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Q Dear 100 Hour Board, He (she?) makes me bubble and fizz, at rhyming (s)he seems like a whiz, I'm down on my knees asking, "board, won't you please tell me who the Mad Limerist is?" His/(her?) limericks are on the 4th floor of the JFSB, that's for sure. there is one that (s)he signed but by looking I find his (her?) handwriting's on three or four. Anyway,it certainly looks like guy's handwriting. I'd really like to meet the person who wrote those limericks- I assume it's a guy, because there's one limerick about his roommate marrying a girl, but that might just have been a joke... I know he's a history major, but that's about it. Please help! -Seeking Cyrano (as dictated to her friend, since she needs to make her own board I.D.)
A Dear Cryrano, M Upon seeing this question, Hobbes and I determined that there was only one way this could go down. So, of course, we challenged him to a limerick battle! H This was accomplished by going to the board on the fourth floor of the JFSB where this little limerick-skirmish is taking place, and posting the following: Dear Mad Limerist, A questioner did arise Tired of the Mad Limerist's lies! We've got a saber to rattle So it's a limerick battle! And our real names are the prize. I included my contact information and told him to put his money where his mouth is. Now, that was written from memory, because it's late on Sunday night and neither of us feel inclined to go to the JFSB to pick up the exact wording, but I'm sure our limerick is still posted, so you can go look at it yourself if that would fill you with glee. M By the way, it's written in MY HOT HANDWRITING. Just so you know. H It must have been Marzipan's hot handwriting that enticed the Limerist to send me the following email:
"Friend" indeed. In any case, I sent him a rather vanilla email, and we figured out the details. It was on. 100 Hour Boardies vs. The Mad Limerist in a no-holds barred battle royale from which only one could emerge victorious! Oh, and in this case (and only in this case) Marzipan and I represented one entity, so we could theoretically both emerge victorious. This goes against the general rule that When Marzipan wins, we all lose. M The night of the big showdown came. We gathered up our numerous supporters - namely, a bunch of Hobbes's friends and one mystery Board writer (and guest) and headed to our secret meeting spot. The spot we agreed on was the most dangerous, mysterious, and creepy place we could think of on campus...the cobblestone path on the South Hill. OooOOOoooOOOooo. Scary, right? Our crew (attempted to) stalk this Mad Limerist guy in high style, snapping and marching in time, our hoods shielding the tops of our heads quite menacingly. I'm pretty sure we freaked a few people out with our West Side Story imitation. After keeping this up for, oh, twenty minutes, we decided that meeting our poetic friend "somewhere on the path" was a little too vague, and told him to find us at the duck pond, which is equally dangerous, mysterious, creepy, and perhaps even sinister. H I'm going to cut in on Marzipan's narrative here, because she's obviously embellishing it quite a bit. It wasn't really all that sinister. Anyway, we moseyed along to the JFSB, where we found an unlocked classroom in the basement which would serve as the battleground for our exchange. Some saintly saint provided one of those spinning laser balls (your life is not complete until you own one of these) and I set up my laptop, complete with iTunes visualizer on the projector screen. The effect was delicious. We started playing rap beats, and we laid down the smack. ROUND ONE Topic: 100 Hour Board Beat: Gangsta Marzipan v. The Mad Limerist Marzipan's limerick: We're Hobbes and Marzipan In one hundred hours we can Answer a lot And look really hot 'Cause Hobbes has a wicked tan The Mad Limerist had a limerick, and it was probably pretty good, but as you'll find out later, he died before we could record any of his poetry down. Also, you may have gathered that the person presenting the limerick was not necessarily the one who wrote it, although round one was the only time that actually happened. The crowd went crazy for both limericks, unable to contain their tearful adoration of our limerick, and their cheering-induced nausea at the Limerist's. At least that's how I read it. ROUND TWO Topic: Under my bed Beat: Reggae Hobbes v. The Mad Limerist Hobbes' Limerick: There's a monster under my bed With green eyes and a pink head His violent sneer Won't make me fear But he fills me with fashion dread The Mad Limerist's limerick was pretty stupid. I mean, you couldn't even hear it over the riotous applause of the audience. The Board: 2 Limerist: 0 ROUND THREE Topic: (Almost) Extemporaneous Limerick Beat: Gangsta Marzipan v. The Mad Limerist Now, this round was kind of fun, because the limericks in the previous round were written ahead of time. In round three, the audience chose a topic, and then each team was given 240 seconds to write a limerick about said topic. They chose Grease/Gris. (They left it deliberately ambiguous.) Marzipan's limerick: If you look at Hobbes' hair You'll see that he doesn't care It's dripping with grease But he keeps his peace But at least in Facebook he has flair This limerick was extremely well received, although I can't imagine why. The Mad Limerist, obviously not as quick at thinking on his feet, just stood in front of the crowd and hmm'd and haa'd, and it just happened to form a perfect limerick. Beginner's luck. ROUND THREE AND A HALF JUDGMENT As you've probably guessed, we stacked the audience. Everyone there was on the 100 Hour Board's payroll, which is to say we didn't pay them so much as threatened them with physical harm. (That's how it works with Board writers. Long story.) So, when we called for the votes, the confused and frightened audience members unanimously voted in our favor. The Mad Limerist had to reveal his identity, and the Board writers would maintain their anonymity. Let it be known that Board writers do not engage in fair fights. But before the unveiling of The Mad Limerist, there was the awards ceremony, which Marzipan will explain. M Well. You thought that it was only a limerick battle? Think again. The awards ceremony consisted of the Mad Limerist playing a song on guitar, but not just any old song - this was a song that he wrote for me. Ladies, are you paying attention right now? That's right; I was serenaded by the Mad Limerist, who has some pretty awesome song writing capabilities. H Probably trying to compensate for his awful poetry. Anyway. ROUND FOUR Frozen Yogurt I think this is self-explanatory, really. We went to Yo-Zone. Here's a hot tip, readers: If you want to meet a Board writer, go to Yo-Zone. It's highly probable one will be there, and equally probable that it will be me. I love that place. After concluding Round Four, we confronted The Mad Limerist and said, "Okay, buster, cough up the identity." And then, and then he did the strangest thing! He screamed, "You'll never take me alive!" and crashed through the window of Yo-Zone and dashed out into the street, where his companion albatross was waiting. It grabbed him and swept him away into the darkness of night. But not for very long. Power lines, you know. It was somewhat anti-climactic. No, seriously, we know his name now, but he asked us not to post it on the Board. Since we never post our own names, it would have been the height of hypocrisy to deny his request. If you are still curious, email me, and I'll put you in touch with his dummy email account (under the name "Mad Limerist") and you can try to persuade him yourself. Was that a lot of effort to not get your answer for you? Why yes, yes it was, but at least it gives you a good idea what a typical Friday night is for a Board writer. ~Hobbes, under Marzipan's grueling supervision A Dear Cyrano, Um, the Mad Limerist was an amazing impromptu poet. Maybe even better than you ever thought. Plus he wrote a song about Marzipan that had an entire verse about "I hope you aren't a man." Too bad we'll never know who he was and we have to deny his greatness for fear of Hobbes' punishing. -Unidentified Flying Writer Q Dear 100 Hour Board, As I have been driving on my morning commute the past few days I have noticed something rather strange. As I approach 800 N on University Avenue (right by the mouth of Provo Canyon) I start to smell this scent which I can best describe as metallic. It's somewhat like smelling what you taste when you put your tongue on the end of a 9-volt battery. The weird part is, the smell isn't there when I drive home around 3 in the afternoon, but it is very prominent at 7:15 in the morning. What is causing this metallic smell? I've never smelled anything like it before, and I'm really curious to find out what it is. - Indefinite Integral
A Dear Indefinite Integral~ Well, this answer eluded me for quite some time, because that is pretty weird. My final theory, however, is that you might be smelling something coming from your car itself, because they tend to be kind of woggity first thing in the morning. Mine does, at least. So my current theory is that you are smelling your heater. I hope this enriches your life. ~Hobbes feels like such a failure. Q Dear 100 Hour Board, Assuming you can answer this without revealing your secret identities, how did your parents pick your name? - Katya
A Dear Katya, My mom knew this really cute, fun, bubbly girl where she worked who had what would eventually become my name. Plus my mom always liked this name anyway. Marzipan A Dear Katya, My mom really enjoys watching figure skating and it's one of the very few things on TV that doesn't put her to sleep. While she was pregnant with me, she was watching a competition and the name of one of the competitors really stood out to her. And that's how I got my name. This figure skater has never been particularly famous, in fact my mom doesn't remember anything else about her, not even her last name. And, well, since I am a mother now myself, I'll let you know how I picked my daughter's name. It's the same name as my great-grandmother, who was born and raised in Sweden. I've never met this great-grandmother, but I've always thought her name was so beautiful. Fortunately, my husband agreed with me. -Sky Bones A Dear Katya It's my dad's name (though I have a different middle name, so I'm not a Jr.). Oddly, I have two older brothers, so they didn't go the whole name-son-after-the-father route for a few kids (undoubtedly waiting for what would prove to be their favorite child). -Humble Master A Dear Katya, My parents argued about my name forever. They couldn't agree on a girl's name for anything (foreshadowing?). They finally ended up choosing one that didn't make either of them feel slightly sick. Oddly, they both agreed on my middle name without hesitation, long before my first name was figured out (my mom really liked a certain actress, back in the day). It's an entertaining story, but I'm not complaining. I actually like the name they "settled for" a lot more than either of the names they were rooting for. ⋯Anomalous A Dear Katya, My parents wanted to name me after my mom's dad. My mom's maiden name is the plural of a common first name. For the sake of explanation, let's say my grandpa's name was Eric Johns (not true). So instead of being Eric Johns Pending, my parents switched up the names to be John (dropping the 's') Eric Pending. As an added bonus, John (again, this is not my first name) is the first name of my dad's favorite mission companion. So win-win. - Rating Pending (who, again, is not named John Eric Pending. But feel free to Google that if you'd like.) A Dear Katya, I was named after my mom's favorite uncle. She spent the best summer of her life at their house in Oregon when she was in high school, and he made such an awesome impression on her that she named me in his honor. He was a dentist, so the "Dr." in my moniker is even more of a tribute. Dr. Smeed A Dear K-dawg, My parents already had five kids. My mom wanted another; my dad didn't. She says they struck a deal - if they could have one more, he could name it. So my dad picked my name. I have a moderately unique name, and it goes along with my older sister's name. My middle name is Anne. So spelled after Anne of Green Gables. Love, Waldorf and Sauron A Dear Katya, I specifically remember my mom telling me that she once dated a guy with my first name, and liked the name. She now denies this and claims it was just something they found in a baby book, but I don't believe it. -Yellow A Dear Katya- I don't really know. They don't seem to, either. Not in the family, no special significance; I suppose they just liked it. It does happen to fit our family's cultural heritage rather well, though. To remedy that mediocre answer, I will share this tidbit: were I a girl, I would be named Brooke. That is all. -Foreman A Dear Katya, Some sources (i.e., one parent) say that I was given the female version of one of my ancestor's names. Another source says they just "liked" the name. Both sources agree that I was definitely not named after a character from a t.v. show that was very popular when I was born. -Mico A Dear Katya, It's the same with my name as it was with Foreman's - it's just what they went with. My middle name, however, is a family name. - Commander Keen A Dear Katya, I was supposed to be named what my middle name currently is. My middle name is a family name on my father's side. My mom staked a claim to the name within the family because my aunt was pregnant at the same time she was, only a month behind. Long story short, my aunt gave birth a month and a half early and stole the name. Since we don't repeat names on either side of the family, my parents had to choose something else. I'm rather glad they did--most of the kids I've known that go by my middle name have been buttheads. It sounds good as a middle name, though. --Gimgimno A Dear Katya, Like my brothers said, our family didn't put too much stock in meaningful names. They just liked mine. My middle name, though, is the same as my great-grandfather's first name and as my grandfather's and father's middle name. I will give it to my first son as a middle name as well. Oh, and as far as my daughter's name? We just liked it. No significance at all. Besides being totally adorable. -Claudio Q Dear 100 Hour Board, Today, whilst upon the Seat of Learning, I happened upon a passage in Uncle John's Endlessly Engrossing Bathroom Reader that piqued my interest. It was in reference to the study of Garbology. The part that caught my interest, though, was in 'exo-garbology', or the study of garbage in space. I understand that in the coming decades, the nature of excess materials floating about our orbit is going to become very problematic. It was today that I had the following idea, and I wish to submit to you for your enjoyment, criticism, or cartoon representations: Could we not develop some sort of modified space shuttle which would fly around our orbit with the express purpose of collecting space garbage, and then propelling it towards the sun? And, assuming we did this, could we not call it "Sunshine Cleaning"? - Let's take burninating to a whole new level!
A Dear burninating the village, That is an excellent idea! It would be like an inter-galactic garbage truck. I would assume that at first astronauts would have to power it and judge what to pick up (perhaps the technology would not be advanced enough to distinguish garbage from, I don't know, normal...space debris, such as pieces of meteors? (I am not wise in the ways of space debris!) But what if truly valuable items, that astronauts had somehow accidentally released into space, were found? Those items could be sold on eBay, or at auctions, or garage sales, and the money could go toward the upkeep of these inter-galactic garbage trucks! Aerospace engineers: Get ahead of the curve and design one of these garbage trucks now! That way when they colonize the moon, garbage collection will be one less issue we have to worry about! Sincerely, Queen Alice A Dear level, The problem with this plan is that space garbage is in all kinds of random orbits. Check out this picture of the debris orbits related to China's recent anti-satellite missile test:  Maneuvering between all these different orbits, not to mention different positions in the same orbit, is terribly expensive in terms of energy. If space debris ever does become a problem (and right now it seems like the problem is mostly prospective - if we can just stop making the stuff there won't be a problem) then vaporizing it with lasers or knocking it towards earth's atmosphere with kinetic weapons would probably be much less expensive than actually piloting a craft to the location of each bit of debris and then shooting it to the sun. Earth's atmosphere will incinerate it just as well as the sun with far less energy cost, and we ought to be able to knock it out of orbit without having to get close to it. Also, the Space Shuttle is itself garbage: I don't have time for the whole rant on this topic (which would involve discussing poor engineering, dysfunctional bureaucracy, the Feynman report, and the fact that the Space Shuttle has accomplished virtually no science), but suffice it to say that nothing anything like the space shuttle should ever fly anywhere. This is an interesting issue, though, and it'll be interesting to see how it works out over the next half-century or so. ~Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe Q Dear 100 Hour Board, Two years ago, my (non-member) grandmother passed away. Right before she died, she told my mom she did not want anyone to do her temple work. My mom is adamant that we do not even try to do family history work for any ancestors from my maternal grandmother's line. My question is, what do I do now? Should I wait it out and see if my mom changes her mind? Wait until she dies and do the family history work then? Wait until I die and hope my descendants will do it? Or should I inform my (future) children of my grandmother's request, and ask them not to do the work? I don't want to go against anyone's wishes, but I'm a bit sad that I will never learn about these ancestors and that I can't do this work for them and be sealed to them. Also, I know my mom has a box of handwritten family records (that I have never seen) and I'm afraid the longer we wait, the higher the chance of these records getting lost before we can put them into the computer. Thanks for any advice! --Just a little bit frustrated
A Dear Reasonably Frustrated, If I were you I would want to take a look at those records as soon as the opportunity came up. I understand that your mother wants to respect your grandmother's wishes, but that is no reason to keep your family from even learning about that history. Now, it is possible that with time your mother will change her mind. Definitely ask her every now and then, but don't push your desires until it's a sore subject. As for what you should tell your own children, I suppose it depends on how you interpret what goes on in the temple. I personally see no harm in baptizing people who, during their lives, expressed not wanting it. Why? Because they have a choice. According to LDS doctrine the people you are baptized and sealed for choose whether or not they want to accept those ordinances. At the end of the day they still choose; you (or whoever does the act) are just presenting the option. This article about baptizing Holocaust victims, a really interesting, heated controversy, gives some good information on basic LDS beliefs and how different people interpret them. I recommend reading the conclusion as it is the most pertinent part. Maybe nothing concerning this matter will come to fruition during your life. You still ought to keep the records in your family. Even if you don't do baptisms, I think learning about family history is an intriguing, edifying experience. Perhaps you can explain to your mother how you feel about that aspect of the family records. It could open a door to other discussions, or at least give you a chance to learn about your family history. Be comforted that God's work will go on despite what we are not able to do, so what is meant to happen will happen. -Mico A Dear frustrated, Like Mico said, learning about that line of your family is important regardless of whether or not their temple work is completed. I don't think there's any reason to wait to learn about the history of this part of your family, and I honestly don't think your asking will ever become a sore spot as long as you approach it correctly. Be upfront about your concern about losing the records in time--that's a very justifiable concern. We lost a significant amount of knowledge on my mother's side when my maternal grandmother began to lose her memory about ten years ago. I give a nod to Mico's comments about the purpose of ordinances. Doing temple work is a matter of granting agency to those in the Spirit World. I personally think that the reason why the temple work of every person who has ever lived must be completed is because that is the only way that agency can be fully granted to all of God's children. I think you should take comfort in knowing that regardless of whether or not you complete the work for this part of your family, they will be given their agency before judgment rolls around. I'd like to tell you an abbreviated version of a relevant story: As you may be aware, the Prophet Joseph's family, following Joseph's martyrdom, did not travel across the plains and formed the Reorganized Church in Illinois. For generations, none of Joseph's posterity belonged to the original church that migrated to the West, and thus none of his descendants enjoyed the blessings of the temple. Fastforward four generations to Joseph and Emma's great-great-granddaughter, Gracia Jones. Sister Jones was one of the first (if not the first) descendants of Joseph to convert to the "original church" to which you and I both belong. After joining the church and learning about genealogy and the temple, she single-handedly completed the family history for every single descendant of Joseph and did the temple work for all of those who were deceased. A few years ago, she hosted a conference and teleconference for all of her relatives through Joseph's line in the entire world, wherein she presented her family history research and her testimony of the gospel. It only took one committed descendant to restore light through temple ordinances to Joseph's entire posterity. I don't know what God intends for you to do with your grandmother's line, but understand that simply learning about them and completing their pedigrees for your posterity may be your significant contribution in restoring light to that entire part of your family. I hope that the Lord will teach you clearly through revelation and the scriptures what He would like you to do. --Gimgimno A Dear Just a little bit frustrated, No doubt you are in a very difficult position. I respect you for wanting to do what's right for everyone. I think you should pray very deeply about this. It sounds like this is still quite a sensitive subject in your family, so for the time being you may want to just leave it alone. If you pray and find that you should do something, you'll know when that time comes. Though we take the same spirit with us to the afterlife that we had while here on earth, sometimes we can indeed change as we learn the great truths of the plan of salvation. Your ancestors may very well have had a change of heart since they have passed on, and the only way you'll know is by sincerely praying. No matter what your answer, however, I would recommend that you don't argue with your mother about this. It seems she is set in her decision, and contesting that could very well make matters worse for everyone, including your ancestors. It might very well be that you have to wait until even she passes on, but so be it. If you continue to be patient, determined and sincere in your desires, then you could very well bring great blessings to your family. I wish you the best. It's never easy being in such a difficult place and I really admire you for your concern for others. -Sky Bones Q Dear 100 hour board, but especially Hobbes, What would the ideal super-villain for a 1920s Superhero be? -Duke Stabbin
A Dear Duke I would like to point out that the first character that put together all the generic elements of superheroes did not appear until 1938, so there were no superheroes before then (though there were many characters who appeared earlier that were antecedents of the modern superhero). -Humble Master A Dear Duke~ Definitely the Insane Poet. He'd roam the streets killing people in horrible ways while shooting off rhyming couplets or haikus or something. ~Hobbes Q Dear 100 Hour Board, I have a critical summary paper due for my philosophy class in about two weeks. However, I am not sure how to write a critical summary paper. I can do the summary part, but not the critique part. The last time I tried to do this kind of paper for another class, I failed miserably at it and I almost failed the class. Could help me to get started? I asked my professor about this but his response really wasn't very helpful. - Dilemma
A Dear Dilemma, Oh, I totally understand. I have such a hard time critiquing papers, mostly because I feel like how can I possibly critique something that is so high above me academically? I found a few sites that have things to think about while reading the article which you want to critique. Here are a few questions to consider:
Another good source is this site. Both of the sites I referenced should have sufficient questions to help you start finding things to critique. Does your class have a T.A.? If so, go to him/her with a rough draft for advice. Also, the JFSB has a great writing lab where there are a bunch of people who would be more than happy to help you with not only the technical aspects of your paper but also they will give it a close-read and tell you what needs changing (and what is good). Once you write your paper if you still feel unsure about the quality, then get a second opinion. Good luck! Read with a critical eye, that's the real point of critical summary papers in the end. -Mico Q Dear 100 Hour Board, While learning how to use the new Family Search, I found out that someone has done all the temple work for my great-grandfather. My mom was a convert, and she was really surprised to see that this had been done (especially since it's only a couple generations back). How can I find out who performed this work? They must be related to me, and they must be LDS, and I would like to meet them! -Curious
A Dear Curious, Family Search sure gives replies to inquiries out quick.
*Things in [brackets] were probably added by me. In case you didn't get that, go to this site for nice, detailed instructions on how to find out who the mystery compiler is. -Mico Q Dear 100 Hour Board, I am a returned missionary, a good cook, and I love to eat. (I also have an extraordinarily good-looking elbow, but that doesn't have much bearing on the comment). I used to be very picky, but in recent days I have learned to eat a lot of things. I have discovered that I am more of a texture eater than anything else- I like the texture of foods and notice that sometimes even more than the taste. My question is this: I don't like tomatoes. I don't like the taste, I don't like the smell, I don't like anything a cut tomato has rested on. This is a big disappointment to my mother, a huge tomato fan, especially because we grow lots of tomatoes in our garden. I can eat pizza, soup with tomatoes, and even pasta sauce, but not formed tomatoes. Is there anything I can do to overcome this, or am I doomed to lycopersiphobia? -Allergic to Nightshade
A Dear allergic to eggplant, Once upon a time, I hated tomatoes just like you. I ate pasta sauce but picked tomato chunks out of the sauce, I ate pizza but occasionally would spit out chunks in the sauce if they were noticeably large, and sometimes I would even throw tomatoes at my friends. I have grown in my appreciation for tomatoes over the last several years, although I admit that I still have trouble eating plain, store-bought tomatoes and tomato soup. I'm not entirely sure what triggered my change in taste, but I now prefer a slice of tomato on my burgers and Subway sandwiches and I eagerly eat the chunks in tomato sauces and salsa. Let me ask you this: Did you eat everything you were served on your mission? I imagine you're familiar with eating things even if you're not enamored with whatever it is. I would encourage you to harness the determination you used on your mission to ease yourself into a tomato eating regimen if this is something you are serious about changing about yourself. I am not really joking when I say this. The first tomatoes I began to eat were on my burgers. I grew tired of the days when I got nothing except for ketchup on my burgers...it was embarrassing to eat out with my friends in middle school when I still got kid's meals with ketchup-only burgers! I determined that lettuce and tomatoes were generally easy to remove from burgers, and in ordering burgers with those toppings, I would seem more cultured and mature. In time, I stopped picking off all of the lettuce and all of the tomatoes and started eating them occasionally. After a few years of diligent effort, I finally achieved the unthinkable: I actually preferred both on my burgers! Hot dang! It wasn't long after that that I began to eat at Subway. With the advent of five dollar footlongs during my mission, I began to consume Spicy Italian sandwiches with disturbing regularity. I found that tomatoes were a wonderful addition to my sandwiches loaded with salami and pepperoni. The texture was still a little disconcerting initially, but after about fifty thousand sandwiches, I got over it. Chili was a staple food item where I served my mission, so chunks of tomato became extremely common in my diet. Not only that, but many recipes called for too much tomato paste, leaving a lingering taste of...tomato paste...after dinner appointments. I still don't love that taste, but I got over it pretty quickly. I imagine you can get over the taste of tomatoes if you try this five month program I've written up. I call it "The boiling frog method of learning to like tomatoes," alluding to the old Sunday School lesson about raising the temperature of water one degree every hour. You know you remember that old lesson. Month 1: Try to eat pasta with a chunky sauce once per week. Make a conscious effort to clean the entire plate, eating every chunk of tomato on the plate. This shouldn't be difficult because you already like pasta sauce. Month 2: If you don't eat a burger every week, have one every week during this month. Order the burger with tomatoes, and work towards eating the entire burger without picking out any of the tomatoes by the end of the month. I recommend In-N-Out or Red Robin burgers here because they generally have the best tomatoes...sometimes Wendy's and the other major joints have tomatoes of questionable quality. Month 3: Try to eat a Subway sandwich every week and ask for tomatoes on your sandwich. This will force you to eat an entire foot of tomatoes. You will like it. They will begin to be delicious to you at this point. Month 4: Start telling all of your friends how much you like tomatoes now. Ask people you know for recipes on how to cook tomatoes. Find out if you know people who have tomato gardens. Get some of their tomato seeds and plant your own tomato garden. Month 5: Go home and tell your mother about your unquenchable love for tomatoes and show her your tomato scrapbook that you made. Go to the local theater and watch that new movie about tomatoes that just came out. If no movies about tomatoes have come out in the last 20 years, watch Attack of the Killer Tomatoes or any of its sequels with an open mind. Laugh at how endearing those cute little tomatoes have become. That will complete your five month program! Now, the last two months might be a bit over the top, but I think you get the general idea from months one, two, and three. Ease yourself into it. You are the only person that knows if this is something you can overcome or not. I have grown to love many foods in life, but I will never like peas--even after they are celestialized and I am perfectly resurrected. If your hatred for tomatoes is like my hatred for peas, then you may be doomed. I have assumed in the construction of this answer that your hatred is not as severe. I hope this helped somehow. Good luck with your phobia. --Gimgimno (P.S. So I looked up Attack of the Killer Tomatoes after accessing it while writing this answer from the darkest, unused corners of my mind, and ironically, it is slotted for a remake in 2011. What are the odds?! Month 5 may actually be possible to accomplish. Ridiculous!) Q Dear 100 Hour Board, What kind of things do you want the Daily Universe to report on? Any suggestions for articles? Interesting happenings on or off campus or in the world (i.e. Internet phenomenons)? People, places, events? Areas to focus on? Any and all ideas are welcomed. - Stuck in Print
A Dear Stuck in Print, I would personally love it if the DU started a series talking about the history of various places on campus. BYU has some pretty interesting things that few people know much about (as evidenced by some of the questions we get here on the Board). Some cool, investigative plunging into BYU's past would bring up some brilliant stuff. ~Hermia A Dear SiP, I would be interested in the Daily Universe discussing the relevance of print journalism in an increasingly online-media-based world. I’m not being critical; I just think that’s a relevant topic. I’ve never been terribly interested in hearing about internet trends in a newspaper. By the time there’s a cover spread about an “internet phenomenon” I’m pretty sure I already know more about it than the article would cover. Maybe that’s just me. I would also be extremely interested in a story covering some classic DU bloopers, including (but not limited to) the whole “Quorum of the Twelve Apostates” debacle of last year. I remember seeing a feature about crazy Reader’s Forum letters that I really enjoyed. I think it would show that the Daily Universe doesn’t take itself too seriously. - Rating Pending (who would understand if the bloopers feature didn’t happen. But he’d still like it.) A Dear Stuck in Print, First off, I enthusiastically endorse Hermia's suggestion. Second, I'd like to see investigative coverage about weird things that happen on campus. From what I've pieced together the recent power outage in the Clyde involved some interesting events (a serious safety violation leading to the release of carbon monoxide on the third floor, part of the contractor's screw-sinking drill evaporating from the amount of shorted current going through it, a custom replacement part being made in Ohio and flown in on a chartered flight, a generator sitting behind the building to run some key servers well before power was restored in general), but I found out about them by poking around. The Daily Universe article on the matter didn't mention any of these things, just that a "high-voltage power line was hit." There are other things in this category that are less exotic but still interesting: what is being built on campus right now, when will it be done, who wanted it built, and who paid for it? These are things I'd like to know, and I've pieced many of them together, but it'd be ideal if the DU just told me. Third, there is some fascinating research coming out of BYU, and there's a lot more of it than goes up on the front page of byu.edu. I think the DU could easily run a piece summarizing a BYU-published research paper once or twice a week forever, and if they were well-done (interesting and understandable, but not just catering to the rock-bottom lowest common denominator) people could learn things and gain some more appreciation for what professors spend so much time doing. ~Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe A Dear soon-to-be-unStuck in Print, The above suggestions should keep you busy for a good while. In the event that you find yourself wanting still more to report on after all that, here's my idea. I've recently been wondering about how students stay productive with wireless Internet access always available everywhere they study. Does it hamper their productivity to have chat, Facebook, Twitter, and all the other online distractions so easily accessible? Would they get more done / study better / just generally be more focused if they could go and study in a "wifi-free" zone somewhere? (I know I would!) You could therefore report on how having wireless Internet nearly everywhere affects the way people study, for good or for ill, and what can be done to help keep us productive in an age of 24/7 connectivity. Definitely relevant to anyone with a smartphone or laptop—which is probably 95% of the campus by now. I look forward to seeing what you and the DU put together! - The Detective Q Dear 100 Hour Board, What are the non-English parts of this song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v... saying? - doesn't speak Yoruba
A Dear what, and you think we do?- Well...we don't. Sorry. Yoruba is a fairly major language in Nigeria and Benin, but it's still pretty far in the realm of obscurity...even the missionaries that go to those areas would be speaking English or French. Not to mention the fact that it seems unclear which language she's even singing in; I've seen claims that the song is in Fon (an even smaller language group), as well as that it's a mixture. The only sure thing: I can't find a person who knows what it means. Heck, look at what her Wikipedia page says: "Kidjo is fluent in Fon, French, Yoruba, and English and sings in all four languages; she also has her own personal language which includes words that serve as song titles such as 'Batonga'. Malaika is a song sung in Swahili language." Given that bit of information, the song might not mean anything at all (in known languages)! Just so you know I'm not a slacker, I'll explain what I tried. I found the lyrics. I used translators. I consulted (very insufficient) Yoruba-English dictionaries. I looked for Fon-English dictionaries, which basically don't exist. I Googled individual words, which would often bring up no results other than the lyrics of that very song. I asked the YouTube enthusiasts if anyone could translate it. I tweeted Angelique Kidjo herself and asked personally for a translation. All of these were totally fruitless (though if either of those last two ever work out, I'll let you know). I'm sorry, but I did my due diligence on this one, and it's just not gonna happen. -Foreman Q Dear 100 Hour Board, What are good conversation starters for talking to teenage boys? I checked the archives but all the answers involved "What's your major?" and other college-age ideas. Ummm... if it helps he is a freshman in high school and into cross country and track. - You are all Amazing:):):)
A Dear thanks :):):), As an EFY counselor last summer, I spent a good chunk of time conversing with teenage boys, and it was ever-so-delightful. Boys are such funny creatures, particularly the younger variety. Here are some things I commonly discussed with my EFY chaps, which you may or may not find useful in your exploits: Music, movies, and books (aka...media!): Ask him what he loves to listen to and can't stand. See what his favorite movie of all time is (one of my favorite random EFY moments was discovering that people under the age of 18 know about Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog, and could quote it admirably). Find out which books he enjoys, if he's into that "reading" thing. A lot of interesting conversations can result from discussing media interests - you get to see what he's into and a glimpse into his personality. Hobbies and interests: You mentioned he's into sports; ask about it! See when he got into cross country and track, what makes it so fun for him, that type of thing. Also, you could find out what other cool talents or hobbies he has; for example, one of my EFY children was awesome at photography, but I never would've known if I hadn't taken the time to get to know him. Family: Ask about what his family is like, where he fits in, and if he has any fun stories to share. Most people really like to talk about their family - especially when they're reliving funny memories about them. Superlatives: Think of interesting random questions, such as, "What would be the best superpower EVER?" or "What would be the worst thing to eat right before riding a roller coaster?" Guys are silly. They like silliness. Trust me on this one. Hopefully these few ideas get you started. You'll be having an excellent conversation with Boyname in no time! Marzipan A Dear of course we know you by now, No offense, but why in the world would anyone want to talk to a teenage boy? Yeesh! -Cognoscente A Dear Amazing, In addition to Marzipan's wonderful suggestions, I would recommend asking them if they like video games. If they do, they could probably go off for hours about their favorite video games, consoles, characters, etc. It helps if you like video games, too, but if not, they might really enjoy telling you about which ones you should play. I'd also recommend asking a lot of "favorite" questions in general, especially the basics, like food, color, animal, season, ice cream flavor, and so on. These tend to be great conversation starters. -Sky Bones A Dear Sky Bones, Oh! Video games! I KNEW there was something I left out... Also, I like that "favorites" suggestion. Good call. Mar-zee-pan A Dear, Once upon a time some girl went on a date with a boy. They debated comic book heroes and villains most of dinner. She also mentioned that she really felt like having a Star Wars marathon sometime soon, and they argued over the proper order in which the movies should be watched. Random and occasionally obscure references to some books, music, and xkcd may have been included. Okay I guess I'm just really nerdy, but he's been my boyfriend for a few months, so it worked. Ask yourself: what kind of awesome things do you have in common? Do you both enjoy making fun of stupid movie adaptations of great books? Why is your favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle better than his? Is Batman really a superhero, and why or why not? Light playful arguments = good. It gives a chance for a great conversation to start, I think. Saint Sebastienne PS If he doesn't respond well to you bringing up Star Wars, zombies, Harry Potter, or the Beatles, kill your affection for him. It will only bring you pain. Q Dear 100 Hour Board, We are studying the book of Revelation right now in my Institute class, and the number 12 came up. Now, I know there are some significant numbers in the gospel and that 12 is one of them. I think I remember hearing in seminary that some number means "complete" (maybe 3?). So, what exactly is the significance of the number 12 in particular? As in, what does it mean? No one seemed to have an answer for me in class. Thanks! - yeah, me
A Dear Dr. Smeed, 12 usually means "completeness" in Jewish thinking, I believe it ties to the 12 tribes as a model of completeness. For all kinds of coincidences with the number 12, check out this link. For extra fun times, take the poll on the right side and look at how many Jehovah's Witnesses have taken that poll! Dr. Smeed Q Dear 100 Hour Board, I've been interested lately in watching what different people eat for lunch (since I tend to study in a food-area and anything that distracts me is usually golden) which led me to wonder what typical college students eat every day? Seeing as I can't exactly poll everyone, what constitutes a typical menu for you in a day? Do you do the meals thing or the small snacks all day thing? What kind of food do you tend to eat? - Should probably relocate study hour location to get more studying done...
A Dear probably so, I decided to go all scientific-y and keep a food journal for a day. 8:00-Cinnamon Life cereal. And no, I didn't drink the milk at the bottom. Milk is icky. 12:30-One of those performance-enhancing meal-replacing granola bar thingies. 2:25-A Life Savers Wint-O-Green mint. 3:30-A pouch of fruit snacks...mmmm... 6:45-A fun-size Laffy Taffy. And a fun-size box of Nerds. 8:15-A piece of pizza from Terra Mia. If you haven't had their pizza, you need to. Soon. 10:30-A Hershey's Kiss. ...My body hates me. ⋯Anomalous A Dear Potential Relocater, A typical day for me on campus ran something like this: 7:30 a.m. - Ran off to bus stop with a ziploc bag of cereal in hand. 10:00 a.m. - Ate vending machine snack to stay awake at work. 12:30 p.m. - Ate salad wrap from the Cougareat. 5:00 p.m. - Ate some sort of dinner involving either pasta seasoned with Italian salad dressing or an entire box of Pasta Roni (no sides). 10:00 p.m. - Ate bedtime yogurt cup. Somehow, I'm still alive. ~Hermia A Dear eleven word nym, I admit to having some of the worst eating habits during the week because of my class schedule and living far from campus, but here is a painfully typical day: 6:45 a.m. - Drink some water before the bus comes. Mmmmm, water. 8:55 a.m. - Stop by the Twilight Zone and purchase an Otis Spunkmeyer muffin of the lemon poppyseed or blueberry variety. 11:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. - Consume unlimited candy and Bugles at my desk during my shift at work. 2:30 p.m. - Walk down the hill and consume a Double Junior Cheeseburger Deluxe Value Meal at Wendy's with a Dr. Pepper and a five piece chicken nugget thing off the value menu. This happens at least twice a week. And at $4.50 for the whole meal, it comes at a great price! 6:00 p.m. - Come home and consume a home-cooked meal with my brother and sister-in-law. 9:00 p.m. - Eat candy or other snack foods while working at the computer. Nom nom. 11:00 p.m. - Reheat leftovers or prepare a meal-sized portion of food to supplement caloric intake. Sometimes will go to Coldstone with friends just to add calories. That's about it. I might die in a few weeks but it's worked for me so far this semester. To answer your question directly, I generally do two large meals and snacks throughout the day, though my snacks are far from healthy. --Gimgimno A Dear Should, This is what Sauron and I ate during my last semester of college (and then work up until I had a baby): Breakfast: Cereal, probably a Malt-O-Meal something (or Cinnamon Life if it's on sale) with 1% milk. Instant oatmeal if we're out of milk. Lunch/Snacks: We'd each carry a grocery bag with a basic meat-and-cheese sandwich, a granola bar, an apple and/or carrots, yogurt, and bananas for him. I hate bananas. Sometimes we'd have leftovers from the dinner before. Dinner: Something homemade. Spaghetti or stir-fry on busy nights, something more elaborate when we could, usually with a decent amount of veggies cooked in. We would buy a pizza once every few weeks. During the summer we buy a lot of fresh fruit (melons, berries, pineapple), cut it all up into bite-size pieces in one go, then keep it in tupperware in our fridge to snack on all week. So...we do okay. We do three meals and a few snacks. We eat too many calories a day, though, especially for our sedentary activity levels. We try to stay fairly balanced - we eat fresh produce often, and we get all our food groups. We just eat way too much. Food glorious food, Waldorf and Sauron Q Dear 100 Hour Board, I absolutely love learning about Emma Smith. Are there any books (particularly available at the HBLL) that you'd recommend for me to read to learn more about her life and impact on Joseph? - Kahlan Amnell
A Dear good, kind friend, I emailed one of my professors who happens to specialize in church history about books he might recommend on this topic. He is partial to Gracia Jones, the great-great-granddaughter of Joseph Smith, and therefore recommended Emma and Joseph: Their Divine Mission as a book worth reading. I have heard that it is rather one-sided and shies away from the issue of polygamy entirely, but I have been assured that it is a good read that offers some interesting perspective unavailable from other authors. It is available at the HBLL. I cautiously recommend Mormon Enigma: Emma Hale Smith by Newell and Avery. It is considered as one of the best biographical perspectives on Emma, but the authors (who are LDS) were prohibited from speaking in any church-related meetings about their research following its publication. I have had it recommended to me, and I personally think that the only reason they were prohibited from speaking about it was because discussing it was sort of like promoting a business venture on the Lord's time. All that having been said, it is available at the HBLL, so it obviously has cleared the bar of acceptability to be kept in BYU's collections. To go back to my professor's recommendations--GospeLink contains many many books on Emma as well as just about every correspondence the church has between Emma and Joseph. If you are a BYU student, you have free access to everything on GospeLink and can access it through the databases on the library website. That should be plenty of material for you to work with! --Gimgimno Q Dear 100 Hour Board, I had a job interview a few weeks ago. At one point in the interview they asked me about my strengths, and then they asked me the "Dreaded Question" that I knew I should have prepared an answer for, but didn't: "What is one of your biggest weaknesses?" So I thought for a second and answered as best I could. I didn't end up getting the job (which I was able to accept) but afterwards I was talking to someone who was associated with the job, and werf said that one of the managers had mentioned my "weakness" to werf and said that it was a turnoff to them! I guess I was guilty of picking the "wrong" weakness. What was I supposed to say, "Sometimes I work so hard that I forget to eat?" (thanks to "Dilbert" for that). Board writers, are there any APPROPRIATE responses to the "what is your weakness" question that don't make the applicant sound HORRIBLE? (Obviously I would only use any of these responses if they truthfully applied to me). -Work No Have
A Dear Have, The "What is your biggest weakness?" interview question is pointless. The unspoken rule about that question is that the correct answer is to sneakily reword a strength into a weakness. Any other answer is wrong. -obstreperous A Dear Work, I typically say something along the lines of "I tend to expect others to set as high of a standard for themselves as I set for myself." I then go on to explain in a very nice way that other people simply aren't going to do that. I've gotten every job I've ever applied for, so apparently I don't leave too bad of an impression with the interviewer. ⋯Anomalous A Dear money no have, I've read some articles by interviewers that say they prefer if applicants actually share a weakness. Turning a strength into a cleverly worded weakness is a classic interviewing technique that they see right through. I think that it was good that you were honest, but consider your audience when you choose something to say. Ultimately I think it is useful to be honest about your inadequacies with programs or with specific skills, from answering phones to maneuvering through Excel. Major character flaws, such as problems working diligently or getting along with others would completely turn off interviewers. My advice is to choose a VERY SPECIFIC weakness--one that wouldn't have far-reaching effects in your work. By choosing something general, you open the door for them to generalize. The last thing you need in an interview is for the interviewer to jump to conclusions about you. Keep distributing your resume and keeping up with job postings. It's only a matter of time until you get a job offer. Don't forget to eat! --Gimgimno A Dear Work, I had a job interview recently and agonized over this question beforehand since I was told it would for sure come up. The job involves working with instruments in a hospital laboratory, running tests and reporting results, etc. I ended up saying that when I get stressed, or I feel like something is going wrong, I have a tendency to slow down until I feel comfortable and can get things figured out. I don’t think that this is necessarily a strength, so I wasn’t trying to backdoor compliment myself, but it is something true about me. In this specific job, I figured in a stressful situation, you’d rather have someone getting accurate results a few minutes later than wrong results right on time. I don't know how much of a factor my answer was, but I ended up getting a job. Like Gimgimno said, I think that, rather than try to disguise a strength, it’s better to actually reveal a weakness, but one that won’t disrupt your work, greatly inconvenience others or jeopardize the success of the business. Keep in mind that this is just one question in an interview and usually isn't the answer on which everything will hinge. Just try to make a good impression with all your answers and I think you'll come out fine. I have a friend who is probably the most honest person I know. She was recently applying for her dream job in New York. This was the exact job she had been working and hoping to land during her entire college career. And when they asked her what her biggest weakness was, she flat-out told them, “I am late to everything. I try so hard to be on time, but I’m always late. I will probably be late to this job even though I will try not to be. It’s something I’ve always struggled with. Sorry.” She got the job. So you never know. - Rating Pending (who thought about compiling a list of “do not use” weaknesses, but figured you’d like some real advice more) Q Dear 100 Hour Board, Regarding Board Question #55788, I noticed you left out part of the answer to Elementary Penguin's question. I, too, would like to know the penultimate writer. xoxo
A Dear xoxo Sadly, we will not know the penultimate writer until the Board is just about, but not quite, dead. Seeing as how we have a thriving community of readers and a bevy of writers, we're not close to finding who the next to last writer is. -Humble Master A Dear xoxo, Using my legendary powers of prognostication, I declare that the penultimate writer for the 100 Hour Board will beeeee.... (Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrdrumrollrrrrrrrrrrrrr) Stiny. Stiny will be hired in 2015, fresh off his mission. By 2018, the Board will have become crazy controversial, many writers will quit over a spat about (U.S.) President Mitt Romney's immigration policy, and the rest will leave over an offhand comment about (BYU) President Max Hall's mission. The only three left will be Stiny, Laser Jock (working on his fourth Ph.D.) and P.D. Kirke (working on his third Ph.D.) Laser Jock will disappear in the jungles of Bolivia in search of a Scarlet Macaw-mounted warhead that escaped from his lab, Stiny will quit out of grief, and P.D. Kirke will turn off the lights and shut the door. Dr. Smeed Q Dear 100 Hour Board, Why can't Harry see the thestrals at the end of The Goblet of Fire? It specifically mentions the horseless carriages. I know the answer is probably that Ms. Rowling hadn't thought of them yet, but I keep hoping that one of the writers (or one of the writer's wives...) has a more satisfying answer. - Rereading the series for the umpteenth time
A Dear I'm on the umpteenth and one You're not the first to wonder this. In fact, on J.K. Rowling's official site, it's listed under the frequently asked questions. So, in her own words, Rowling explains:
-Humble Master Q Dear 100 Hour Board, This past Sunday, I noticed in Sacrament meeting that the organist played one of the hymns incorrectly on every verse, changing a quarter note to an eighth note. Obviously, it didn't matter at all, and that was actually the way everyone was singing it anyway. This made me think, though, about spots in hymns that, out of habit, get played/sung incorrectly more often than not. Have you noticed this, and which hymns do you notice being played wrong consistently? - Although it doesn't really matter, it'll entertain me at church
A Dear seeking sacrament meeting entertainment, I went through the entire hymnal during sacrament meeting and the hour after I got home on a hunt for common errors. My brother helped from about Called to Serve until the end. You'll notice that I definitely did most of the work. Here are the hymn numbers, titles, and the common mistakes that I found: #15 "I Saw a Mighty Angel Fly" - The congregation will hold "sound" in line three for three beats and shorten "To" in line four to one beat. #34 "O Ye Mountains High" - Generally the accompanist will ignore the change in time signature at "flee" in line four and hold the note for four beats. #97 "Lead, Kindly Light" - Like many songs with notes held for long periods of time, the congregation tends to jump the gun on the wholes and dotted wholes. #104 "Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me" - At "roll" and "shoal" in line two, the tendency is to sing the alto and tenor parts as a dotted eighth and sixteenth pair instead of a pair of eighth notes. #108 "The Lord Is My Shepherd" - At "rest" in line two, the congregation will hold for two and a half beats and sing "He" as an eighth note instead of a quarter to compensate. #118 "Ye Simple Souls Who Stray" - Congregations not only cannot sing this song because of the outrageous range requirements, but they butcher the rhythm pretty much the entire time as well. #144 "Secret Prayer" - Because of the dotted eighth and sixteenth note pairs in the chorus, people sing the same rhythm in lines one and two with the regular eighth note pairs. #177 "'Tis Sweet to Sing the Matchless Love" - Oftentimes the pianist/organist will inadvertently play "die for man" in line three twice as fast as they should. #180 "Father in Heaven, We Do Believe" - For some reason, the tendency is to hold "made" at the end of line one for six beats instead of three. #223 "Have I Done Any Good?" - The last two lines of this hymn are generally murdered in cold blood. The "-ing" in blessing and the "-ty" in duty in the last phrase are held for unbelievable amounts of time. #235 "Should You Feel Inclined to Censure" - In line three, "friend to" usually gets sung as two eighth notes instead of the dotted eighth and sixteenth that the music suggests. #270 "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go" - For some reason, at "say" in the final line, the soprano part is sung as three eighth notes instead of as a dotted eighth, sixteenth, and eighth, even though the build up to that part is generally sung correctly. #272 "Oh Say, What Is Truth?" - The combinations of dotted eighths and sixteenths in the beginning of a measure followed up with two regular eighth notes later in the same measure trip up the congregation in lines two and three. #322 "Come, All Ye Sons of God" - At "God who" and "wide and" in lines one and two, sometimes the accompanist will break the dotted half and quarter notes into two half notes. Those are all that I found playing each hymn at 3x or 4x speed in my head during church. Obviously, in trying to process all of the hymns at that speed, I probably missed a couple. Please forgive me. I encourage you to now take this list and be the one who sings correctly next time one of these is sung in sacrament meeting. Good question! --Gimgimno A Dear Although it doesn't really matter, it'll entertain me at church, Oh my good heavens, "Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel." Annoys me every time. - The Black Sheep Q Dear 100 Hour Board, My husband and I like to eat airheads (the candy). We recently purchased a valentine edition bag of airheads. It contains cherry, strawberry and of course white mystery. But these white mystery ones are all the same flavor--(and not the normal watermelon/cherry/blue raspberry etc without the color). We've been trying to figure out what it could be, but are struggling because it is really gross. Could you identify what the valentine white mystery flavor is for us and let us know? ---Mysteriously Yucky----
A Dear Yucky, From the Airheads website:
So, I suspect that it is one of those last two. Unfortunately, nobody seems to know what "New Wave" is except for a type of music I don't really care for. I guess it shall remain a mystery for now! - Commander Keen Q Dear 100 Hour Board, So, sometimes on a question, two of you writers will answer, but in the same response. Like Laser Jock and Claudio today. Or the two whos names I'm blanking on but theres been questions about whether they love or hate each other or something like that. So my question is, how exactly does that work? Are you guys hanging out together and decide "Hey, lets go answer a question, then we'll sign both of our names."? Or do you guys just email each other, discuss the question, and then put both your names down as an answer? Or what? I'm just curious.....
A Dear just curious, Or the two whos names I'm blanking on but theres been questions about whether they love or hate each other or something like that... Whoa. I think you're talking about me and Hobbesie. I mean, Hobbes. I can't speak for Claudio, LJ, or any of the other writers, but Hobbes and I have got a system down so that, well, it's practically an art now, really. It's an extremely elaborate process - one that required a lot of hard work, perseverance, and a little bit of duct tape to formulate. What I'm about to reveal is strictly confidential. Hobbes has no idea that I'm responding to this question. Please, for the love of all that's good in this world - don't tell him! Step One: Either Hobbes or I find a ridiculous, or awesome, or ridiculously awesome question in the inbox that must be answered. By us. Step Two: The question-finder must contact the other member of the team, either by placing a note in the secret book in the library (which we both check, every single day), or by going to the Wilk dressed as a BYUSA representative, holding a poster that says, "WANNA DATE? GIVE SERVICE!" or something lame like that. The former method is for questions that don't require actual face-to-face communication, and the latter method is for questions that require human interaction. Step Three: IF THE QUESTION DOESN'T REQUIRE HUMAN INTERACTION, the note in the secret book gives the time we rendezvous on the internet to discuss our research method, and then we slowly type out the answer, taking turns with each sentence. That way it's fair, you see. IF THE QUESTION DOES REQUIRE HUMAN INTERACTION, such as some kind of experiment or challenge, we put on disguises (obviously one of us is always dressed in a BYUSA t-shirt, remember Step Two?) and make sure the event takes as little time as possible, seeing as we can't stand each other. After the data is collected/the experiment is over/the battle has been won, we find a computer in the secret lair and type up an answer. Usually we quarrel over who will get the most credit for it. Hobbes usually wins because he's bigger than me and can shove me away from the keyboard. Step Four: The other writers grudgingly approve our answers, with a lot of eye-rolling and sighing, and they post. Victory. So there you have it. That is the amazing, top-secret formula that Hobbes and I have developed for answering questions as a team. I hope that clears up any and all confusion for you. Marzipan A Dear I'm- Nearly all answers composed by HFAC (Hey, it's Foreman and Claudio!) have been accomplished during in-person meetings. It was easy to do that, because we're brothers. However, the 1000 miles or so that now separate us makes it a bit more difficult. The answers I've done with Commander Keen (which are probably more numerous than either of our signatures imply) are likewise products of hanging out time, also made easy because he's my brother and roommate. Most of my other collaborations (I think I did one with...LJ? Once?) are conducted via interwebs. -Foreman A Dear Marzipan~ I can't BELIEVE you answered this question without my permission! ~Hobbes sounds like the villain in many a chick-flick A Dear just curious, In the case of Claudio's answer that you noticed, he and I just chatted a bit (online) about the question, and he mentioned that in his answer. That kind of thing isn't terribly uncommon, though it doesn't usually get mentioned in answers. We'll also sometimes discuss or outright collaborate on questions in our forum, which may or may not get mentioned. —Laser Jock Q Deer 100 Huoor Buerd: I recently tuuk a Leteen Oone-a heegh schuul cless thet I reelly leeked. (It used zee Icce-a Rumunee textbuuk, iff thet's uny help.) Unffurtoonetely, ve're-a mufeeng tu un erea vhere-a Leteen is nut ooffffered, su I cun't keep tekeeng Leteen in schuul. Seence-a I injuy Leteen, I'd leeke-a tu keep stoodyeeng it, und hupeffoolly receeefe-a heegh schuul credeet fur it es vell. Hoo cun I du thees best? English Translation: I recently took a Latin One high school class that I really liked. (It used the Ecce Romani textbook, if that's any help.) Unfortunately, we're moving to an area where Latin is not offered, so I can't keep taking Latin in school. Since I enjoy Latin, I'd like to keep studying it, and hopefully receive high school credit for it as well. How can I do this best? Thunks, The Swedish Chef
A Dear Chef, Bork bork bork bork bork bork bork. Love, Furious George A Dear The Swedish Chef, Lucky you! BYU Independent Study offers Latin! Click riiiiiiiiiight here (or, if you prefer click vooooooooooooooox hic.) Medicus Smeed A Dear Swede, I took Latin in high school and loved it so much. Unfortunately all I remember are discussions about Catullus and sparrows. So much for that. If you ever just want a really great textbook then check out the Wheelock's series. -Mico, whose name is actually a Latin verb turned into a name Q Dear 100 Hour Board, Do BYU staff have exclusive dibs on all "firstname_lastname@byu.edu" addresses? I'm a student employee, and would like to make that one of my email aliases (using my real first and last names, of course). I set it up that way on Route Y and the system allowed it, but when I try sending emails to that address they never show up. My other byu.edu forwarding address works fine. Does the underscore not work for non-"official staff"? Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who would have the address I want. - sorta Official
A Dear ever-so-slightly official, I just created an email alias of my first name and last name combined with an underscore and tried sending emails to myself. I found that when I sent messages from the email address the alias was forwarding to, the emails were swallowed in cyberspace. When I sent emails from alternate email addresses, the forwarding took place without any problems. Since my emails went through, I'm assuming that BYU staff do not have exclusive dibs. If you are truly confident that you do not share a name with a member of BYU faculty or staff and you are still having problems, I would contact BYU IT and see what they have to say about it. My guess is that you're just sending test emails from the email address you're forwarding to. Try sending from a different email address and see if you're still having problems. Good luck! --Gimgimno Q Dear 100 Hour Board, Two related questions: (1) Are you a fan of delicious flavor? (2) If so, where is the latest pineapple? They are getting more and more difficult to locate. (I am specifically referencing the episode that aired on February 3, 2010) Much Love, Jules and Lassie
A Dear Jules and Lassie, 1) Obviously. Though pineapple upside-down cake made in an Easy-Bake Oven doesn't sound as delicious as Shawn implies. 2) Sweet holy goodness you are right. This episode was particularly difficult. If you watch the episode here, wait until there are 19 minutes and 16 seconds left in the video and the camera zooms in on Ruby. There's a pineapple foothold near her face. Saint Sebastienne Q Dear 100 Hour Board, I have heard from a couple of students that BYU offers a Beginners Ballroom class (Dance 180) specifically for married students but I've looked in the course catalog and I cannot find said class. Does this class actually exist or do I just sign up for a regular Ballroom class with my husband and then let the instructor know? - Confused
A Confused deer, There is indeed a class for married students. It meets on Friday nights at 6:10 in the RB. It is Dance 180 Section 31. It is designated as a "couples only" class on the online class schedule. The head of the dance department told me that they offer a couples only class every Fall Semester and Winter Semester, always on Friday nights. Have fun! --Gimgimno A Dear Confused, I have known several Dance 180 teachers and on their behalf I would like to iterate that you should not go to a regular Dance 180 and assume that the teacher will let you just dance with your husband. Apparently this happens all the time, but it's part of the dance department policy to rotate partners, with the single exception of the Friday night Dance 180 sections. - Rating Pending (who encourages you to take a class either way. You'll like it.) Q Dear 100 Hour Board, If you had the superhuman ability to freeze time at will, how would you use it? Would you use it to play pranks? To take naps? To get things accomplished at the last second? To give yourself extra thinking time during conversations so your responses are always witty? A combination of the above options, or something entirely different? Note that if you were to use it on too regular of a basis, your life will be eventually shorter in everyone else's timeline, because while time is "frozen" for the rest of the universe, you will still age. For a ballpark example, if you were to freeze time for an average of only one half-hour every day, you could shorten your life by three years. So, be careful and moderate (unless your years past 65 are not worth much to you, because you will be less capable of doing awesome things anyway). - Chris
A Dear Chris, I would use it to give myself some extra time to complete homework assignments and papers...I procrastinate far too often. I would like to think that I wouldn't give up years of my life in order to play some really cool practical jokes, but I know myself too well...I would definitely mess with people's minds. As far as your last sentence goes, my first response was, "Well, I don't really care about living until I'm eighty if I can't do anything, so I might as well use this power liberally." Then I realized that I would only be cutting my life short relative to other people. That is, I will still experience everything that comes with old age; it will just happen to me before it happens to those I interact with. I don't want to be old before everyone else I know, so I would use the power rather conservatively. ⋯Anomalous A Dear Chris, I would use my ability on my students whenever I would need to rework a seating chart in the middle of class. This would give me time to re-evaluate my current plan, and to move the students to their new locations without the inconvenient delay of argument. ~Hermia A Chris, I would definitely use it to meet deadlines that came too quickly and to gain a few hours of needed sleep after late nights. I might also use it to extend days so that I could be more faithful about giving significant amounts of time to scripture study every day. I might also stop time during those awkward points in conversation where I wish I could insert loud braking noises. Although I'd be the only one to enjoy everyone freezing in their tracks, the five seconds of added aging would definitely be overshadowed by the gratification that would come as a result. --Gimgimno A Dear Chris, I would probably use it mostly to make sure I get to class with time to spare. Boring? Yes, but quite useful when you have to cross the entire campus after leaving late from the previous class with things to get organized and prepared for the start of the next class (which is rather often for me). However, the best use I can think of for such an ability would be to counteract jet lag when you travel. Think about it. Say you're going to Europe for a week. You fly over and land in London, for example, at a local time of 6 am. Well, if you came from Utah, your body thinks it's 11 pm—about time for bed, if you're not a crazy night person. (If you are, adjust calculations accordingly.) So just find a quiet spot in the airport, freeze time, and get a good night's sleep. Wake up when your body thinks it's 6 am and you're all set to enjoy London! As fun as pranks might be, this is what I'd really want to use it for. - The Detective Q Dear 100 Hour Board, What comparatively normal word can you search for in the archives and have no result show up? How many tries does it take you to figure one out? -The Jester (who got it in 5 with 'chicken-hawk')
A Dear Jester, "Kettledrum" returned 0 results, and was my third try. (The first two were "simulacrum," with 1 [so close! Darn you, Cognoscente!] and "kitschy," with 8.) For the record, there are currently approximately 170,000 unique words in the Board's questions and answers. (If you're interested in learning a bit more about word frequency in English, see Oxford Dictionaries' language facts page.) —Laser Jock A Dear Jester, I should have known better than to guess "cwm" when there was formerly a Welsh-speaking writer, but that returned 9 results. I then thought about Swedish pancakes, searched for "ebelskiver," and found no results. That word will henceforth be in the archives! And for the record, I heard it mentioned in common conversation by someone who wasn't a Swede the other day, so it's fair game. I only thought it eligible because of that very conversation. --Gimgimno A Dear Jester, This was harder than I thought. On my ninth try, I got no results for "smocking." I was impressed by the number of results for "grouse." Go Board. ~Hermia Q Dear 100 Hour Board, I was walking by the RB the other day when I read its official name for the first time: Stephen L. Richards Physical Education Building. Instead of the "RB," why don't we call it the "SLRPE" (pronounced slurpee)? - Hungry after exercising
A Dear Hungry, Ok, let's. Startiiiing . . . NOW!! - Rating Pending (who also notes that the Slurpee was invented in 1967 and the Richard's Building was completed in 1971. Probably Slurpees weren't popular enough and no one cares enough to change the nickname) A Dear post-workout munchies, For the same reason that I'm the only person that calls the library "the hubble" and the Hinckley Center "the gubbahubba." Now absolutely NO ONE knows what the heck I mean by "the gubbahubba" because they changed the building abbreviation from "GBHB" to "HC" not long after they built it. I think the obvious answer is that you and I are just smarter and more cultured than the rest of the students and faculty at BYU. Just for you, I'm going to start referring to the RB as "the slurpee." If it catches on, I'll give you all of the credit. --Gimgimno A Dear Hungry, Also, I understand that administration didn't like people calling the Smith Family Living Center the "Syphilis" because of its initials "SFLC." There exists the rumor that the Marriott family prevented BYU from naming the Marriott Center the Marriott Activities Center because people could call it the Big Mac, no doubt due to its resemblance to a big hamburger. You join a few others who think that some buildings should be re-nicknamed. Gimgimno, you got pre-empted by three years on your "gubbahubba" thing. Dr. Smeed A Doc Smeed, I knew I wasn't the only cool kid on campus. Now the real question is this: why don't I ever meet any of the other cool kids? As a side note, I've always found it classy to refer to the Wilk as "the whisk." And honestly--who doesn't call the eff-oh-bee "the fob"? I mean, really. A free chance to say "fob" in a socially acceptable way in normal conversation? That opportunity MUST be taken. Granted, I don't find myself talking about the econ department very often, but when I do, I utter that word with confidence. --Gimgimno Q Dear 100 Hour Board, I was driving around the neighborhoods south of Provo and saw a nice house with a large well-lit statue of the Christus. Rumor has it that this is ex-Mormon Will Swenson's Utah home when he's not gallivanting in New York. Is this true?? Thanks for investigating :) -Jujube
A Dear Jujube, Unfortunately, this is a case where "investigating," means "stalking," something we're not willing to do. - Rating Pending (who is amazed at people's obsession with Will Swenson) Q Dear 100 Hour Board, I feel like I'm stuck at a stage in life where there isn't much guidance on what to do or about my situation in life. I am a married student, no longer a newlywed and without children. I've looked for quotes / talks from church leaders and what not but there just doesn't seem anything to fit my situation. Do you know of any talks, quotes or advice from General Authorities or yourselves that might fit into my stage of life? What I'm looking for is a little guidance for life. My husband still has a few years left in school and I'm almost done. We are trying to decide if I should go to grad school, work full time or if we should have a baby. The only problem is two of those options cost a lot of money that we don't have and only one of them makes money but I don't want to take a job just to past the time. I guess I am just a little lost. Thanks for taking the time to read and answer my questions. - Wanderer
A Dear Wanderer, I actually do know of some guidance for young married women. The quotes and speeches ought to be pretty clear, so I won't give much commentary. From a talk by President (then Elder) Spencer W. Kimball:
From President Ezra Taft Benson's talk "To the Mothers in Zion," later distributed as a pamphlet:
I admittedly have not yet had the chance to do this whole having kids business, and I do hear it's expensive and challenging, but you can do it. And apparently that is the advice. ~Ƥ. Ɗ. Kirĸe A Dear Wanderer, I'm afraid I thought the same thing as P.D.K. when I read your question - that there certainly is Church guidance for married couples who are able to but do not yet have babies, and that guidance is to make babies. That's the general teaching, but of course it's a personal choice between you, your husband, and a lot of prayer. Outside of that, I'm not aware of any particular Church teachings for the young married couple that don't apply to everyone else. From what you shared here it seems that your only hang-up about having a baby is financial. While they are expensive, they're far less expensive than grad school. Do you have insurance? If you do, you'll probably only have to pay a few thousand dollars to have the baby. That is a big chunk of change, but I bet you could save it up over the nine months it takes to actually make a baby. Most hospitals and doctors have financial aid, payment plans, or other ways to help out those who might be a little short of cash. Babies are also (arguably) a lot more rewarding and fun than either grad school or a job. If you're determined to earn more money before you have a baby, then do get a job - a job for the purpose of earning that money, not just "to pass the time." The truth is you're probably a heck of a lot better off than most young LDS couples having babies, but they all make it work out somehow, and so can you. If you choose to go the baby route have some faith, pay your tithing, heed the counsel, and the Lord will help you out. Clearly I'm biased, but good luck in your decision. Love, Waldorf and Sauron C In response to Board Question #55722: Waldorf and Sauron suggested vinyl wall decals, but there's much better options out there than the for-the-masses stuff sold by Target. My favorite site is Blik (http://www.whatisblik.com/shop/explore). Their decals can be pricier but they have a wide range of options and they have more sophisticated looks too. And, if you are a fan of Threadless tshirts, blik is partnered with them so they have Threadless decals too. Also, if you're not sure how long you're going to live in that apartment and may want to take the decals with you, they have movable ones too. Good luck! -Dandelion
C In reference to Board Question #55764: Unless they were removed within the past week or so (EVERYTHING has been between me and the gym!) 24 Hour Fitness in Provo does indeed have 2 rowing machines. They're tucked away behind the treadmills in the corner near the group fitness room.
C In response to yet another question on animation, http://theboard.byu.edu/index.... Professor Loosli discussed this very thing during Intro to Animation. Owing much to his experiences working on Prince of Egypt and other ridiculously cool stuff, Loosli has a particular love for the traditional form (the entire Intro class is done in 2D). This is what I recall of his thoughts on the matter: There has been a recent influx of 3D animation because it is less costly and time-consuming to complete. The manipulation of 3D models is much simpler than that of 2D forms. This is because the models themselves offer a range of motion and animation that is essentially predetermined from inception. While this allows for an attention to detail and pseudo-realism that is appealing, it has a downfall--the models themselves are restraints and the animator is bound! The art of animation is an exercise in counterfeiting life itself; this often reaches beyond elementary manipulation. Truly skillful animators imbue their work with life by concentrating subtle nuances into a soul of sorts. In each frame, a 2D animator has the ability to alter the representation of characters and their surroundings. This freedom changes the works. The question is whether or not 2D will continue to be relevant. That's sort of like asking if jazz will be relevant. While the spectacle and accuracy of Pixar-style 3D are probably here to stay, so are the freedom and arguably inimitable refinement present in 2D work like Miyazaki's. It may not ever be at the forefront again, but it will certainly be around. - Proteus
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