Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.

Posts for November 21, 2009
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Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

I was talking to Mary the other day, and she was saying how she misses our reviews of the Divine Comedy shows. So anyway, how was DC's Pioneer Trek? Did you have any favorite sketches?

-Whistler

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A Dear Whistler,

Here are my thoughts:

The Sketches
Public Private Prayer (Derk has narcolepsy) – The number of people walking into the situation was a little odd, but then again I think nearly all the lines were funny; it worked well enough.

Sue's Clues (Whitney hints engagement while Gregory misses the point) – I honestly still think Blue’s Clues is so annoying that I couldn’t properly appreciate the parody. Matt’s excitement was funny, but Gregory’s delivery matched the original so well that said fidelity stopped being a good thing for me.

"Uno Face" Video (parody of Lady Gaga's "Poker Face") – I appreciated this even without having seen the original music video; good work by Caitlin.

Fallings (people get fake callings to make them feel important) – Jeremy’s announcement that “I’m the ward dinosaur hunter” was one of the funniest single moments of the show. Mallory and Caitlin’s well-acted conversation about how callings actually work was basically the truth, for better or worse.

Get Back Side Hugger (rap about the lameness of side hugs) – One of the highlights of the show. The music, dancing, and costumes were all just well done, and the rap was probably Jordan’s finest moment yet.

Back at One (creeper song with back-up dancers) – One of the less original sketches (singing about creepers has been done before), and there were some difficulties keeping the vocals and music synced.

Impromptu Twilight Reading (Jeremy reads from New Moon) – Every time I saw this it was a different part of the book, and every time it was hilarious. Points for Jeremy.

P90X (workout program with Matt, Natalie, and Jeremy) – Jeremy’s off-mike death and Gregory’s off-mike homily made the sketch.

Helium (singing while sucking helium) – This was the best when the harmonies occasionally really failed.

Free Brownies (Jason goes on an apocalyptic rage) – Good use for that excellent severed arm prop. Jason shone here; his rage was excellent.

Everyday Barbarians (fight for hot dogs, money, lost and found, and babies) – Funny, but at the same time the whole sketch is basically one physical humor concept.

Japanese Tetris (subtitles, Derk and Jeremy settle argument via human tetris) – Definitely a different kind of sketch, but a fun one. Some of the faux-Japanese was excellent, and the black wall props were cool. The solid wall was a perfect ending. (Funny story: the cannon guy was not originally a part of this. I'm not sure how it ended on Wednesday, but apparently they changed it on Thursday and then again on Friday. The net result was that something like twenty or thirty minutes before the show, cannon guy got told he’d been written in. The first show the tech guys weren’t notified about the change, so all they saw was cannon guy coming out and pointing a cannon at Jeremy’s head. Hazards of having no rehearsal. They did end the sketch before too long, though, and I guess at the later shows it went pretty well. It's still never been rehearsed.)

Jamba Juice (Matt gets laughed at by Jamba Juicers) – The bursts of laughter were a bit contrived, but the BYUSA-abuse was redemptive.

Halftime Greeting Cards (truthful greeting card by Matt and Mallory) – Somewhat predictable, and the Book of Mormon joke was a little forced, but it had a moment or two. “This card makes you a dirty liar.”

Unbreakable Man (Jeremy doesn't break while friends torture him) – The start (“Why is he doing that?” – “I dunno, cause it’s cool”) and end (ballerina move) were the highlights.

Hammer Therapy (fix any relationship with a hammer) – I approved of the random mention of Gregory’s Canadian-ness and the continual random mazel-tov-ing. At the same time, the uses of a hammer are predictable.

DC Q&A 1 and 2 (popular questions from DC fans, dog biscuits, Whitney shaves head and Matt makes wig) – One was probably too long; two was better. The shout-out to the Board here was appreciated at the tech show, but sadly not so much at the real one. Matt’s “I was just trying to redefine service” line was outstanding.

Mountain Man Sam (Mallory has a bad blind date) – The costume and accent on Sam/Jason were perfect. Jeremy’s deer performance was also excellent. A solid, original sketch, if not the funniest of the show.

Pioneer Trek – I understand this was by far the funniest as it was performed at the Saturday at 9 show – complete with not one but two unscripted kisses and with Jeremy managing to break Matt’s composure onstage. The “the most successful event BYUSA has ever sponsored” line was excellent. Spock’s gender issues were slightly confusing, if still amusing. The accents were great; I think Derk’s especially stood out.

In General
The amount and spread of glowsticks seemed to be pretty decent, at least from looking at the crowd. I’d advocate pushing the glowstick/candy mix further in favor of glowsticks.

The tech ran pretty smoothly, and the timing on the ends of some of the sketches was beautiful. The music volume was pretty good; I might’ve put it a little higher at a few points, but I guess I’m a fan of louder music than many.

The commercial for the Best Of show was awesome; I’m incredibly excited for it. (Digression 2: I have been told that DC is directing a thousand glowsticks exclusively to the cannon on top of what it's already been consuming. This is what we call a Good Thing.)

Finally, special thanks to DC for inventing a new level of earlier-than-the-early passes entry for some seniors I knew in one of the crowds. It was a very cool thing to do.

For the benefit of readers: I understand the Saturday at 9 show usually ends up involving a lot of improvised off-script hilarity, and the 9 shows typically have better crowds than the 7 shows. Now you know.

~Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe

A Dear Kirĸe-

To clarify: I don't know how spot-on the delivery was (I don't speak Japanese), but the Japanese in the sketch was very real. Written by good Friend of the Board and DC Stage Manager Sara Pennepacker, those lines were legit. Kudos to all for writing/memorizing them. Also kudos to the guy who ate a dog biscuit. Yo.

Dear Whistler-

I quite enjoyed the show, but some portions had a bit too much of the yelling for myself and my lady companion's taste. Entries in my personal book of hilarity include the greeting cards ("You look fat in those pants. ...And in all your other pants."), the public-private prayer, and the excellent satirical fake callings. Plus, as usual, 95% of Matt Meese's lines, whatever sketch they may be in. The title sketch was also very funny. Crazy ol' BYUSA...they're always good for a laugh.

-Foreman

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

Where can I purchase the oriental salad dressing sold at L&T and/or what is the recipe (or a recipe that would taste very similar)?

- SEM

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A Dear SEM,

When I talked to the cashier at L&T, she told me the ingredients for the salad dressing, but didn't know the proportions (apparently someone else makes that). So, here are the ingredients:

-sugar
-orange juice concentrate
-soy sauce
-salad oil
-garlic
-salt
-tabasco
-sesame oil

I searched high and low and didn't find an exact match for a recipe with those ingredients, but I found something pretty close:

3 tablespoons orange juice concentrate
3 tablespoons reduced-sodium soy sauce
2 tablespoons olive oil or salad oil
1 tablespoon water
1 teaspoon toasted sesame oil
1 teaspoon grated ginger root

That pretty much nails all the most important ingredients, and then I'd just substitute fresh minced garlic for the ginger root (though you may not need that much, maybe just a half a teaspoon), and then add sugar, salt, and Tabasco sauce to taste--you probably won't need much of these, it just depends on how sweet/salty/spicy you want your dressing.

Hope that helps!

-Miss Scarlett

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

So I've been reading President Kimball's classic talk "The False Gods We Worship" (http://www.nauvoo.com/library/kimball-false.html), and I think I'm an idolater! Here's the quote that got me thinking specifically:

"Whatever thing a man sets his heart and his trust in most is his god; and if his god doesn't also happen to be the true and living God of Israel, that man is laboring in idolatry."

Like many BYU students, I have my heart set on getting into some amazing top notch graduate program and to this end I spend hours upon hours of my time in school work in pursuit of a 4.0, or something close to it. And then on top of getting the 4.0, just add all the time I spend as a research assistant, and prepping for the admissions test, and my honors thesis, etcetera. And truth be known, I'm fairly sure that if I continue in the path I'm currently in, my prospects are pretty good for getting into an excellent program.

But my question is this - Is it worth it? Is this what God would have me do, or am I just wasting my time in pursuit of some materialistic dream? Would my time be better spent actually enjoying life here and now, in getting out more often, in cultivating more friendships, and helping more people, and spending more quality time with the people I love? In summary, am I exchanging what's most important for some worldly reward from the the god of good transcripts, and future financial and professional success?

Perplexedly yours,

-A Modern Day Idolater?

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A Dear Idolater (maybe),

Elder Nelson is an M.D., Ph.D., and president or chairman of four different medical associations. Elder Anderson, Elder Perry, and Elder Christofferson were company vice presidents. Elder Oaks was a Utah Supreme Court justice. Elder Scott was a nuclear engineer for the navy. Among the apostles there are doctorate degrees from Harvard, Yale, Purdue, and Stanford. Obviously the search for a prestigious degree isn't idolatrous, neither is seeking out a well paying position. Elder Huntsman, who spoke last Tuesday, is the 47th richest man alive, and has given $750 million in donations. Success puts you in a position to serve. Extraordinary achievements professionally lead to extraordinary achievements philanthropically.

It's all about balance. Don't be an ambitious jerk. Live with the Spirit and "Be Smart."

Good luck,
Ineffable

A Dear Idolater,

The real issue is your motivation. Are you seeking after a degree, knowledge, and money so that you can better serve others? If so, you're fine. But if you're doing it just to be richer and live a more comfortable life, then yes, that might be considered idolatrous.

Remember, everything we have is given so that we can bless others.

-Yellow

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

In 3 Ne 17:15-17, Jesus prays amongst the Nephites. The text says that "no tongue can speak, neither can there be written by any man, neither can the hearts of men conceive so great and marvelous things as we both saw and heard Jesus speak; and no one can conceive of the joy which filled our souls at the time we heard him pray for us unto the Father."
The scripture says that men could never conceive the things that Jesus did and said; obviously, we don't know what those things were since they aren't written. There are several instances of this in the scriptures, and I always wonder if these were sacred EXPERIENCES that weren't to be mentioned, or maybe new doctrine...? If you had to guess, what kinds of things would you say this might be referring to? Topics, I mean. Or whatever else you please. Do you think it could have been new doctrine, or maybe things they already knew but were hearing now from the Savior?

- Just curious

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A Dear Just curious~

Well, there are places in the scriptures where the writer says that he's been forbidden to write what transpired, so I doubt that's a complete answer. I suspect that this is referring to spiritual experiences that defy description in human language. We have all sorts of shortcuts we use to refer to things that are actually quite difficult to define (Burning in the bosom, I'm looking at you!), but I strongly suspect that the writer here didn't want to cheapen the experience by attempting to explain it in physical means.

I also think that there were aspects of "And this revelation is specifically for you, so don't bother passing it on to future generations" going on.

That's my guess. Definitely not doctrinal.

~Hobbes

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

On average, how far do you think 2 adults, with no kids, who ride every good ride walk in one day at Disneyland and California Adventure?
- Sore

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A Dear I know that Disneyland ache all too well,

I've wondered this myself from time to time...and now, I can finally discover the answer, for both our benefits! How wonderful! Before I tell you my conclusion, let me explain how I came to the answer, and give a few notes, disclaimers, and information to help guide you through the thought processes involved in this answer.

This day in Disneyland involves strictly rides: no parades, restaurants, or random adventures such as looking over the edge of the water by Big Thunder to look for crawdads, which your friend mistakenly thought were indigenous crabs. It is simply a calculation of the distance it would take for you to hit all the big rides in Disneyland and California Adventure one time each, then move straight on to the next ride. Obviously, you would probably do more walking in a full day at Disneyland, what with all the getting lost (if you aren't as well acquainted with the parks as the Marzipan Clan) and getting distracted with other fun things that would fill up the day.

Since I'm a BYU student and can't prance on over to Disneyland and physically measure these distances for perfect accuracy, I made a little path of my route(s) in the Disneyland/California Adventure Park on Google Earth and used it to calculate the mileage. Very handy tool! Obviously it's not a perfect way to measure, but it'll be good enough for our purposes.

Now, I only included the rides I felt were worthy of recognition as "good rides" that adults would want to ride...meaning there's a bias in the itinerary below, so you'll have to endure. Everyone has a different opinion of what constitutes a good ride, and I tend to think that ones that actually do something interesting while I ride them are fun. So if you are upset that the Dumbo ride or Snow White's Scary Adventures or something isn't there, I apologize. I just think that, as adults, maybe you'd be more interested in something...exciting. Oh, and I have a list of "No, Nevers" that I just don't ride any time I visit the Disney parks in California. I've expressly shunned Astro Orbitor, the Jungle Cruise, "it's a small world", and Autopia from Disneyland. The only ride I could think to shun from CA Adventure would be the Golden Zephyr, an eerily similar cousin to the Astro Orbitor. Why are these rides non-existent in my life? Three words. Waste. Of. Time.

And now, without any further ado, I present for the Board...

The Adult Itinerary for Hitting Awesome Rides at Disneyland, in chronological order:

Disneyland:
1. Walk through Mainstreet USA.
2. In Adventureland, ride Indiana Jones.
3. In New Orleans Square, ride Pirates of the Caribbean and The Haunted Mansion.
4. Go to Critter Country and ride Splash Mountain.
5. Ride Big Thunder in Frontierland.
6. Head to Fantasyland and ride the Mad Tea Party (y'know, the tea cups one?) and the Matterhorn. Maybe spend a moment of silence for not visiting Toon Town, and vow to visit when you have children.
7. In Tomorrowland, ride the Nemo Submarine Adventure, Space Mountain, Star Tours, and finally Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters.
8. Walk through Main Street USA, exit the park, and walk straight on through to...

California Adventure:
1. Meander through Sunshine Plaza.
2. Head to Hollywood Backlot, where you will ride, nay, experience Tower of Terror (best ride in the park).
3. Look at A Bug's Land. Admire how cute it is. Move on, for there are no Big, Cool Adult Rides there.
4. Walk to Paradise Pier and ride California Screamin', Toy Story Mania, Mickey's Fun Wheel, the Maliboomer, and Mulholland Madness.
5. Go to the Golden State area, where you will ride Grizzly River Run and Soarin' Over California.
6. Walk through Sunshine Plaza again and exit the park.

So, after hitting all these good rides, you'd have walked a grand total of 3.02 miles. Of course, this also depends on the season in which you go, the day of the week, how busy the park is, how much backtracking you do, how long you are at the park, the routes you used and if you agreed with me in my assessment of good rides.

I did some thinking and wanted to see what the distance would be like to ride only the thrill rides at Disneyland and California Adventure. Surely it would cut out a quarter of a mile or so, right? So, here's my itinerary for the thrill seekers of the Disney Parks (I won't include the names of the "lands" this time, but instead just name the rides):

Disneyland:
1. Of course, ride Indy first. Come to think of it, I almost always start my day at Disneyland by riding Indiana Jones.
2. Scurry on over to Splash Mountain.
3. Ride Big Thunder.
4. Matterhorn-riding time! Woo-hoo!
5. Go on Space Mountain, and...
6. Finish with Star Tours. Exit the park.

California Adventure:
1. Ride the best ride first, Tower of Terror!
2. Head to Californa Screamin'.
3. Swing by the Maliboomer.
4. Hit Mulholland Madness.
5. Get ridiculously wet on Grizzly River Run, and finally...
6. Ride Soarin' Over California. Exit the park.

Guess what? You have walked 2.71 miles. Not bad, eh? You cut out a little bit of distance by avoiding some of the less exciting rides.

Oh, and since I'm sure this question will come up if I don't answer it right now, here you go: If you ride all the rides at Disneyland, you will have walked about 4.3 miles.

You may feel slightly upset at the results. After walking all day, you swear that you must have walked at LEAST ten miles. Your feet are practically killing you! Yeah, I know. It kills my feet too. But remember, you spend oodles of time standing in line, frolicking, and jumping up and down in childish glee at the sight of a stranger dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow sauntering down the streets of New Orleans Square. After such an epic day, anyone's feet would feel a bit tired. Now how's about you go take a rest in the hotel and watch a Disney movie or something?

Marzipan

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

I just got back from a trip to Disneyland. Do you think the park makes the most money (percentage-wise) from ticket sales, food, or souvenvirs?

- Happy Camper

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A Dear Happy~

I'm guessing that ticket sales are their big intake, even if you count the hotels they run. (Although the hotels probably give ticket sales a run for their, aha, money.)

I mean, you're spending at least $150 per person if you're there for only three days, and possibly $180, if you're going for six days. We're talking between 30 and 50 bucks per person per day.

You only buy souvenirs once, so for that to beat out ticket price, you need to spend more than $150 on souvenirs per person. Not likely.

Food is a little better, but you still have to live pretty luxuriously to beat your ticket price, because you have to spend more than 30 bucks per kid per day. This is possible, but only if you eat exclusively at the Disneyland restaurants, and only then if you still eat a considerable amount of food.

So yeah, my money (ba-dum, CHING!) is on ticket sales.

Thanks for asking.

~Hobbes

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

This is going to sound random, but I really want to know if you can help me with this one. I was playing a game with my family, and I said (as part of the game) that zebras and elephants could have spots. They laughed at me, so I promised to email them pictures of an elephant with spots and a zebra with spots. Do you know if elephants/zebras can have spots??

I'm not talking spots instead of stripes, I'm talking spots here and there--just visible enough to be spots.

I know, weird question, but maybe you'll be able to use this to win a game with your family someday :)

- (Greenplaidshirt)

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A Dear greenplaid~

This zebra has a couple spots on his snout. If you look at the side of his face, about one stripe up from his black nose, you'll see two distinct spots. Enjoy.

Elephants, of course, are basically monochromatic, so finding one with spots would, I think, involve finding one with some kind of skin disorder. Sadly, I couldn't find you even a photograph of that. Here's the closest I could get.

Good luck proving your stupid family wrong.

~Hobbes

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

Does this show take place in a real library?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...
It seems hard to believe that people in a library would be able to ignore so much snickering, bad smells, and whimpering while an old man chews someone's ear.

Gaijin

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A Dear Gaijin,

My friend's fiancée is from Tokyo and she says "no it isn't in a real library, but it is so funny!" and she probably made the peace sign with her fingers.

Dr. Smeed

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

I have been on a back-up folk dance team for 3 semesters, but I just got introduced to clogging. I love it. I want to love it more. Here's where you come in. I have no idea where to practice that won't annoy people (roommates, people studying in halls, etc) and where I won't look too silly in front of lots of people. I know there is a clogging/tap room in the RB but I believe it is almost always filled with classes. Any ideas where I might find a nice, smooth, hard surface where few can hear or see me? Doesn't have to be on BYU campus but it would help. Thanks!

Efflorescent Homophone

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A Dear Efflorescent Homophone,

Technically, RB 158 is the only room on campus where clogs and tap shoes are allowed. The floor in that room is specifically designed to take the harsh beating that new cloggers and tap dancers give it. You might try to argue and say that PAC practices with their clogs in RB 278, but they're all supposed to be decent cloggers and can be trusted to not tear up the floor.

If you want to practice with your clogs, then I suggest you hit up RB 158 in the early morning hours. Yes, I'm talking between the times of 6 and 8AM during the weekdays. On Saturday, you might be able to get the room to yourself a little later in the morning. If there's no scheduled class or rehearsal occupying the room, then there's also nothing wrong with asking the one, or two, or three other people practicing in the room if you can join them. Just take a corner and try to focus only on your sounds.

I suppose if you really wanted to you could try to venture into RB 278 on Saturday, but by late morning it's often crawling with ballroom dancers and tends to stay that way until well into the night. If you're not quick enough with RB 158 then the ballroom dancers might beat you to it there, too. Also, if you have a TA in the class, you might want to ask werf to set up a scheduled practice time for your class, especially if you have a test coming up. That way, you can practice with music and get some extra help if you're having trouble with some of the moves.

The wonderful thing about clogging, however, is that if you can really clog, then you can do it anywhere. You don't have to always wear your clog shoes; you just need shoes that have a flat sole. I used to practice clogging in my Converse All Stars on my kitchen floor all the time.

If you're serious about wanting to do more with clogging, then consider the Rocky Mountain Express Cloggers. Greg and Maria Tucker are fantastic cloggers and wonderful teachers and their studio is in Orem. Hopefully their name is familiar to you too, since they are currently in charge of the clogging department at BYU. Maria hasn't taught lately since they fairly recently had twins, so it's usually Greg that you'll see around the RB. Stop by his office sometime or shoot him an e-mail and seriously consider taking additional lessons from them if you're serious about it. I've taken clogging classes from Greg and I've TA'd for him before and he is a super nice and very approachable person. He also is a bit obsessed with pirates.

Good luck with your clogging ambitions. Hope you don't get too frustrated with doubly-doublies.

-Sky Bones

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

I've been recently asked how much money I want to make when I'm older. I hadn't thought about it before. Since then I have decided that I want to have an income somewhere on the backward bending portion of the labor curve. This may be difficult to answer, but how much money (in today's dollars) do you think the average American needs to achieve this goal?

- I don't want to be Bill Gates wealthy, but maybe have a building named after me wealthy.

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A Dear probably almost everyone,

Check out this short article so you'll understand the question.

Dear building,

It's unfortunately not clear whether there even is a backwards bending portion of the labor supply curve - the labor supply curve is one of those magical things that economists draw without providing values on the axes or backing statistical data. Arguably Bill Gates falls on the backward-bending portion, as he's clearly reducing his hours worked in order to focus his efforts elsewhere (on charity, not leisure, but same type of principle). However, it seems from my vague anecdotal impressions like hedge fund and Wall Street types earning millions a year work incredibly hard for them, and if many of them are using their wealth to reduce hours worked I haven't heard much about it. Based on this we might put the start of the backward bend somewhere in the tens of millions of dollars in annual income. (Good luck.)

However, this depends hugely on the individual. Everyone ultimately sets their own tradeoff between work and leisure, so the bend for each individual can be in a different place. The aggregate curve then doesn't make much sense as a basis for goals - you'd effectively be setting your goal based on the herd's average value for leisure time. Doesn't make sense to me, eh?

For myself, I already know exactly how much money I want to target: all of it. I'll give what I make away fast enough to avoid ever reaching that goal, but given the possibility of philanthropy I don't really understand why anyone would say "I don't want more than x dollars." In the words of Brigham Young, "Efforts to accumulate property in the correct channel are far from being an injury to any community, on the contrary they are highly beneficial, provided individuals, with all that they have, always hold themselves in readiness to advance the interests of the Kingdom of God on the earth" (JD 3:330 or page 303 of Discourses of Brigham Young). Don't get me wrong; I plan on maintaining a pretty strict work/life balance - I'll just make all the money I can in that amount of time that I decide is worth spending at my job. (I have a hard time imagining this being much outside the 40-50 hour/week window.)

Anyways, amateur economics editorial for the day complete.

~Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

So when I read Board Question #54527, it reminded me of a thought I have every so often. When I do something dumb, I sometimes wonder "Am I actually mentally retarded, but no one has had the heart to tell me?" I know this is not true (I have a masters in Electrical Engineering - pretty sure someone would have told me during my thesis defense). But do any of you have thoughts such as this? And finally, is this just me being dumb, or is there some underlying self-esteem issues I need to address?

- crmeatball

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A Dear crmeatball,

Judging from your writing ability, you are not mentally retarded. I'm working on a master's degree, but usually every day I think, "Wow, I totally missed the boat on that one." I think an awareness of our ignorance is the first step to remedying it. Indeed, a sublime experience is one, according to Kant, where the knowledge of our ignorance makes us conscious of our consciousness (summary?).

-Whistler

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why do some people keep secret family recipes? I can understand how restaurants could potentially lose profits if people started copying their meals at home...but what about Grandma's pumpkin pie recipe? Or Uncle Joe's chili recipe? What's wrong with sharing?

-Nom Nom Nom.

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A Dear Nom Nom,

Because if you share it, your town might run out of the ingredients.

Or maybe it's the same reason that little girls keep trivial little secrets on the playground: a feeling of exclusiveness and mystery. Tradition. Pride. The joy of keeping something rare, special, and treasured up. To give something value by means of scarcity.

Or maybe it's more along the lines of Kung Fu Panda's secret ingredient trick.

Love,
Waldorf and Sauron

A Dear Nom Nom,

I can understand this feeling. Once I gave my roommate a recipe for a dish I strongly associated with myself and my family, and I felt like she was being a copycat when she made it. It's weird how we can create personal associations with homemade food, isn't it?

-Whistler

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

My daughter, Meadow, was born on November 2, 2009. There is a place in her baby book for "important news headlines" that happened on that day. What headlines do you think I should include?

- Aardvark

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A Dear Aardvark,

Since I don't know what things you find interesting, these are the New York Times' headlines for November 2nd.

From that list, I would suggest "North Korea Calls for Talk With U.S.," since that is pretty uncommon; "Many in U.S. Want Texting at the Wheel to Be Illegal"; "Obama Strategy on Health Legislation Appears to Pay Off" (we'll see, eh?); "Drilling Down: Children Watch More TV Than Ever."

Earth Observatory, a part of NASA, also has news headlines. The best one I found for November 2nd is "Snow Cap Disappearing From Mount Kilimanjaro" (a significant change for that iconic mountain, and a snow cap your daughter will probably never see).

If you are a cheesy sort of mom then you could absolutely make a fake headline announcing your daughter's birth. Get your favorite news source's logo and stick it on top, get a nice black-and-white photo of her crinkly newborn face, and you have got yourself the biggest, most important headline of the day.

-Mico

A Dear Aardvark,

I think Mico's suggestions are good ones. You could also choose any of these days and say, "It's been ___ years since ___ happened!" or, "You share a birthday with ___!"

- The Black Sheep

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

What is your favorite shoe?

- All Star

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A Dear All-Star,

That people still wear Chuck Taylors and old-school Vans puzzles me. They are so uncomfortable. </rant>

My favorite shoes are a toss-up between my Florsheim wingtip dress shoes and my Doc Marten wingtip shoes.

Doc Smeed

A Dear All Star,

Flip flops all year long. Closest you can get to barefoot.

I hate socks so much,
Waldorf or Sauron

A Dear Dr. Smeed,

It puzzles me, too! I bought my first pair of Chuck Taylors before I went to BYU. I was super excited, but it did not take long until I thought my feet would fall off from sheer pain. Meh...not good.

Dear All Star,

I am very bad with brand names. I love nice lace-up tennis shoes, but not sneakers. Tennis shoes are not too bulky, tend to be durable enough for everyday life, and are comfortable.

-Mico, who loves socks, especially ones with funny designs.

A Dear All Star,

Currently this pair of flats I bought pretty recently. I love them because they are red and have a bow. Also, they are real leather, so they don't smell bad, and don't dig into my feet. Also, they are just danged cute!

-Miss Scarlett

A Dear All Star,

My favorite shoes are Chuck Taylors, Converses, All Stars, and anything else you want to call them. I love them. I love how slender they are and how they just hug your feet and allow you to do anything. You must admit, the wide variety of colors and designs is pretty awesome, too.

Honestly, it boggles my mind how people could call them uncomfortable. I have been wearing them for years and I've never had a problem with them. In fact, they're the best fitting shoes I've ever worn. Perhaps they've just made my feet nice and rough. I like to feel the ground beneath me.

-Sky Bones

A Dear Waldorf or Sauron,

I hate sandals.

Dear All Star,

DC is my favorite brand of shoe. I beat the crap out of shoes (I'll trash a $20 pair of tennis shoes in a couple of months), but DC shoes last me for long enough to more than make up for the price difference. It also helps that they are the most comfortable brand I have ever worn.

On a slightly unrelated note, I love socks. Especially colored and patterned socks. I am also too lazy to hunt though my clean laundry for matching pairs, so I grab the first two socks I see and put them together. The result? Two different colors of socks almost every day. I'd call that a major win.

⋯Anomalous

A Dear Smash Mouth/Waldorf and Sauron,

I too enjoy flip flops, but I'd say the closest experience to barefoot I've had is with Vibram FiveFingers.

This also qualifies as my favorite shoe. They're so comfy and have really helped to develop the poor, poor foot and leg muscles that are so neglected or abused by most footwear.

When I'm not wearing these (somewhat rare), I'm usually rockin' some Vans.

- Commander Keen

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

So, let me get this straight: the guy gives the girl a ring when they get engaged. And then on the day of the wedding, girls generally add a wedding band to that same ring. Right?

Well I'm a girl who wants to break protocol.

Personally, I'm not really a fan of the massive-rock-on-my-finger idea. I actually prefer the style and simplicity of men's rings. And I'm pretty sure my guy is okay with that, but I'm just wondering if it would be silly to try and get a two-piece ring when all I want is a plain band anyway. Do they even make anything like that? A two-piece band? Has this been done before? How common is it for the girl to use a single ring without adding a wedding band? I've never been ring shopping...perhaps a trip to the store would be helpful.

-May be getting engaged soon

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A Dear Megs,

No it isn't silly, do what you want. My wife and I use her engagement ring as her wedding ring. It isn't like a man's wedding band, but it isn't a huge diamond ring.

Ring traditions are nothing more than a ninety-year-old DeBeers marketing ploy. I reiterate, do what you want and whatever makes you happy.

Dr. Smeed

A Dear May be getting engaged,

Screw protocol! We did! Waldorf wears a single band with 3 modest diamonds on it. We bought it online and it cost us less than $150 dollars. She's gotten only a few incredulous comments for its lack of ostentation (from people whose opinions we don't value anyway), and the vast majority of people don't care.

Here's my soapbox declaration of why you should throw "protocol" out the window: Every "tradition" when it comes to engagement and wedding rings came from one place—the diamond industry. Each protocol was heavily promoted by the diamond industry in order to create more demand for their products. You've seen how much power the diamond industry has in promoting this tradition—pick up any issue of the Daily Universe and you'll see at least one diamond ad. Yes, this is advertising-turned-institutional. Why do you buy a diamond engagement ring? Because everybody does—that's "just the way it is." Why do you spend two to three months' salary on an engagement ring? Because everybody does—it's traditional. No, it's not! The tradition has been manufactured by DeBeers to take advantage of you!

The worst part is how fully the BYU culture subscribes to this illusion. In an LDS community, we should be above this kind of materialism. Poor BYU students are among the least capable of affording such a status symbol. We've been counseled time and time again to get out of debt. "It must needs be necessary that ye save all the money that ye can, and that ye obtain all that ye can in righteousness."

And yet many people go into debt as they get married—and for what? Something unessential, unwise, fleeting. They say "a diamond is forever." It's not. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal..."

They say it's an investment; it's not. What, are you going to sell it at a profit? "He that earneth wages earneth wages to put it into a bag with holes."

They say it's a symbol of your love. Sure it's symbolic, but your family—and the time you spend together instead of working to pay off diamonds—can be the symbol of its own love.

I'm not saying people shouldn't buy engagement rings. They're pretty to look at and useful in conveying marital status. I'm saying you should never, EVER buy a ring that you can't afford—there's nothing wrong with a ring from Overstock.com. And if you want to go with just one ring, or a ring with no diamond, or no ring at all, then more power to you. I lost my (cheap) wedding band the day after our wedding, and haven't replaced it—two years later, we get along without it just fine, and despite my roguish good looks, I don't get hit on.

Love,
Waldorf and Sauron

A Dear Congratulations,

Seeing is believing, my friend.

This is me wearing just my engagement ring:

This is me wearing just my wedding band:

And this is me wearing both my engagement ring and my wedding band together:

And just for kicks, this is my husband wearing his wedding band:

The whole engagement ring thing is something that I feel very strongly about, but I usually prefer not to discuss it with people, particularly those that attend BYU. As you can see, my husband and I definitely didn't follow protocol and you know what? We happen to have a very strong marriage and are very much in love. And I have no problem telling you that all three of our rings together cost us way less than $1,000.

In case you can't tell from the pictures, mine and my husband's wedding bands are exactly the same, only his is a few millimeters wider. In fact, I would say 95% of the time I only wear my wedding band. It's so much easier and doesn't get caught on anything.

We ordered our wedding bands from this website, which may carry just the item you want. If they had released their reverse cradle rings before I had gotten married, I definitely would have gotten one. They are pure genius and very beautiful. You should really take a look at them. In fact, I highly recommend this site in general for their decent prices and great customer service.

Don't believe what they tell you, that the engagement ring proves how much your fiancé loves you. That's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. I totally agree with Waldorf & Sauron that BYU students should really be above this kind of ridiculous materialism. More power to you for not wanting a rock that could take out somebody's eye! Seriously, diamonds are just pure carbon anyway.

-Sky Bones

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

Provided it wasn't a messy breakup, do guys have anything against dating their brother's ex-girlfriend? What if you're friends?

-Kinda interested

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A Dear Kinda,

Heck, I've known of several guys who moved on to their ex's sister after a breakup, and got along great in their new relationship. As long as it won't cause too much tension between you and your brother and you and the girl in question (recognizing, of course, that some awkwardness will be pretty much inevitable), go for it.

~Hermia

A Dear Kinda,

All is fair.

In my experience, nothing can really stop two people who want to be together. Talk to your brother about it, but I'm guessing that if this is something you really want, you'll go for it whether he hates the idea or not.

What do you mean by, "What if you're friends?" As in, "Is there anything wrong with dating your brother's ex-girlfriend if you're friends?" If that's what you're asking, why would you date anyone that isn't your friend? It's absolutely okay - and even encouraged - to be friends first. If you're asking, "Is there anything wrong with dating your friend's ex-girlfriend?" my answer is the same as the above paragraph. Or, to rephrase it: do what your heart tells you. Just be nice about it.

Love,
Waldorf and Sauron

A Dear kinda,

You should sure as heck at least talk to the brother before you proceed in either direction. Trust me on this one.

That being said, I think it also depends on, as you said, how long the brother dated the girl, how serious they were, and how long ago it was. Proceed with caution.

- Commander Keen

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

I was sent an email from a friend from the Philippines and he emailed me something in Llongo (I assume), it could also be in Tagalog.

This is what he said: Nagapasalamat ako para sa imong mga ginsulat sa akon!

Anyone know what it says?? THANKS!

- Jenna

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A Dear Jenna,

My cousin just served in the Philippines, and he says it looks like Cebuano, and that it means: "I am thankful/grateful for the things that you have written to me." Now you know!

-Whistler

C Dear 100 Hour Board,

This is for Board Question #54550. I was in the same ward as the artist and I have to say, that exhibit was awesome! Her name is Maria Northrup. The photos were displayed on the west wall on the 4th floor, and I believe it was part of the BFA senior projects. I hope this helps your quest!

- Terpsichore

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