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Question #86987 posted on 06/24/2016 6:33 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,
I just don't know what to do, and even though an online forum might not be the best place to do this, I just need to say this to someone. I am bisexual, and I hate myself for it. I'm closeted but have friends in the straight and gay communities. I just see straight members have no problems being devoted to the gospel because their sexuality falls in line as part of the plan. I've also seen most of my gay friends realize that if they don't want to be single forever they need to realize how to be happy without the church in their lives, knowing that having a boyfriend or husband is much more important than their standing in the church. I see them and wish I could be like them. I feel like if I marry a woman I will always have the knowledge that I am attracted to men and feel like I don't belong, or if stay in the church and never get married I will always know that I had the possibility of being happy with a man. On the other hand if I leave the church and date or marry a man, I will always know that I could have ended up with a woman and been a good member of the church. I just feel so much internal conflict, like wherever I end up I will be making the wrong decision. I wish I could just be gay or straight, so that I would know what choice was right for me. I just feel so lost and confused and disappointed in myself for being this way. I don't know what to do or who to talk to. I just want all of this pain and conflict to end, I just want to go to sleep and not wake back up. I just don't know anymore. Please help me, I don't have anyone else.

-Alone and afraid

A:

Dear you,

First of all, please don't hate yourself for being bisexual. You didn't do anything wrong to feel this way, and God didn't create you "wrong" either. It's understandable to feel lost and confused, but I promise you, God is not disappointed in you because of your sexuality.

The feelings you're describing sound very deep, and difficult to deal with. Depression and other mental health problems are very common among LGBT people, especially when raised in a conservative religious community. Feelings such as wanting to go to sleep and not wake back up indicate that you would benefit a lot from seeing a counselor - preferably one who is both LGBT- and LDS-friendly. (If you see a counselor and they try to impose too much of their own ideology on you, go see a different counselor instead. If you're a BYU Student, the CCC is free; if you're in the Utah Valley area, the Comprehensive Clinic is cheap; otherwise, contact your insurance company to see who is covered or see a primary care doctor for a referral.)

In the meantime, I think one thing that may help you is to consider what your relationship choices would look like if they were made in a vacuum, without religious considerations. Is there a gender you would prefer? Would you want to find a permanent monogamous relationship, have serial monogamous relationships, or have some form of open relationship? Finding these answers is difficult, because we don't live in a vacuum, but I think it's valuable self-exploration that can help you second-guess yourself less. For instance, even in a vacuum, I'd want a permanent monogamous relationship. This made it a lot easier to not second guess my choices, because once I fell in love with Mr. Z, I would have wanted to only be with him regardless of being in the church or not. This makes it a lot easier to not wonder if I missed out on something by not exploring relationships with women. On the other hand, you might want very different things. I think that's important to be honest with yourself about what you want, and not be afraid of it. Even if what you want contradicts the Church, you could still stay in the Church; but you'll second-guess yourself less if you know that's what you would have wanted and you came to that decision anyways, rather than if you suppress those feelings and are vaguely conscious on some level that you're there.

I would also try to separate the issue of second-guessing all your decisions from the issue of making a choice that aligns with the Church. To me, your question sounds like you have a personality type that tends to second-guess lots of decisions, and this is a particularly difficult decision because it's so important. Learning to be more confident in your decisions in general can help with making this decision in particular. There are a lot of ways to work on this. Seeing a counselor, again, might help; learning to recognize the Spirit and strengthening your relationship with God could help; or simply making decisions, and learning through experience that your decisions typically don't crash and burn, could also help.

Finally, I would remember that none of these potential choices are permanent. Yes, being committed to the Church is important, and yes, marriage should ideally be undertaken with the aim to stay together forever. However, divorce is a valid option. Lots of good people get divorced. Leaving the Church and dating a guy will still be an option, even into your 30s and 40s and 50s. Repenting and coming back to Church will always be an option, no matter how many guys you date or live with or do anything with. Deciding to marry a woman will always be an option, even if you try dating men. Yes, making a decision you regret will mean some difficulty as you reverse that decision. However, no decision is permanent. There is nothing you can do that will permanently ruin your life. You always have the chance to restart and re-evaluate. You can restart in your 40s and still have decades of happiness ahead of you. Don't put so much pressure on your choices that you paralyze yourself. There is always hope and happiness ahead, even if you have to wade through some hard things to get there.

Feel free to email me if you ever want to talk.

-Zedability

A:

Dear Alone,

I can tell that it took you a lot of courage to ask this question, and for that I applaud you! I'm just going to point out some things in your question that I would suggest and then I'll ultimately refer you to a counselor because they are much better at this than I am.

I just need to say this to someone. Yes, yes you do and I think this is a great start, but I think you also need to come out. Hiding your feelings is only going to make the situation worse. There is a major difference between hiding your feelings and dealing with your feelings.

I just see straight members have no problems being devoted to the gospel because their sexuality falls in line as part of the plan. I'm straight and I have problems being devoted to the gospel. I may have an easier time with my sexuality, but I can guarantee that I have things that make it hard for me to be fully devoted. We all do. I really don't want you to fall in the trap of comparing yourself to the "perfect" Mormons. This type of comparison is a recipe for disaster and depression.

I've also seen most of my gay friends realize that if they don't want to be single forever they need to realize how to be happy without the church in their lives, knowing that having a boyfriend or husband is much more important than their standing in the church. I don't think that being in a homosexual relationship is more important than having access to all of the blessings that Heavenly Father has in store for His children, and I do think it is important to be loved. I don't know all of the answers, but I personally believe that following the commandments that God has established is paramount.

I just feel so much internal conflict, like wherever I end up I will be making the wrong decision. I will never pretend that this is an easy decision to make, especially because I haven't had to make this decision. I would say that God expects you to do what you think is the best option and pursue that course of action until you feel prompted otherwise. My advice would be to err on the side of the commandments, but I'm biased.

I just feel so lost and confused and disappointed in myself for being this way. This is the part that I feel the most. I've had feelings of deep personal disappointment as well and for me it was majorly unhealthy. There have been, and continue to be, many people in my life that help me to not feel that way, and I would say a Church leader and a counselor would be great places for you to start. Their responsibility is not to judge you, but to love you.

Please help me, I don't have anyone else. There are people and resources that you can tap into for help. I would also implore you to continue to reach out to your loving Heavenly Father because He is always there and He is ready to love and listen. 

I hope you can find internal peace and I personally hope that peace comes from living within the commandments that God has established. If you need someone to talk to or vent to my email is open (and pretty barren).

-Sunday Night Banter


0 Corrections
Question #86820 posted on 06/24/2016 5:30 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Have any of you gone to the BYU Jerusalem Center? How did you pay for it? (And would you say it's worth the cost?) I would love to be able to go next spring/summer term, but I'm not sure where I would get sufficient funds to do so.

-Pallas

A:

Dear Pallas,

I am sorry for holding this over so long. I was hoping to be able to make some phone calls that would give me more solid information, but because of my work schedule it's hard for me to call the BYU Jerusalem Center people. Instead, I've decided to just pull stuff from the Jerusalem Center website

First things first: Yes, I went to the Jerusalem Center in Fall 2012. When I was applying to the program, the program cost was $10,000. Yes, that's a substantial chunk of change... but hear me out, here. 

The first thing that helped me pay for it was a half-tuition scholarship at BYU because a parent is a faculty member there. That took off, say, $1,800. I worked as a security guard that summer and basically paid everything I earned—maybe $4000 or so— towards my Jerusalem costs. That left the amount I needed to pay at about $4200. I asked my parents to help me with this. They did. I feel a bit pretentious saying that and a little guilty as well for my family being in a situation where this was possible, but I can concede that without my parents' help, I would not have been able to attend the Jerusalem Center. 

But hold up. This was just my personal situation. I think it's possible to visit the Jerusalem Center more affordably than I did, if I had realized the options available to me. And let's not dally with outdated information, for things do change in four years. Let's make this about you.

You are interested in attending Spring/Summer 2017. This is a good choice. Here's an excerpt from the Jerusalem Center page program info page:

2017 Spring/Summer Program: May 2–August 11

Applications accepted Oct 3-Nov 11, 2016 for priority placement
Mandatory orientation meeting in Provo: Monday, May 1
Estimated program cost: $11,880*

(*All students will receive a $1000 grant to help offset the increase in program fees. This grant is made aviailable through generous donations by former students and friends of the Jerusalem Center.)

Program costs include tuition, airfare (round-trip SLC/TLV/SLC), field trip expenses, room & board, books & fees, medical insurance, laundry, application fee, and a refundable room deposit of $250.  The $150 deposit paid at the time of application will be applied towards the total program cost. 

Items not included are of a personal nature, such as excess baggage charges, bottled drinking water, food or beverages not part of the group menu, gratuities for special services, passports, immunization fees, postage, and souvenirs.  For this program, we recommend an average of $500 for personal expenses.   

Program costs have risen since 2012 by $1,800, Fortunately for you, the program cost for Winter and Spring/Summer 2017 is being offset by $1000 by nice people. Okay, so you still have $10,800 you need to scrape up in funds.

Do you receive scholarships or Pell grants of any kind? You can use those toward your tuition.

BYU scholarships and faculty dependent benefits can be applied to the total program cost.  Other financial aid (Pell grants, student loans, outside scholarships, etc.) can also be used, and it is the student’s responsibility to communicate the amount of these awards to the Jerusalem Center office prior to the final payment deadline. These funds may then be deducted from the final payment. 

If you receive either Pell Grants or scholarships, your total cost would be decreased significantly. 

But say you don't receive either of those things. Are you doomed? Not necessarily, for the Jerusalem Center offers financial aid to a number of its students. 

All students are welcome to apply for Jerusalem Center Financial Aid, which is separate from what they may receive from the University or from the government (Pell grant or student loan).  Please note that students who decide to participate in extended travel immediately following a Jerusalem Center program are not eligible to receive a Jerusalsem Center awrad.  Students who travel home to a destination other than Salt Lake City are still eligible. While Jerusalem Center financial aid is not a loan that must be repaid, recipients of financial aid are encouraged, if they are able in future years, to replenish the financial aid fund so that future students will also have financial aid available when they need it.

This financial aid varies in amount. I don't know exactly how much it can be, but it can significantly offset your program costs. I also know that it might be easier to receive than I had suspected. I never applied for it because I figured my family was financially secure enough to support me, but a couple years after I went my younger sister applied for financial aid and received like $1500 or so towards program costs (that number is probably off, but I feel like that's what it was). The only way to figure out how much financial aid you'll receive is by applying for the program and filling out the application. 

Before I tie this all up, let me set forth one line of logic. People often say the Jerusalem Center (and other study abroad programs) are way too expensive, and that they cannot afford them. That is okay, for there is no shame in not being able to afford something like this. But before you count yourself out, let's compare the cost of a semester at the Jerusalem Center to the approximate cost of a semester in Provo. 

BYU Semester Tuition: $2,650
Rent and utilities for four months at $300: $1200
Books: $300
Food at $30/week for 16 weeks: $480 
Entertainment costs: $70
Gas: $150 

Total Cost: $4,850
Total Cost of Jerusalem Center Program: $10,880

Difference in Cost between living in Provo and Jerusalem: $6030

"Ardilla," you say exasperatedly, "that's like a lizard-ton of money. If I just had six grand lying around the house, I would have built a world-class beaver habitat in my living room." Perchance, but I must ask you to temporarily set aside your predilections for amphibious rodents as I explain one last thing: the actual cost of the Jerusalem Center.

The Jerusalem Center program is heavily subsidized by private donors and the church. In a conversation with one of the associate directors, he suggested to me that the program cost students pay is probably about enough to cover the cost of actually living in the physical Jerusalem Center building. The actual cost—flights to and from Tel Aviv, tuition, food, on-site professors, books, weekly field trips that take you all over the Holy Land, visits to Jordan and Egypt—is significantly higher. 

To put if simply, the cost per student of the program you are undergoing is somewhere in the neighborhood of $35,000. Even if you don't get any financial aid or scholarships, your cost is significantly reduced, and not really that much beyond the price of a normal semester in Provo, certainly not much beyond the cost of other study abroad programs I have seen advertised. 

Keep in mind that you can't go to the Jerusalem Center if you're not a BYU (BYUI/BYUH) student. Once you've graduated, your window of opportunity has effectively closed. You can really only do this once in your life. 

So, would I recommend it? Yes, I would. Even though it's certainly not the only fun thing I've done in my life I've enjoyed, even though there were some things I found frustrating about it (ask if you want to know), and  even though you definitely don't need to go to the Jerusalem Center to have a fulfilling BYU experience, I'd still recommend it. Given the choice to go back, I'd gladly do it again.  

Good luck to you in making decisions. Ask or email me if you need more help.

Suerte,

--Ardilla Feroz


0 Corrections
Question #87096 posted on 06/24/2016 5:17 p.m.
Q:

Dear Entompophagist,

I was going to email you and commiserate with you regarding your dating frustrations, but hey, you're not on the current aliases list, and so neither is your email. Why is that? (<--because this has to be a question)

P.S. I only read the Board once or twice a week, so it's possible that everyone else knows your story, but I don't.

-me

A:

Dear you,

It's because I'm not a full writer yet. However, by clicking the link where it says "written by" after each answer, you can still see my bio. You can also get there through Current Alias Stats.

It's nice to know someone cares. Honestly, dating isn't quite as bad as I usually make it sound, I'm just having a rough time right now.

-The Entomophagist


0 Corrections
Question #87095 posted on 06/24/2016 4:32 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

The ages of 12, 14, and 16 years have been set by the LDS Church as the standard times for Aaronic Priesthood advancements and Young Women class advancements. When were these ages standardized, and how does that relate to the timeline of the creation of Young Men's and Young Women's organizations? With the size of the church, it is easy to see the need for set ages like this, but what, if anything, motivated the choice of these specific ages? How was policy organized for priesthood ordinations prior to this standardization?

– Larry Wayne

A:

Dear Larry,

From this timeline, it looks like the current ages for Aaronic Priesthood advancements were set in 1954. Previously the ages were 12, 15, and 18. The practice of having advancement ages was official since 1937. Prior to that, Aaronic Priesthood ordinations seemed to be at the discretion of the bishop, though it sounds like there were some widespread unofficial ages in practice a couple of decades before 1937. In 1936 the Church started having two Aaronic Priesthood programs—one for the youth and one for the adults—so it wasn't exclusively a youth program like it is now.

The Young Men's program as we know it wasn't formed until 1977, though various youth organizations have existed in the Church since 1843 (source). The Young Women's program was formed in 1974. The Church was very different before all the correlation that took place in the 70's.

It seems that the modern youth programs were built around the Aaronic Priesthood advancement ages set by the Church back in 1954. I don't think there's any doctrinal need for those specific ages, but the Church decided to standardize it.

-Kirito


0 Corrections
Question #87094 posted on 06/24/2016 4:23 p.m.
Q:

Dear All-knowing Board,

If a man or woman was made of diamond rather than flesh and blood, how much would they weigh?

-Harry Winston

A:

Dear Harry,

Assuming you want to know how much a life-sized diamond statue of an average human would weigh, the answer is 514.6 lbs.

-The Entomophagist


0 Corrections
Question #87093 posted on 06/24/2016 3:58 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What are three things you appreciated about the 100 Hour Board before you wrote for it?

–Minnesota, Nebraska, Hawaii

A:

Dear States,

  1. Clean source of information and humor.
  2. How honest the writers were.
  3. The simplicity of the whole Board concept.

-Sunday Night Banter

A:

Dear MNH,

  1. The humor. I could probably research anything I really wanted to know, but I'll never understand how some of my fellow writers are so endlessly entertaining.
  2. The writers were willing to talk about difficult things, like depression and heartbreak. I admired how they could bring comfort to many people who were in need of it.
  3. There seemed to be a strong sense of community, both among writers and with readers as well. I love that.

Love,

Luciana

A:

Dear 32, 37, 50:

  1. The word werf (I'm a little sad it's not in fashion like it used to be).
  2. The huge amount of knowledge stored on the Board. Where else are you going to find the total number of steps on campus? (Board Question #2366)
  3. How funny all the different personalities are together. There's always a really good laugh.

-Kirito

A:

Dear Braddah,

1. That questions like "How do I wipe in the bathroom properly?" can be asked in a safe environment.

2. All the crazy and useless facts to be learned, especially about BYU.

3. It was an "approved" website at the place I worked. Or, at least, everyone pretended it was approved.

Cheers,

The Lone Musketeer

A:

Dear Minnaskawaii,

1. The openness that comes from anonymity, and the (sadly scarce on the interwebs) respect that is present despite the anonymity.
2. The "flavor" of the Board questions and answers, which I can't think of a good way to describe.
3. The uniqueness of a community that is relatively small and hidden yet is completely open, and that is pretty stable despite frequent administrative turnover.

-The Skipper


0 Corrections
Question #87092 posted on 06/24/2016 3:58 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Silly things like my messy handwriting, the particular book I am writing in, or the fear of putting private thoughts into writing often make it difficult for me to continue writing in my personal journal. Thoughts/advice/help?

–imMature, Naive, Hesitant

A:

Dear person,

I would recommend keeping a password protected journal on your personal computer or laptop.  Many people are concerned with keeping a physical journal for some of the same reasons you list. The bad handwriting part becomes a moot point if you can type.  Also, if you are skilled with typing, computer journaling is much more quick and efficient than writing.

A large concern with keeping a journal on a website is the ability for others to find it on the inter-webz. However, there are many programs that can be downloaded and used offline, so internet safety should not be a concern.

Password protection is vital, for both the computer and your journal program.  If you can get your hands on it, I highly recommend using Microsoft OneNote.  If you want the full version, Microsoft Office can be bought relatively cheap, especially if you are a college student. 

If your journal entries include drawing or doodling, it is in your best interest to use a tablet/touch screen computer with a stylus.

There are apps available in both the Google Play and Apple store, made solely for private journaling.  It's good to keep in mind that some of these only work while you have access to the internet, or they have limited capability in free versions.

Happy journaling!

-April Ludgate


0 Corrections
Posted on 06/24/2016 2:31 p.m. New Correction on: #87088 I don't quite understand the legal rights that squatters have? If they don't pay for it...
Posted on 06/24/2016 2:31 p.m. New Correction on: #87087 A family member recently passed away, and left me with a sum of about $50,000 dollars. ...
Posted on 06/24/2016 2:31 p.m. New Correction on: #87087 A family member recently passed away, and left me with a sum of about $50,000 dollars. ...
Question #87091 posted on 06/24/2016 1:53 p.m.
Q:

Dearest 100 Hour Board,

Please explain Cupid's Chokehold lyrics to me, for I'm having a hard time understanding. Gym Class Heroes seem to really love the girlfriend that they're singing about. They sing about how she cooks him pancakes and how she's even got her very own ringtone. They tell their mom that he's in love again. Right, so lots love crap. Then there are these lines in the chorus:

Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot

So, if she's not much of a girlfriend then why are they singin a whole love song about her?

Bye,
Scarlet Flamingo

A:

Dear Scarlet Flamingo,

The chorus of "Cupid's Chokehold" is from a song by the U.K. band Supertramp called "Breakfast in America." Gym Class Heroes' use of it falls somewhere between sampling and covering. According to songfacts.com, the band wrote the song spontaneously in just a few hours while rehearsing for a show one afternoon, using the lines from "Breakfast in America" as the chorus. So basically the they thought the chorus sounded really cool and then wrote a completely different song around it. Fun fact: the girl it was written about is most likely Katy Perry (who is featured in one version of the music video), the then-girlfriend of lead vocalist Travie McCoy.

As far as interpretations go, some people dismiss this and a lot of other popular music as being thrown together without much thought. I find myself in that camp often enough. You could also look at is as a juxtaposition of feelings of both happiness and uncertainty that sometimes appear together in relationships. Or, when I heard it I actually thought it was about two different people and the internal struggle of whether to leave a current relationship for the greener grass on the other side. That, however, makes me think of a quote from Before We Go: "I think if you are committed to somebody, you don't allow yourself to find perfection in someone else."

Hopefully helpfully,
The Skipper 

A:

Dear Scarlet,

The Skipper's explanation makes a lot of sense, but I thought I'd throw another interpretation out there. 

I always assumed the song was about sex. The verses are filled with praise for the girlfriend, while the chorus laments that he "never seem[s] to get a lot," which has a blatant sexual implication. So to me, it sounds as if the man is in love with this girl, and admires many things about her, but is unsure whether to continue with the relationship because she won't have sex with him. 

Cynically yours,

Luciana

A:

Dear Flamingo,

Both of the above answers give insightful interpretations of Gym Class Heroes' song, I just wanted to add some context from the original source of the lyrics. 

As The Skipper mentioned, the chorus comes from "Breakfast in America" by Supertramp. The song seems to be an ironic allusion to the American dream. According to the song, all Texans are millionaires who eat kippers for breakfast, and all the girls in California are exceptionally beautiful. It is against this idealized concept of a California girl (and everything else America has to offer) that the singer seems to be comparing his girlfriend, which is why he says that she's "not much of a girlfriend." 

-The Entomophagist


0 Corrections
Question #87087 posted on 06/24/2016 1:39 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,
A family member recently passed away, and left me with a sum of about $50,000 dollars. I am very grateful for this and although I'm nowhere near set for life this money could really help my future. The thing is I am currently a junior in college with a fairly good job and with that plus a pell-grant am able to cover all of my finances each semester. Because of this I have no real need for this money and rather than having it sit in my bank account I would like to invest it. The only problem is, I have no idea where to even start. I don't know if I have enough money to make a real investment or what are safe investments or better options for investing. I still have two years of college and then a three year graduate program following that and really would be just fine not even touching the money until then. Anyway, do any of you know some good ways to invest some money? Or where I can find some resources that would help me figure out how to get started on this? What about financial advisers? Are they a good asset or can you do just as well without them? I just am not money savvy at all and could really use some help on how to get started. Thanks,

-From rags to... slightly nicer rags

A:

Dear you,

If I were you, I would put about $5000 in a regular savings account, to be used as an emergency fund for medical and vehicle expenses over the next fiveish years.

Then, I would go to a branch of whatever bank you're currently with and set up a meeting to talk about investments. I would suggest putting some in a 5-10 year fund, and using the rest to start a retirement fund.

In general, you get the best value/avoid sketchy funds if you just ask for a safe, secure investment where you can put the money in there and leave it alone. Don't pay a monthly fee to have someone "manage" your account; they typically don't do better than non-managed accounts, and the fees can seriously cut into your investment.

-Zedability


2 Corrections
Question #87088 posted on 06/24/2016 1:11 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I don't quite understand the legal rights that squatters have? If they don't pay for it... why do they have the legal right to live there? The owner can't evict them? I'm confused.

-Liquid Paper

A:

Dear LP,

DISCLAIMER: I'm no legal expert. Everything I'm about to say is what I learned from the Wikipedia article on adverse possession and the articles linked therein.

Did you know that a lot of the statutory laws we have in the U.S. are actually based on British common law? Laws on adverse possession fall under that category, and the reasoning behind them is actually really interesting. Basically, the idea is that the law favors the use of land over its disuse. So if you use a piece of land for a few years (it varies state by state how long the statute of limitations is) and the owner never does anything about it, you have a greater claim to it than they do because a) they obviously don't care that much about it, and b) you've been taking care of it, whether it's farming the land or maintaining the buildings on it. After the statute of limitations runs out, they can no longer prosecute you for trespassing, and you can actually sue to have the deed changed to your name.

This almost never happens, though, because all it takes to reset the clock on the statute of limitations is give the disseisor (the person who dispossesses the land) temporary permission to use the land, because hostility is one of the requirements for adverse possession.

-The Entomophagist


1 Correction
Question #87089 posted on 06/24/2016 1:11 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

In my understanding it's not uncommon for people, including members of the church, to have tried masturbation at one point or another. Bishops also meet many people who have it as a more serious habit. My question is, what about mission presidents? Is this something they hear about from their missionaries? I'm not talking about people who get sent home from a mission or aren't even trying to be faithful missionaries, I'm talking about women/men who faithfully serve 1.5/2 years and do their best to follow the rules and get an honorable release. Do mission presidents hear from even these individuals that they've messed up once or twice or more during the time they serve?

-never been a mission president

A:

Dear Wondering,

In my mission the mission president once held a special elders-only transfer conference, excused all the senior sisters from the room, and had a very frank talk with all the remaining missionaries about self-abuse, aka masturbation. He also gave the whole mission copies of the church's twelve-step addiction-recovery workbook. I once heard him say that if he sent missionaries home for masturbation, he'd have to send most of the mission home. Obviously this is a pretty small sample size, but I would imagine that it's not an uncommon thing for mission presidents to hear about. From what I've gathered, a repentant attitude, no unresolved past transgressions, and no current involvement with pornography or any other sexual sin mean that a missionary can repent while still serving.

It seems like masturbation is kind of the gateway drug of sexual sins--not great by itself but with less serious consequences than some of the other things it leads to. The problem is that it does lead to things like pornography addiction, sexual objectification, and even just by itself it can negatively impact an individual's views of sexuality. Sex has a sacred role in God's plan, and masturbation goes against its purpose. But just like any other sin, it can be repented of.

-The Skipper, who has also never been a mission president

A:

Dear person,

I know first hand that my mission president heard about it. I'm certain that it's a common thing for a lot of missionaries to talk to their MP about. The mission is a stressful experience, and stress can cause issues that had previously been resolved to resurface unexpectedly. Even for missionaries who are really trying their best to be obedient and righteous. And yes this goes for both elders and sisters.

-A Writer


0 Corrections
Question #86999 posted on 06/24/2016 11:34 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I don't know if I'm really asking a question for the answer, or asking because I need to get it out there.

This whole Stanford rape case has brought up a lot of old trauma in my life. When my husband and I were dating he did some things while I was sleeping. I'm a very heavy sleeper, took a nap one day, and I guess he did a lot of touching, some removal of pants, and even took pictures. What he did was very similar to the Stanford case except without alcohol involved.

He told me about it before we got married in very vague terms. More details have come out years later as he has finally faced up to his addiction to porn (which I didn't know about).

He's a good dad. He's nice to me. He's my best friend. He definitely has a problem with sex addiction though. But how do I rationalize all the good things about him with the fact that he technically sexually assaulted me before we were married? Am I rationalizing away his behavior? Do you see where I'm totally conflicted? The feminist part of me has felt angry and appalled along with the masses during this highly publicized story, but at the same time, I know I'm carrying my own dirty secret. Except, I married the man who did it. I've never told a soul. He is repentant but that doesn't change what happened. How do you get over something like that?

-Thankfully Anonymous

A:

Dear you,

First of all, I would highly recommend that you see a counselor, by yourself, to deal with the effects that this has had on you. Marrying someone who sexually assaulted you is a lot of emotional stuff to unpack, and having an objective, outside opinion can help you see the situation more clearly. Frankly, I have no idea how people get over these kinds of things, but I know that it is possible and it can happen. I think that involving a therapist is an important supplement to prayer and access to the Atonement in this situation. Both the secular and the sacred address different sides of this enormously complex issue.

I'd like to point out that this secret doesn't make you a hypocrite, or mean that you've somehow lost your feminist card. It's totally okay to be appalled by Brock Turner and oppose everything that happened in that situation, while trying to figure out how to deal with your own situation. Part of what made the Brock Turner case so abhorrent is that he never appeared to take responsibility or express regret for his actions, and his parents and the judge enabled this behavior and did their best to let him off leniently anyways. On the other hand, if you and your husband are having open, honest conversations about it, he's working on repenting and you're holding him accountable to that, and you're appropriately involving the bishop and therapists in the repentance and recovery process, that's a different situation. Repentance and change are real things, and even sexual crimes can be forgiven. However, it takes a lot of work and a lot of effort. The consequences of assault are far-reaching, and you should never feel like your husband's repentance process somehow invalidates any pain, suffering, or lasting effects that you are still dealing with.

If your husband is still struggling with sex addiction in any form, I would highly recommend involving an LDS-friendly therapist in his recovery process, as well as the bishop.

What your husband did doesn't invalidate the fact that he's a good dad and a good spouse in many ways. As a society, I think we like to pretend that anyone who commits sexual assault must be a monster with no redeeming qualities, because it's easier to dehumanize them than accept the role our society plays in rape culture. It's also a lot more comforting to imagine that sexual assault is only committed by terrible people, because then all you have to do is stay away from terrible people and you should be safe. It's much more difficult to acknowledge that people may have good qualities in one situation, but you still may not be safe with them. That's messy, and ambiguous, and it's an uncomfortable truth.

So, what your husband did to you doesn't change his good qualities. At the same time, all the good qualities in the world don't "make up" for what he did. Only sincere, lasting repentance and restitution can do that. 

Finally, don't feel pressure to "get over it" or forgive what happened before you're ready, or before you feel like the problem is resolved. Unfortunately, sometimes in situations like this, victims are pressured to forgive and forget in inappropriate ways, because it's tempting to want the whole thing to be "resolved." You are allowed to take as long as you need to process your feelings on the subject. You are allowed to be bothered by it all over again even if you go years without thinking about it. Yes, we are commanded to forgive, but forgiveness doesn't mean making excuses or denying your own pain.

-Zedability


0 Corrections
Question #87086 posted on 06/24/2016 2:56 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

When girls just urinate are they supposed to wipe while sitting down or standing? I know that front to back is important but I'm not 100% sure what everyone else does in this regard. Also, are you supposed to teach your daughters anything specific about this other than front to back?

Thanks,
inspired by a recent question

A:

Dear you,

I don't really know what everyone else does either. I don't think it really matters. Standing might risk dripping onto your pants or something, but depending on the toilet and how cramped the bathroom is, sitting might make it hard to reach everything for non-flexible people.

In this area, I would suggest just doing whatever's the most comfortable.

-Zedability


0 Corrections
Question #87085 posted on 06/24/2016 12:29 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Does the death of Anton Yelchin end the Abrams Star Trek movies?

-emergency brake user

A:

Dear EBU,

No way.  Maybe if Chris Pine or Zachary Quinto had died, but they won't end the series for a smaller role.  The series did not end when Leonard Nimoy died, and it won't end with Yelchin's death.

Many people are hoping that they will kill off Yelchin's character off-screen between the movies, rather than replacing him.  I hope for the same, even if it is a difficult thing to do - Yelchin was perfect for the role of Chekov.  I firmly believe that no one else could do as good a job with that character.

I'm heartbroken he's dead.  Yelchin been part of so many amazing and underrated projects, and I was excited to see where his acting and musical career would take him.

I appreciate what this author says, especially in her last paragraph: 

"Assuuming [sic] that there will be more Star Trek films with this rebooted cast, what will become of Chekov? Replacing the actor would be seen as a tacky move, I think, but adding a last minute death to the script is also probably out of the question. Obviously, fans don't yet know what happens in the film, and actors' deaths have been worked into scripts before, but for now, all Star Trek fans can do is wait and see, as we process the loss of our beloved Chekov."

-April Ludgate, who's going to go watch Star Trek now.  Live long and prosper.

A:

Dear snarkoff,

To add a little to April's answer, let's make a case study of the effect of Paul Walker's death on The Fast and the Furious films. For those readers unfamiliar with Paul Walker, he was one of the protagonists in the original The Fast and the Furious released in 2001. With the exception of the franchise's third installment, Paul was featured prominently in the Fast and Furious films. His November 2013 death occurred about halfway through filming of Furious 7. From Wikipedia:

The film also marks the final film appearance of Walker, who died in a single-vehicle crash on November 30, 2013, with filming only half-completed. Following Walker's death, filming was delayed for script rewrites, and his brothers, Caleb and Cody, were used among others as stand-ins to complete his remaining scenes. 

Paul's character does not die in the film, rather, it is revealed that he is permanently retiring from his crew. A sweet, nostalgic close to the film is basically a Paul Walker montage accompanied by Wiz Khalifa and Charlie Puth's "See You Again." The film ends with a simple dedication: "For Paul."
 
Paul's death in no way slowed down the film's performance. In fact, according to Box Office Mojo, Furious 7 grossed 353 million domestic and 1.516 billion worldwide, significantly outperforming Furious 6 (239 million domestic/789 million worldwide, for comparison). Meanwhile, the song "See You Again" is currently at 1.821 billion views, second only to "Gangnam Style."

In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if "See You Again" finally dethrones "Gangnam Style" within a year or so. Let's look at their stats, which I lovingly and sloppily screengrabbed from their original videos; they're hardly readable. Anyways, look at the green line.

cheese and peas.pngpork and beans.png

While "Gangnam Style" soldiers on, its only gained like 500 million views of its 2.6 billion in the last year. "See You Again" has received all of its growth in the last year, and even though its growth is slowing, it's steady and only has to make up... well, 800 million views at present, and Gangnam presents a moving target. Nevertheless, Furious 8 comes out in April 2017 and I'm counting on an uptick of growth when the film is released to bring "See You Again" into internet history. I'd like to say it will do this by May 15, 2017, but I'll give it a year, just in case. July 1 2017, then. And in the event I'm wrong? 

Well, you probably won't remember. And if I'm right? Well... you really, probably won't remember. But as for me and my house, we shall do the moonwalk and rock out.

So what's at the core of all this "See You Again" and Furious 7 success? I think much of it are the emotions of sadness, loss, nostalgia and family evoked by Paul Walker's passing. That resonates with people, and they remember it. 

TL; DR: I think Anton Yelchin's death will make Star Trek more successful than it would have been otherwise, and a more successful film will lead to an increased likelihood of more Abrams Star Trek films being created.

Suerte,

--Ardilla Feroz


0 Corrections
Posted on 06/24/2016 12:27 a.m. New Correction on: #87068 How does one with daydowning behave exactly??!! Do they claw at the floors and walls and ...
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Question #87082 posted on 06/23/2016 9:58 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What time do you have church?

-Just curious

A:

Dear Jesse,

9:30. It's wonderful. 

-Adelaide (who is still alive, just in a situation with a significant lack in both time and wifi)

A:

Dear JC,

Almost the entire time I've been at BYU I've had church at 1pm or 1:30pm. It's terrible. 

At least I can look forward to 9am church in the Fall.

-The Entomophagist

A:

Dear person,

1 pm. Also, we have a weird block where Sunday School is first, Relief Society/Priesthood is second, and Sacrament meeting is third.

-Sheebs

A:

Dear Curious,

10-1.

Also known as the perfect time slot.  Actual sleeping-in time AND time for a nap after.

-April Ludgate

A:

Dear Human,

9:30, also known as the best time ever to have church. We also start with Relief Society/Elder's Quorum, which is pretty nice because it doesn't alienate people who can't wake up in the morning from taking the sacrament.

Sincerely,
The Soulful Ginger 

A:

Dear Catkiller,

Right now I'm at 12:40, which is really 1:00 in disguise. I think in the fall my ward will switch back to 9:25. We have the strangest Church times I've ever seen.

-Frère Rubik is just glad that he's never had to start at 2:30 like Cadet Rubik did for all of last school year

A:

Dear you,

Ugh, 2:00 pm. The worst.

~Dr. Occam

A:

Dear you,

10:30. Perfect time.

-Zedability

A:

Dear Curious George,

9:00. I don't mind it too much because I can always take a nap later. And if I don't need a nap, my Sunday is nice and long.

-Kirito

A:

Dear Just,

1:00. It's not my favorite time, but I can handle it.

-Sunday Night Banter

A:

Dear Curey,

My church is at 8:30. I'm looking forward to an extra half hour of sleep for my 9 o'clock church in the married ward I will be moving to. Still, I prefer morning church to afternoon church every time.

-Spectre

A:

Dear you,

10:40. It's the first time I've had church that doesn't begin on an hour of half-hour, which is weird, but the time itself is lovely.

Love,

Luciana

A:

Dear Curiosity,

1:30pm, which is my nap time. I'm very grumpy at church sometimes. 

Cheers,

The two-year-old Musketeer

A:

Dear you,

1:00 pm. I don't mind it - I usually wake up at 12:00 anyway so it doesn't make much of a difference.

-Squirrel

A:

Dear Curiosity,

Like Frere, I have church at 12:40, which is the weirdest time I've ever heard of for church.

-Alta


0 Corrections
Question #87068 posted on 06/23/2016 9:55 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

How does one with daydowning behave exactly??!! Do they claw at the floors and walls and run around at night? Or is that an extreme case? It's more confusion, right?

-Pills & Pillows

A:

Dear P&P,

I'm going to assume you are talking about sundowning/sundown syndrome, because daydowning is not a thing.

While I have heard of sundown syndrome, you already show more knowledge of it than any of us do.  Most of my knowledge about it comes from the movie, The Visit (an oddly underrated movie that everyone should watch).

For those unfamiliar with the phenomenon, sundown syndrome is seen most often in dementia patients—usually moderate or severe Alzheimer's sufferers. Research from the Mayo Clinic shows that "20-45% of all Alzheimer's patients will experience some sort of sundowning confusion." Symptoms include much of what P&P states above; some people simply become confused, others show symptoms of fatigue, agitation, and frustration.  As the name suggests, the symptoms become more pronounced during the nighttime.

Clawing/grasping, however, does not seem to be a common side effect; when I attempt to find a correlation, I mostly find questions about the movie, The Visit (which shows an Alzheimer's patient clawing at the air).

The symptoms a patient shows depends on many variables, including the severity of their dementia, the level of care they receive, and the type of schedules they kept before developing dementia.  Keeping a set sleep and care schedule can help keep many sundowning symptoms at bay. 

There are many sites that discuss sundowning, and what can be done to help those that are afflicted. I link to many of them here:

If they are restless, I doubt they "run around," because they're usually super old.  It is probably more of a hobble. 

-April Ludgate


1 Correction
Question #87049 posted on 06/23/2016 6:56 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Is it true that an ingredient of perfume/cologne is a dash of pig vomit??? Apparently it works to maintain the pleasant aroma of the various fragrances.... How so??? And where do the manufacturers acquire said pig vomit?? Do they induce them to throw up and then collect it so they can mix it into their perfume?? Because that is just cruel? Or is there a humane way that they do it? Who discovered that pig vomit works in this capacity?? Does the average joe know that they are spraying on pig vomit before they go on a date?

-Vogue Villain

A:

Dear VV,

(For the sake of this question, whenever I say "perfumes," I am referring to both male cologne and female perfumes in one simple word.)

Perfumes made in different countries have different laws about what can or cannot be put in perfumes.  Active ingredients in American perfumes will differ from active ingredients in French perfumes.

For instance, a sperm whale secretion called ambergris—found in either their feces or vomit—has been a common ingredient for some perfumes.  However, it is an illegal substance to have in American perfumes, due to the endangered status of sperm whales (the substance is still popular in perfumes originating in France).

Most perfume ingredients are plant- and animal-based.  While the majority are plant based, there are notable ingredients derived from animals, besides the aforementioned ambergris:

  • Civet musk, a natural by-product from the glands of civet cats.
  • Other various types of musks besides that of the civet.  These can be derived from from muskrats, muskox, musk duck (try saying that five times fast), etc.
  • Castoreum, anal secretions mixed with urine, extruded from the mature North American and European beavers.  (Fun fact: Beaver use this secretion to create scent-boundaries.)

But I cannot find a single reputable/academic source on this topic that claims to use pig vomit in its perfumes.  I imagine that if it was used in American perfumes, groups like PETA would have a field day, claiming the exploitation of pigs for the purpose of their vomit (and I can't entirely blame them; being forced to puke is one of the worst feelings I can think of).

If it is used in common perfumes, American or otherwise, it is a well-kept secret by those in the industry.  Every website that touts pig vomit as a common ingredient gives no sources or information to back up their findings. 

At the very least, I cannot say it is out of the realm of possibility, but it does seem far-fetched, especially because perfume makers would only want to extract one specific ingredient/chemical from the vomit, rather than the entirety of the vomit.

At most, this seems to simply be an elaborate "factoid" that has makes the rounds on the internet.

-April Ludgate


0 Corrections
Question #87084 posted on 06/23/2016 6:32 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,
How do I "diplomatically" tell my Bishop not to touch my elbow, punch me in the arm, or any of those other weird things Mormons do? I like the guy well enough and I certainly dont mind shaking hands, but the elbow touching just gets to me.


-Hazel Hedgehog

A:

Dear Hazel,

Honestly, just approach him and say something like, "Hey Bishop, you do this thing and it makes me uncomfortable. I'd appreciate it if you would stop." I can guarantee with like, 95% certainty that he will be understanding and accommodate you.

~Dr. Occam

A:

Dear Hedge-man,

I don't know about this being a "Mormon" thing versus a thing lots of people do awkwardly to try to make more of a connection with you.

But, I agree that you can just tell him you'd just prefer a handshake. And be patient because physical contact is a hard habit to break. 

Cheers,

The Lone Musketeer

A:

Dear Hedgie,

I was surprised to find that this article agrees with you that Utah is a place of unusual handshakes. I would say to just tell your bishop, but don't make it seem like a big deal. People often react poorly or defensively if they feel like they are in trouble, usually because they feel embarrassed. Just make it a matter-of-fact thing for maximum diplomacy. That being said, there are times and places where sternness is needed and appropriate.

Sincerely,
The Skipper 


0 Corrections
Posted on 06/23/2016 2:06 p.m. New Correction on: #87079 I recently read Devil in the White City by Erik Larson for the second time. This ...
Question #87079 posted on 06/23/2016 12:51 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I recently read Devil in the White City by Erik Larson for the second time. This time I got to wondering, why don't we hold World Fairs anymore? Or, if we do, how come they're not super impressive like they used to be?

-Christmas Cactus

A:

Dear Desert Christmas Tree,

Luckily Wikipedia has a great article about this question! We do have world fairs and you can go to them and see what you've been missing out on your whole life! It looks like the next one will be in 2017 in Kazakhstan.

I don't about you, but these seem like a big deal still. They might not be as "super impressive" because the world is a lot more connected (with social media/internet) than it used to be and so we don't have to travel in order to know what the world offers. 

-Sunday Night Banter


1 Correction
Question #87078 posted on 06/23/2016 12:51 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I recently read White Oleander by Janet Fitch. Astrid's mom is in prison for most of the book. Whenever Astrid goes to visit her in the California state penitionary she is advised to never wear blue. No denim. No jeans. Nothing. She was advised to wear a dress instead. Why? So guards wouldn't confuse her with inmates? If this is true, when did inmates start wearing other colors like orange?

-Christmas Cactus

A:

Dear Happiest time of the year,

You are correct in your assumption. Here is an informational article that you might enjoy. Prisoners don't always wear orange jump suits. They also wear different clothes such as denim. Some female prisoners can wear certain dresses and so you do have to be somewhat careful about what you wear if you are planning to visit. It looks like it was the 1970's when they started putting inmates into orange.

I hope that helps!

-Sunday Night Banter


0 Corrections
Question #87076 posted on 06/23/2016 9:27 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

In D&C, what we now call The Word of Wisdom calls for us to abstain from "hot drinks." In modern days, this has been interpreted as meaning tea and coffee, but I have found nothing scriptural that specifically states as much. So my question is, can you still obey the WoW by drinking tea and coffee as long as they are not hot?

-Moby

A:

Dear Moby,

I take issue with the idea that there is "nothing scriptural that specifically states as much." If by scripture you mean the standard works, you're right, but scripture has a broader definition than that in LDS theology. Also included in the LDS definition of scripture are (in order of decreasing importance)

  • The unified voice of the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve (like The Family: a Proclamation to the World)
  • Teachings of the General Authorities in General Conference (as long as they are consistently and recently taught)
  • Documents and manuals published by the Church (like Sunday School manuals or True to the Faith)*

The interpretation of the term "hot drinks" to mean coffee and tea (at any temperature) falls under the second category. Prophets and apostles have repeatedly and consistently taught that drinking coffee and tea is against the Word of Wisdom, and I'll continue to live by that interpretation until told otherwise.**

In other words, no, you can't obey the Word of Wisdom while drinking coffee or tea at any temperature.

-The Entomophagist

* This comes form Anthony Sweat's Foundations of the Restoration class, which I highly recommend.

** A recent study by the International Agency for Research on Cancer determined that coffee is not a carcinogen, but that a possible link exists between esophageal cancer and the consumption of very hot beverages. Whether that's what the Lord meant when he advised against hot drinks is up for debate, but the brethren have made it clear what the current interpretation is.


0 Corrections