curl Creme

I didn't use this all that much, but when I left my hair to air dry and it invariably got curly I would use this product and it would help a lot with frizz. My roommate had extremely curly hair and would also swear by this product. 

I could go on about de-frizzing products for a long time, since frizz is the bane of  my existence, but I think I've mentioned more than enough products. All of these products have worked in extremely hot, humid places, as well as damp, chilly and humid places, so I think that you'd be safe using any of these when you return. Other than that, it's kind of just a guess and check process, unfortunately. 

-Concorde


0 Comments
Posted on 10/21/2014 2:42 p.m. New Comment on: #79556 I've noticed that certain things bother me that don't seem to bother anyone else, like: Sometimes ...
Question #79588 posted on 10/21/2014 2:32 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

It really bothers me that a man can find a woman really attractive because I am not anymore. I had a baby and my body has changed. I know my husband loves me, but I can tell he doesn't find me as attractive as he used to. It is hard for me to walk on the BYU campus and see so many people who clearly have not yet born children, and who are easily 7 years younger than me. I know he finds other women more attractive than me. Simple fact. And I see it too. I mean, I'm totally out of shape, and very much so. How can I be ok with this? I know he doesn't love them, and yet I am afraid his "desire" (if you will) will take over him and he won't want me anymore.

-Curse the young pretties (I'm kidding....but seriously...)

A:

Dear friend,

I'm sorry, it seems that you're going through a lot of stress. I hope what we say can help you. First of all, attraction is based on so much more than just objective physical appearance. It is influenced by personality, intelligence, and so many other things. In my opinion, one of the most important of these is your husband's past experience with you. You are his wife. You have been his closest friend for years, and you two have gone through experiences that have cemented his loyalty to you. So, using my definition of the term, I don't really agree that your husband is more attracted to anyone else.

How can you be okay that other women are more objectively physically attractive then you? Divya gave a great response to that here, so I'm just going to quote it straight:

...You need to understand that you are so much more than your physical body.

I'm going to put some words in your husband's mouth and say this: your husband didn't marry you just because you were the hottest babe in the room. He married you because he loves you. He appreciates your worth in all of your complexities. Your hair color and weight are such a small sliver of who you are. He may find you sexy and attractive, but his true love is not dependent on your looks. When he tells you that you're beautiful, I have a hard time believing that he's lying. Attraction is not a zero-sum game. It's perfectly reasonable for him to find other women attractive without diminishing from his attraction to you, and especially not his love for you. 

And that's why it really doesn't matter who he finds attractive, as long as there isn't an inappropriate behavioral element. I encourage you to ask your husband why he loves you, and to try to listen to what he says without fighting back or minimizing what he is saying. Your confidence should not be based on your physical appearance--looks are superficial and they fade with time. The totality of the beauty of who you are, however, continues to increase through your lifetime. 

Additionally, Sheebs shared how miserable she was when she constantly compared herself to others. It was making her feel unlovable. She advised people in similar situations to talk to counselors or their bishops if such thoughts were driving them crazy. I would personally advise you to talk with your husband like Divya suggests. And when he tells you how much and why he loves you, believe him. Trust him to be in control of his love and desires, and not a slave to lust. He is more than a statistic. He is your loyal husband, and his "desire" can't take over him unless he chooses to let it.

-El-ahrairah, with help from Tally M.


1 Comment
Posted on 10/21/2014 2:14 p.m. New Comment on: #79575 We don't eat at Cafe Rio too often, but probably 3 out of the last 5 ...
Question #79591 posted on 10/21/2014 1:08 p.m.
Q:

Dear Yum-Yums:

How can I look up a specific question on the board by number?

Yours, forever more and then some,
Happy Underfed Nonsensical Gummyworm Ready Yum-Yum.

A:

Dear Wade,

In order to visit a specific question simply go to the URL theboard.byu.edu/questions/###### (replacing ###### with the number of the Board question you'd like to visit).

-M.O.D.A.Q.


0 Comments
Question #79589 posted on 10/21/2014 11:44 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

My question (79514) hasn't been answered and it's been 157 hours. I was just wondering.....


-My Name Here

A:

Dear Curious Jim,

Since that answer has now posted, you're probably less concerned about the answer to this question. It can take us a while to peer-review answers and make sure the information and grammar is all hunky-dory, so I hope you didn't mind the wait too much. Best of luck to you and your son. Here's some digital cupcakes in anticipation of his hopeful admission.

CAKEZ.jpg
(Source)

--Ardilla Feroz


0 Comments
Question #79576 posted on 10/21/2014 11:08 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I'm thinking of buying my first car next semester, and I have no idea what car insurance would cost in Utah. I'm a 21-year-old female, I've only ever been in 1 accident about 5 years ago, and I'd probably get something in the $5000 dollar range, probably in the early 2000's. I know you're not experts and there are a lot of variables, but could you give me a guesstimate of how much I should budget for this?

-Lightning McQueen

A:

Dear ca-chow,

For a six-month period, you can count on it being more than $500 but less than $1000. Probably. Depending on your coverage, car, etc. Madam Insomniac and I have a 1996 Geo Prizm and we've both been in a couple accidents and we pay almost $700 for the both of us. Obviously, once you get the car, you should get quotes from car insurance places to have a more accurate estimate.

On the other hand, I'm told that's an awful lot to pay for car insurance, so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about.

-Inverse Insomniac

A:

Dear you,

I highly recommend some online quotes. As a single female, I've been quoted closer to around 300 per six months just by online estimators (although my car's not much to write home about). That may have been outside of the state, since I'm not a Utah resident, but I'd be surprised if you couldn't get pretty close in Utah.

~Anne, Certainly


0 Comments
Question #79584 posted on 10/21/2014 10:14 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Somehow I came across this artifact of the board, which invited me to ask (though I might have read the answer already as well)--you don't see what account we send our messages from, right? Z. claims some editor thinks -- would that be some sort of insider knowledge because werf knows who the person is in real life, or does software show concordance between 'nyms to select editors?

-Polynomous

A:

Dear Polynomous,

Editors are able to check and see what accounts questions come from, but writers cannot. This enables editors to identify a source when necessary (for example, when repeated inappropriate questions indicate a "troll" account in need of deletion).

-Editor


0 Comments
Question #79564 posted on 10/21/2014 10:14 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

My grandmother recently passed away and left my husband and I a decent sum of money. My mother and sister expect us to use a portion of the money to attend my sisters destination wedding that I was not planning to attend. I am 100% against this as my husband and I have other plans including using it for student loans and tuition money. When people plan weddings away from their family, they should expect that not everyone can attend, especially when it's only 4 months notice. Also, I should not be expected to spend the money my grandmother left me on my sister (she recieved the same amount as me and I'm not asking her to spend hers on me). Of course, now I'm the one who looks selfish even though my sister is the one who is deciding how my money is going to be spent.

My question is not so much about what I should do, although I suppose you might weigh in anyways. Sharing this was more to act as an example of my question: when person A does something to person B and person B responds in defense, why is it that person B usually becomes the bad guy instead of person A?

-I'm the bad guy

A:

Dear you,

I think Person B can become the "bad guy" for a few reasons:

1. Person B's response is inappropriate.

Example: Timmy asks his brother Tommy if he will share his milkshake. Tommy punches him in the face. Timmy thinks Tommy is a jerk.

2. Person A does not realize that their request was unreasonable and therefore interprets Person B's response as inappropriate

Example: Timmy asks his brother Tommy if he will share his milkshake. Tommy says no and immediately leaves the room. Timmy is unaware that Tommy is currently ill and just realized he is running late for work. Timmy assumes that Tommy is just being a jerk.

3. Outsiders lacking background knowledge see only Person B's actions and assume they are inappropriate.

Example: Timmy asks his brother Tommy if he will share his milkshake. Tommy says no and that Timmy wouldn't like it anyways, since he has bad taste in pretty much everything. An outsider sees the conversation and assumes that Tommy is being rude, not knowing that the two are brothers who had just had a long and friendly conversation disagreeing about favorite superheroes.

So, although I can't tell you what to do in this circumstance (I don't have Emily Post-esque etiquette skills, unfortunately) communication might be aided if you can figure out which category you think you're in (presumably the second) and which situation your mother and sister think you're in (presumably the first). If you can get to a point where you both understand the situation fully, you may be more likely to be able to resolve it well.

I'll add in the caveat that comes sometimes with these etiquette questions: unfortunately, it sometimes isn't about what's fair. You can be completely in the right here and still have the results be unfavorable, while doing something that you don't have to do or that isn't fair to be required of you may lead to more favorable results in some areas.

Good luck.

~Anne, Certainly


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Posted on 10/21/2014 8:48 a.m. New Comment on: #79574 My husband and I want to dress up like Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt for Halloween. ...
Posted on 10/21/2014 8:48 a.m. New Comment on: #79574 My husband and I want to dress up like Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt for Halloween. ...
Question #79585 posted on 10/21/2014 4:20 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

"As many as 65 percent of men and 55 percent of women will have an extramarital affair by the time they are forty, according to the Journal of Psychology and Christianity. A Christianity Today survey found that 23 percent of the 300 pastors who responded admitted to sexually inappropriate behavior with someone other than their wives while in the ministry."

Saw that online. Yikes! What can I do so that my husband will not want to have an affair?


-a mother

A:

Dear friend,

Before I answer your actual question, I want to try to make sure you understand one principle, which is stated beautifully in the following excerpt from this article: "...we have come to understand that we are not responsible for our husbands’ conversions. Agency is a basic God-given right. The Lord told Joseph Smith, 'Here is wisdom, and let every man choose for himself.' We cannot force another to accept [or follow] the gospel." Sometimes a husband or wife will choose to have an affair, "but we must continue to follow what we know to be true. We will not be held accountable for their salvation, but we will be held accountable for our own actions—how brightly we let our own light shine. Understanding this truth has relieved us of a great burden; in a very real way it has set us free to find contentment, joy, and growth..." So while you can support your husband in being faithful, he is ultimately responsible for his own actions.

That being said, you can help your husband stay faithful. I feel like some people may think the most important things in this regard are showing physical affection. I'm not married, so I'm certainly no expert, but I feel that that kind of thinking dehumanizes the man a little bit by denying his ability to exercise self-control. Sexuality and physical affection can be an important part of expressing love, but I think it's not the most important by far. You can help him live the gospel the same way you've done it your whole life: be a great example, share spiritual experiences with him, serve him, and be his friend. Do your best to have an open and honest relationship. And then trust him. You can't know the future, but trust him to have self-control and to be better than a statistic. And know that if the worst happens and he does choose to disappoint you and God, it will not be your fault. Though difficult, your life would still turn out alright.

-El-ahrairah


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Question #79583 posted on 10/21/2014 2:26 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I'm getting ready to register for my last semester of classes at BYU and don't want it to be too hard. I still need to fulfill my advanced writing credit. What advanced writing class is the easiest? I've heard good things about English 316 Technical Communication and M COM 320. I don't really care what the class is... I just want something easy! What has been your experience with these classes? What do you recommend?

-Ready to graduate

A:

Dear ME TOO,

I'm in ENGL 316 and it is the worst. We have a 40-page research paper due at the end of the semester. Madam Insomniac is taking ENGL 312 (Persuasive Writing) and she's really enjoying it. I think it might have to do with the professors that we have. Personally, I would have loved to take the Writing About Literature class, but it was never available. Lame.

-Inverse Insomniac


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