There is always an easy solution to every human problem--neat, plausible, and wrong. -H. L. Mencken
Question #79562 posted on 10/20/2014 2:50 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I'm trying to learn about the home-buying process. I've noticed looking in places like Zillow.com that foreclosed homes usually are pretty cheap. It seems to me initially that this is a great deal: a $250,000 for $170,000 instead? Awesome! But is there more to it than that? Do you really get a house for that big of a discount? Is looking specifically for foreclosures a good strategy in finding a home? (I guess that makes me realize I'm not sure all the reasons why a home would be foreclosed on in the first place - finances are the main reason, right?)

-ltg

A:

Dear ltg,

I just bought a home so I know a little bit about the home-buying process. However, I didn't buy a foreclosed home, so what I know is what I've been able to find online and from home-buying TV shows. If you want really good information, you should talk to a realtor, and if possible find one that specializes in foreclosures.

Foreclosures are bank-owned properties that have been repossessed because the homeowner has defaulted on a mortgage. This means that they haven't made regular, satisfactory payments to the mortgage lender. If you miss a few months worth of payments, you will be served a Notice of Default, and you will have a certain amount of time (such as 90 days) to repay the balance in full, including any penalties, to ensure the property is not foreclosed. Once that time period is up, the bank takes possession of the house and sells it to recoup losses.

The reason for a foreclosure is that a homeowner with a home loan can't or won't make the mortgage payments. There are several reasons why this can happen. First, the homeowner may try to sell the house, but cannot sell it for more than the remaining balance on the loan. This can happen if the value of the home has depreciated for whatever reason, such as in the recent housing recession. Therefore, they give up and stop making payments. Second, the homeowner took out a loan that was too big for them. They probably shouldn't have qualified for the loan they received, but the lender gave it to them anyway. Eventually, it becomes apparent that the buyer cannot make the payments, so they default. This was a big reason for the recent housing recession and subsequent strict lending rules. Third, if the homeowner loses their job then it may be impossible for them to make the mortgage payments, and the house is foreclosed. Last, other personal reasons, such as illness, divorce, gambling, or addictions can interfere with the ability to make mortgage payments. 

So why are some foreclosures relatively inexpensive? Because the bank may not be trying to sell the house for market value, which in your example is $250,000, but for the remaining balance on the loan, which is $170,000 (because the original homeowners put money down and paid some of the loan back already). Another reason is because the previous homeowners may have left the home in disrepair, or the house may have sat vacant for months, leading to maintenance problems and/or thievery. Foreclosed houses are sold "as is," and the bank will not repair these problems for the next homeowners. One last reason for a low asking price is a move to start a bidding war, where they receive multiple offers for the property and use that as leverage to drive up the home's selling price.

So you can get a good deal buying a foreclosure, but there are risks. First, you have to understand that buying a foreclosed property can take longer than buying a non-foreclosed property because you're dealing with the bank rather than another homeowner. If you put in an offer, it can take a while to get the bank to respond. It can also take longer to close on the house because of all the extra people and paperwork involved. If you're in a hurry to move, a foreclosure may not be your best bet.

Second, even though the home's price is low, you may have to deal with maintenance issues. This could be as simple as some paint and cleaning, but it could be as bad as water or structural damage. Even with big issues, you could still get a good deal, provided you're prepared to pay for the repairs. If possible, make sure you see the property in person before you buy, and if you put in an offer, make it contingent on a home inspection free of expensive repairs. Hopefully that would catch the worst problems so that you know about them before you commit to buying.

Last, you could find yourself in a bidding war, where multiple parties have put in offers on the same property. This could drive up the home price, and it can be disheartening to lose a house that you really love.

If you feel like you can deal with all of that, then buying a foreclosed home could be right for you. However, make sure you have a good realtor on your side! Their expertise is well worth it in this situation.

--Maven


0 Comments
Question #79567 posted on 10/20/2014 2:20 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

How does one donate things to the board questioners? I sometimes feel like giving something to the people asking questions. For example I feel like buying a blender for the smoothie maker roommate in Board Question #79500. I probably would not do it for that specific question, but there are other questions where I think a small donation would be appreciated.

It would need to be anonymous, such as mailing it to the board and then the board sending it on to the questioner.

-Lower Middle Class Procrastinating Philanthropist

A:

Dear Wade,

I accept The Board accepts PayPal and bitcoin.

-M.O.D.A.Q.

A:

Dear Philanthropist, 

I would be willing to set up a secret drop with you in the tunnels under campus. Email me and we can discuss this further.

Sincerely,
The Soulful Ginger 

A:

Dear Lower Middle Class Procrastinating Philanthropist,

While we may be able to collect donations to Board writers, we're unfortunately not generally in the business of connecting readers with each other. You might try posting in the Board Board to see if the questioner posts there as well, but otherwise I'd suggest donating your money to a productive charity like LDS Philanthropies.

-Editor


0 Comments
Question #79553 posted on 10/20/2014 2:08 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Are baby sleep sacks safe? Are there any risks at all? I've heard nothing but good things.


-Mom

A:

Dear Mom,

Well, these days there are risks for everything. In the case of baby sleep sacks, the risks are pretty small, but usually arise from zippers or embellishments. If the zipper isn't covered, the baby could get it caught in their mouth (e.g. stuck between teeth) and it could cause injury. If the zipper is poorly made, it could come apart and become a choking hazard. The same thing goes for embellishments; they could be a choking or strangulation hazard, so look for products without embellishment. One other thing to look out for is to make sure you don't overdress the baby beneath the sleep sack, because that can cause overheating. Last, make sure that you use the correct size sleep sack. If it's too big, it could be a suffocation hazard.

Honestly, they're pretty safe, so despite what I've told you I wouldn't freak out too much. We used one with Mavenbaby and he didn't have any problems.

--Maven


0 Comments
Question #79540 posted on 10/20/2014 2:02 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Is it possible to transfer to BYU-Hawaii for just one semester and then come back to BYU?

-Already Missing Summer

A:

Dear My Sweet Summer is Gone,

There used to be something called the Visiting Student program that allowed students to come for a semester but it was discontinued in 2008. If you're truly determined, though, there's nothing I know of that says you can't transfer willy-nilly between the two schools. Hermano Feroz started in Hawaii, transferred to BYU for a year, and returned there to finish his degree, so what you're suggesting doesn't seem unreasonable to me. When I asked him your question, he replied:

"You can apply to BYU Hawaii, get accepted to BYU Hawaii, then while attending there during the semester reapply to BYU, get into BYU, and then abandon BYU Hawaii for Provo," just as if you were transferring between any other two schools. To complicate things further, he also pointed out BYU Hawaii will be altering when their academic year begins and ends. Whereas their old schedule more or less aligned with BYU's,  beginning in the 2015-2016 academic year they're going with a calendar that better suits their needs:

Fall Semester: August-September
Winter Semester: November-February
Spring Semester: March-June 

If you're serious about this, I'd recommend carefully reviewing BYU Provo and BYU-Hawaii's transfer policies to make sure you don't end up spending even more time than you anticipated in the Aloha State.

--Ardilla Feroz


0 Comments
Question #79545 posted on 10/20/2014 2:02 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I do data entry 8 hours a day; 5 days a week. To prevent Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, it was suggested that we could wear wrist-guards while working. I don't wear wrist-guards at work because it makes it extremely hard for me to type. So what I've been doing is wearing them at night, when I go to sleep. I wear them for somewhere between 6-8 hours a night. I've noticed that my wrists don't feel like they used to before I got this job. Does wearing them at night help at all? (I KNOW YOU'RE NOT DOCTORS. I have no insurance and can't yet afford to see a doctor, so I'm asking y'all for opinions.) Do you think that my wrists are getting the help they need, by wearing wrist-guards at a time when I'm not typing, compared to wearing them while working?

-Fly Like an Eagle

A:

Dear To The Sea,

You've got itwe're not doctors.

My peasant's take on this? Wrist guards for typing are designed to alleviate pressure and strain while you are typing. Wearing them at night wouldn't keep this from happening, since your hands aren't under stress then, just like wearing shin guards after a game isn't likely to help your legs if you neglected to wear them while you were playing. 

--Ardilla Feroz

A:

Dear Paprika,

I used to have a problem at my job with my wrists hurting after typing for long periods of time. I got an ergonomic keyboard (which comes with a fun typing learning curve!), a keyboard wrist rest and a mouse pad with a wrist rest. I haven't had any problems with wrist or hand pain since I made the switch. You should ask your employer to provide the keyboard and wrist rests. Since it's a fairly reasonable accommodation, they're likely to make it.

-Marguerite St. Just


0 Comments
Question #79566 posted on 10/20/2014 1:56 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I have a professor who will not allow us to make up points for a class period if we miss it. I thought that make up work was required to be allowed by policy of the University?

SIncerely,

Frustrated student who had no other choice but to miss

A:

Dear Frustrated, 

Make up work is only allowed if it's a university excused absence. 

-Concorde


0 Comments
Question #79194 posted on 10/20/2014 1:50 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

NASA says:

This general permission does not extend to use of the NASA insignia logo (the blue "meatball" insignia), the retired NASA logotype (the red "worm" logo) and the NASA seal. These images may not be used by persons who are not NASA employees or on products (including Web pages) that are not NASA-sponsored.
Google shows a meatball-load of people selling shirts with the official NASA logo.

What is it? Are the shirts more likely NASA-sponsored or straight-up illegal?

-Frank

A:

Dear Wills,

Counterfeit, man. While the most reputable of these people and companies might pay a licensing fee for the logo, generally they fly under the radar and sell shirts illegally until they are ordered to cease and desist under claims of copyright infringement. NASA isn't alone, though. A similar thing happens with counterfeit Calvin and Hobbes goods, almost none of which are merchandised.

Paz,

--Ardilla Feroz 


0 Comments
Question #79547 posted on 10/20/2014 11:32 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I've been suffering from frequent burnout, followed by a lack of motivation and a desire to skip class. I'm worried that this will affect my grades. Advice?

-Feeling useless

A:

Dear not useless,

It is definitely possible to burn yourself out in college. Concorde's given some helpful advice below on helping to mitigate the damage of burnout, I'd like to propose a few tips for preventing it:

  1. Know your limits: it is not required of us to run faster than we have strength. For some people that may mean that they're not required to go to the gym every single day. For some people that may mean that they're not required to study the requisite 20 hours a day that would be required to get a perfect GPA in their major. For some people that may mean that dessert night or a ward social gets skipped in favor of a mental health day. Do what you can and accept that. You do not have to do everything.
  2. Enforce limits: I'm a law student. This is a fairly intense thing, and it's definitely something that could absorb ALL OF YOUR TIME if you let it. It's important to me to have downtime on a pretty much daily basis; that's something that matters to me more than it matters to some. I enforce certain limits through action. For example, I do not bring my casebooks home with me. There is some homework I'll do at home if I need to, but creating barriers for myself helps me to segregate work and not work, which allows me to relax when I'm not working.
  3. Consider priorities: Are you burned out because you're involved in a challenging program that you care about and it's just a semester with a lot of tough classes? If that's the case, see number 4. However, if you're burned out because you don't enjoy what you're doing, you don't see a purpose to your work, and it just doesn't seem to matter, it may be time to sit down and try to remember why you signed up for what you're doing and evaluate whether your reasons still hold. If they don't, it may be time to prayerfully consider a change in path.
  4. Keep a perspective: Sometimes you will have weeks where you just have to work really hard. You'll have multiple midterms and group projects and homework and a calling. This is okay. Do what you can. Keep to your limits. Recognize that if you've done your best, not getting the best grade or having the best poster or what have you is not a sin. Also remember that this too shall pass. School matters, but it is not your life or the most important thing in it. You may have a rough week or month or even semester, but it won't last forever.

Good luck,

~Anne, Certainly

A:

Dear feeling,

I've been suffering from the same thing lately, but instead of skipping class, I've just not been doing my homework at all. Fast forward to midterms, and I completely bombed a test. It was the worst that I have ever done and I was so embarrassed. So I went in and talked to my professor and was just very honest about what I had going on and the fact that I was just struggling to care. He was surprisingly helpful and understanding and was just appreciative that I went and talked to him early on and resolved to do better.

So I highly suggest you talk to your professors. Just be honest about your barriers, but also suggest a plan for improvement. Come to your professor's office hours- it keeps you honest and you're far more likely to stay caught up in classes when you know your professors are keeping a closer eye on you. Do your homework and go to class. Reward yourself for going and getting work done. For every two classes worth of homework I finish, I allow myself an episode of New Girl. It keeps me motivated and happier because I'm rewarding myself and getting things done instead of punishing myself for being burned out and tired.

Best of luck!

-Concorde


0 Comments
Question #79559 posted on 10/20/2014 10:26 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Is it okay to enter a relationship with a guy knowing that it's going to end? I know steady dating before a mission is discouraged by church leaders, but are there any benefits to it at all? If it helps, I'm a freshman girl here at BYU who isn't planning on serving a mission. I've never been in a relationship before and I'm realizing that dating a pre-missionary is about the level of commitment I'm looking for at this point in my life. However, I've always told myself I wouldn't do that and I can't shake the feeling that it's wrong somehow. I wouldn't wait for him on his mission (at least, that's what I'm telling myself now, but I also thought I'd never even want to date a pre-missionary), which brings me back to my original question: Is it okay to date with an end in sight?
What do you think?

-Conflicted

A:

Dear Conflicted,

As someone who has been in a relationship with an end in sight, I would say it is okay to enter into such a relationship on the condition that 1) you are both aware of the impeding end, and 2) you go into the relationship with the intent to learn to love and learn what you want in a future eternal relationship. All relationships go one of two ways: you either end up together or you don't, and it is okay if you don't end up together.

However, if you feel that something is wrong and you have committed to yourself that you won't put yourself, or a man, in the situation you have described, then I would say don't date him. Trust your feelings on this.

Sincerely,
The Soulful Ginger  

A:

Dear you,

I think that your question actually addresses a few different issues. Here are the ones I identified:

Steady dating before missions:

I stand with established counsel on this. The reason we're counseled to avoid seriously dating before missions isn't necessarily just because the relationship will end, but probably also because it can be distracting to a missionary or discourage a full willingness to serve. It's not that the Church's leaders don't want us to gain experience in relationships, it's that they want us to do so in healthy ways appropriate to our current priorities.

Adjusting to different commitment levels:

You say that dating a pre-missionary is about the level of commitment you're ready for right now, but I'd encourage you to think a little further. Until you are married, commitment in a relationship is a day-by-day, step-by-step thing. If I woke up tomorrow and decided I didn't want to date my boyfriend any more, I wouldn't have to. That doesn't mean we don't have a commitment to each other. It's easy to psych yourself out regarding relationships with RM's, but the difference isn't necessarily the level of commitment: after all, that's something you get to decide. The difference is the potential (ie most relationships with pre-missionaries are acknowledged as not having much in the long-run). 

You don't need to avoid dating RM's because you're not ready to commit to any particular individual right now. Commitment is an individualized thing. You may or may not feel you're ready for "commitment" in general, but that's something I'd encourage considering day-by-day as relationships develop and questions of commitment arise.

Relationships you know will end:

You phrase this question two different ways: "Is it okay to date with an end in sight?" and "Is it okay to enter a relationship with a guy knowing that it's going to end." I think these are distinct questions.

I think dating (read: going on one or possibly more dates) with people that you don't necessarily see yourself having a future with is okay. We don't know what the end of a relationship might be at the beginning of it; we have to walk toward the future in order to see it. 

I am less comfortable with the idea of entering a relationship with someone knowing that it's going to end. If the other person doesn't know that you don't consider them to be a viable future prospect, I think it's unfair. If they do, as TSG suggests above, I still don't really like it. Why? Because I generally don't think you should be in a relationship with someone you've already discounted as a future spouse. Now, you most certainly do not need to only date people you are sure you would marry (that would rather negate the point of dating) but I think that if you KNOW that you would not marry this person (e.g. there's 'no future' possible for this relationship because even if circumstances allowed it you wouldn't) then you probably still shouldn't be in a relationship with them. At that point it seems to be disrespectful of the potential and time of both parties.

Good luck; relationships and dating can be a challenge, but you can make it through.

~Anne, Certainly


0 Comments
Question #79535 posted on 10/20/2014 10:02 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I recently heard that BYU was trying to put together a creative writing minor. Is this true? If it is, how soon would it be finalized? If not, is it a possibility in the future?

-Not quite satisfied as an English minor

A:

Dear Minor,

I emailed the English Department, and they responded saying, "They're working on it. It has to go through several levels of approval, so no guarantees, but they are hoping to have it in place by fall 2015." If you don't want to wait until then you could probably do an English Minor and work out with a counselor how to turn it into a creative writing minor simply by taking English classes that focus on that. BYU also has a pretty good creative writing master's program if you are really interested. You can find out more information here

Sincerely,
The Soulful Ginger  


0 Comments
Question #79544 posted on 10/20/2014 10:02 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why is the plan of happiness so much work?

Where's the easy yoke and light burden?

-Burnout

A:

Dear one of my favorite overlooked PlayStation 2 games,

This is a good question. Don't think that you're alone in asking. One of my favorite talks ever comes from Elder Holland speaking at the MTC, and he answers this in the best way that I've ever heard. The focus of the talk is missionary work, but it applies to the whole of this life experience, so I've changed a couple words to make it more clear.

Anyone who [struggles through this earth life] will have occasion to ask, Why is this so hard? Why can’t our success be more rapid? [...]

I have thought about this a great deal. I offer this as my personal feeling. I am convinced that [the plan of happiness] is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation never was easy. We are The Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, and He is our Great Eternal Head. How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him? It seems to me that [disciples of Christ] have to spend at least a few moments in Gethsemane. [Followers of Christ] have to take at least a step or two toward the summit of Calvary.

Now, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not talking about anything anywhere near what Christ experienced. That would be presumptuous and sacrilegious. But I believe that [those who follow Christ], to come to the truth, to come to salvation, to know something of this price that has been paid, will have to pay a token of that same price.

For that reason I don’t believe [following the Plan] has ever been easy, nor that conversion is, nor that retention is, nor that continued faithfulness is. I believe it is supposed to require some effort, something from the depths of our soul.

If He could come forward in the night, kneel down, fall on His face, bleed from every pore, and cry, “Abba, Father (Papa), if this cup can pass, let it pass,” then little wonder that salvation is not an easy thing for us. If you wonder if there isn’t an easier way, you should remember you are not the first one to ask that. Someone a lot greater and a lot grander asked a long time ago if there wasn’t an easier way.

When you struggle, when you are rejected, when you are spit upon and cast out, you are standing with the best life this world has ever known, the only pure and perfect life ever lived. You have reason to stand tall and be grateful that the Living Son of the Living God knows all about your sorrows and afflictions. The only way to salvation is through Gethsemane and on to Calvary. The only way to eternity is through Him—the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

--Jeffrey R. Holland, "Missionary Work and the Atonement," The Ensign, March 2001. Taken from an address given at the MTC on June 20, 2000. Emphasis and changes mine.

When I asked my mission president a variation of this same question, he told me something that resonated with me and guides me even today. He said that contrary to what we may think, the gospel doesn't make our lives perfect. Even if we were living it perfectly (which we're not), we would still have trials and the very act of following the plan would be hard. However, (and this is a big "however") the gospel does make our lives better than they would be without it. So if you're having a really hard time and still doing your very best to follow the path, please know that it would be even worse if you weren't. 

One other thing. Yes, the plan of happiness is hard. It's really hard sometimes. What Christ means by "light burden" and "easy yoke" is that when you give your life and your trials to Him, he can help shoulder the burden. That doesn't mean that the burden goes away entirely, but it does mean that he makes it so that we can continue to function. That's what Elder Bednar calls the "enabling power of the Atonement." Believe me, no matter how hard it is to go through life with Christ, going through life without Him is far, far, far worse.

So rejoice! Let Christ shoulder your burdens for you. It does wonders, I promise. He makes it not only possible, but wonderful.

-Inverse Insomniac


0 Comments
Question #79481 posted on 10/20/2014 9:38 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

What kind of doctor would I see if I were interested in being tested for ADD/ADHD? (Not on campus, please.) Bonus points if you have any specific recommendations.

-kirby

A:

Dear Kirby,

You would see a psychologist. Assessment of this sort is generally pretty pricey, so be prepared for some sticker shock if you decide to go off campus. On campus, the University Accessibility Center will do assessments for ADHD. They are also holding a free ADHD screening today (October 20th) from 9:00 am to 3:00 pm in 2170 WSC. I don't have any specific recommendations for you off campus, but I can tell you that what you're looking for is a psychologist, preferably one with some solid psychoeducational assessment experience.

-Divya


0 Comments
Question #79563 posted on 10/20/2014 3:02 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

If you don't have lots of money to spare but need a new wardrobe, how do you balance buying affordably and buying clothing that will last and is well made?

Thanks,
would be happy to have some new clothes but has to save up for other stuff

A:

Dear Kimono Dragon,

Go the thrift route. Sure, Goodwill, Savers and Deseret Industries may not seem glamorous, but they're inexpensive and there's cool things from the 70's. 

If you're looking for something a tad more stylish, consider getting gently-used (i.e. basically new) clothing from Plato's Closet or the more nationally available (but still Utah owned!) Uptown Cheapskate

Owlet adds an important caveat, though—thrift stuff sometimes wears out quickly out so be patient as you figure out how to distinguish whether something is in good condition or not.

--Ardilla Feroz

A:

Dear Rose,

I love D.I., and my roommate loves Goodwill. There's usually plenty of selection, and if you're willing to take the time to go through what's available, you can usually come out of it with at least a few good new items. Almost all of my clothes are thrifted, and they've held up pretty well. Plato's Closet is also good, and I've had great success there as well, though less than at D.I.

Basically, I'm just another mouth to witness of the greatness of thrifting.

-Tally M.

A:

Dear stuff,

I feel like a lot of my thrift store purchases wear out easily. I love shopping at D.I., but make sure that you notice any worn areas that might turn into holes, any hiding stains, that kind of thing. There is a giant hole in the left elbow of one of my cardigans from D.I.—I wish I had preventatively patched it earlier. I would recommend you splurge a little bit on pants, but wear them for multiple days before washing them. That way, you don't have own a pair for every day of the week. Outerwear, underwear, and good shoes are other things that I like to buy new, but everything else I get from thrift stores or as hand-me-downs. That's another good source: if you have siblings, cousins, or roommates that are about your size, it's always great to receive old clothes from them. Plus, that's usually free, because they were about to give it away to D.I. in the first place. Refashioning clothes from thrift stores is another great way to have trendy clothes for cheap; just have a friend or parent teach you the basics of a sewing machine, and away you go!

See also Board Question #72757 for serendipity's excellent advice regarding clothing care. Also, I love the answers in Board Question #68557 about how to go about buying a new wardrobe and stay within a budget (mostly targeted towards girls). In particular, it's a smart idea to make sure you have good basic items, and don't buy too many things that will go out of style quickly. Then buy a few smaller items that will allow you to mix and match trendy outfits.

-Owlet

A:

Dear Clothes,

You could listen to the advice of my fellow writers, or you can live how I live and wait for your birthday or Christmas for new clothes and let all of your others wear out so much that your own mother calls you hobo and mildly threatens you into buying new shoes and clothing. 

Sincerely,
The Soulful Ginger 

A:

Dear I know the feeling,

Clearance is your friend, especially at the end of seasons when stores are trying to get rid of old stock. (The only downside of end-of-season sales is that you might have to wait six months or so to be able to use anything you get.) Yesterday I picked up a fairly nice jacket for $6, and today my wife snagged a top for $4, both times thanks to discounts of 70% or higher.

Another thing to keep in mind (more important if you're a girl than a guy, although it's relevant to everyone) is whether the thing you're thinking about buying will go with a bunch of different things, or whether you can only wear it with one outfit. For instance, I'm willing to spend more on jeans than I would on most other things because I wear them with pretty much everything. On the other hand, I nearly didn't buy the aforementioned jacket because it's teal, and while that is a wonderful color, it doesn't go with much. (In the end, the ridiculous cheapness won.)

Best of luck!

-yayfulness

A:

Dear clothes are overrated,

I'm with The Soulful Ginger on this one. While I love the DI and Plato's Closet and the like, my strategy is to just wait until my mom notices that I dress like a homeless person. She can't stand it, so she buys me clothes in the hopes that I'll wear them. I have literally almost never bought new clothes for myself. I just got a couple of brand new white church shirts because mine were "grey" or something. Psh.

-Inverse Insomniac


0 Comments
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Question #79551 posted on 10/19/2014 11:38 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Recently-ish I met someone who occasionally gives off the vibe they might be interested. I'm not interested but still find myself hoping they find me attractive, hoping they ask me on a date or to hang out (I would really like a date or some attention from the opposite sex apparently), etc. I shouldn't want romantic attention from someone I'm not interested in. The way things it'll be hard to truly becoming his friend and care about him as a human being if he's just the boy I want continued attention from (without crossing the line to where I'm uncomfortable or have to clarify my position).

Also, every guy I meet is analyzed and dismissed as not a dating possibility almost instantly. While it's not like I don't see them at all as people, it is hard not to see them as date potentials. I do have boys that I care about as people but I'm easily freaked out about dating and such. If I want someone as desperately as I do, aren't I putting myself at risk just to date because it's a chance or they like me (because I've done that before)?

How do I handle this specific boy, and all other boys? How do you balance trying to be friends and not leading them on when you don't think you're interested but have only recently met? How do you treat people as more than date potentials while still working towards marriage?


Thanks,
would love to love someone and be loved in return

A:

Dear Queen,

You, dear reader, sound just like I did two summers ago. I found myself going on dates with a guy who really liked me, but that I could not bring myself to be romantically interested in return. I wanted to like him so badly, mostly because I wanted to date someone so badly. When we were together I could almost convince myself that I could let this all happen, but whenever we separated I could not stop thinking about how much I was not interested in him. I simply wanted the continued attention from him. While we were still friends after I told him I wasn't interested, I felt like a sorely abused his friendship, and his affections for me, all the time. It was hard, and I wish I had had treated him differently—as a human being rather than a boy I simply wanted continued attention from. 

If I were back in that situation, or in your situation, I would do my very utmost to think of his feelings first, and try to stifle my desire for attention, or find a different focus for that desire. He shouldn't have had to put up with my wishy-washiness giving him false hope for a relationship, and you shouldn't let your feelings make you treat this guy in the same way. For me, this may have been fixed if we hadn't simply talked about the situation so much. We had an initial talk in which I told him I wasn't interested, and the conversation should have ended there. If you don't need to talk about it with him at all that might (emphasis on might, I think this is a highly individualized situation) be better in the long run. Additionally, I would suggest that when you spend time with this fellow you make sure to do so in groups of people. By that I mean not just groups that only you are friends with, or groups that he is only friends with, but with mutual friends. This will ease the pressure of giving each other attention, and again, while it make suck in the short-run, it probably will be better in the long-run. 

That is my spiel, but along with the advice I have given you, there is another option. He's interested in you; go ahead and entertain the idea that you are interested in him back. Reconsider on that initial dismissive decision and evaluate it, and see if there is a possibility that you are interested. Maybe trying each other out (flirting, going on dates, spending time together) will fix the problem. You are not leading him on if you are genuinely trying to find out if you are interested in him. 

As always, if you would like to talk about this further, compare stories, or commiserate, you can reach me at the.soulful.ginger@theboard.byu.edu.

Sincerely,
The Soulful Ginger  

A:

Dear Mickey,

Dating, as you've probably noticed, it not nearly so simple as you were taught in Young Women's. 

Well-functioning humans generally crave attention from other humans. It's perfectly normal. Also, determining whether or not you could date someone is also relatively normal, or at least, I do the same thing.

Here's my simple advice: be friendly. To everyone. Yeah, it's sometimes hard, because they can take that as a sign you're interested (if my date this weekend was any indicator), but when it comes down to it, there is nothing wrong with being friendly to people. In fact, that's what the gospel is about—treating people as God would treat them. If you want to date them, deal with that as it comes up. It's the same if they want to date them. But you also have to be consistent. If you're consistently nice to those around you, then they won't take that (necessarily) as a sign that you're leading them on. 

Nobody's perfect at this, and of course, this is something I'm working on, but focusing on friendship brings more benefits than just potential suitors.

-Tally M.


0 Comments
Question #79538 posted on 10/19/2014 11:26 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

If the other Board writers were Disney characters, who would they be? Do not assign yourself a character.

-Walt

A:

Dear you,

In addition to the suggestions from Mo below, I've got some from a survey some writers filled out and from my brain:

  • M.O.D.A.Q: Timon 
  • Divya: Dr. Facilier
  • Haleakala: Pumba, Woody
  • Ozymandias: Prince Naveen
  • Maven: Cinderella, Sarabi, Snow White
  • Owlet: Violet Parr
  • Tally: Sarabi
  • The Soulful Ginger: Megara
  • yayfulness: Timon
  • Heidi Book: Alice
  • Ardilla Feroz: Russell
  • Concorde: Esmerelda, Tiana
  • Anne, Certainly: Fauna.

~Fauna, Apparently

A:

Dear Wade,

I talk about this in the podcast a bit but I assigned a few of the Board writers I knew (and one or two I don't) to Marvel characters since they are technically Disney characters. I couldn't remember them all when we were recording but here's the list I wrote:

  • yayfulness - Doctor Octopus
  • Concealocanth - Sue Storm
  • The Soulful Ginger - Jean Grey
  • Tally M. - Squirrel Girl
  • Squirrel - Spider-Woman
  • Concorde - Carol Danvers
  • El-ahrairah - Bruce Banner
  • Haleakalā - The Hulk
  • Owlet - Araña
  • Marguerite St. Just - Black Widow

Some of these have a basis; some are random. The only ones I think are really apt are the first two.

-M.O.D.A.Q.


0 Comments
Question #79546 posted on 10/19/2014 11:20 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I recently read Such a Pretty Fat by Jen Lancaster. The book is about how Jen, who is considered obese, documents her ordeal of trying to lose weight. After she lost around 40 lbs or so, she said that she no longer had insomnia like she did when she was heavier. Aside from Sleep Apnea, how does your weight affect your ability to fall asleep?

-Christmas Cactus

A:

Dear Schlumbergera,

As I've mentioned in previous posts, good sleep is based on many factors. Weight and sleep have an interesting symbiosis - better sleep contributes to maintaining a healthier weight and maintaining a healthier weight makes it easier to sleep better. Aside from healthy weight making it easier to breathe and preventing sleep apnea, it's difficult to determine if either weight or sleep are necessarily causes or if both are simply side-effects of living healthier. Proper diet and exercise make it easier to sleep and have a healthy weight. In general, being healthy means better sleep.

-M.O.D.A.Q.

A:

 Dear Cactus,

If you want some more information about this, the HBLL has you covered.

-Squirrel


0 Comments
Posted on 10/19/2014 8:52 p.m. New Comment on: #79556 I've noticed that certain things bother me that don't seem to bother anyone else, like: Sometimes ...
Question #79557 posted on 10/19/2014 8:08 p.m.
Q:

Dear Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing,

How did you control your natural instincts towards destruction and actually answer a question?

-We have nothing to fear but M.O.D.O.K.

A:

Dear fear,

I don't see why those things have to be mutually exclusive.

-M.O.D.O.K


0 Comments
Posted on 10/19/2014 7:57 p.m. New Comment on: #79548 Board Question #79477 got me thinking, what do you call the system used to organize questions ...
Question #79556 posted on 10/19/2014 5:32 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I've noticed that certain things bother me that don't seem to bother anyone else, like:

Sometimes I can't fall asleep because I can feel the sheets and clothes against my ribs and it feels almost painful.

When I'm writing sometimes I have to stop because my index finger squishing against the pen feels really weird and I don't like it.

I have to cover my ears in big lecture halls when the professor shows videos because it's too loud and everyone else feels fine.

I get weird "itches" on my feet that are really uncomfortable but aren't really itches but just weird not-good feelings.


Does this happen to anyone else? What is going on?

-Opheliac

A:

Dear Opheliac,

Similar things happen to me. We must both be crazy. I can't sleep with the door open. If I feel a hair on my arm, I have to find it and pick it off before I can focus again. I can't stand to wear rings because they make one finger feel oddly out of place among the rest. I have a perpetually itchy spot on my thumb that no matter how hard or how long I scratch never feels any better. It bugs me that people don't know that there's a difference between "which" and "that" or between "lay" and "lie." I hate that in America the punctuation always goes inside the quotation marks even when it makes more sense outside of them. It bothers me when someone has a white-headed zit they haven't popped or when people plant fruit-dropping trees over sidewalks (yuk!).

I think everyone has oddities in their preferences and personal sensitivities. We just learn to live with them, as you have learned to live with yours. So don't worry - I don't think you need to start seeing a psychiatrist. 

Yours, &c.

Heidi Book


1 Comment
Question #79555 posted on 10/19/2014 4:26 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

How do you get good at small talk?

-socially awkward penguin

A:

Dear Martha,

Practice. 

Seriously, though. Don't worry about it, and just let yourself be interested in the other person.

-Tally M.

A:

Dear you,

I'm with Tally. Don't stress too much about whether it's "small talk" or "regular talk." Just ask people questions, listen to the answers, respond appropriately to their questions, discuss mutual interests/mutually relevant topics and party on.

~Anne, Certainly

A:

Dear Pinguino,

In addition to what Tally and Anne have said, it's helpful to remember that our own perspective is often a little skewed. Like you, I'm working on improving my social skills, and I often assume that everyone in the group around me is self-confident, articulate, and at ease, whereas I'm a stunted social midget dwarfed by everyone else's capacity to connect with people. The more I pay attention, however, I realize that most of my peers are unsure about some facet of their ability to interact with others, and many feel just as awkward as I do. Knowing that we're all in the same boat helps me not to sweat it as much.

Yours, &c.

Heidi Book


0 Comments
Question #79554 posted on 10/19/2014 10:08 a.m.
Q:

Dear Soulful Ginger,

How exactly did the rumor get started that gingers do not have souls?

-I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier

A:

Dear Soulful,

While the history isn't explicit as to why redheads were first considered to be soulless, the earliest reference I could find to such a claim comes from Malleus Maleficarum, a treatise on the identification and prosecution of witches. In the English translation it notes that red hair and green eyes were signs of being a witch, a vampire, or a werewolf—creatures a soulless natures. More explicitly (and recently), in South Park's episode "Ginger Kids," Cartman makes the claim that gingers are disgusting, inhuman, and soulless. This is probably where the idea became a trend.  

Sincerely,
The Disgusting, Inhuman, but Soulful, Ginger

P.S. Fun fact, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, during the 1800's the phrase "by ginger" was a minor expletive.


0 Comments
Question #79537 posted on 10/19/2014 9:56 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

How long is too long to go after a break up (a serious one--we're talking broken engagement here) to be completely apathetic towards meeting new men? What if my apathy, instead of getting "better," actually starts to extend, to the point where I'm becoming apathetic towards befriending new women as well?

Correlation may not mean causation in this case--I am getting older, and just moved to an "older, non-student" YSA ward where the dynamic is just different, but the "game" of YSA wards is still very much afoot. Maybe I'm not apathetic towards people--just playing the stupid YSA ward game? It's a stupid game...so is it really a problem if I'm apathetic towards playing? It's not like I don't have friends...the majority of them just aren't in my ward anymore.

-Meh.

A:

Dear you,

I think that you've passed a good period when you've reached a point where this apathy is harming your development and keeping you from helping others. Think about what is good for you: not necessarily what you need, but what will help you grow and develop into a better person.

For most of us, going on a date the weekend after a serious breakup might not be what's good for us then. We need time to grieve, re-establish our frame of reference, etc. before we start to move back into the romance arena. However, it is also not good for us to allow ourselves to stagnate in an area of life.

I can't tell you where this boundary is for you, but God can help you figure it out. I'd recommend prayer and consideration on what will help you and others become better at this point.

~Anne, Certainly


0 Comments
Question #79552 posted on 10/19/2014 1:32 a.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Is it ever wrong to be more kind and loving than a baseline level of kindness? Specifically, should you ever avoid going past that baseline level of kindness/politeness if you are worried that someone might end up liking you or, if they might already like you, liking you more if you try to serve, care for, and love them?


Thanks,
doesn't know how to handle friendships with the opposite gender

A:

Dear Friendship,

No. 

If your behavior leads someone to be interested in you, that is their choice and you are not responsible for it. Let me repeat: You are not responsible for other people's feelings! You should be kind to everyone no matter their feelings (positive or negative) towards you. 

Sincerely,
The Soulful Ginger 

A:

Dear Doctor,

No.

Even if you're trying to balance your feelings or his feelings, there is no reason to not be nice to people beyond how nice you normally are. And really, once you get to a certain point in your friendship, romance isn't the priority—serving and being kind is.

-Tally M.

A:

Dear,

No.

One of my favorite quotes is by Sister Camilla Kimball, wife of President Kimball: "Never suppress a generous thought." I try to remember this when I see something I can do to help others that is outside of my comfort zone.

However, keep in mind that love can be shown in different ways, so it's important to use wise judgement and to follow the Spirit when you are caring for someone. Even though Jesus was kind to everyone, he drove the money changers from the temple in a way that might not have seemed kind. He knew what was best for them, and he knew the best way to teach them. You can find a lot of examples in the archives regarding being selfless while at the same time setting boundaries.

As a general rule, though, it is never wrong to be kind and loving. You can absolutely have non-romantic friendships with the opposite gender that involve caring, serving, and loving each other.

-Owlet


0 Comments
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Question #79548 posted on 10/18/2014 11:50 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Board Question #79477 got me thinking, what do you call the system used to organize questions for the board? Is it based on some existing system? Shouldn't it be formally recognized as the Katya Question Classification(KQC) or something?

-Inquiring Mindless

A:

Dear TARDIS,

Sure, we can call it that. All in favor, please make it manifest by show of thumbs.

-Tally M.


1 Comment
Question #79487 posted on 10/18/2014 11:32 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why continue to deny our mysterious existence? Perhaps we are overseeing the banishment of pigeons?

Will you list the many dangers of pigeons in addition to the obvious, POOP?

-International Pigeon Banishment Society

A:

Dear Hogwash Factory of Nantucket,

Any organization purporting to hold its yearly conferences in North Dakota—a patently fabricated place—will earn no validation of anti-avian legitimacy from me.

If you were actually the anonymous organization that coordinated these events, you'd know from your own article one of the principal dangers of pigeons is, according to "a new city report," their noisy coos. Imagine yourself sitting on your favourite veranda, sipping a pleasant glass of the valley's finest Diet Croak. As the sun sets behind the royal palm trees you hear a subtle movement in the nearby trees. Then it begins: A low, persistent Coo. Cooooo. COOOOOO!
"Bother! Birds? In MY TREES?!?" Terrible. Simply terrible.

An additional danger of pigeons is that no one can decide whether to eat them or not. Might not they be perfectly pleasant protein? Or does their tasty flesh hold heavy metals? 
Worse, it is dangerous to not know how to cook our feathered friends. Braised and served minced in fresh tortellini or roasted to crispy perfection over a barbecue? Such a choice is dangerous for the masses, some of whom might emulate their literary hero. Ernest Hemingway is said to have resorted to "gently suffocating the pigeons underneath Bumby's pram in the Luxembourg gardens in order to feed his family."

Pigeons droppings and therefore the pigeons themselves are apparently vectors for disease; out of respect to these dinosaur descendants I'd observe the same criterion applies to catsdogs and toddlers

These birds even cause infographics to be commissioned, thereby endangering America's bountiful supply of ignorance.

As can be seen below, they've even tried to rebrand themselves as a therapeutic shampoo and conditioner replacement service. That's low, rock dovesyou leave Herbal Essences' Hello Hydration out of your war on safety.

pigeonattack2.jpg (source

Yes, pigeons are awful. But frankly, the most dangerous thing about pigeons is their penchant for forming crime rings to steal ancient, magical relics.

battle axe.jpg
This is the Sole-Cleaveran ax so large and powerful, it can violently bisect a pair of black Jimmy Choo pumps in a single blowpermanently. Hoping to gain some international oomph, a small South American country once acquired this weapon, and with it aspirations of coercing fashion designers everywhere into submission. Unfortunately, such a weapon's arrival in the country could not be kept secret for long. The high-security warehouse holding it was raided one tense evening during the season finale of LOST. No locks were cut, no alarms were trippedbut the Sole-Cleaver was gone. Puzzled authorities could not understand how their razor wire-edged walls were so easily bypassed, until they found a calling card:

splat1.jpg(Source)

Analysts agreed the card had Rorshach-inspired design elements but oddly arrived at very different ideas as to what it portrayed. It was only a matter of time before they called in someone to clean up the mess.

I didn't need 100 hours to tell me who was responsible. I caught this bird pooping snooping around the property the evening I arrived. 

The Scout Is Apprehended.jpg

He insisted he wasn't involved, but after a hefty payment of birdseed to grease his wings, he yielded a name. He told tales of a strange portal nearby that would beam me directly to the kingpin's lair.

A place full of mystery.JPG

The tip was good. I emerged to find a strange, convoluted place of concrete and steel thought to exist only in street cleaner legend: The Pigeon City.
A nearby mailbox assured me I was at the right place, the placard stating bluntly "EVIL PIGEON OVERLORD."
Simple. Descriptive. Beats Brynnleigh, I thought.

urbanjungle.JPG

There were no doors entering the compound. It made sensepigeons had no need for such mortal crutches. For a metropolis full of fowl, though, it was oddly quiet.
"Coo coo!" I yelled out. "Echo!" No response. And then
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?" I called back.
"Overlord."
"Overlord who?"
"EVIL PIGEON OVERLORD." 

A sinister force lurks.JPG

I spun to address him. He perched coolly upon the ramparts, grazin' my shoulder with that eyeball of his. 
"Hey! What the heck, man... er, bird. You've made a lot of people really angry."
"Oh, whoopsie," sighed the pigeon. "I'd hate to be considered a nuisance by humanity."
The negotiations weren't going well. Time to try a different tactic.
"Don't be bitter! We've got a lot in common. I mean, we've even donated to pigeons in London a bit, given you a lot of food."
"I'd completely forgotten your generosity. That's right, now I remember... how much did your contributions amount towasn't it tuppence a bag?"
"Alright, alright. You've got me there. Just give me the axe and I'll go."
"Give you the axe? I didn't know you were in my employ. But if you insist, I'm sure we can find a way to terminate you permanently," cackled the dove. He uttered a high-pitched COO! and at his behest a myriad of birds exploded from the dark orifices of the fortress.
"Pigeon thugs," chirped their leader above the tumult. "Blot him out."

I screamed then, a high, girlish wail even Paris Hilton would rush to disown. I scrabbled in my knapsack for a plan and instead closed my hand upon the familiar handle of my umbrella. I pulled it out as quickly as I could manage. Blot me out? I'm no meteorologist, but even a preschooler could read this weather. I had barely managed to get my bumbershoot open when it was met with a volley of reeking pigeon rain.

I gagged at the acrid stench and stumbled for cover. They wouldn't stop until I'd been painted to death with monochrome oblivion. If these criminals wouldn't spare a child
pigeon-poops-on-kid.jpg(source)
there would certainly be no quarter for me.

I dashed under a nearby bus stop, my umbrella and nose gaining momentary reprieve.
I couldn't fight them all. There were so many... I glanced at the corrugated metal of the stop above me. Even as I watched, it began to sag and buckle under the mounting weight of pigeon poop.  Despite the deafening defecations, I could heard the Overlord begin to gloat. 
"It is ironic that humanity has chosen the dove as a sign of peace..."
I looked around frantically, hopelessly for some weapon
"for now that we have the Sole-Cleaver, there is nothing stopping us from bathing the world in war." 

The Evil Pigeon Overlord.JPG

I noticed some lengths of bamboo and discarded construction cord on the ground. Wait! I had an idea. I just had to keep the birdbrain monologuing.
"You wouldn't even know where to begin," I jeered.
"Actually, I think we'll start with your hometown first. Oh, don't look so surprised," said the Overlord. His eyes glowed a murderous red. "We pigeons knew who you were before you donned the bag."
My hands worked furiously. I grabbed some discarded feathers and crammed them onto the end of the arrow nocked to my MacGyver-ed bow. There was no way I could win against all these pigeons, but I didn't need to. After all, a ravening pigeon army without an Evil Overlord is just another leaderless, incontinent flock of birds. I hesitated for a moment, then heard the corrugated shack groan dangerously above me. 

Time's up.

Raising my bow and arrow, I inhaled a deep breath and jumped out into the lumpy rain. I opened my eyes just long enough to sight the now airborne Overlord gloating in the midst of the throng
and watched in disbelief my arrow found its treacherous mark. Booyah! Jungle 2 Jungled!  My task was complete. I staggered beneath the metal awning as the leaderless flock above began to squawk in confusion and disperse. Bent over in exhaustion, I never thought to look up and return the roof's enthusiastic greeting as it high-fived my head.

.....................................

"So, Agent Feroz, did you recover the Sole-Cleaver?"
"No. I checked everywhere. It wasn't in the city. I did find an inscription in their native tongue, though. It suggests they might have operatives in the Holy Land."

pidgin yo.jpg

"A team is already on it. As for the axthey still have it?"
"Unfortunately, yes."
"They're probably too scattered to use it effectively; if it does surface again, we'll be ready for them."
"Of course, Headitor. Of course."

--Ardilla Feroz 


0 Comments
Question #79542 posted on 10/18/2014 11:26 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

How can turn a sound clip that I received on Whatsapp into a ringtone for my iphone? Is that possible?

-Nabisco

A:

Dear delicious cookies,

I sent an email to the Whatsapp support people and got the following response:

Hi,

Thanks for your message.

Unfortunately, that is not supported at the moment. We are always working to improve our app and will take your suggestion into consideration.

Cheers!

Mallori

WhatsApp Support Team

Right from the horse's mouth. Sorry.

-Inverse Insomniac


0 Comments
Question #79549 posted on 10/18/2014 5:50 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Since my comment on Board Question #79457 was rejected, I will ask as a separate question.

While I entirely agree with the spirit of Inverse Insomniac's response (the Lord won't keep you out of the celestial kingdom because you have a medical condition that precludes you from wearing the garment in the standard way), my question relates to the statement "It's not really any future priesthood leader's business how (or if) you wear the garment."

What is the basis of this remark? It is my understanding that keeping one's covenant's (of which wearing the garment is one) is entirely the business of one's priesthood leader in their capacity as a judge (i.e. for temple recommends). I feel like I am missing the connection between the quotation that members should be guided by the Spirit and it's not the priesthood leader's business. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive (though I may be misinterpreting the intent of the response).

With regards to the handbook, other quotations that may apply are:

When two-piece garments are used, both pieces should always be worn.
Information about ordering temple clothing or ordering garments for those in special circumstances (such as members serving in the military, members who are bedfast, or members with disabilities) is provided in Handbook 1, 3.4. (emphasis mine)


-My Name Here

A:

Dear Your Name,

I think that line from Inverse Insomniac's answer comes from the idea that how you wear the garment is a personal matter between you and God. I'm going to repeat the line he quoted from the Church Handbook, because it was the crux of his answer:

Members who have made covenants in the temple should be guided by the Holy Spirit to answer for themselves personal questions about wearing the garment.

If you have a question about wearing the garment, study it out, ponder, fast, pray, come to an answer, then pray and ask if the answer you've come to is right. If you receive confirmation from God through the Spirit that what you would like to do is acceptable in your circumstance, then that's the final say in the matter.

Your bishop and stake president act as your judges when it comes to deciding whether or not you're capable of making and keeping sacred covenants, such as those made in the temple. However, they're not the police. They don't ask prying questions about how you wear the garment in your recommend interview. They'll read a small section from the Church Handbook about wearing the garment, and they'll ask a simple question: "Do you wear the garments as instructed in the endowment?" If you can answer "yes" to that question honestly and without reservation, knowing in your heart that God understands and approves, that's all they need to hear.

--Maven

A:

Dear Mylee Namor Heresy,

Well, Maven completely and totally expressed exactly what I meant, so I don't really have much to add. I may be wrong, but I don't think it's a priesthood leader's prerogative to pry into the specifics of your covenant-keeping unless there's a problem and you come to him for help. The specifics are and should be between you and God. Just like Maven says, the actual temple recommend question is pretty straightforward. All of them are. The bishop doesn't ask you if you drink herbal tea or decaf or energy drinks. He asks if you keep the Word of Wisdom. Full stop.

As for the other lines from the Handbook, I don't have access to Handbook 1, but the asker's stake president does, so I must assume that he consulted it to find out what to do in her situation. Most of my answer's intent was to calm the asker's fears and help her to understand that people shouldn't/probably won't cause problems for her in the future related to her specific situation.

Feel free to email me directly at inverse[dot]insomniac[at]theboard.byu.edu now and in the future to chat about questions that you have. I really don't bite. Often I misrepresent what I really mean (as we all do) and would be happy to clarify at any time.

Cheers,

-Inverse Insomniac


0 Comments
Question #79543 posted on 10/18/2014 4:08 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

In January I will be done with school and able to move out of Provo. My husband has a really awful job and needs to find something else for when we can move in January. How far in advance is it reasonable to start applying? I know sometimes companies take a really long time to get back to you, and some are willing to give you a few weeks before starting, but is it ridiculous to apply to places now when we'll be wanting to start in January?

-Work

A:

Dear January will seem a lot closer from the other side of Halloween,

Get started as soon as you can! Yes, a lot of companies are looking for people right away, but hiring processes vary widely across the board. This is true especially of bigger corporations that are always looking for people to join their teams. It won't hurt to inquire, and even if they're looking for someone to start sooner, at least your husband will be on their records and he might be able to apply in the future. One of my roommates last year was going to graduate in April, but she got a job offer in February and didn't start working until June. You never know, but applying early will keep your options open.

Yours, &c.

Heidi Book


0 Comments
Question #79539 posted on 10/18/2014 3:38 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

Say you had to write a novel, set in the current time period, but in a society where Christopher Columbus did not try to discover America. What would have happened between 1492 and 2014?

-Miss W.

A:

Dear Dubya,

It's not exactly the same story, but Orson Scott Card's Pastwatch: The Redemption of Christopher Columbus speculates on a similar line. It's really pretty good! You should definitely read it if you're into this sort of thing. At the end of the book, he gives a list of the historical resources he used for research.

-Inverse Insomniac

A:

Dear you,

I don't think it'd be that different; someone else would've 'discovered' it within probably a few decades. 

Guess I'm a killjoy.

~Anne, Certainly


0 Comments
Question #79495 posted on 10/18/2014 3:38 p.m.
Q:

Dear 100 Hour Board,

I am a male returned missionary that happens to be attracted to men. I have no attraction to women at all. And I'm OK with this. I've been dealing with this for nine years, and I can say that I'm supposed to be going through this and that God wants me to go through this. I plan to keep my covenants and stay on the straight and narrow.

HOWEVER, I've been having a lot of internal conflicts on the topic of temple marriage. I would love to go to the temple with a woman and be sealed to her for time and eternity, but I know I am no where close to that spot right now. However, during my time here at BYU, I have gone through 7 bishops who have had a variety of mindsets on this topic. A few have been understanding and know that what I feel like I need to do now is just stick with God, figure myself out, go to school, and be a good person. Some, like the one I have now, have been pressuring dating and marriage a lot. I call it the "date the gay away" mentality.

Essentially I'm at a cross roads. The half of me that enjoys beating myself up tells me that I need to date and get married. The other half of me that doesn't beat myself up tells me to go to grad school, keep my covenants, and serve those around me. It would be great to be able to rely on the counsel of my bishops, but they all vary so much (for whatever reasons). I was wondering if any General Authorities had any counsel on this topic of marriage and sexual attraction. I know that the Church has produced some material on same-gender attraction and homosexuality, but I'm just not finding much information on temple marriage with those sources.

Thanks,
Please-Help-Me-I-Don't-Know-What-I'm-Doing

A:

Dear trust-your-Heavenly-Father-because-He-does,

My heart goes out to you. First of all, remember that you're not alone - I think there are a lot more members of the Church who struggle with same-sex attraction than we like to acknowledge. It means that your question is a very important one to answer. Second, remember that your Heavenly Father really, really loves you, and that he's proud of you for your faith and your determination to keep following the commandments.

I've met a lot of people who believe you can "date the gay away," as you say. I'm straight, so maybe I don't have any authority to weigh in on this, but frankly - I think that's rubbish. After everything I've read and seen, and especially after talking to several friends who are attracted to members of the same gender, I'm pretty convinced that trying to force yourself to date when you don't feel like you're psychologically and emotionally ready for it will only end in frustration, heartbreak, and depression. 

Speaking of keeping an eternal perspective, the Church's website Mormons and Gays notes that "Unlike in times past, the Church does not necessarily advise those with same-sex attraction to marry those of the opposite sex." This seems an acknowledgement that some members of the Church will not be able to bring themselves to enter into a mixed-orientation marriage. Your Heavenly Father is content with celibacy until you feel emotionally ready to pursue a heterosexual marriage, and he recognizes that you may not reach that point in this life. Continue to figure yourself out,  keep your covenants, and serve those around you, and, if it is your goal to someday marry a woman, pray earnestly that your Heavenly Father will prepare you to do so. Don't feel like you have to date if you're not ready for it.

The aforementioned website is the Church's best published resource on this topic. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a ton of material and probably won't tell you much that you haven't heard before, but it might provide a good reminder for times when you're feeling down on yourself, and the video clips will help you to know you're not alone. I think one of the reasons that the Church doesn't publish more advice for gay members seeking a heterosexual marriage is that a person's relationship to the temple is a very personal matter. No one can tell you that you have to get married - that will be an intensely intimate decision between yourself, your spouse, and your Heavenly Father. Leaders of the Church have stressed that as long as you don't act on your attraction to other men, you are worthy to enter the house of the Lord. Attend often, seek to understand your own feelings, and be ready to stay faithful and strong even if you never reach a point where you feel you can marry a woman. If it is part of God's plan for you on this earth, He will help to prepare you for when the right person comes into your life. 

Above all, don't get discouraged. Remember that our perspective here is limited. The path may be dark, but God knows where every boulder and stumbling stone is, and we have to trust that He will guide us around them if we let Him. That's where your faith comes in. Have confidence in the Spirit and don't forget the many resources that have been placed in your life to guide you - the scriptures, sincere prayer, Church meetings, manuals, living prophets, family, friends, and ward leadership are some of the biggest. Most importantly, take advantage of the Atonement, which is not just for the sinner but also for the weary, the poor, the downtrodden, and the despised. Remember the words He spoke in Isaiah? "Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me."[1] Your Savior will not leave you comfortless. Moroni tells us that if we are humble and have faith in Christ, He will turn our weaknesses into strengths[2]. What a promise! Your faith in God will give you hope for a better world and provide an anchor for your soul[3]. Remember how much He loves you. 

Yours, &c.

Heidi Book


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