Dear pre-finance student,

I think I've talked about my foray into accounting in the archives at some point. I'm almost certain.

I, probably much like you, took ACC 200 without any intent on pursuing accounting as a career. I took it because I was going to complete a business minor, and that was one of the classes that was required to do that. I took it back when Norm was still on campus, and I was pleasantly surprised at how charming and pleasant Norm and his subject were. The tests were easy. The daily quizzes weren't difficult at all. I saw people struggling around me, and I thought that hey—maybe accounting was the right major for me.

I enrolled in ACC 210 (now ACC 310) the following semester eager to spend another fun semester with Norm. As soon as the add/drop deadline passed, however, Norm transformed into a flesh-eating robot with a grumbling stomach that only hands and brains could satisfy. He began following me, trying to back me into a corner to get at my delicious, healthy brain meat. On three occasions he successfully trapped me—in the testing center for the two tests and the final. After 13 full hours of testing over the course of the semester, he had managed to eat all of my brains and drank my spinal fluid as if my spinal cord were a bendy straw.

So my advice to you is to expect a completely different, possibly terrible experience with ACC 310. You might not make it out of that course with a desire to go into accounting. That's okay. It's a weeder class. It's designed to be roughly as terrible as the junior core is. If you can't take the heat, you should probably reconsider what you want to do with your life.

Like in ACC 200, stay on top of everything. Don't allow yourself to get behind. Spend time in the accounting lab if you're having a really hard time. Study your brains out for the exams and try to get in the mid-80's on all of them if you're shooting for an A or an A-. Don't lose easy points because you don't take time to read/watch critically for the weekly quizzes (which are much, much harder than in ACC 200).

If you actually enjoy the class, you're meant for accounting. Talk to your professor and express to him how you enjoy it and want to spend the whole rest of your life learning about it. If you don't enjoy the class, don't fret; you still might be able to tucker through the rest of the program out of sheer grit and determination. I just don't recommend forcing yourself to do that just because the job prospects are good.

Best of luck, and try not to die. Plan to take the full four or five hours in every exam, and don't be surprised if you still have to guess on a few questions. Woof.

--Gimgimno

Dear Mighty Pen,

The terms that come to my mind are "expanded universe" and "derivative work." Neither of these specifically imply that the work was done by the original author/artist, but they do both imply an expansion on the original.

~Anne, Certainly

Dear CB,

Obesity.

(Okay, some other countries are pretty bad too, but we take the cake...get it?!)

And yes, I consider that fashion. We wear it on our bodies, after all!

- Commander Keen

Dear Cowboy Boots,

Blue jeans, Hawaiian shirts, baseball caps, leather jackets, and maybe even the T-shirt.

-Art Vandelay

Dear Sasquatch,

Not everything has a point, even in evolution.* However, all hairiness you asked about does have a point. Mammals have been hairy for an estimated 200 million years (estimated because hair doesn't fossilize all that well). Rewind a bare 7 million years or so, and you'll find the common ancestor of the chimpanzee and human, which had hair covering its whole body.

As humans became human, our body hair diminished, becoming more fine and short. Any given human has the same number of hairs as a similarly-sized ape, though. It's just that our hair is much less noticeable except on our heads, armpits, and pubic areas. As you noted, we also have some hair in our noses. This hair differs from other hair, as its purpose is to filter out dust and other particles when we breathe.

As for hairy chests, arms, backs, and legs, the hair is insulating and also indicative of genetic and hormonal influences (and also our hairy heritage). For example, males are hairier than females due to androgenic hormones, and Asian men tend to be less-hairy-looking than their Caucasian counterparts. Facial hair was probably retained in males because it's indicative of virility and male hormones, and is thus attractive to females. (Not to this female... though five o' clock shadow can be attractive when done right. Done right means it was not done on purpose.)

The point of head hair, the kind everyone wants to keep, is much more obvious. As bipedal apes, the bulk of the sun's radiation beats down on the top of our heads, and thus it is advantageous to keep a head topped with hair for protection. Also, having a shiny, well-groomed coif is attractive from an evolutionary perspective because it's indicative of glowing health. 

Humans retained pubic and armpit hair when the hair on the rest of our bodies diminished probably because it's a sexually favorable trait. Both the armpits and the pubic area contain scent glands that exude sexually attractive hormones, and having hair in this area traps the scent for longer, amplifying it over a period of time, thus attracting more mates. Nowadays we call this sexy, pheromonal scent "body odor" and it is now considered socially taboo to have too much of (in the U.S., at least).

Also, did you know that the average male spends thirty-three days of his life shaving? (Purely to bow to the whims of females like me. Also, the Honor Code. Oh, the power. Muahahaha.)

–Concealocanth

*For more on this topic, I refer you to the concept of spandrels.

Dear Sasquatch,

Evolutionary fitness is all about the ability to pass genes on (in other words, to reproduce). Which version of Tom Selleck is more likely to have success reproducing? Mustachioed:

Or hairless?

I rest my case.

-Hamilton

Sasquatch,

You may also be interested in the archives.

No Dice

Dear Phineas and Ferb,

He's right behind you, wearing his secret agent hat. Seriously, just turn around. He's right there. He's right there!

Honestly, as smart as you two are, I'm genuinely stunned by your complete inability to see your own pet sneaking around right under your noses.

(Did you mean Rick Perry? He dropped out months ago.)

- D.A.R.E.

Dear Peachies,

If you can't keep up with your own platypus, why do you think we can?

Although we at the 100 Hour Board are notorious for the tracking of animated egg-laying mammals, at current time we are understaffed, and, well, we've had to let some things go.

Deepest apologies.

-Marguerite St. Just

Dear Fredjikrang,

Most of my college career was filled with dating. Sometimes it was frenzied (to the tune of 10-15 first dates in a month) and sometimes it moved at a much slower pace. I had a few relationships--some serious and some trivial. But one thing never changed: I was constantly dating and thinking about dating. For various reasons, I took an almost-eight month break from dating last year, ending only a little over a month ago.

I don't think I can express how refreshing the break was, and how valuable I think it was for my whole dating psyche. I did a lot during that extra free time. I explored and traveled. I tried new things. I found new hobbies. I spent a lot of time thinking about what I valued most in life. I spent the occasional Friday night reading a book in my room, not caring what I was "missing out" on socially. I spent more time with my family. I spent more time with my best friends and I made new friends. I learned how to talk to a beautiful woman without thinking about how I could get her phone number. 

I guess what I'm saying is that I learned how to enjoy life without a partner. Sure, I hope to get married someday. But there's no rush. I've learned that even if it takes me another decade (or...gasp...more) to find the one, I can still enjoy life and find fulfillment and real happiness. 

The most important lesson I've learned in my life?  A common phrase my roommates and I tell each other is "go till no." In other words, if I know I'm interested in a girl, I'm going to try to woo her until she tells me "no." This sometimes means calling a girl back after she didn't return my call. It sometimes means open conversations and questions like, "you can't go on a date this weekend. Do you want me to try to ask you on a date again?" It often means feeling emotionally vulnerable. It reminds me of this quote from Ghosts of Girlfriends Past: "Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less, and he was right. But power isn't happiness." It doesn't mean stalking. It doesn't mean obsessing over the meaning of her every word and body language. It doesn't mean I guilt-trip women into dating me. I don't have a DTR after every second date. It means that I stick up for myself and find out whether a girl really did have a funeral to go to, or whether she's just not into me. 

Good luck in your dating endeavors. But don't worry about them too much.

--Pilgrim

Dear Frejikrang,

The single most important thing I have ever ever learned about dating is that marriage is better.

Just kidding (sort of), here is my real answer.

In the past year I learned that in a relationship you need to sacrifice for the other person, but you don't need to sacrifice everything. Or even a lot. In fact, if you are sacrificing a lot then it probably isn't a healthy relationship. This is similar to what Pilgrim said, insomuch as it is important to maintain one's own interests when single or in a relationship. But I'd take it a step further and say that when in a relationship you sometimes need to look out for yourself. Hopefully no one is surprised by this, but married people really ought to have some separate interests and even time to themselves. Mr. Mico and I don't do everything together. He plays video games that I don't like and I hang out with my own friends; he watches House and I watch shows that don't make me want to faint. And that's fine. People in relationships don't need to sacrifice their own interests, be they hobbies or more important things like time. As a small example, I can't always give up my homework time to hang out with my husband, and that is okay.

In my life I've learned that communication is the problem to the answer.* But seriously, I've learned that communication is really important. If anyone who reads the Board hasn't noticed this yet, it is time to think about something: What is the number one piece of advice the writers give to people asking about dating or relationships? Yes, talk about it. If you can't talk about whatever "it" is, then you better figure out why and try to find a way to discuss it. I don't really agree with people who say that talking about something automatically makes you feel better, but I do think if you don't talk about a problem then it is highly unlikely to be fixed.

And there you have it!

-Mico

*Board Fun Fact #1: This is the 2nd time I have referenced this song on the Board.

Dear Freddie Khan,

This past year: just because she likes the same bizarro stuff I do doesn't mean she's my soul mate; or, how I learned to stop getting hung up on superficial preferences and value real qualities.

In my life: she has burst like the music of angels, the light of sun, and my life seems to stop as if something is over and something has scarcely begun...No but seriously, it is all about the vital importance and need for honest, open, and sincere communication.

-Art Vandelay

Dear Chizpurfle,

If you were able to remember that your memory had been modified, wouldn't that largely defeat the point? The memory's gone; you can't remember having a memory that's gone. I suppose it's largely like me trying to remember whether or not I went sleepwalking last night. I don't remember, because I never knew it in the first place: the information was never there. Likewise, when you take a memory away, it's as if it were never there. You can't remember it.

No Dice

Dear Chizpurfle,

While you typically wouldn't know your memory has been modified (for reasons given by No Dice) it is possible for a memory charm to be penetrated, as in the case of Bertha Jorkins.

As HP Lexicon comments, Jorkins' memory had earlier been modified by Barty Crouch Sr. following her discovery of Barty Crouch Jr. (who, you will remember, is supposed to have been dead following his stint in Azkaban). During Goblet of Fire, Voldemort successfully "breaks through" this memory charm in order to discover the suppressed memories. It seems reasonable to suppose that at this point, Bertha would remember what Voldemort had discovered and would be aware that her memory had been modified. Voldemort states "Memory charms can be broken by a powerful wizard" (GOF, p.12). He explains, "She told me many things... but the means I used to break the Memory Charm upon her were powerful, and when I had extracted all useful information from her, her mind and body were both damaged beyond repair" (GOF, p.655). So, at this point, Bertha may have been aware that her memory had been modified, but only because Voldemort specifically broke through to find pre-modification information. Short of something like that or someone telling you your memory had been modified, I don't think you'd know.

~Anne, Certainly

Dear Chizpurfle,

If you had the suspicion that someone had modified your memory and a vague idea of who it might have been, you would theoretically be able to force the information out of someone who knows what had been done. A little truth serum would do the trick, in that case. Now, if your memory hadn't been modified at all, that could lead you on a paranoid wild goose chase for a person that doesn't exist, which is really no fun at all. It sounds to me like it would be possible to find out if your memory had been modified, however difficult or unlikely.

-The Entropy Ninja

Dear what the what,

So you want to know if your memory and perception of reality have been altered? Seems like a pretty straightforward question. The answer lies in this video.

-Art Vandelay

Dear Watermelon,

Do you really need me to answer this question again?

-Marguerite St. Just

Dear Q,

This is worse than being rickrolled, because at least that is only a few minutes long. 

-Mico

Dear Q,

I think it's... pretty catchy. I listened to it for 1:26:43, but then my eyes started to hurt, even though I wasn't actually watching the video. When my ears started bleeding I took that as a bad sign and had to stop.

-Genuine Article

Dear Q,

NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN  NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN  NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN  NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN.

~Nyanne, Certnyanly

Dear Q,

Well, let's see. I'll just hit play and tell you what I think as I think it.

0:47: Oh my. Oh goodness, this is awful.

2:37: Is the body of the cat supposed to be a Pop-Tart? It looks like a frosted cherry Pop-Tart. Those are pretty good, actually. I haven't had one of those since I was 12 or 13, I think.

3:28: Is it ending? That wasn't so bad.

3:38: Ah, it's a loop. That's unfortunate.

8:29: I'm a little disappointed the cat doesn't move in time with the music. The cat moves at about 180 beats per minute, but the music is only about 155. It's close, and there are a lot of times during the song where they appear to sync up, but it always goes away.

17:54: Why does the rainbow only have six colors in it? I mean, I guess it's difficult to differentiate between indigo and violet without a sophisticated palette of colors, but still. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect accuracy, especially if I'm going to listen to this for 100 hours.

39:15: I'm getting a little better at tuning this out, I think. It's hard to tell.

1:00:07: One hour down, 99 to go.

1:39:31: Actually, this isn't so bad. It's got kind of a fun beat to it, and darned if that isn't a cute little cat.

1:39:47: Kitty. I meant to say it's a cute little kitty.

2:15:58: Just short of 39 iterations in. I've listened to it enough times that I'm starting to measure time in Nyan Cat cycles. I'm also filled with a bitter sense of self-loathing.

4:28:22: Part of me wants to hate this, but an increasingly larger part is telling me that it will be easier to just give in and enjoy it. I'm torn. Should I submit to my inner Japanese teenager?

5:31:12: I'm resisting. I'm stronger than this. I will overcome. 94 and a half hours to go. The music cannot triumph over my will.

6:47:47: Nya nyanya nya nyanyanyanyanyanya! Nya nya nya nyanyanyanyanya! Nya nya nya nya!!!! ~KAWAII!!~~ ^_^

8:02:31: Okay, so I let my guard down for a bit, but that was just to make it bearable. I can do this.

14:29:55: THE STARS ARE SO BEAUTIFUL *sob*

27:13:10: I've completed my first full nyan day. Just 73 more hours to go, or about three days. I'm reasonably sure I can make it out of this with my sanity intact, but since I've already had a couple of minor meltdowns, maybe I can't. We'll see.

41:03:29: They're trying to take the cat away from me. They're telling me I need to eat, or sleep, or bathe. Don't they understand? This cat is everything. I can't be separated from her, not even for a second. I have to complete the 100 hour odyssey. I have to do it for you, Q. I have to do it for Nyan Cat. I cannot fail her.

56:47:31: I need to properly honor Nyan Cat. Would it be more appropriate to tattoo her image on my arm, or should I shave her into my head?

57:13:00: It all makes sense: I MUST BECOME NYAN CAT. Only when I can mirror her every action and thought and truly make myself in her image can my life attain any meaning.

65:43:11: I haven't slept in almost four days. How can I when she keeps demanding things of me? She's a tyrant, just like all dictators. She can't keep pushing me around, not with those obnoxious rosy cheeks or her arrogant tail.

71:13:26: It's agreed: There must be a revolution. And I must be the one to overthrow her. It's a dangerous task, but it will be better for all of us. I don't mind losing my life if it means freedom for all of us. Remember me fondly, Q. I go to a glorious reward.

76:15:49: How could I have thought of betraying her? She means everything to me. She is my life. I will never again doubt her or question her. Also, is it normal for my eyes to bleed like this?

84:23:07: I've lost all movement in my appendages. I can barely hold up my head. I can no longer form my own thoughts. Everything is song.

89:21:38: My vision is clouding over. It's beginning to get black...

91:56:12:

95:31:20:

98:11:03:

99:21:48: ...

100:03:36: It's over. Freedom.

I no longer fear death, for I have looked into the eyes of Nyan Cat and seen horror, darkness, and eternity staring back at me.

- D.A.R.E.

Dear DC Fan,

For your question I decided to go directly to the source - the tabloids!

In an exclusive interview with People, Mallory Everton admitted that while she and Matt Meese are not currently a couple, they in fact used to date (which perhaps lends some credibility to their onstage flirtations). Despite their past break-up, they've remained good friends and continue to collaborate on material for Divine Comedy, as well as other creative projects*. Everton denies the rumors that she threatened to commit suicide upon hearing of Meese's secret love child with longtime co-star Whitney Call, and declined to comment when asked about the slap fight rumored to have taken place on the set of DC's recent music video, "Firebolt."

-Genuine Article

*Everything after this asterisk is a lie.

Dear Wild Berry,

It really is a matter of personal preference. I have an iPhone 3GS on an unlimited plan that my mom helps me out with. And man, do I use the data. I would never have guessed, before getting that phone, that I would use it as much as I do. It took a little while to get used to the touchscreen keyboard, but now it feels strange to use anything else. My only qualm is that the charge doesn't last as long as it used to, but it still gets through the day, so I really shouldn't be complaining. I know some people have problems with Apple products dying just days or weeks after the warranty runs out, and I fully expected mine to as well, but here we are, two and a half years later, and my trusty little friend is still chugging along just fine. Honestly, I love the thing. I love it so much that I didn't even bat an eye at the iPhone 4 when it was released. No complaints whatsoever.

My roommate, on the other hand, uses prepaid cards with her Razr. She doesn't talk or text a whole lot, doesn't have a data plan, and does just fine with that. Granted, she doesn't like being so limited and would definitely enjoy something nicer, but as far as functionality goes, it does what it's supposed to. She thinks my touchscreen keyboard is weird and hates using it, but eventually admitted that she could get used to it. I've never used a physical QWERTY keyboard on a phone, so I can't say anything about that, but one of my other roommates just got a new phone with a full QWERTY, and she raves about how great it is. I, for one, would go for my hardy iPhone any day.

-The Entropy Ninja

Dear Majoram,

I feel a little technologically behind as I've had the LG VX8360 flip phone since not terribly long after I got back from my mission. I love it so, so much.

The benefits include being able to text without looking (useful in meetings!), once you shut it, you know the call is ended (useful when sighing in disbelief/annoyance after talking with siblings). On that same vein, you also can't accidentally make any phone calls. My phone has proven time and time again that dropping it has no ill effects (which was not the case with my iPod). That and, best of all, I can leave it anywhere without having to worry about it being stolen. The only thing that bothers me is it doesn't have awesome games, but, that's really a small complaint.

If it ever dies, I'm not sure I'd ever upgrade to a smart phone (though I do love ALL my iProducts) because of how much I've always loved having a flip phone.

-Marguerite St. Just

Dear Berry,

I know you aren't looking for suggestions, so I'll just give you my opinion.

I prefer a phone with both a touch screen and a keyboard, but only because I've never had a good enough touch screen to make me trust everything to it. If I were to get an iPhone, then I would probably reconsider that idea.

In my view, there are three types of phones: smartphones, dumbphones, and dumbphones with ambition (also known as middle class multimedia phones). I currently own a phone belonging firmly in the last category, and I hate it almost as much as I hate not having it. It's my least favorite in the succession of cellphones I've owned, my favorite being Enrique the Razr followed by Paul the... whatever he was. Something LG without a QWERTY keyboard. My hatred is manifested in how I never gave my phone a name because referring to it as THAT POSSESSED THING has worked well enough for me.

My phone's mischief began as minor rebellion, mostly the product of a cheap touch screen. First, it began freezing whenever I got an email. Then it refused to stop notifying me with vibrations that I got emails. Once it got a taste of the gleeful havoc it could wreak on my life, it started picking random contacts and calling them of its own accord. Its favorite was my bishop, so much so that I was forced to delete him from my contacts. It then began calling the person about the same slot in the alphabet, so I now have a fake contact sitting there. It also deleted every single text I've ever received and calls people when I try to text them. Did I mention I love my phone? (Don't worry, this is a Verizon phone and I hear the upgraded version they currently sell comes pre-exorcised.)

So, I'm sorry if I ever called any of you and hung up after half a second. It means I was fighting with the demon-infested object I call my phone.

–Concealocanth

Dear Wild Berry,

In the past two years I have used a Samsung Rogue, a first generation Droid, and now an iPhone 4S. The first two had slide-out QWERTY keyboards and I was a big fan of them. When I switched to an iPhone I really missed the keyboards for a few days, but forgot about them soon after. It really isn't that difficult of a change to make, as most quality touch screens these days are very sensitive and work well. But are you ready for the kicker? I honestly liked my clunker Droid more than I like the latest Apple has to offer.

I think the Droid is superior for two reasons. First, I use everything Google to organize and run my life, so having a phone that was designed to run everything Google has to offer made syncing and accessing everything incredibly easy (you can run Google programs on a iPhone, but it just doesn't connect everything as effortlessly as the Droid did). Secondly, you are really locked into the screen layout with an iPhone. I really liked how customizable the Droid was, and also thought the widgets were brilliant.

The iPhone pleases me mainly for its attractive size and shape, Siri can be pretty helpful when she is working properly, and it is very useful as a status symbol marking me as an up-to-date and connected communications professional. Not that it's unique to have an iPhone in the COMMS department or anything; it seems like 75% of the Brimhall building is packing 4S heat.

If I could do it again, I'd go for a Droid. No lie.

-Art Vandelay

Dear Bilbo,

I searched and searched and watched more commercials than I really care to admit. I learned that all cereals are mineral-fortified, black is beautiful, and middle-aged men often woke up in the middle of the night from nightmares that they were out of Miracle Whip. 

Sadly, I came up just as empty-handed as you did, and none of us writers already know where it is. There is a distinct possibility that no one ever uploaded a recording of this commercial. In fact, a high probability. I'm sorry to say that it now mainly resides in your cherished memories. Perhaps a reader could point out where the video is, if it indeed exists.

–Concealocanth

P.S. Watching all these 80's/90's commercials kept getting this song stuck in my head. It's not really hard to see why.

Dear Go,

First, a word of warning: Adderall can be a nasty drug. Don't rely on it to lose weight—it's not approved for weight loss and can be downright dangerous when it's used like that. Appetite loss is a fairly common side effect for patients on Adderall, and in some cases I read about, it's severe enough that people prefer to eat little or nothing at all for days or weeks on end. I'm assuming your doctor has prescribed it for another reason, and if you haven't already, mention to him that you're trying to lose weight and you're concerned about the effects the medicine might have on your efforts. Also, be aware that this is one of those drugs that affects everyone differently. Try not to get frustrated or discouraged if your weight loss doesn't go as planned. The safest way to go about this is with a doctor's help; make sure that you consult him in your diet decisions.

Loss of appetite is usually associated with a lack of serotonin in the brain, but so far, researchers haven't been able to make a direct link or pinpoint the mechanism for it. It turns out that Adderall itself isn't fully understood either. It acts as a psychostimulant, increasing the recipient's ability to focus and concentrate, and it is widely believed that it works by blocking the transporters that carry dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which leads to higher levels of those chemicals outside the cells in which they normally reside. These increased levels are largely responsible for the "high" caused by the drug. The extent of our knowledge about the link between Adderall and appetite loss is pretty much limited to the fact that we know both have something to do with an imbalance of serotonin levels. Beyond that, the links are tenuous, at best.

In my research, I've run across a few online forums, mostly focused on ADD and ADHD, that discuss Adderall and its effects on appetite, and while these discussions aren't always scientific or meaningful, I did find a lot of people who describe severe appetite loss as a side effect of taking Adderall. Several claimed that their appetite returned after a period of time, though there were many more who complained of it lasting long enough to adversely affect their health. Adderall seems to slow down metabolism in some people and speed it up in others. I read about people who simply preferred to eat rarely or not at all, and several made suggestions as to how to ease yourself back into a healthy diet.

One of the best suggestions I came across said to try high calorie, low volume foods or meal replacements. However, as Eirene graciously pointed out to me, that might not be the best course of action for someone trying to lose weight. She suggested closely monitoring your caloric intake; make sure it's not too low (below 1200 calories for women, 1800 for men), and only go for high-calorie foods if the effect on your appetite is severe enough to warrant it. Again, I suggest that you consult your doctor for the safest way to account for the new medicine in your weight loss efforts.

Best of luck and health to you.

-The Entropy Ninja

You,

It sounds like you're interested in our History section (under "About Us" for future reference).

Curious Physics Minor is the longest-writing active writer. He has been writing since 2006. Laser Jock is a very close second.

Concealocanth, The Entropy Ninja, and I are the newest writers.

Cheers,

No Dice